Do you think of yourself as 'beautiful'? - YouLookFab Forum

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Do you think of yourself as 'beautiful'?

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

On What Not to Wear, Stacy and Clinton’s latest victim got grilled, once again, about when she felt beautiful. I roll my eyes at these segments because they always seem to be beside the point, but maybe I'm the only one - I'm curious as to what you think.

Maybe it’s an issue of terminology. I’ll be honest and say I don’t think of myself as beautiful. “Beautiful,” to me, is a word that has to do with objective, societal standards of beauty, and by that ruler I’m somewhere in the middle: not ugly, but not gorgeous either. I think of myself as pretty; I don’t scare small children but I’m not in demand as a fashion model either.

I guess I think that unless you’re a fan of plastic surgery, your face is your face and will continue to be your face no matter how pulled together you are or aren’t, or what clothes you’re wearing. Clothes, haircut, and all the rest can add to or detract from your beauty, but they can’t fundamentally change it.

It doesn't profoundly bother me that I'm not beautiful, either. After all, I didn’t choose my genes and my features; I didn’t do anything to earn them and neither did anyone else. So I don’t feel bad admitting that I’m not beautiful, because it doesn’t really have anything to do with me. I can, however, try to do what I can to look nice and pulled-together, and more importantly, be a good person - a smarter person, a more astute person, a kinder person, a more caring person. Those are the things I am proud of, or ashamed of, not my looks.

But maybe I'm being too severe on other people's choice of wording. Am I crazy?

Body Type

49 replies

Latest reply was from Kyle

rosee

Veteran

I wouldn't say that I'm beautiful... and my 4 brothers who loved to tease me growing up would likely agree. That said they think that I'm "presentable enough to take out into public". Little kids often say that I'm pretty but that's b/c they say that to all people who are nice to them. I do hope I'm beautiful on the inside... but even there I have some bad days.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

A little girl once told me I was ... "Really smart and cute and a good doctor!" so, I guess I'm not really pretty according to kids. HAHAHAHA.

I agree with your perspective, there is only a certain amount of "after birth" things you can do to yourself to enhance your natural beauty. Unless you get plastic surgery... but surgery aside, I definitely think that there is a limit to how great you can look.

I think they mean "beautiful" as in; when was the last time you FELT beautiful - as in glowing and confident and ready to take on the world - versus last time someone asked you to be the lead model in their spring fashion show Or at least, that's what I think they mean on WNTW...

... that being said, most of the girls I know who do model aren't very self-confident in their body image. Who knows.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

In a word, no. Occasionally I feel like I look good but mostly I am very self-conscious. I strive to accept myself as-is and feel good about it. It's a journey and often a struggle.

Maya

Veteran

Well first of all "beautiful" is such an intense and loaded word that I would feel incredibly arrogant if I saw myself that way.

I am one of those people who is a completely different person (appearance-wise) with makeup than without. I only started wearing it recently, and it has been fascinating to see how differently people treat me. Before, no one would really make comments on my features. Now I get compliments several times a week, some of which I have really never heard before or even noticed about myself. I think I have the potential to be pretty, but I am by no means a natural beauty. I need all the help I can get.

It doesn't bother me though. Most people could do with some enhancing, some more than others.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this and he said all that makeup did for me was pull my inner beauty out, so people can tell what a great person I am just by looking at me. It was perhaps one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me...although being the wet blanket, killjoy, and extremely logical person that I am, I immediately wanted to point out that there are plenty of people who wear makeup and are absolutely dreadful...but I let it rest...

Anyway, I think asking someone if they think they are beautiful is just an unfair question and there is just way too much pressure to answer it just right, straddling some elusive line between arrogant and delusional, and negative and self-deprecating.

Patty

Veteran

Nope.

taylor

Veteran

No, !!
I find beauty in unusual features . Most models have rather unusual features if one saw them in person they would not be magazine beautiful but they are models because the have great bones that photograph well

Some people I consider to have beautiful faces are men actually:)
Roy Scheider and Rachael Ward are an example of men and women I find beautiful.
...
The most beautiful faces to me are babies/children up till about 10...pure perfection:)

I am also a fan of freckles

Maya

Veteran

I agree with Taylor on the unusual features thing. People who are conventionally pretty are forgettable. If I had to choose, I'd rather be memorable than beautiful.

