Dressing too young? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Dressing too young?

Cilleena

Veteran

The recent posts of being viewed as narcissistic for dressing well makes me think of a dilemma I've been feeling myself lately. I worry that other moms think I dress too young.
This is NOT directed at anyone here, btw. Just that with a teenage daughter, I am starting to feel a little odd with dressing myself in clothes and shoes that I see in catalogues geared towards teens. Let me elaborate. I don't shop directly from those catalogues that are geared for teens, but a lot of the styles...lace up booties...oxfords...platform sandals, tunics and leggings with scarves, cons, belted cardis, boyfriend cardis that are featured are things that I've been adding to my MOTG wardrobe.
Thing is, my daughter won't even dress up like that. She will only wear graphic Tees and yoga pants with the occasional pair of skinnies thrown in. So when we go out together, I feel odd wearing oxfords, skinnies and a boyfriend cardi with my teen wearing a tee and track pants. It feels fine when I'm with my preschoolers, but I feel like I may be in an age gap or something for wearing some styles. Kinda like moms of teens have to dress differently to not be seen as trying to copy their daughters. Or like I'm envious of her youth or something. It seems to be another of those social norms that I'm challenging.
Actually, I am proud to be 40 years old and darn it, I'm just dying for a pair of lace up booties to wear with my skinnies. Any suggestions on how I can keep things trendy yet still grown up looking?

Dressing

25 replies

Latest reply was from judy

Kristine

Veteran

I think cut and quality make a big difference. It's also a question of balance, throwing in a few classic things with the trendy.

How do the other moms dress or how do you imagine they think a 40 year old should dress? I think a lot of it is probably in your head. As they say, most people are too busy worrying about themselves to worry about anyone else!

Cilleena

Veteran

Oh, I was thinking of my neighbor's comment when I picked up her daughter to come to dinner with my daughter. She said I looked just like a teenager. I know she meant it as a compliment, but it struck me as an odd way to put it. Especially since I am feeling a little out of sorts with changing/upgrading my style from jeans,tee and snowboots. Most of the 40 year olds, I don't really know how old they are actually, that I see at the middle school in the carpool line are dressed very casually...sweats or sweater, jeans and snow boots. If I see someone dressed up it's very business like..

rae

(website)

Veteran

I don't ever have to deal with this myself, but I think Kristine is right. If it's a SUPER trendy AND super inexpensive item that everyone knows came from Forever21... yeah, I might think a woman was trying to recapture her youth. Same goes if every single thing in the outfit is a fringe trend or something like that.

That said, I've never thought you were trying to be a teenager. Maybe some people equate youthful dressing with mindful dressing, while they think mature dressing means you've given up?

Queen Mum

Veteran

well, how are lace up boots and skinnies dressing like a teen, and sweats aren't? I see just as many teens running around in jeans and tee's or hoodies.
Your friends comment was most likely a huge compliment on how hip and youthful you are looking. I remember being at a baby shower last summer and not even wearing anything super trendy... later a friend said that one of the very young women there said "look at Kim over there.. she doesn't look like the mom of a high schooler, she looks LIKE a high schooler" Now, I know this gal wasn't accusing me of trying to copy the kids, nor was she saying that I looked 16. I really believe she was saying that I looked current, youthful, and just downright good. I"ll take that any day over... "wow, she looks just like the mom of 4 teenagers :-0"

Trust me, you'll soon start to get used to your newfound style and you won't feel funny at all. I honestly think that most of the women I see wearing the trends in a sophisticated way look 10 times better than most of the teenagers running around in the same trends.

Cilleena

Veteran

Rae, most of the people around here look like they have given up looking nice on a day to day basis. Given the harsh, cold weather we have, I guess it's understandable. They are just trying to stay warm. It's also very rural and "crunchy" around here. So, dressing up is the opposite of "crunchy" and therefore somewhat looked down on.
I have to admit, I thought the same thing a couple of years ago when I saw a woman my age who clearly cared a lot more about fashion than I did. She ALWAYS looked chic! I thought, who and what is she dressing for? Why the sweater dress, heeled boots, jewelry and cute beret for dropping off the kids at school when it's 10 degrees outside and we have 10 foot snow walls. Even though I thought the outfits were adorable. Amazing how things change, isn't it?

