Dress for black tie optional wedding?

I'm attending a wedding in May. I'd hope to wear the dress in the find below, but I have found out it's black tie optional, and my husband has a tux and will definitely want to wear it. It's also an evening wedding, so I think this dress is out, even if I glam it up with accessories (I'm willing to be convinced otherwise, but the scuba fabric and floral print both look more like a day dress to me. I love this dress but it needs a day wedding or a shower, most of which I have aged out of going to.) The wedding is in Chicago, and it's the son of some of the best friends of my in-laws.

I have a couple of formal dresses on hand, but one may not fit and is too sexy for a wedding, if it does fit. The other is a black longer dress, which is my backup for an annual ball I attend if I don't like my usual Rent the Runway dress. I don't think I want to wear a long dress, but it can remain my backup.

I've narrowed down my options a bit, looking at both RTR and Nordstrom for what's current, though I prefer to use the former as I have some credit. Here are some restrictions:

I likely can't do a sheath. It would be hard, though I could probably find one with a lot of effort.

I also don't like lace much (though I'm not 100% against it, depends on the dress). Lace is everywhere right now.

Given all that, it seems most of my options these days are floral jacquard fit and flares, many of them hi-lo dresses. I like floral jacquard and fit and flare, so that's okay. Not sure about hi-lo, but not opposed as long as the "hi" part isn't too short. I'd like to reserve my rental soon, as I know the longer I wait, the fewer choices I have; I can already see the options waning for that weekend.

The Pamella Roland below is my top option, but I wonder if I should be searching for something less colorful. I wore a similar knee length dress for my bother-in-law's wedding, but I was doing a reading, my husband was in the wedding and in his tux, and the color was a little more muted. I'm not attracted to the less colorful dresses by and large, though. There's also a gorgeous tea length black dress with embroidered butterflies, but it's reportedly heavy and I do have to consider that I'm traveling with this. I can post more pictures of other options later, if people like.

PS: I told you all when we did the YLF ball that I'd be attending a ball this spring, and was hoping to wear a red dress. We decided not to go this year, as it coincides with my husband's 40th, and we've decided to go to NOLA to celebrate instead. So the red ball gown will be put on hold a year.

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7 years ago

Aurore

Veteran

I'm no real dress code expert, but I tend to agree with you that the floral ombré scuba dress may not be dressy enough for your event.
IMO the high-low dress you show us on the photo is very classy and not too colorful (a wedding is a happy event after all, and this dress is not flashy).

I will follow this thread with attention, as such questions always seem hard!

Christina F.

Thanks, Aurore! One reason I posted rather than just deciding is that it’s a hard question and others might get something from the discussion. Also, others sometimes have ideas that I don’t. And it’s fun to plan dressy outfits.

MsMary

Love the high-low dress! I think bright colors are great for weddings, because they are such happy occasions! And I agree the scuba dress is fab but definitely says "day dress."

MsMary, I love that dress too, and it looks FANTASTIC on me. Which is something I never say. Alas. I bought it on a whim last year, and I'll have to find another occasion when the weather warms up.

Anonymous

Those are beautiful dresses. I actually think the bottom one could be accessorized with black topper/hose/tights/shoes and work for evening too.

Suzanimal

Active Member

I really like the high low dress and it looks perfectly appropriate to me.

JAileen

The high low dress looks very appropriate to me.

If you can’t wear color, or white, or black, what does that leave, exactly?

Good point, JAileen. Though I have no problem wearing black. It's just that few of the black options on RTR either worked for my body or especially appealed to me. They'd probably appeal more in person. My backup dress is black! ETA - this is one black dress that did appeal, but it's the one that is supposedly a bit heavy. There's another tea length one, too. I guess I get a Dior New Look vibe from them.

jlpp I think the scuba dress can probably be dressed up for evening under some circumstances. The sticking point for me in this case is my husband wearing the tux.

Sal

How fun to be going to a dressy wedding!!

I think the hi low dress is really good - fun and flattering and well matched to a tux. Your own dress is lovely but a day wedding, christening, ladies lunch or even 40th birthday dinner are more where I see it.

Diana

I think the hi-low dress hits the right note of formality. I wore a similar shape for my BIL’s black tie optional wedding (where my husband was in the wedding party) over the summer, paired with my British wedding hat and admittedly sort of too casual low wedge sandals (I was having a lot of foot issues at the time) and it felt appropriate.

I think you’d be fine in black too. Honestly I think black is always appropriate for black tie and black tie optional events, wedding or not. (Think about it, tuxedos are usually black). Plus it’s automatically dressier/more evening looking, so you can get away with a more casual fabric or cut of dress if it’s black. Just my 2 cents though, if you know the bride/groom/your family/whomever will object then obviously it’s your call.

unfrumped

I do think the high-low dress style overall gives that glam factor that "goes with" your husband's tux! Or even a knee-length dress that is just, well, more dressy and glam than the scuba dress.

I totally blanked on the tux as I replied, I get your point with that!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What Mary and Diana said. Try the hi-low dress, Christina.

Yay, thanks for the input, all! I haven't been to any wedding for a while, but for a family one where I was semi-involved; I have kind of aged out of them. Most of the ones I went to back in the day were less formal than this, except for a couple I was in. I don't have any dresses from those days anymore anyway (sized out of those). Therefore, I wanted to make a gut check about what to wear.

Diana, maybe I'll find some kind of British hat too! I told people to wear fascinators to my wedding, but only a few people obliged me. Boo! I don't object to wearing black, but just wasn't feeling any of the available options. If the rental doesn't fit, that's the route I'll be going in. I do get two sizes, so unless the straps of the dress are really long on my short torso and can't be pinned or taped down, I should be good to go.

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