This model from Season 3 of Project Runway always comes to mind when I think of unusual beauty. Unfortunately you can't see her walk in her pictures, but her carriage just added to her fabulousness.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/56018295@N00/

Girl X

(website)

Veteran

I wasn't sure I wanted to reply here, because it seems like maybe no one is supposed to say 'yes' - but I'm just going to own it, so, YES. Absolutely.

Does it matter that I’m not going to be tapped as the next face of Estee Lauder? Does it matter that my legs are all scarred up, and my knees are knobby? Does it matter that I’m probably never going to be able to get rid of that lower belly flab? It probably matters to some people who see me, but they don’t get to decide if I feel beautiful, so that’s fine.

Life's good, I'm pretty healthy, I feel like I'm living in a way that is at least working toward my ideals, I'm taking care of my body and my mind, there are people who love me - so, beautiful? Hell yeah.

Marley

Veteran

I don't really THINK of myself as beautiful - but I really do FEEL beautiful most of the time! Confident, smart, dressed to flatter/emphasize my best assets, happy, content, healthy, fit - yes, Yes, YES! I feel beautiful!

Sylvie

Veteran

Yes.

I'm not and will never be the most beautiful person on the face of the planet. But I still think I'm beautiful/pretty/aesthetically pleasing.

I feel ok with my "rank" on the "beauty scale" if people are going to judge me. I can deliberately enhance or downplay my appearance with hairstyle, makeup, clothing, and affect that judgement if I want.

Sometimes I don't feel beautiful. Sometimes I feel extra beautiful. But overall, I'm happy with my appearance, and I think that's the way it should be.

For reference, I didn't believe I was beautiful till I was 24. I was too dumb to see it before and can't believe there were times I thought was ugly.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Go Girl X, Marley and Sylvie!

I think part of the reason I don't feel beautiful right now is that all I do is work, work, work. I don't really get to go out, get dressed up and just have some fun "me" time and it kind of gets me down.

Seems like when I had an active social life I definitely had occasion to feel beautiful. Just musing after my initial post...

elpgal

Veteran

Growing up, 'beautiful' was code for classical good facial features, long hair and a hourglass shape, so I never thought of myself as beautiful or even pretty. I am also not the recipient of appearance based compliments from anybody apart from my immediate family and husband. I suspect most people think of me as 'plain looking' but I don't feel poorly about myself often.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Nope
It's just one of those words that I wouldn't use to describe myself.

Irene

Veteran

Because I love portrait photography and do self-portaits from time to time (I'm not talking about YLF selfs but real, prepared ones), I have objectively analyzed my face a lot of times (as well as other's). So when a person says 'hey, that model of yours is beautiful!' I say 'I know!' and then think how the photograph is actually downplaying the 'worst' features of my model, which I know she has because I have like 200 hundred photos from the same session in my computer and have been going through them for three hours. Luckily for us, normally people see the beautiful features of a face. If you have amazing eyes, that's what they will see and remember. You will have to smile a lot so they see your bad teeth, and even then, your amazing eyes will still overpower your teeth. Unless you encounter jerks who focus on flaws, but that's another story.

As for me, having analyzed my face, I can say I have soft features and an oval face, which is always good. My lips are full and I have a cute smile, although not perfect. My nose is small and rounded, not at all prominent. However, I have super bad skin, I hate my eyebrows, my eyelashes, my eye colour, my eyes in general and I wear glasses 24/7. I have ptosis on one eye too. I know, I kind of have everything bad you could have on eyes, but what can I do? That's how I was born. And I least they sort of work. Kids constantly ask me about it, so I know it is noticeable, but it doesn't bother me that much. Am I beautiful? NO, by the standards. Too many flaws in such a small face. But sometimes I feel good about the nice features I have. And sometimes I feel bad about the ugly features I have. It's probably more psychological than anything else.

