Does anybody else have an 'Ethics Bag'?

The ethics bag is an invention of my husband, we started one when we first got married.

Basically the ethics bag is very similar to Angies 'holding zone' but is for items of clothing/accessories that were bought as gifts that are unsuitable or just plain awful and you don't feel comfortable exchanging or don't know the giver well enough to ask for the receipt.
I never want to hurt anyone's feelings so usually just smile, accept the gift graciously and put it in the bag.

The point of the ethics bag is that with items given as gifts you can't just get rid of them immediately. You never know when you may get the " Do you ever wear that scarf I bought you?" question. You keep the ethics bag for 18 months and then it's deemed 'safe' to clear it out.

Our ethics bag currently contains:
* A t-shirt given to my husband that is just too twee
* A beautiful top given to me that is very glamourous but just far too racy for everyday life. I know I'll never wear it.
* Several fluffy pastel scarves bought by grandparents that either make me look 20 years older or about 5 years old

I don't want to give the impression that I'm ungrateful - far from it. I appreciate anytime someone takes the time and expense to buy me a gift but I don't feel I can always be truthful and admit its unsuitable as I'd hate to hurt the givers feelings.

How do you guys deal with this?

(Thanks for reading ). :0)

14 years ago

ManidipaM

Veteran

What a lovely thoughtful idea, MrsM! Although this wouldn't work for me, sadly --- seeing as the people who give me the most gifts (and sometimes things I would really never choose) actually live in the same house!

I try to use these as loungewear, instead. Though this can get tricky when the garment is (say) floor-sweeping lace-edged silk --- my friend calls that one my Morticia outfit. I'm planning to add orange tights for next Halloween :-p

Mander

(website)

I've been developing the skill of, um, embellishing the truth with one of my relatives who has a habit of asking what you want, and then giving you what she thinks you should have. The two rarely meet up. Sometimes I can make them work, but usually I just hold on to them for years and allow them to collect guilt.

Mrs Moo

Active Member

Lol Mander - I love that expression "collecting guilt" ! I know all about that :0)

@ManidipaM -perhaps your husband was hoping you *would* use the floor length silk and lace number as lounge wear?! ;0) (I bet most men wish this was the usual type of lounge wear!)

bj1111

this is why quilting was invented.

rachylou

Oh, you know, I think of it as a discipline. I think limits can spark creativity, so I always try to accept the challenge of putting something to good use. Admittedly, no one with a sense of self-preservation gives me clothing. LOL. Also, everyone knows me. I change things up and make pronouncements about it and make them get on board with my program for me, haha!

MsMary

Honestly? I am too old to worry about that kind of thing.

I figure anybody who has the timerity to actually ask about a gift they've given me is either (a) honestly interested and therefore deserving of the truth, e.g. "Honestly, it was a bit too twee for me so I exchanged it for this fab thing instead," because it will be useful information, or (b) too crass to have his or her feelings worried about, and therefore also deserving of the truth whether or not it might sting.

As a gift giver, I figure that once I give something to somebody it becomes their property and they are free to dispose of it a they see fit. I would never in a million years feel like I had the right to keep tabs on a gift.

Sylvie

Hmm, at this point, I think everyone knows better than to give me clothing.

Not my style hat/scarf/gloves set from Secret Santa at work went to my parents for regifting.

Anything given by my side of the family can be rejected if I don't like it. With my mom I can be brutal, and with my extended family, they understand that "the styles are different in America"

Anything given by my husband's side of the family is probably going to be Indian clothes, which can be regifted easily as well since they're not already stitched.

I guess if a friend gave me clothing it would go straight to goodwill as well.

Hope this doesn't make me a terrible person but I'm *ridiculously* picky.

CocoLion

I am such a people pleaser that I will even wear things from the ethics bag when I'm going to see that person. You might think this is then rewarding their bad judgement. But I see it differently. The people who give me wearable things know I love clothes, but often those people have bad taste so trying to instruct them is hopeless. I feel that when it comes to gifts, you need to practice kindness.

Anonymous

I have one of these too I usually need about 6 months before I can pass them on.

I seem somewhat lucky because I seem to be able to wear or use everything that is given to me. I guess I don't need a gift limbo. Also, I never regift, I'll rather donate.

I should post some of the odd things I acquired at Xmas and see if anyone has some styling pointers! Said relative went a bit crazy with the prospect of buying me presents. Due to her shopping frenzy, I am now the proud owner of some rather odd Serena Williams brand jeggings, elastic waist skinny jeans, a very clingy black rayon-type dress in an awkward midi length, and two pink acrylic sweaters. When she called to ask, I told her that I really dislike elastic waists, have far too many black dresses, and don't like pink. Unfortunately, she called to ask if I would like something *after* she had already bought it. Sigh.

To complicate matters, many of these things came from the Home Shopping Network, and she brought them to me in her suitcase from America, so I can't just sneak into the store and take them back, as I have done in the past. I felt obligated to wear at least some of them while she was here visiting, and now she keeps asking about some of the others so I have to say "oh yeah, it fits great" or "I wore it last week". Double sigh.

fashionista

I have to build a small wardrobe to keep all my items. My ethics bag is full. I tend to attached gifts with sentimental values and the loving heart with which the giver gifted me the item, so I never give away or throw them. I just keep on collecting and think that one day I will be able to incorporate them into my wardrobe and even managed to use some clothing items for layering in winter. I am such an emotional fool that I would not want to throw even the wrapping paper of some gifts given to be by my loved ones like my mom.
In fact I am kind of a hoarder!!!! But I love it.

Laurinda

This is a problem I am fortunate not to have -- no one buys me personal gifts.

Well, Mr. Laurinda kind of does, except I buy any gifts, wrap them up, then act pleasantly surprised ;-).

I'm glad to hear many of you have similar situations! Like Mander and Sylvie, I do try to limit clothing items bought by family members, guide them with hints and tips or like Laurinda suggest an *exact * item or buy it myself! Like Cocolion and Fashionista however, I do see any gift as a kindness and could never bear to openly tell someone I didn't like it :0/

Thanks for weighing in guys :0)

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