I can very much relate. I’m a bit heavier and taller than you so we might be similarly proportioned. And my body fluctuates a lot.
What works for me personally, both in terms of style and mental health:
• Focus on fit, and quality rather than quantity. I start at the bra because that’s the most expensive and fit-critical item. I get re-fitted when I fluctuate, or once a year if I don’t. I get items tailored if needed - I.e. size up and alter a waistband down if needed, to fit the biggest parts of me.
• Don’t bemoan my body for changing or not fitting old clothes, or not fitting certain brands. It isn’t worth spending time hating my body for things I can’t change. And it is not my fault that many manufacturers choose not to make clothes in my size.
• If possible, try not to settle for “it’s okay because it fits” but buy pieces that make me feel great.
• Look for size-inclusive brands. I rave about Universal Standard, which is well made, sizes 00-40 with many pieces also offered in petites, and has stellar customer service. There are other size-inclusive brands too; I haven’t dipped into Lane Bryant or Torrid as much, but I know folks who love their clothing; Eloquii has a lot of fashion forward pieces; ASOS Curve is their plus-sized line. Nordstrom recently discontinued my favorite plus size line, Sejour, but I’ve seen many of their pieces on EBay. In general if you’re in the xl-xxl or range (or straight size up to 1x-2x) Nordstrom has some “regular” items that they offer in extended sizes, but it seems like they are offering way less in 2x-3x (never mind above) than they used to.
• Focus on body parts that I love. And maybe find ways to love the parts that I don’t. This year, I’ve done a lot of physical therapy that impacted my core muscles, and I’ve been focusing on loving my abdomen. I know those muscles have worked hard this year and have made me stronger, whether they are covered in fluff or not. I’ve even gone running a few times in leggings and a sports bra and no top on very hot days, or wearing two-piece suits, which is something I didn’t think I’d ever do.
• For my own journey and preferences, I do not do intentional weight loss. I know that’s not something that works for everybody, but it’s important for me (both for mental well being, as well as that it simply does not work long term.) I embrace Health at Every Size (HAES) and finding ways to enjoy, nourish, and move my body as is, not out of desire to change it.
• Seek out fat, plus sized, fat-positive folks on social media to follow. There are quite a few on Instagram that I love! Often I’ll see someone wearing a piece or styled in a way that I ruled out for myself, and I keep realizing that I don’t need to do that.
Part of the reason I am seeking out larger bodied folks specifically is to boost visibility for bodies that are not centered in fashion; part of it is that it’s great to see folks who look more like me than like runway models and are rocking amazing styles; and part of it is a mental discipline of normalizing many different sizes and shapes of bodies as beautiful and stylish - trying to retrain my mind after decades of having “beauty = thin” drilled into me by just about every form of media.