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

Maybe not first thing in the morning but after i get myself together a bit. Yes. I hope this doesn't make me any less liked on here but i tend to have...an over enthusiastic amount of confidence. But honestly i believe this comes from my childhood. Just touching on it lightly it wasn't the best and then to add to it i had... a lot of awkward stages. I remember a boy coming up to me in Jr. High simply saying, "hey ugly." and there were a lot of other instances similar to this. So i guess over the years i just bundled all that up and grew stronger from it and now i simply just don't let anyone knock me down, not even myself.

...I feel like this was kind of a lot to share on here @_@

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I think it's a loaded question. But I do feel moderately attractive if not outright beautiful. Some days all I see are a big nose (thanks dad for that gene!) and a narrow face but other days I see my green eyes and flowing hair. It's all in my perspective of that day or moment, since all my features are the same day in and day out. I will say, getting older is an interesting thing - like no one told me eyebrows can go gray!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Laura, I totally disagree on your definition of the word beautiful:

"Beautiful,” to me, is a word that has to do with objective, societal standards of beauty".

To me, the word "beautiful" is an excellent word to describe non-conventional standards of beauty too. I use it often and very sincerely. Our little Jasmine was beautiful when she lay resting in peace. My Mum was beautiful sans hair after chemo. The yellow tulips in my garden are beautiful. My Valentino handbag is beautiful. Ashley Judd is beautiful. Tilda Swinton is beautiful. Greg and Rosie are beautiful. All baby animals are beautiful.

I feel beautiful when Greg says I am beautiful.

Beauty is all about the beholder and not the subject. I don't know whether I'm making sense here. Perhaps I need more tea.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I like how you put it, Angie.

Last night, after we got home from a baseball game, my husband and I were lounging around reading, and I decided to show him the outfit pictures I'd taken of myself and posted here for WIWs. I hadn't ever let him see those before. In fact, I was a little self-conscious that I was even taking pictures of myself to share with anyone!

He loved it and was so surprised and pleased that I'd been doing these WIW pictures. But with each photo, he would ask me, "So now do you see how beautiful you are?"

As I told him, it's hard to see myself as beautiful because, well, I see myself in the mirror every day, and along with that image is all the baggage and all the messages I've received about my appearance for my entire life. Everything from the most frequent subject of compliments (my eyes and hair) to the things I heard that were not so kind (yeah, freckles and pale skin and the boy in junior high who told me I had no butt, and the kid in grade school who told me I could take off my fur coat because it was summer).

Some days I see the beauty and sometimes, not so much. Looking back on pictures from my youth, I can see that I was much prettier than I thought I was at the time.

These days I'm more likely to look in the mirror and think, "not bad for a 45-year-old" but I'm not complaining.

rosee

Veteran

I've been racking my brain trying to the think of the name of the book where I read an interesting idea about beauty -- I can't for the life of me think of it.

Here's the scenario: a young African American girl going through her awkward teens asks her mother, a tough and practical woman, if she is pretty. She obviously worries that she is not. Her mother says to her: "You are pretty enough for the things that matter in life."

I read that many years ago but it's always stuck with me for some reason.

dottie

Beautiful is very subjective. It's a concept and a feeling when it comes to looks. For me, this question has two distinct parts - 'do you feel beautiful' and 'do you look beautiful'? Do I feel beautiful? yes, when I'm helping someone or feeling appreciated, when I witness something beautiful in nature, animals or children - that somehow transfers to me and I feel beautiful too. Do I look beautiful? some days. Do I think of myself as beautiful? I have a good spirit, I'm kind to others, so I guess generally for those reasons, yes.

Mac

Veteran

I feel like I have a beautiful heart and mind... but my outsides, not so much, and that's okay.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Such a loaded word, as Maya said, and therefore prone to as many interpretations as there are people who'll try to answer this.

My answer to the question - YES.

This may also have a lot to do with how we use the language. And English is not my first, so I may be wrong. But, here is the breakdown.

For physical appearance that is very eye-pleasing I use the words - gorgeous or stunning. To me, these terms sound rather flat, but just right for when I need to use them, as I comment on the physical aspect only. Pretty is also a nice term and gentler, with a bit more character. I am not artistically-literate and have no idea how to interpret face or body proportions in terms of how perfect they are. But I know when my eye doesn't need adjusting to the object and when things look just as they should. I find slight imperfections particularly intriguing as they almost always seem to add another layer to the physical beauty of the person.

