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Dressing, self-consciousness and medical issues

Dee

Veteran

I'm looking for advice/wisdom about dressing when dealing with medical issues. I recently had major knee surgery (which went well!) and the only non-sweatpants I can wear at the moment are leggings and my one pair of boyfriend jeans. Everything else is uncomfortable, so I'm extremely limited right now in my wardrobe options. Add to it that I'm coming into summer with a nine inch scar that will show every time I wear shorts/dresses and I'm feeling a little self-conscious.

I was wondering how others have dealt with this type of issue. How much do you let medical issues become a defining feature in how you dress? Do you ignore it as best you can, try to hide/downplay with clothing, or somewhere in between? Do you buy some new clothing to address comfort/fit issues, even if it's only for a short term? I'd appreciate any wisdom you ladies have.

ETA: I am a bit self-conscious about the scar so I really appreciate all the support, but I also appreciate everyone's advice and suggestions about dealing with comfort and fit while the injury is still sensitive/healing.

Dressing

28 replies

Latest reply was from FindingMyWay

Laura J

I don't have a scar that's easily seen unless I'm in a swimsuit. And my scars are from a surgery I don't even remember when I was 2.5. But my advice is to wear what you're comfortable in. I don't even notice my scars anymore (from a heart surgery). Do you like skirts at all? I'm not sure if that would be comfortable, but midi lengths are nice. The only way I'd let a medical issue define how I dress is in terms of comfort. I think it could be good to get a few new items to give you greater variety. It could help you be more comfortable. If you're wearing comfortable clothes, it will get you moving more (which I'm betting will be good for your recovery). Just my two cents!

Peri

Veteran

Medical issues do determine a lot of my clothing choices. Major foot issues limit my shoes and we all know shoes determine what clothes you can wear! Other issues put me in loose, soft pants because I can't take the pressure from tight fitting anything.

But...this is all about comfort vs pain. I'm not going to wear any clothes that cause me pain or make my pain worse, and I make all choices accordingly. As far a showing a scar, that I wouldn't care about. For one thing, so many people have had knee surgery...and every other kind of surgery...you would probably get all kinds of support and make lots of new friends. It sure isn't something you should feel bad about. A scar like that just shows what you have survived.

If you want to buy some things that work right now and fit your needs, go ahead and do that too. It isn't like something you buy for this now won't also work in the future. Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to be well.

Missey

Veteran

Dress how you like to dress...people don't care if you have a scar on your knee. You will always care more than others do, so dress in whatever way makes you the most comfortable. You always look lovely, scar or no.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I came across a young lady on the running trail the other day and she had a very visible 8" scar on her leg, and she was wearing shorts. I was admiring her for how brave she was - I don't think I'd be comfortable showing that! It reminded me though, of what was important. She obviously had something corrected and was healthy enough to run now! Felt very happy for her

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Scars show you are a survivor. You came out the other side. After my knee surgery as a self conscious teenager my scars elicited a nice bonding moment with a REI employee.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I'm happy to hear your surgery went well. If you want some comfy options while your knee is still sensitive, a maxi dress or skirt might be just the thing for summer. I'm seeing a lot of them in stores and that would give you lots of room without feeling self conscious. However, if you want to wear shorter skirts or shorts, I say go for it! You may get some comments but most people are well meaning (if a little nosy at times). Just prepare your short spiel or say you'd prefer not to talk about it, in case people ask, and go about your day.

Most of my medical adjustments have been minor stuff like wearing sneakers when I had planter fasciitis and that sort of thing. I have had to wear a Halter heart monitor several times and that can be tricky, because the easiest shirts to get on and off are button ups, but then the top of the wiring shows at the neckline because you can't button them all the way up. I definitely got some odd looks when I stopped by Starbucks after getting one 'installed' once. My mom had breast cancer years ago, and she had a central line (might have been a shunt, officially) which was tricky for dressing and occasionally freaked people out, but it was relatively easy to hide. Trickier was when one of her arms swelled up and suddenly none of the sleeves of her shirts fit.

