Do You Only Feel Fab When An Outfit Makes You Look "Thin"? - YouLookFab Forum

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Do You Only Feel Fab When An Outfit Makes You Look "Thin"?

muffy432002

(website)

Hello All,
I'm dealing with body image issues and have decided to accept myself as I am. As to get to to the root of my eating disorder I must begin to love myself first. With that in mind, I'm trying to pay better attention to my appearance through my wardrobe. I'm a very curvy pear carrying around an extra 40 lbs. In my mind I imagine I look one way but when I see myself in the mirror I don't recognize myself. Angie always says dress in a way that "makes you feel fab", but I feel that no matter what I choose I only feel somewhat accepting of myself if I look thinner. I'd like to adopt some of the more current trends and styles but always gravitate back to anything that hides my rolls and bulges which means loose/oversized tops and leggings. Can a person look fab AND fat, too?

Dressing

32 replies

Latest reply was from leopardluxe

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Of course! Style is not a size or a body shape!

But if hiding some of your weight is a desire yet you also want to participate in trends, you're in luck -- because the fluid and oversize fits can help, as long as you maintain some structure.

Some of our most fashionable members here are plus size or large. And some of the most fashionable women I've seen on the street are larger. It's true that shopping can be a challenge, but Angie often features fab finds for plus sized women as well.

unfrumped

Veteran

It's more about fit than hiding. I agree with Suz that it's a nice fashion season or "era" for looser fits, but if an item of clothing is just loose and baggy it really doesn't add to the impression of slimness. Really well-fitting clothing tends to do that more and also makes the wearer look more powerful, body-confident and fit, IMO
Have you ever watched episodes of What Not to Wear? The advantage is that they show real people in motion in their clothing and touch the clothes and show the type of fit they're going for, and not just static photos. A lot of their makeovers are helping people transition from clothes that are saggy and baggy to just the right amount of body skimming, bit of waist definition, good fit through shoulders and armholes, and proper length--pants long enough; sleeves not overly long.

As Suz says, the challenge is that usual retail sizing is not very friendly and does not follow a sequenced range for all body types and it can be hard to find good fit off the rack. Some items can be sized to fit the hardest zone and then tailored to the rest.

Freckles

Veteran

Sorry to hear you are going through this issue. I totally concur with Suz.
I find that on the street I am drawn to fabulous fashion never mind age, race, gender, size or shape of body. For myself I find that I usually feel heavier in clothes that I don't particularly like even though in some of my loved items the silhouette is the same.

April

Veteran

Interesting question. I do find that people who used to be heavier (myself included) seem to struggle more to enjoy outfits that don't accentuate slimness.

I'm inconsistent, though. I find that I'm unhappy with outfits that visually add weight in certain areas, such as my mid-section, but I don't care at all if an outfit seems to enlarge hips or booty. Partly because I'm lacking size in those areas and partly because those areas create a more hourglassy shape.

And yet, I don't like high necklines that make my bust look bigger. At all. So apparently it really matters to me specifically which part of me looks un-thin.

rabbit

Veteran

I was about 25 lbs. heavier last summer/fall and where I ran into the most problem was with body con knit tops and jeans that just weren't flattering at the waist.

I like the loose oversized top look with skinnies or leggings at all the weights I've been, but cut really makes a difference, and fabric weight. The more a drapy fabric has a certain silky heaviness to it, for example it's a double-layer knit that doesn't hold any wrinkles, the more likely it is to work with whatever my body weight is, because the heaviness of the fabric causes it to skim close to the body but not cling to it, and creates vertical lines.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I so understand what you're saying. Even though I've never been "overweight" I've always been sensitive that my hip and thigh area are large-ish in proportion with the rest of me. Even when I was 15 and 115 lbs! So I'm often reluctant to wear things that emphasize that area. In general, I do feel more fab when my outfit streamlines my figure. In contrast to April, I don't mind as much if it emphasizes my bust (which is not small), but I try to avoid enlarging myself below the waist.

At the same time, I am still striving to accept -- and even love -- the body I have. It is healthy and able to do so much, and I can wear styles I enjoy, even though some more fashion-forward silhouettes are off the table for me.

I think we all need to be kind to ourselves and find the styles that achieve the right balance of flattery and mental and emotional comfort.

crutcher

Veteran

You know, we are all trying to find clothes that fit and flatter the body we are blessed with...Working at being healthy is the key...The rest will come...Living in a culture that has in the past stressed thinness has created negative body images for a lot of women...Hopefully, our society is crossing a line that goes from thin is in to being healthy is where its at...
Keep reading posts here at YLF...you will learn to select styles that are flattering and you will learn from this group of giving, kind women...
Its a journey we all make and I send you my best as you design yours...