Beautiful to me is a richer word, reflects the right balance of physical appearance and personality which, when it comes to others, I "read" instinctively, less with my eyes, more with my gut. As the years go buy, personality is becoming the bigger contributor to what constitutes beautiful. Confident (not arrogant) people attract me, people who seem happy in their own skin intrigue me, people who are not falsely modest and are aware of their qualities are my true role models. They are all beautiful to me. I very rarely associate this term with physical appearance only. And when I feel that balance within myself, I feel beautiful. When I feel beautiful, I can look gorgeous. There's very slim chance of it working the other way around.

Louise

Veteran

I've been chewing this one over all day! I do think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and most of what we think of ourselves is down to self esteem. I'm happy to say I like what I see when I look in the mirror nowadays thanks to YLF x

marianna

Veteran

This is a hard one for me to answer and makes me uncomfortable to think about. I have low self confidence and I don't necessarily feel beautiful. But... I often receive comments on my appearance... I hear that I am "pretty." I don't feel it but other people see it. So... I suppose I know that I have good facial features but I don't feel beautiful. Yikes!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Never have....in fact, the YLF Birthday greeting was the 1st photo Ive had taken since my wedding nearly 5 yrs ago (and yes, I felt ugly in them too) Years ago, when I was about 50 lbs lighter I felt 'attractive' but kidney and thyroid problems soon put a end to that. DH tells me I am, calls me 'lovely' but Ive never believed it....

Kate

Veteran

YES! And I think that every single woman on YLF is beautiful too! Since finding YLF I have gained so much confidence in my body and a much more realistic self-image.

I highly recommend watching some episodes of How to Look Good Naked: http://www.mylifetime.com/show.....ked/video/ It's so reaffirming of so many different women and their bodies, and has some great advice mixed in. Life is too short for so many of us to not feel beautiful!!!

catgirl

Veteran

Wow. This is a very complex and loaded question for me. My first reaction was a resounding "NO". So I thought about it more, and realized I feel there are at least two sides to the word beautiful, including both Laura and Angie's definitions.

I have NEVER felt beautiful objectively, in the sense of being told I was beautiful or meeting the typical standard for beauty where I grew up in the minority. Tall, thin, blonde, blue-eyed, leggy - nope. In fact, I was always and openly told I was the smart one and my sister was the pretty one - not by my parents but by other family and acquaintances. Damaging to both of us, no doubt, especially because my sister is super-smart. Luckily the two of us supported each other instead of becoming rivals as we might have. Think "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" - the main character very much resonated with me. At the same time, I'm glad I couldn't rely on being pretty to get me by in life, as I think some (NOT ALL) people do.

Also, at least in my extended family and in the experience of my Indian girlfriends, ideal beauty tends to be parsed in very objective terms: a certain skin tone, a particular face shape or nose or body. You either have those features or you don't, and you're not supposed to feel bad about it.

If I put all those angst-filled complexities aside, I would say I feel beautiful and think of myself that way when I am exercising, being a mom, or with my husband who absolutely adores me. And I would also add that as I've gotten older and started caring less whether I will ever turn heads, I feel better about myself than I ever did.

I ALWAYS make it a point to tell someone when I think they look nice, especially my friends' teenage daughters, only because I know that no matter how shallow it may be, it hurts to feel ugly all the time. But I also think it's important to balance that with the recognition of other qualities, like intelligence, grace, integrity, humor, and strength of character, which ultimately bring peace and happiness to the soul.

Kristine

Veteran

Yes, I feel beautiful. I was a bit of an ugly duckling in my teens, so it was an evolution to feel at ease with how I look. There are some mornings I wake up with bags under my eyes and my face might not look particularly good, but I still think I'm beautiful. Beauty can be so many things- an easy smile, a generous nature, a gleam in your eye, confidence even with your flaws. It can also be more physical- emphasizing your good features while not worrying about the rest. Hopefully everyone can see themselves as beautiful, whatever that means to them.

NancyT

No.

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