Isn't it rachylou who has an insulin pump? Perhaps she will chime in.

DonnaF

Veteran

Congratulations on successful surgery! I've decided I like midi skirts in the heat: No need to worry about bending over or sitting down, and they down drag and sweep steps while one goes down stairs.

This one is on its way to me and is under $25:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/ti.....n=wishlist

The waist on the XS ran about two or three inches small so I ordered a size up. If it doesn't fit, I guess I'll order up again.

You are probably more self-conscious and notice your scar more than anyone else does. As an aging Baby Boomer, I wonder if knee and or hip surgery are in my future as both are starting to deteriorate. You will no doubt have plenty of (scar) company down the road!

If rubbing/tightness is a comfort issue, would linen pants work for you? I know some linen can be scratchy, but linen pants are usually cut very roomy.

Isabel

Veteran

I don't have a visible scar. I have a couple of little ones and the scar from breast surgery for cancer. During my treatments I started gaining weight and bloating terribly. I convinced myself for the longest time that I would go back to Normal immediately and I did not want to buy clothes for a short period of time. I did this for almost a year. As a result I felt horrible in my clothes at a time I felt horrible about my physical limitations and my side effects. Not having bought some good clothes immediately is singularly my biggest regret during my treatments ......which went on for two years .

Now, I DO bruise very easily because of some of the meds. I get huge bruises on my legs sometimes. Last year I fell off my bike and almost my entire front thigh was a bruise. But I wore my dresses and shorts and skirts. I just tried not to clash with the blue...which then was green.....then yellow .

BTW The following are uber lightweight and are awesome

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/ze.....ts/3351664?

Debbie

Veteran

I am facing a similar issue. I now have a scar running from my shoulder to about 3 inches from my elbow. I have always wore sleeveless tops and dresses and never been self conscious about it until now. I say do whatever makes you comfortable. I will be going sleeveless soon because the heat is just to much of a factor.
I don't know how far out from surgery you are but I have been using cocoa butter with vitamin E. It is helping. It is not near as red.

Dee

Veteran

Thanks everyone for your kind words and wisdom! I'm about half self-conscious at the moment and half frustrated that anything fitted that rubs against it is not an option, so I appreciate all the suggestions.

Laura, midi skirts might be a good option to look into. I've got a coupe, of maxis but I'm currently using crutches and I only see that ending badly when I inevitably tangle it somehow! A midi would sidestep that issue.

Peri, I know a lot of people here have foot issues and I understand the limitations! Your point that I can buy something now and keep using it later is probably a good one. An extra pair of boyfriend jeans might go a long way right now.

Missey, thanks! I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing and it'll get easier with time.

Lyn, that's awesome. I hope my knee is at that place eventually!

Anna, that's a good point and I'm glad you had such a good experience.

Laura, you're right about the nosy comments from some people, even if they mean well. I'll just have to get used to it. I'm sure once the weather hits full-on summer, I'll end up wearing my shorter skirts/shorts - I refuse to be that impractical!

Donna, we'll have matching scars someday! And thanks for the skirt suggestion. I don't know about linen pants, I've never owned any. But I do love linen shirts...

Isabel, thank you for chiming in, I really appreciate your perspective. I hope you're feeling better now. Your point that putting off purchasing clothing may not be worth it in the end is a really good one.

Debbie, I hear you about the heat. And I'm still in the window where I'm not supposed to put anything on it yet, but I've heard great things about vitamin E and will look into it in the future.

Desmo April

(website)

Veteran

I have a scar on my knee from a motorcycle accident. I don't try to hide it and its been a conversation starter. A friend had a scar from surgery and would make up wild stories about how she got it.

Scars are nothing to hide or be embarrassed about.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I actually almost forgot about my own big scar - I used to not wear bikinis because I thought that everyone would be staring at my scar and ask embarrassing questions (I have had a muscle in my abdomen removed for breast reconstruction).

