Do you have clothing that makes you feel “safe”? - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

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Do you have clothing that makes you feel “safe”?

delurked

Veteran

A friend recently told me she was wearing a top that made her feel “safe”. It was a mock turtleneck and it was cotton and soft. I believe it was the neckline specifically she was referring to.

It got me wondering if others have this feeling with certain garments too. That’s not a description I can recall using in relationship to clothing. Is it related to cozy or fabric, or maybe reminds someone of a good memory?

Curious about if others feel this way with regards to any of their clothing.

Dressing

40 replies

Latest reply was from Cee

Joy

Veteran

That is an interesting question. Nothing comes to mind for me except maybe warm coats and wooly socks and feeling safe against frostbite.

Pat_P

For me, a cozy sweater I can wrap myself up in. Preferably oversized!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

How interesting. “Safe” is not something I ever think about in terms of clothing, but I can understand how others may gravitate towards that. Some clothes make me feel strong and empowered; others make me feel capable and professional, some comfortable and cozy.

Star

Veteran

No never felt safe because of clothing.

Liz

Veteran

No, safe/unsafe isn't something I relate to clothing.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh that’s an interesting question. And you know, while I don’t have clothing that makes me feel safe... I definitely have a sense of clothing that makes a person a mark, a target for mugging...

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Safe from what I wonder?I can feel secure in some clothing paticularly in the winter when I am all bundled up ,maybe this is what she meant.clothing can feel like a barrier between one and the world and I definitely feel safer with my mask on these days.

nemosmom

Veteran

Hmm... I kinda get this. My OITW clothes are like armor for me. Soft armor, but "protective", if that makes sense.

I have a particular jacket that goes with me anytime I travel (when traveling was a thing), even if I am going somewhere warm... And, I have a ring that I wear anytime I leave my house. It's more of a superstitious feeling for me than anything; I guess I could equate that with "safe"... I do have two tops that I prefer over others if I have to be "on" for video calls. They are protective pieces in my mind, like armor. Nothing fancy - one is a funnel neck cashmere sweater. Cozy, comfortable, and a power color for me.

nemosmom

Veteran

Back to add, I wonder if it has anything to do with location/where you live. I lived for almost two decades in San Francisco and now live in a large 'burb of the midwest. I am still relatively new to my area, and don't know many people. The pandemic only magnifies that. I like to have my "armor" when I leave home, as I still feel like I am exploring uncharted territory. There is a lot of space here and I am not used to that.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Sounds like the kind of comment some might make about a pillow, or a blanket.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Interesting. I've never used that term in my head, exactly, but I do hear a lot of people here talking about clothing as "armour" which would imply a protective element to some pieces.

If I were to use the word safe, it might be about outfits or articles of clothing that I know won't malfunction on me, that will get me through the day going from one activity to another. For me, it might mean a favourite outfit formula -- jeans, blazer, nice top, good footwear.

I might also say it about gear -- footwear that won't make me turn my ankle or that will get me down a pebbly patch of trail without falling flat on my bum. Also, protective reflectors and lights for going outdoors in the dark on my dark suburban streets (this is crucial).

I

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

"outfits or articles of clothing that I know won't malfunction on me,
that will get me through the day going from one activity to another."

That kind of thing crossed my mind as well. Specifically, I thought of what would make me feel not safe, but not in a physical danger kind of way. Wrap dresses with skirts that are prone to unwrapping and tops that are prone to sliding open and that generally make me feel like I need to check on them all the time. I don't get as far as being panicked or anxious, but it is definitely a comfortable kind of feeling for me. What I wear generally has a pretty high "goof proof" factor that some people might interpret as "safe"

Anonymous

Safe from what, exactly?

delurked

Veteran

Safe from feeling exposed, I would guess. From being looked at in a way that is uncomfortable to her. Safe in that it makes her feel she is presenting herself to the world in a way that matches her vision of herself.

Anonymous

When I went into the office every day, if I anticipated a particularly stressful day, I would select certain garments that either acted as armor and provided comfort. That is akin to selecting clothing to feel safe. It seemed to provide psychologic support. I also have a ring that I superstitiously believe brings me good luck. I would always wear that ring when I felt I needed a boost.

