Does it take time for an item to grow on you? - YouLookFab Forum

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Does it take time for an item to grow on you?

Mochi

Veteran

Because for me, I love it immediately. Or not, and I send it back or don't buy. Part of me in this case is wondering if I'm being premature, but I usually don't need to mull over whether something looks right on me or not--I'm very instinct-driven in that way.

I just got my Nordstrom order and the Holmby Oxford surprisingly is not making me happy. It's a shoe that in theory I should be madly in love with. But it tips up in the front (like genie slippers) and the pointy toe box on the end is too long and narrow and elongates my size 8.5 feet.

I also ordered a tank top that I had high hopes for (though am relieved if I do send it back--it was pricey), but I'll style it and post a pic later.

Dressing

29 replies

Latest reply was from Mo

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I'm the same way. It's either love at first wear or not for me. That being said, I may like something right away and then grow to hate it...but not the other way around.

Claudia

Veteran

I have found that sometimes the mood I am in at the time when I open the package and try it on effects how I look at - see something in a particularly negative way at first viewing. But then the next day I will look it over and try it on again in a different light and absolutely love something and wonder how I could have ever doubted just how fab it is for me. Some things I initially planned on returning right away ended up being favorites.

Anonymous

Sometimes I don't like an item based on not being able to style it properly. With boyfriend jeans, I bought a pair, hated them, and returned them. But then I tried them on in the store a few weeks later with a different top and shoes and loved them. I bought them again and now they're a workhorse.

Normally I try to go with my gut and return what I don't love because I don't want orphans in my closet.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Sometimes...there are items I fall for immediately and love as soon as I put it on. Then there are others (the BF jeans come to mind) where I will work my hardest to get it right and to MAKE myself love it...sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn't.

Nicole D

Veteran

Usually what happens is I get another piece that makes the orphan come alive or become more wearable. Or I see someone else styling it in a way I hadn't thought of and it works.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

For me, it's love at first wear, or not at all.

Usually, even if I don't have other items to style with something, I know right away if it feels good and makes me feel good (or would, theoretically, with the right "friends.") I might have questions about fit or whether it LOOKS good, but I'll know right away whether I like it enough to try it.

From the sounds of those shoes, I'd be sending them back immediately. Just. Not. Right. Which is a shame, but it's always nice to save the money for the really, truly right items.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Yeah, I'm trying to make this a rule actually - to leave it behind if I don't love it immediately. I'm just feeling done with that experimental phase of my style, and it seems like there is no point if the item doesn't make me instantly happy, since there is a larger chance of it being "all downhill from here" than a slow-building love affair. Even though, ideally, the downhill part should hopefully be a low grade.

Anonymous

Well, I am too quick to dismiss so I have been doing some marinating on a couple items, but I crush on stuff immediately. You saw me in action on Sunday. I walked in browsing, I walked out with a coat.

Mochi

Veteran

'Tis true!

RunnerChick

It really depends. Sometimes, I love an item and wear it to death right away (Blondo boots), but there are others that I find I like better when I try them on with a different styling. Sometimes, it because I have missed the return window, and decide to grin and bear it, but a good many of the things that I love in a delayed fashion actually are things that I DO like. It's hard to tell if that's going to happen, though, and a good way of eradicating wardrobe mistakes is to leave it if I don't love it.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I used to think this was the ONLY way to love a look or item. But I have been forced to think about this differently since visiting Israel and Japan.

I used to NOT like harem pants and nude hose. I went to Israel in 2009 and saw ladies there sport the trend with an incredible amount of style. It blew my mind! My mind was changed :). The same thing happened when I saw all the stylish women in Japan wear nude hose *with everything*. My mind was changed :). Now I love harem pants and nude hose.

So sometimes, you do need time to love something.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I think I am the oddball here, but sometimes it takes me quite some time to be ready to wear a new (to me) item and then suddenly I wear it all the time. This usually applies to new shapes or more fashion forward (relatively speaking) pieces. I wish a good example would come to mind, but it is too early in the morning for that!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Shevia, you are not the oddball at all! IMO, you are more the norm.

Mochi

Veteran

But if you don't cotton to it in the first place, how do you end up buying it? I don't mean things we're infatuated with that aren't right for our body type, etc. I mean you just aren't "feeling it", or are not confident that it's right....at this point I am needing to get immediate gratification from something. I will style the shoes tomorrow and see if my mind's changed (plus get feedback here). And if someone like Angie whose opinion I trusted were to insist that something was working, I would tend to hold off on thumbs-downing, but otherwise I trust my judgment more and more these days to give me the immediate answer.

Mochi

Veteran

Angie, I didn't see your two posts before writing the above one....thanks for the perspective!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Your judgement is worth trusting, Nancy

A look can grow on you - by about a billion percent. I have another example. I never wore gold, although I grew up with a Mama who ONLY wore gold and thought that anything that was not real gold (or another metal) was inferior. I turned 40 and switched to Team Gold. Now I much prefer gold to silver. It's crazy - but that's what happened.

Same thing happened to me and pointy toes shoes. Loved them - fell out of love - loved them again - then I fell out of love again - and now I love them again!!! (Not very eloquent - sorry).

