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Dressing for shoes-off

Keix

Veteran

Recently I was at a friend's house and realized as I was taking my shoes off at the entryway that they, like myself, keep a shoes-off household.

Do you dress differently when you know you'll have to take your shoes off? I have kind of the opposite problem, where shoes tend to be an afterthought since I rarely wear them in front of my full-length mirror.

I know that shoes-off is mostly an Asian tradition, but my friends are Caucasian-American through-and-through so perhaps it has started to trickle down in the US.

Dressing

29 replies

Latest reply was from AviaMariah

Aziraphale

Veteran

Shoes off is the norm in Canada, at least where I live, and especially among the younger generations. My parents' house is a shoes-on house, but it is a rarity, and I'm wondering if it's because my mom was English.

I definitely dress differently if I'm going to someone's house. I always assume I'll be taking my shoes off, so an outfit that depends on the shoes to make it work is not going to happen. This pretty much means no heels. An outfit that looks good in flats will probably look fine in bare or sock feet. That normally rules out skirts, since most of my skirts are structured and look best with heels.

ETA a visit to someone's house is, in my world, a casual thing. Nobody does fancy dinner parties. I can't think of any exceptions except maybe Christmas, which isn't exactly dressy in my family, but you wouldn't wear your torn jeans. So having to take your shoes off is no big deal.

Gail

Veteran

My neighbor had a shoes off home. I would try not to wear pants that required a heel if I was invited over. Plus I would take my slippers in winter or socks so I typically didn't wear a dress either !
She is the only one of my friends that does this so maybe not that mainstream here in PA.

LaPed

Veteran

Lots of shoes-off households in every US and Canadian locale I've lived in. I wouldn't say it's the "norm" but at last in my social circle (which consists of millennials and old hippies ) it's pretty normal. I tend not to think about shoes unless I'm going to a public place or doing something outdoors. And I like shoes that go on and off easily.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I always think about it, as "shoes off" is definitely the norm around here... maybe not so much in summer, but definitely in winter. I will often take shoes with me to put on, if the outfit needs heels. Or slippers, to book club

Diana

Veteran

I just make sure I am wearing nice looking socks or pretty toenail polish. Since I keep a no shoes house myself and am Asian, I'm totally used to it and have been known to take off my shoes at peoples' houses by accident/ second nature when nobody else has done so, lol. Since I never wear really high heels that's not a huge concern to me. Plus, remember that everybody is in the same boat and so nobody will be judging you for your pants being too long or whatever.

ETA: one thing I do consider is whether I'll be cold. In that case I might bring slippers or warmer socks. Yesterday after our Mother's Day brunch we all went to my in-laws' house. Since I knew we were doing this I made sure to wear knee socks under my boots so I wouldnt be cold in my skirt and bare legs when I took the boots off.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

This is an interesting discussion. We don't wear shoes in the house either. But wear shoes when we have guests. We do not tell our guests to remove shoes. And when we have dinner parties - which is regularly - I want our guests to keep their shoes on in the house.

I have a hard time walking barefoot in other people's houses so I bring footies or slippers to their home - and NEVER wear long flares.

Diana

Veteran

Oh, by the way, I actually never ask guests to take off their shoes in my home. But at least 90% of them do so anyway without being asked, maybe because they see the huge pile of my shoes by the door or the fact that everyone else is barefoot ;).

rachylou

Veteran

This is definitely interesting. I'm in the big metropolis. People tend not to entertain/socialise at home. People of my ilk do occasionally give parties at home, and these are fairly formal and require shoes. In other words, not a cozy casual environment in general.

Keix

Veteran

Thanks everyone for chiming in. I didn't realize shoes-off was so common! Like Diana, I've definitely found myself taking my shoes off by habit even when it's not requested.

I was raised in an Asian household where outdoor shoes are strictly forbidden beyond the entryway. Somehow I've shed the house-slippers mentality that goes along with it and happily walk around barefoot/socked, but I still twitch whenever someone walks across my living room carpet in their outdoor shoes. (I don't say anything, of course, although if they're staying to visit I'll ask that they remove their shoes and offer to put them by the door.)