Niki Lea

Veteran

I can relate to your feelings. This morning I tucked and untucked my blouse a few times, trying to determine what made my midsection look better.
No matter how thin I get, I will always have a curvy butt and hips, and I have to work really hard to accept that. Especially now that this body of mine has been through two pregnancies.
In the end this morning, I channelled my inner "Joan" from Mad Men and decided that I was going to rock this body and outfit of mine with confidence. So know that you're not alone in how you're feeling. There are lots of us out there who are walking with you on your journey.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I understand what you're going through and I sympathize. I've been there. I was anorexic in my late teens and early twenties, but I did heal -- it can be done! Keep working on your body image.

As to your question, can you be fab and fat: yes. Of course. But you have to learn to adjust your eye to see the beauty in more than one body shape.

Think of it like this. Is there any style of clothing that you hated at first but then it grew on you? An example might be skinny jeans. Lots of people hated them at first. I thought they were awful. But then my eye adjusted to them, especially after seeing them styled properly (on figures both thin and full -- thinness is not, surprisingly, a requirement for skinny jeans), and now I love them. It's a bit like that when it comes to adjusting your eye to appreciate a fuller figure. In the media, a limited range of body shapes are shown, and lean is far more predominant. Yes, we do see a few professionally beautiful "curvy" women, but even they are fat in the "right" places (think Kim Kardashian). But in real life, beauty comes in many shapes.

Also, learning how to flatter your figure, whatever shape it is, goes a long way to making you appreciate it. YLF can help you there. Baggier isn't always better.

ETA: oh, and to answer your title question -- if I'm honest, I don't like outfits that make me look way heavier than I am. It's true. But I also don't always wear outfits that make me look my thinnest. Sometimes -- often, actually -- I wear things that are, as Angie says, "just flattering enough".

If I want to look my best, though, I will wear an outfit that makes my body look as hourglassy as possible (although I'm rectangle, not an hourglass).

Erikajl

The answer to your question is an absolute YES. Although I wouldn't necessarily call it "fab and fat".

I have a friend that is an exaggerated pear shape with a few extra pounds. She is probably at least four sizes different on top and bottom. Yet, she is one of the most stylish dressers I know. She always looks fabulous. I have no idea how she "feels" in her clothes, but she comes across as confident and beautiful. She really can't hide her shape, or disguise it, unless she literally wanted to wear a tent, and that is far from her style. I know she does dress to call attention to her upper half through jewelry and necklines, and by wearing more simple bottoms. But, she will wear crops/capris, slim leg, loose leg, actually, just about anything, and style it so that she always looks great.

What she has taught me, is that it's truly not about shape or size. It's about feeling the joy and fun of adorning your particular canvass.

Aziraphale

Veteran

People are afraid of the word "fat". I normally don't use it because it has negative connotations, but I also have problems with words like "curvy" or "fluffy", because these sound like euphemisms, which in turn makes it sound like being fat is such a bad thing that you can't even use the word, but must instead use a euphemism. It should not be this way. We cannot truly accept ALL figures without acknowledging that fat ones are beautiful, too.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Your question is a great one, and I appreciate your starting the conversation. I'm reading with interest, because I, too, sometimes feel less than great when I'm not at the weight I really want to be at. I say "sometimes," because lately I've been feeling fine about how I look, even though I'm heavier than I want to be at the moment (admittedly, I'm talking about an amount of weight that I doubt anyone else notices--but I know it's there and can feel it in my clothes). And I don't know what is making the difference in my attitude. I'd like to be able to keep this attitude or return to it if it slips away.

cciele

Veteran

Totally with you on this. I also have doubts about my body and despair over my clothes too. But honestly, I think people of all sizes and shape can look fab! Doesn't have anything to do with weight. Instead, I think it has to do with self-confidence and owning what you are wearing.

Angela K

Veteran

Over the years, I have yo-yo'd up and down and all around. At my heaviest, I was over 200 lbs and was miserable. At that point I was carrying almost a hundred extra pounds. (Heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, etc and obesity runs in my family--not good!) At that weight, I was a very voluptuous hour-glass and enjoyed shopping and dressing up often highlighting my waist which was still small by comparison. The thing is I was miserable! I didn't feel healthy or attractive (although I received lots of complements.) It was about how I felt about me--not what other people thought or felt about my size. So I decided that by my fortieth birthday, I would be a healthy size. I knew I couldn't do anything about turning forty but I could do something about my body and my health. So fast forward ten years later: I workout and eat a healthy balanced diet and most days I feel good about myself. But if I'm being totally honest, I still have trouble areas that I fight, these are mostly a losing battle but I feel better about myself when I am at least working on it--so I never give up the battle! And I do feel the most fab when an outfit highlights everything that I have worked so hard for. I do like to look thin, toned and healthy!

shedev

Veteran

Is there something not related to weight that makes you feel fab. Something like pretty, tough, or spunky.