I remember the first time I was frolicking in the pool and getting to wear my (super adorable) polkadot bikini was so fun! Someone did ask where my scar was from and I said it was a shark attack.

Dee

Veteran

Lyn, I love that! When people used to ask me what happened to my knee/leg because I had a limp, sometimes I said football team injury. I was 5' and 100 pounds at the time, so it was pretty unlikely.

Neel

Veteran

A perfect body doesn't tell any interesting stories Dee ... Please wear what you feel comfortable in. Short shorts with open neckline tops? May be draw the eyes upwards with cute sexy tops. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw someone like you at the supermarket. I mean, I can't imagine why anyone else would!

Eliza

Veteran

Glad your surgery went well. You'll probably have different phases of what works.

Just broke two bones requiring 2 surgeries /2 scars on my leg and foot 8 weeks ago. I share some of your dilemmas about dressing to accommodate the injury throughout the recovery period. Cheered myself on by remembering that it would all get better. It does improve, usually just when you think you can't deal with it any longer. I also am usng silicone bandaids and Scarguard to help reduce scarring over time; okay with Doc. Don't expect miracles, but was told that there is evidence it helps. I don't plan to hide the scars.

I really need the support of bonafide sneakers most of the time now, though for an hour or two, can sometimes get say with a trendier pair of sneaks. It is much better than the 6 weeks n the ortho boot. This week, I have a family wedding weekend, daughter's graduate school graduation (in NYC) and a major work event for DH that involves a formal dinner with an elder CEO. Yeah, perfect for rocking the sneaks. I can not pull off dresses now, so I found a pair of wider leg dress pants at Nordies online and will let the toe of the shoe du jour peek out discretely at the wedding and work dinner. Gradation will involve more funk and retain my efforts to draw the eye upward.

Hang in there. My DD had epic ortho surgery at 13 for a serious medical reason. The scar is a foot long and the active recovery was over a year . She taught me everything about what counts and was matter of fact about her scar, crutches, brace, etc., putting her peers at ease. (I had zit meltdowns at 13). She has been well for years now and I channel her regularly! People do understand these circumstances- just hard to be going through it. Be good to yourself.

Jen W

I'm just off my crutches today and found A-line skirts and dresses were what in wanted to wear, especially in a brief heat wave last week. Comfort and ease were really key for me. I don't think I wore pants once. Especially with the boot, pants were too confining. I was only on crutches for 10 days after an accident, but if I was going to be rehabilitating longer than that I would definitely plan a very small capsule wardrobe. May you heal quickly and comfortably!

Dee

Veteran

Neel, thanks

Eliza, I hope your recovery progresses well! Your wide leg pants seem like a good solution and I hope you have enough energy for your upcoming events. I have finally reached the point where it feels like it is getting better, so I am excited to leave my house and wear something that is not a sweatpant. Even if I'll still be rocking a brace and crutches like your DD for awhile!

Jen, thanks and congrats on being able to ditch the crutches! A small accessible capsule might be the way to, as I have several weeks/months of recovery ahead.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I am reminded of Padma Lakshmi -- I love that she embraces sleeveless styles, even though she was questioned endlessly about the scar on her arm.

I am very lucky that my own surgery scars are tiny and on my abdomen, where they are only visible in a bikini. I wondered briefly if I might be uncomfortable in a bikini after the surgery, but I tried my swimsuits on recently and decided that I just don't care about the scars. They're probably pretty recognizable as laparoscopic hysterectomy scars, but if anyone is looking that closely at my tummy, well, I figure they have more explaining to do than I do!

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deb

Veteran

I have had 17 surgeries and have scars all over my body. I was very self conscience about them at first. But as time wore on and the redness faded, They did not matter so much any more. I have very large scars on my elbows and they used to get a lot of comments. But again, the scars faded and they are not as noticeable anymore. It will get easier as time goes on.