Angie brings up a great point about flares! I'm usually OK with looking shorter in a dress that looks best in heels, but long flares unshod would be awkward and inconvenient.

RobinF

Veteran

We are like Angie, generally don't wear shoes at home but wouldn't ask guests to take them off. In the winter guests will often remove snowy/wet boots but usually people leave shoes on. I guess I didn't realize it was becoming commonplace.

Diana

Veteran

Oh, also this is why in every house I've lived in, I've had a full length wall mirror in the entryway. its useful for looking at my outerwear too!

BrieN

Veteran

Can I ask a question -- for those of you with strict shoes off rules, what happens when you are walking out the door with shoes on and realize you left something upstairs or across your home. Do you take off your shoes for that quick thing?

Diana

Veteran

Brie, if the shoes are relatively clean (no dirt, water, or road salt/sand), I'll just keep them on. I actually don't have any carpets so it's not a huge deal since the wood floors are easy to clean (especially after we got a roomba!) I make an exception for taking WIW photos too, since the best light is in the bedroom. But I do sometimes put the shoes on for the WIW photo, then take them off again until I'm ready to leave.

Honestly for me it's at equally as much about comfort as cleanliness. I'm much more comfortable barefoot or in slippers.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Brie, I don't have a strict shoes-off rule (we have hardwoods) but I do generally take mine off inside. But in the situation you describe, I just run back upstairs in my shoes and get whatever I forgot. My shoes won't be dirty when I first put them on because I haven't left the house yet.

Here's the thing. I keep all of my normal footwear in an upstairs closet. If they happen to get a bit of dirt or sand on them during wear, I wipe them off before putting them back in the closet. I do have a separate downstairs closet for wellies or "gear" type shoes that I wear hiking and running, and since I never bother wiping those off, I probably wouldn't run back upstairs with them on.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Shoes off is definitely not the norm around here (mid-Atlantic US). I'm not crazy about taking off my shoes in someone else's home unless my shoes are dirty for some reason, but I respect the wishes of anyone I visit.

Greenjeans

Veteran

Hmm . . .

If I know ahead of time I'm going to a shoes-off home I definitely plan ahead by wearing shoes or boots with cozy socks or tights. In the winter this is easy though in the summer I can sometimes feel caught off-guard because I don't always wear socks and I don't enjoy going barefoot in other people's homes.

I prefer it when hosts are relaxed about this.

And FWIW, I don't mind at all going shoes-off for a casual visit with a close friend but if the occasion is something fancier like a holiday party or a baby shower or whatever, then I don't enjoy shoes-off.

JAileen

Veteran

We also remove our shoes inside. It keeps our house cleaner. We offset this practice by having two terriers who make our house dirtier!

I don't ask guests to remove their shoes, especially elderly ones. Some have foot problems.

Recently a friend had a party. I asked if she was going to have people remove their shoes, which is normal at their house. She said no, it was just too hard. I wore jeans and booties. If I had had to remove my shoes I would have had to roll up my pants, because without the boots they would have been too long. Also my feet would have gotten cold because they always do.

LaPed

Veteran

I think in Canada and the northeast shoes are wet and muddy more often than they're clean and dry. I've noticed that people in northern climes tend to have a much wider variety of cute socks than people in other parts of the world, too -- I think we anticipate that friends will see our feet, even if it's only when changing out of boots into office shoes. When I lived in the southwest I almost never wore socks; in the northeast, I need them practically daily for 9-10 months of the year.

Cindy

To be honest I only have three pairs of shoes that I wear so I never worried about my outfit for shoes off homes. Growing up I only really went to a few friends homes and since we were such good friends we rarely ever wore shoes anyway. I have never been a shoe person.

catgirl

Veteran

We've had this discussion a few times on the forum. It is a given where I live that shoes come off when you're inside. No one bats an eyelash at doing so. People often bring their own house slippers along. I do have one pair of all-purpose shoes that are only worn inside for when I need a party look to be complete.