Zap did not like BF jeans - then she changed her mind. She tried them, loved them and rocks them.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ah. I think Angie's talking about trends...and you're talking about one item that didn't work out as you had hoped. To me, these are different. There are TRENDS I might not cotton to, initially - but then will grow to love over time. That happens to me often.

But if I try on or buy an item within a trend that I *think* i like (it sounds like these shoes fall into that category, right?) but for some reason the item just doesn't feel right or make me happy...well, that's another story entirely. At least to me.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Suz, you're right. I threw in the trend thing, as opposed to judging an item for what it is - a stand alone item. They are different, but to some extent the item can be wrapped up in a trend - and our judgement process becomes muddy.

Mochi

Veteran

You put your finger on it, Suz. That's explicitly why I said that on principle I know I should love the shoes...there was something about this particular pair that throws me off so far....I had pairs like it in college--it's this fun, androgynous, punky design but the particulars of this shoe are giving me pause.

Maybe in the morning I'll feel differently. It's just that shoes for me are not entwined with body issues (I don't have any problems with my feet) so I don't get into weird emotional territory with shoes and I can gauge more on whether I simply feel they're cool or not. Almost any other type of clothing would be much more loaded.

Mochi

Veteran

Again we crossposted, Angie

JulieJohn

Veteran

Great thread, Moch. I am finding, as Angie mentioned, that I like all kinds of new things as I pass through this thing called life. I change, and my tastes change, broadening over the years. I'm like a perpetual little kid in a candy store, and it's why so many of us have learned to say "never say never" ! I love the artistry and variety, and I never wanna cool down!!

crazyone

Veteran

yes and no. In general, I try to shy away from items that I don't like at first sight/first try-on, because in all likelihood I won't like them later, and that's just a waste. And at the same time, since I don't buy or keep things I'm meh about, they don't have time to grow on me.

Yet it has happened that I've felt a bit meh about some items that I've been given or didn't quite look like what I envisioned when I bought them, and often through YLF input, I've grown to like them more.

My eye gets used to different trends over time all the time, but I think that is different than an individual item. Essentially, the problem with individual items of clothing is that you have to "marry" them by buying them, there's very little in the way of a safe "dating" period where you can try them out and figure out whether you really *love* them or not.

Kristin SF

Veteran

I find something interesting happening with things I buy online vs. in store.

If I try something on in the store, and I like it but don't LOVE it, then I leave it in the store. It's easy to do.

If I receive something in the mail, and I like it but don't LOVE it, then I oftentimes find myself *trying* to love it. Just because it's a pain to return things, even if it's as easy as a Zappos or Nordstrom return.

So, I'm trying to adopt the in-store attitude across the board.

In your case, if you tried on these shoes in a store, would you have still bought them? Or left them there?

Anonymous

Hi Nancy. In ruminating on this, it comes to mind that the details are everything. When you saw your new oxfords in person, the fact that the toe is shaped a bit differently than you thought and lifts off the floor give it a completely different vibe. Perhaps from "cool androgynous" to "dandy pimp" or something....just for an example (I'm totally guessing here, I haven't see them). If the details aren't right, then I wouldn't try to force them.

As for me, clothes are easier to love from the outset. Accessories sometimes have to grow on me. And usually I can't return them so that's why they get a second chance. Of course many more things are an infatuation at the outset, and then wind up being mistakes, but we wont' get into that!

Anonymous

I learned years ago that if I have any doubt about whether I like it in the store, buy it. Likewise, when I get it home, if I have any doubt about it, return it. Using this strategy, I don't think I have made any regrettable mistakes. It is when I choose to not follow them that I have regrets. I can't make myself like something if it is so-so in the first place.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Just chortling over Claire's "cool androgynous" to "dandy pimp."

Honestly, that girl needs to write a book!!!

Kristin, if you come back here, I think that subject deserves its very own thread. To what extent do our shopping habits vary with online vs. in store, and do we tend to "settle" more with online purchases?

Mochi

Veteran

"Dandy pimp"--Claire, I'm down on bended knee...will you marry me??? Anyway, you do have to write a book, and if you won't, Suz and I are coming after you! We lift weights and are not as frail as we look!

I think online shopping is a fascinating spin-off discussion. It's such a relatively new concept with so many different implications. I remember the first time I contemplated buying anything big online. They were Frye boots, in fact. About $175 at the time, a few years ago. And that's honestly a great price for any type of Fryes, but it was the first time I'd paid anywhere near that amount for footwear.

If it had been at a store, I just would have handed over my credit card. But in front of my laptop, I remember perching my finger over the button for a long time, slightly intimidated and anxious.

I think it was just a weird idea to be able to spend money so EASILY. Like I could do it in my pajamas and without any physical effort whatsoever. I think I was worried that I could go on an insane spending spree if there was nothing to stop me like finding a parking space, dealing with real time. There was no human interaction or clarification, etc. It was too clean and traceless.

catgirl

Veteran

I am torn here. Love at first sight has not been a reliable indicator of a long-term relationship; on the other hand I've had plenty of items I've questioned but held onto and rationalized also become orphans. In other words, have yet to determine what constitutes a "reliable indicator" for me.

This year, I'm going to try to work more with my head than my heart now that I do have some solid workhorses in my closet and can use them as the basis for judging new pieces I might add.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Succinctly - item, no, it has to be something I'm drawn to at the start. Trends, yes, they take some time to grow on me.