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Do you have a passion?

Helena

Veteran

Hi friends, I would love to know if you all have a passion, and if so did you always know, or did you discover it at some point? Or do you not have a passion?

As some of you know, I am mostly a stay-home mom but have had a side hustle for the last 10 years doing VA, social media, blogging, etc. for some women entrepreneurs that needed an admin or marketing assistant but couldn't afford someone full time. It's been a wonderful gig, but like so many jobs, did not survive the Covid disruption. Now I am incredibly lucky that we are financially fine and it's been helpful that I can devote all my energy to helping my kids through their difficult school situation - I recognize this 100%. But I'm also trying to figure out how to do career pivot 3.0 (might be 10.0 at this point actually) and the advice I keep hitting is, "find a way to use/work with you passion."

I don't have a passion. I mean, I like stuff, but I'm not really passionate; I'm more the, just do what's in front of you, type maybe.

"If you've lost touch with your passion, think back to what you were passion about as a kid".

I wasn't passionate about anything as a kid that I recall. Except maybe worrying, but that's not really a passion or a career

"Do the strengths finder and find a way to use your top strength".

My top strength is "humility". Not sure they are hiring for that. *facepalm*

Not even really sure what my question is; I guess I'm wondering if anyone felt this way and then discovered something useful that either helped them discover a path, or make do without one.

Thanks lovely ladies! xoxoxo

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42 replies

Latest reply was from Helena

rachylou

Veteran

I say, what is VA?

Anyways, the ‘passion’ thing has always bothered me a little. I mean, I’m a Gemini! We are totally out of touch with our feelings! Hahaha! As a Gemini, I define a passion as something one does and does all the time - something one practices and thus gets good at. It may be something you don’t think about liking, because you like it so much you skip straight to thinking about it and delving into its details, not your feelings about it.

This was an important definition for me, because especially as a young person, I confused liking the idea of something with actually liking that something. For example, I like the idea of science, I’m interested in scientific findings, but I positively hate sitting in a lab under fluorescent lights. Or I mean, for ecology, I spent my time either hip deep in sulfuric mud or hip deep in snow. The thought of doing that 24x7 for the rest of my life was: No. Hahaha! Yeah, so a passion is something where you don’t run away from the actual working conditions.

Mind, the other thing is, a passion is not always something you can make a living at. I’m a writer, but I’m telling you, that’s a career that’s been struck dead. People on fiverr are slaving to sell their work for $5 bucks a pop. The bottom has completely fallen out of that market. Also no one reads... that’s actually the first thing I learned in tech writing... my tech writing is now in service of the bakery and is called ‘food safety officer.’

Helena

Veteran

Rachy, yes - I am resonating with a lot of what you say. A lot of my skills and things I enjoy (writing, VA which is virtual assistant, etc.) are being rendered redundant because people don't read, people don't care if their writing has errors (even proper printed books - drives me nuts!!), and of course people can outsource things like Excel and Powerpoint to areas where the wages are so low as to be virtually taking a loss if I was to do it) ... I was lucky because I had personal relationships with these women, and they valued things they couldn't get through Upwork, like local accessibility, marketing background, etc ... but those are few and far between. *sigh*

I love that distinction of "not running away from the working conditions" ... which funny enough is in a lot of ways being a SAHM for me. I mean, moms love their kids, and love being a mom, but they don't always love the work of being a sahm (many of my friends say this about themselves); whereas, I love cleaning cupboards and listening to my kids' stories, and shuttling them around town. If only they wouldn't grow up *sigh again*

Anyways, thanks for sharing your thoughts ... I personally would read anything you've written! You always have an awesome perspective on things!

Jules

Veteran

Great response rachylou! You articulated some important stuff. I think some of what you’re getting at could be framed as asking what gets one into a ‘flow state’ - a psychology term for TG to look up if you’re not familiar (I don’t have a quick link handy for it, sorry).