And what Az said about running upstairs. I do that all the time. We come in through a garage and have a mudroom-like hall to remove wet footwear so it's usually dry by morning when I'm frantic.

Sal

Veteran

Interesting topic. I would say here it is about 50/50. I have been caught out when wearing knee high boots with a dress - which looks great- but with the boots off and socks only - looks silly!!

Ginger

Veteran

Shoes-off is very rare around here. I think I've only been asked to take them off once, and it was very awkward and not fun experience. I don't tend to wear shoes in the house, simply because I'm a rugrat and love bare feet (or socks & slippers when it's cold), but I don't take them off in others' homes unless they're family, or close friends in a very relaxed situation. So no, it's definitely something I do not dress for.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Shoes off is pretty much the norm here, at least in winter -- in summer it is less important because shoes don't get as filthy. And yet it is frustrating, because what it means is that half the year I don't get to wear footwear (beyond slippers and snow boots) at all!!

My peculiar compromise is a bit like Angie's. I remove shoes myself, and my husband and daughter also do -- but if we are entertaining (and therefore dressing up a bit more) we will wear shoes, and don't ask our guests to remove theirs (except for filthy snowboots, obviously!)

Quite often around here, people will bring "indoor footwear" for a party. It might not be slippers; it might be actual pretty shoes. For me, this is fine. Most of them have never seen the pavement, and are not dirty. I call them "party slippers."

ETA, I didn't answer your question -- but yes, I absolutely dress differently if I know shoes will be off. I bring something to keep my feet warm, I won't wear flares, and I consider the length if I am wearing a skirt.

Keix

Veteran

Brie, to answer your question: I have developed the habit of running back into the house with my shoes on briefly, but I try to avoid it when I remember / if the shoes are relatively easy to slip off. And I never walk in the bedroom with outdoor shoes, except if I put them on directly in front of the mirror and take them off before I go anywhere else.

I don't entertain large numbers of people at home, only close friends, and my holiday parties are usually with my parents whose social circle universally observes the same rule. Everyone provides (deeply unfashionable) house slippers to change into at the door, which I decline, citing my crazy youthful ideas as excuse to go stocking-footed.

If I were to host a large gathering, and especially after hearing from those here who are uncomfortable taking their shoes off, I wouldn't ask my guests to remove their shoes. It'd have to be a big enough party that I would want to deep-clean the house afterward anyway.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Personally, I find it undignified (even rude) for people to remove shoes at a dinner party - at mine, or when I am at someone else's home. Like Janet, I do not like removing my shoes in other peoples houses at the best of times - and don't like being told to remove them either. It's like you're asking me to get undressed. (I know that's a stretch, but I can't help it). And Seattle is not a messy, snowy, muddy place. A very casual affair in someone's basement when you're lounging on bean bags is a different story. Shoes off in that setting is fine, and I am happy to oblige.

High five, Suz.

We are hosting an elegant dinner party in our home on Saturday night to celebrate the engagement of friends. We will all be keeping our shoes on.

Liz

Veteran

Taking shoes off is rare where I've lived in the US. It's only done around family or people who are "like family."

I've only been asked to take off shoes twice, and both times I found it physically and psychologically uncomfortable; really, really awkward, as if I were sitting around undressed.

Diana

Veteran

Hehe. This past december I went to a holiday party at someone's house (a co-worker, so not a very good friend or anything) and I took off my shoes without a second thought at the door, because there was snow outside and they were slightly wet, and well, I am just conditioned to do it. And it was me and the little kids with their shoes off, and all the other adults were wearing their shoes. And you know what? I felt awkward for like 5 minutes and then I just thought it was funny. And nobody noticed (or if they did, they were polite enough not to say anything).

LillyH861

My only difference is that I get a pedicure lol

AviaMariah

Veteran

I would say it's half and half where we live. People take their shoes off everyday and if it's a casual get together most people will take their shoes off. But if it's a more formal gathering people will leave shoes on. I've never actually heard anyone ask someone to take their shoes off. In fact, we do not have a shoes off policy at our house and I am constantly telling people they don't have to take their shoes off but they usually insist (for informal visits).