Jonesy

Veteran

I think for some people, trendy automatically equals youthful/teenager. Of course, we know that's not the case! Re. wearing the stuff you see in catalogs for teens: everything trendy filters down, from designers' ideas, to women's clothes, to teens, and even to kids and babies. So naturally there is going to be some overlap in terms of what's "in" at any given moment. For example, my 9 year old daughter is wearing some longer sweater cardigans this year. They are in a BF style, just like some of the ones I wear. But I am guessing that no one thinks that I am trying to emulate my 9 year old! The difference is in the quality, the cut, the level of sophistication, how you put things together, and of course you as an adult woman (vs. your daughter) in terms of how you carry yourself, wear your hair, etc. Each woman has to decide what looks right for her age, roles, body, and context; it will vary from woman to woman, you know?

There have been several threads, and at least one blog post by Angie, on "age-appropriate" dressing. If you haven't read those, you might want to take a peek--there are very different opinions out there on this topic, but lots of us have grappled with or at least thought about this issue :).

Kristine

Veteran

I also think in some stores at least, there's a missing gap of age appropriate clothes. I'm thinking of Kohls (although they've improved), do you want low slung jeans and belly shirts or do you want pastel cruise wear? So maybe some people are a little fuzzy on should happen to style in between. It should elevate in my opinion!

We have ten feet walls of snow here too, that's all the more reason to have some fun with dressing. Of course it has to be reasonably practical but we need something beautiful to look at too.

Cilleena

Veteran

My thinking now too Kristine! I am from a warmer region and the cold weather gets me down sometimes and I'm just so sick of "gear wear". Dressing nice is a moral booster!

Kristine

Veteran

Definitely! And you can wear tall lace up boots, cashmere, colorful scarves and wool skirts. There are some perks to cold weather! Winter's too depressing if it's all hat head and gear.

Don't pay them any attention Cilleena. What do you want to bet within a year they're dressing a little better or asking you to take them shopping?

qfbrenda

Veteran

Kristine is right. I saw that exact thing in our Macys recently. The juniors dept was VERY trendy, while the petite dept looked like it was all for a geriatric ward. I can't help but wonder if people think that short people are automatically very old.

Kappy

Veteran

I am 43 and understand being worried about this. I have an 8 and 5 year old so don't have to worry quite yet about being "twinkies" with my daughter. I want to dress better, but I don't want to go from wearing jeans and tees to looking like I'm pretending to be 21 again. Nothing is sadder than an older woman in too young clothes! I also don't work so I don't have much need or use for more "formal" work clothes (mixing those pieces into your wardrobe can really differentiate you from a teeny bopper). You don't really need a lot of nice things to go to the park, grocery store and school! I've found the info on YLF to be invaluable in helping me figure out what to wear. The only two things I disagree with are converse sneakers and doc martens; I feel they are both looks that are way too young for a 40+ gal. Don't get me wrong; I love both looks! I was just very surprised to see them pop up here as appropriate for everyone. I think both look too young and gearlike (much more so than Uggs which I DO like ... but don't own!).

Cilleena

Veteran

Kappy, we are definitely on the same wavelength.

QM, most of the teens around here wear really, really tight clothes and skin showing outfits. I haven't seen a single boyfriend cardi on any teens, they wouldn't dare cover up their tushes like that! So, I know I'm good on the boyfriend cardis. The shoes are almost always Uggs/ugglike boots or flats or moccasins. Nope, no lace up booties, so I should be fine there.

I think my most questionable recent purchase is a military jacket. I think it is so cute, but I'm having issues with feeling like it's too teen looking. It's really sweet, but I don't know how to style it and not feel too young. I tend to lean towards a layering tee and jeans, but I think I have to pull in some more mature pieces.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm 40 and I wear Docs and Converse. My husband is 42 and wears Docs and Converse. My 51 year old German friend who is one of my style inspirations wears Docs and Converse. When worn with the right elements of sophistication, I think these items are totally age appropriate.

Cillena, you should dress smarter than your daughter - you are her Mum and not her high school friend. Don't you think? The teens I see daily are not at all fashionable actually. Most of them wear jeans, sweats, hoodies, T's and sneakers. If you ask me, you're not dressing like a teen at all!

Kristine, you just won the next YLF award for your KILLER comment. It totally made my day.