Desmo April

(website)

Veteran

To think that someone can't be both fabulous and fat is actually insulting to anyone that isn't thin. Now I know that isn't your intention and it's very likely you've seen someone bigger than yourself that looked good. The bottom line is it isn't the size or the weight, it is how you feel. Please be kinder to yourself. It is NEVER as bad as you think it is.

I'm not a little chunky or heavy, I'm full on fat. I love style. I may have fewer choices and I may have to work harder to find the right things but I think I look great most of the time.

Parsley

Veteran

Absolutely it's possible to look fab while not looking thin!
My weight has had its ups and downs, and I can honestly say that I often felt fab in my clothes even at my heaviest. I did dress with an eye to camouflage bumps and bulges- still do, actually, and will probably always have to.

It was somewhat more difficult to find clothes that made me feel great when I was heavier. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easier to dress a thinner body.

Accepting oneself when overweight is a tricky proposition, at least it was for me. I wanted to dress the body I had at the moment, take pride in my appearance, and look the best I could right then. But I didn't want to be so accepting that I didn't make an effort to get myself into a healthier weight range, and get more fit.

The funny thing is, just being at an optimal weight isn't any guarantee of feeling fab, either. It's an effort at any size or weight. (OK, maybe not if you're some super-model who rolls out of bed looking perfect! )

For me, I've vowed to try to make the most of my appearance, independent of my ongoing efforts to achieve and maintain a healthy weight and level of fitness. There will always be challenges to deal with- whether it be age-related changes or weight fluctuations, but I'm a believer in working with what you've got and making yourself as fab as you can be at the moment.

Muffy, I hope that you'll find a way to love yourself at any weight, and to believe that you deserve to look fabulous!

Anonymous

I don't think accepting yourself as you are means you have to wear an outfit that you feel is unflattering. Start out with Angie's body type guidelines for some great ideas for your pretty pear shape. You can always branch out to ensembles that are a 'Just Flattering Enough' when you're feeling emotionally strong and confident.

JAileen

Veteran

To answer your question, sometimes I feel fab even when I don't look thin because I never look thin anymore. I liked you description as a curvy pear. Here people like to say pretty pear, but I honestly look like a pudgy pear (to call a spade a spade). I was fairly slender until my late 30s when I started to gain weight, and it's been a struggle ever since. I do feel fab from time to time, when an outfit makes me look good, but almost never thin.

rachylou

Veteran

That's an interesting thought. Because things that hide the bulges don't necessarily make a person look thin... and often just like they're wearing a giant sack. Anyways, I think my answer is no. Every now and then I like to do ghetto-fab, which is all about exposing your fat and rolls. It's very interesting...

Zibbets

Veteran

Sadly, yes. Yes, I do.
I have difficulty getting dressed when I feel fat. That's why I run.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Personally? Yes.

I think thin may not be the best descriptor - maybe "streamlined" and "tailored" - but that is the look that I like.

Gigi

Veteran

Have you ever seen the blog The Pear Shape? Lauren is incredibly fashionable:

http://thepearshape.com/

Lauren wears all kinds of clothing. I think it's not so much about making yourself look thin as it is about buying the correct types of clothing that *work with* your body shape instead of fighting it. Good fit will be paramount also.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Some of the most drop-dead gorgeous, sexy women I know are not thin. It's all about loving yourself. If you think you're the bomb, others will too.

catgirl

Veteran

YES! Weight is like age in terms of style - nothing but a number. I am inspired by many bodies and types... which often leads me to shopping mistakes because not everything I admire works for me!

I don't dress to flatter as a priority, but I will say that I feel horrible when my clothes are uncomfortable, tight, gaping or pinching - THAT makes me feel very unfab at any weight.

cciele

Veteran

Heh, in reading the responses I got confused as to whether people are responding "Yes" or "No" to the title of the post or to the question at the end of the original post!

catgirl

Veteran

So mine was yes to the last question, not the first.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

No, I have felt very un-fab when slim & fab when overweight. I agree with ag - weight & age seem to have little to do with how fab someone can look - thank goodness

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Can you look fab when you are fat or just not very thin? Absolutely. Lots of examples on the internet. This one popped into my head: http://frocksandfroufrou.com/
Do I only feel fab when an outfit make me look thin? No, I often dress in less "thinning" ways. (I don't say less flattering because I don't equate flattering with looking my thinnest.)
BUT, I do feel less fab when I am up a few pounds because I gain weight immediately in my face and it really bothers me when it looks extra bloated and chinny. And I can't wear clothes to disguise it. I am also sensitive about my pregnancy shaped abs, which will forever retain the imprint of my huge twin pregnancy (forever defined until the day that I have a tummy tuck, which might never come).

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