I’ve also found the below concepts helpful - not everyone is ‘calling’ oriented and that’s ok:
https://www.psychologytoday.co.....aning-work

Another idea I used to hear a lot was about finding meaningful work that incorporates your values - but I read something that said that could be as simple as bringing your sense of humour to the work setting, which resonated a lot with me. Of course I don’t want to do work that is *against* my values, but my industry & role are value-neutral for me. The way I bring my values is through making friends, team work, and sometimes a little snarky irreverence And I see my job (I am job-oriented, see above article) as a tool that I can use to support my family and make donations that reflect my deeper values.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, I have to mention this - so I could not become a health inspector because get this: the health department inspector who came to visit us... a mechanical engineer. Job titles are their own ball of wax.

anchie

Veteran

My first impulse was to say that I don’t have a passion but on second thought- I love solving problems - always have. I always feel energized when I find solution to a problem, especially if it is creative or unexpectedly simple. I think it also led me to work in IT - there are always issues to solve. But it can be applied to different areas too.
Maybe a test for your passion is what gives you a good feeling after you do it? Or while you are doing it? You feel good and you want to do it again?

Anonymous

I was just discussing this topic with myself recently. I wouldn't describe myself as having a single passionate interest. I've gone through many with real intensity but haven't made the kind of commitment that I would describe as a passion.

There's not just room for all types, there's a real need. Maybe "just do what's in front of you" is actually better advice for you.

MsMary

Veteran

My passion is having decent working conditions, earning decent money, and not working for an organization that is actively evil.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think all sorts of paths are worth exploring, and I don't think it's necessary to have one driving passion to have a happy work life/vocation or existence in general.

That said, the things that make me lose track of time (that flow state) have remained pretty consistent since I was very young: art (both looking at and creating), reading, being in nature, and organizing. Yes, I am a weird artist who LOVES to be organized and can lose a day cleaning a space.

If it's any consolation, I seem to know a lot of people who are pondering these same issues right now: the "what's next" questions seem to be looming large as the world is changing under our feet and everyone seems to feel a bit unmoored. My husband is dealing with this too.

Helena

Veteran

Ah thanks ladies; am going to respond better but am feeling 100x better just reading these ...

Jules that article was SO helpful ... I definitely have a job orientation (similar to Mary's list!), and my calling is around family life ... which at this particular moment would actually be ill-served by me getting a job (given pandemic schooling situation, it would be pretty disruptive, unless it really was the same as my previous situation, in which I had full control over my schedule) ... so that makes me feel better too and less utterly useless

Funny enough, my husband is squarely in the career orientation, which actually works out rather well now that I look at it - we've got all the bases covered.

Thanks so much everyone xoxo

Helena

Veteran

Yes Janet - unmoored is the word for sure. Thanks for the reminder that I am definitely not the only one in this weird state. xx

Jules

Veteran

I’m glad the article was helpful! It was so helpful for me as well. I already more or less knew I was job-oriented, but it helped me reconcile why I am not career-oriented, in the sense of why am I not higher up the ladder and making more money (if income is the main draw of having a job why wouldn’t I want more of it?). Well, it’s because I don’t care about any of these goals/metrics of ‘career’-based success. And things are competitive these days - one doesn’t move up in my field just for being smart, hard working, and present, one has to have career ambition, and/or passion for the work that I also lack. And that’s not to say I don’t experience rewarding ‘flow’ states because I do; I just don’t have the passion that might take me to the next level.
Another big realization for me was that the self-doubt and what-ifs I have around not pursuing a ‘career’ more actively will probably be the central conflict of my life. It’s not going to be resolved or go away, I’ll always wonder about it, and periodically get motivated to do something about it, but ultimately probably not change much about my situation. Oddly this realization makes me feel more at peace with myself and my work situation.
Hope this wasn’t too much about me and still helpful in some way

Helena

Veteran

Jules, thank you so much!!! It is so helpful to know that I'm not alone and I really appreciate you sharing your story!