Kappy

Veteran

Angie, I absolutely agree that "..worn with the right elements of sophistication, I think these items are totally age appropriate." My problem is I don't have a sophisticated or dressy style at all. So I'm afraid they wouldn't look quite the same on me as on others I've seen here. I'm just struggling with how to dress better but still appropriately for my super casual lifestyle and advancing age - and behind

judy

Veteran

I'm reminded of something I saw the other day about a stye guide written by Ines de la Fressange where she shows outfits that she wears and nearly the same one on her daughter. (but disagree with Ines's choice of what looks like a ridiculously short skirt in one photo...not a fan of that, though she has amazing legs..much prefer the black dress her daughter is wearing).

http://rdujour.com/2010/12/26/.....yle-guide/

found this one too: http://rdujour.com/2011/01/18/.....fressange/

MsMary

Veteran

Yes, other than that riidiculous skirt, she looks every bit as fab as her daughter in essentially the same outfits!

I'm 52 and I wear Cons, lace-up booties, skinny jeans, white flares, and almost anything that strikes my fancy!

Sally

Veteran

I'm nearly 40 and it is something I have thought about recently too. I dont have a teenage daughter though. I teach teenagers and can tell you, I dress nothing like the majority of them, but sometimes when i read things about age appropriateness, I hope i'm not doing any of those things. . I have a friend in her late 50s who wears quite funky clothes like tank tops and converse sneakers, and other things but does it in such a way, she doesn't look like she is trying to look young at all. She just looks very current, grown up and a confident version of herself.

catgirl

Veteran

I am just about to turn 45. I had my friend's 13 year old daughter come raid my closet and try on tunics with leggings, some of my dresses, and short skirts with cute tops. She was nervous about upping her style from Hot Topic and what her peers would say, but she did wear a teen version of my outfits to school and got a ton of compliments.

So maybe I dress like a teen, but maybe a teenage girl would like to dress like YOU.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Right on, Una!

Cilleena

Veteran

Angie-You're right, I do dress smarter than my daughter. Even Pre-YLF, I dressed smarter than my daughter...well, ok, not everyday, but going out. I never really thought about it though. I do see lots of teens wearing skinnies and cons though. I love cons and doc martens! I think they are adorable and may try to make them work for me as I build my confidence in my style. I WILL avoid wearing them to a Parent-teacher conference though! But, taking my little one to preschool, sure. You have a style and confidence that is waaay more advanced than me, Angie. Boy, it sure would be a hoot to see my husband wearing docs and cons! He would totally do it too! But, not to work.

Judy- those french photos are very inspiring! The mother and daughter do look equally fabulous in the outfits.

MaryK-Of course you do! You have such confidence and style too!

Una-love it!

Thanks for talking some sense into me, everyone! I shall continue on my quest for lace up boots and wear my military jacket with confidence! It does seem to be all about the quality of the garments and your attitude wearing it. I am finding that the nicer the quality of the item, the bettter I feel about wearing it.

Lynne

Veteran

What a brilliant thread, Cilleena, and I'm so glad you've decided to stay true to following your own style. It does take courage but it shows - you look so radiant in your posts! I haven't seen your military jacket - have i missed a thread or have you not posted it yet?

Cilleena

Veteran

Lynne- I actually haven't worn the military jacket yet. I really need more boots and true "skinny" jeans. All my skinnies are more like straight legs and don't stay tucked in boots very well. I'm not sure the military jacket would look right with boot-cuts or would it?

andie

I am 45 and you sound like you dress like my sis (she's 40) and a mom to two boys-- one is a pre-teen. She dresses in the latest styles and looks younger but she doesn't wear a whole outfit of trends. She wears skinnies, uggs, etc and looks great, then she might have another outfit with a cool bf. Sweater, etc. I notice her friends (other moms) dress "current and hip", too. They look very stylish but you wouldn't think they are trying to dress like teens. Their clothing fits well, too.

I say, "go for it."

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Cilleena, it sounds like you have it all sorted in your head and are on the right track. Well done.

Una, that's KILLER.

Kappy, I hear you. For example, I would never wear my Cons with skinnies and as you know I don't wear T-shirts. It's all in the "how"

Judy, always love it when you chime in.

judy

Veteran

Awww....thanks, Angie!!

Cilleena, I'd recommend trying your jacket with the bootcuts and seeing how it all looks together. Half the fun is experimenting.