I like the second sentence you listed in your response. "Safe in that it makes her feel she is presenting herself to the world in a way that matches her vision of herself."

If I had to guess, I probably fall into this category of "safe" dresser.

Anonymous

Could be safe from unwanted attention, negative, especially hostile, judgement, being perceived as vulnerable, etc.,

I wouldn't describe items of clothing this way but the composition of my outfits, absolutely.

For me this mindset dates directly to years in NYC and Miami so maybe it has an urban origin?

Helena

Veteran

I get this, I think ... For me, a black sweater and jeans makes me feel psychologically safe because I know I won't really stand out or be a potential target for the opinions of others ... If that makes sense?

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Safe for me would be stuff that I know I can rely on (doesn’t wrinkle horribly, stain easily, fabric is sturdy, fasteners are all solid) and that stays put when I move, probably with a fairly ‘modest’ cut to it. I definitely thought that way a lot when I commuted via train in a big city: if an outfit wasn’t flexible and adaptable it made my day feel a lot more stressful.

There’s also safe for a particular situation, like something that’s so middle of the road that it’d be hard for anyone to take offense to it.

cat2

Veteran

Hmm, I have safe work clothes, things that I know will not draw an errant gaze.

delurked

Veteran

Cat2 - I believe this may be close to her thoughts. Plus, not needing to fuss with a lower neckline.

Molly Mac

Veteran

I never thought of clothes as safe until COVID. Safe clothing for me now means clogs that can be repeatedly wiped down with bleach, scrubs that can be washed on hot wash setting several times a week, and a scrub cap.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

There’s also safe for a particular situation, like something that’s so middle of the road that it’d be hard for anyone to take offense to it.

Yes, and those are dependent on environment. The all-black that TG says she knows won’t get her extra attention would absolutely draw stares in my hometown in SE Ohio.

Gigi

Veteran

I can relate to this. It's not so much that I associate safety with a particular item of clothing--it's more that I sometimes feel the need to "armor" myself against people I'll be seeing on a given day. That might mean a very nondescript outfit, or an outfit that has very little skin exposed, or a very professional outfit, depending on the situation.

I'm guessing that if a turtleneck in particular makes someone feel safe, it probably has to do with the high neckline making her feel less exposed.

Runcarla

Veteran

These days the only thing I fear when going out in the world is the elements - especially the cold. My cobalt maxi-puffer makes me feel safe since it’s super warm and highly visible.

Echo

Veteran

Hmm, I think this really depends on one's definition. "Safe" to me means boring, or that it will not attract any attention, good or ill. In that sense, I never want to dress "safe." When I want to project confidence, I dress up, but I've never really perceived that as safe.

I imagine a lot of this and our perceptions of "safe" clothing depends on our background and experiences. I can understand why someone might find modest clothing "safe", but I've never felt vulnerable due to clothing, so my feelings would differ from someone who had.

debbie23

Has your friend ever experienced some kind of severe trauma? Sometimes women who have been through these experiences think of certain things as “safe” that others wouldn’t.

Lynne

Veteran

Safe can have positive and negative connotations. In terms of being sure of myself, I have certainly dressed in a very 'safe for me ' way to boost my confidence when I'm feeling uncertain. But in a safe and supported space, ie being out with friends or in a very collegial environment, I'd be more willing to take a sartorial risk.

I've been reading Dawnn Karen's book, Dress Your Best Life (trigger warning: sexual assault), and she speaks a lot about the way clothes can comfort, protect, and empower us. People even achieve better test scores if they're wearing a superhero t-shirts!

So I can definitely relate to your friends sentiments :).

Bijou

Veteran

The only time I think of wearing 'safe' clothing is when I need to be taken seriously at work, for example, acting as an expert witness in a Court case. For these occasions I wear either a navy or black suit - something that looks business-like and capable, my version of 'safe'.

RobinF

Veteran

Hmm interesting question. I found myself reading each response and saying "yes that's it!" - haha I am so agreeable. I think for me it would be clothing that fits in regardless, not too out there or noticeable.

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