Have you tries the new culatte trend? These may be the answer because they will cover and do not hug the skin. H & M have some inexpensive ones to see if they will work for you.

http://www.hm.com/us/product/2.....le=27094-A

Peri

Veteran

My mother had a fall and some facial bruising for awhile. When people asked she would say "that kick-boxing class wasn't as fun as I thought it would be"!

Joy

Veteran

Dee, there is a contestant this season on Dancing With The Stars in the US that has prosthetic feet. She lets them show and has been an inspiration to many. Most all of us will have wardrobe limitations due to medical conditions at some point. If you can, be someone's hero and let yours show.

unfrumped

Veteran

Congratulations on starting your recovery!

No brilliant advice, but commiserating.

I expect half the baby boomers will have had knee and/or hip surgery in another few years! While it's not really relevant whether a scar is "normal" or unusual, knee surgery is so common that I'll bet if you're out and about with your bare knees, someone is likely to share his/her own surgery story with you.

I would buy definitely buy a couple of things in styles you like already, that don't irritate your healing.
If the BF's work, that is great to dupe for summer, and the midi.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

We wish you a speedy recovery, Dee. In the meantime, how about breezy pants styles with coverage like these:

Caslon Slub Linen Crop Pants (Regular & Petite)

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3

Gap Prima Capri

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29

Curvy Cropped Jeans in White

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1

Women's Boyfriend Skinny Khakis (24-1/2

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28

MsMary

Veteran

Can't really help with the clothing issue, but I have a big scar on my knee from a childhood accident, and honestly I don't give it any thought at all and haven't for years. (Here it is -- lovely, eh?) I wear above-the-knee skirts almost every day and it's just not an issue. On the super rare occasions somebody notices it (maybe when I'm wearing shorts), they assume it's from surgery and therefore assume I am some kind of athletic badass who needed surgery from a sports injury. Which is hilarious because what I am is a clumsy child who fell on a piece of broken glass!

Bottom line: People are way less observant than we think, and even if they notice, they go back to thinking about themselves in, like, one second.

ETA: And also? This week I have a bruise on my face from a visit to the dentist, of all things! And again, nobody has noticed or cared.

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Freckles

Veteran

Soft and non scratchy is definately the way to go. Remember to keep your scar covered when out in the sun for a very long time as they burn horribly.

April

Veteran

A few years ago I needed some IV meds over a two-week period. I had an IV catheter in my wrist all the time, but was only hooked up to an IV line twice a day. The rest of the time, the actual needle was covered by a stretchy mesh sleeve, though quite visible if you were looking.

It was during hot weather and I was still working in my non-air-conditioned office, so concealing it beneath long sleeves was not an option. I just wore it and found that a.) most people are not looking too closely at anything that seems medical, and b.) anyone who actually did ask me about it assumed it was some sort of brace for my wrist.

The only people likely to ask direct questions about such things are little kids. So my advice is to dress for your own comfort and maximal recovery, have a handy response for the curious preschooler you might encounter in a grocery line, and carry on.

Dee

Veteran

Thanks everyone for all of your stories, advice and suggestions. I'm looking through some of the links you provided and I plan to pick a pair or two of capris (thanks Angie and others), size up for comfort, and see how it goes. Once it's hot enough out, I'll break out my shorts/dresses and hopefully the redness will have faded a bit and it'll be business as usual (fingers crossed).

And Freckles, thanks, I hadn't realized that about the sunburn!

FindingMyWay

Dress how you need to in order to be comfortable and to heal. People are remarkably unobservant, or else have great self-control and don't stare or comment. After I broke my leg, I had to wear a support stocking to control the swelling. It was too hot out to wear pants, so I just wore shorts or a skirt and had a black, knee-high support stocking on one leg and something more weather and fashion appropriate on the other. Nobody ever commented.

As others have recommended, the silicone-backed bandaids can really help minimize scarring. You can get them from a plastic surgeon or some physical therapists. I think I wore them 24-hours a day for several months, and my scar is nearly invisible now. And be careful with sun: I've been warned that scars both burn more easily and can get skin cancer more easily.