I always remember an episode of Ally McBeal (do you remember that show?) where the lawyers in the office were talking about the admin assistant behind her back, pitying her for her lowly job and the fact that she had to do classes like pottery, or whatever it was, to fill her time. She overheard and tore a strip off them, basically saying while they were slogging all night in the office, she was out pursuing all the things she enjoyed doing and having a full life of hobbies and her 'lowly' job allowed her to do that, and that they were the suckers. Of course, it all depends ... like you and I though, she was a job person and they were career people .. horses for courses, as per our lovely Angie!

I am very like you, with the added items of leaving my 'career' to stay home with the kids ... always my dream and I DH and I worked and saved hard (and of course are very, very lucky too) in order to do it ... but the fact remains it comes at a cost which I didn't fully understand at the time. I was in marketing and my first was born just as social media became a thing (I didn't even have a Facebook account, and the firm I worked at didn't have a single client using social media beyond email basically) ... so I paid the price in terms of my skills being particularly outdated quickly (not to mention so much of that field is networking).

I don't regret for a moment or feel hard-done-by that I made the choices I did and I absolutely love being home, but I do wish I'd been wiser and more strategic about what field I got into, so that part-time work or re-certifying when my nest is empty would be easier. Like you, this is the central conflict of my life, and already my poor daughter is getting "words of wisdom" for me about choosing her profession, the poor girl lol! It helps to know that maybe I just need to sit with the conflict, rather than 'fix' it (I also know I'd be equally as conflicted if I'd stayed working full-time, as many of my friends are when they feel bad they're not home for certain things, etc.)

Thank you so much Jules and all ... I so appreciate it. xoxo

Anonymous

Interesting discussion . When I was your age - I'm guessing at your age - I went through a lot of career angst. It really carried on until the last year or so when I finally gave myself permission to retire from something I ended up in by accident and didn't really love. Anyways . I used to believe that you needed to be passionate about your job and you needed to get on a job path that let you share your passions with the world. Not so. I am passionate about several things that I have managed to work into my career(s) , but others not so much. 1. Sports and fitness : I am obsessed with both and like to think I know a fair bit about both. I tried for a few years to find a line of sporting goods I could rep for (golf, mostly) but it never happened. Now though, my part-time job, which I love, has me smack dab in the middle of the medical fitness industry. I may not be the fittest woman going, but I sure know what I'm talking about and who knew - but it turns out I quite love helping people!
2. fashion and interiors - I have a graduate degree in the fashion end of things , and worked in it for years and years. It's come in and out of my work life but my obsessions with design, colour, merchandising, styling, creating, and the business end of it all etcetc have served me well. I may not be the most creative fashion-wise, nor do I have some wonderful ability to wear the right things all of the time either - but I'm still obsessed.

I am an obsessive reader , and worked in publishing sales for almost 18 years. I was good at it, but I wasn't an English major and wasn't impressed by those in the ivory towers of publishing. I was in it for the business of it. I would NEVER presume to write a book.
I love makeup , and love reading, buying, trying , learning etc, and was approached a few times about work in that industry, but have ZERO interest in it.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, my decades long job in sales allowed me to work from home, be present for my daughter, attend every single game she ever played, go to dentist appts etc , and run my OWN life on my own time. I may have sacrificed a LOT for that (a higher corporate income, financial stability etc) but I would not trade it for the world. I'm really happy now in my job, and feel like I'm finally where I was meant to be. And I'm 59 - hahahahahah.

Helena

Veteran

Lisa, thank you so much ... I guess I do have some 'obsessions' in that sense ... religion/spirituality (my degree and 99% of what I read), self-development, personal style, personality systems, organizing things and information (which is why I was a good VA) which I never thought of as passions (maybe because in all the books your passion is supposed to be something with an obvious monetization path ... which if that was the case, why would I need the bloody book?!?) ... maybe I need to think outside of the box a little more, hmm ....

I also like that at 46 I don't need to have it figured out ... when my daughter is done high school, I'll be around 52 I guess? And will have so much more time flexibility for part-time, evening stuff ... and you are so right, the ability to be with the kids as teens, when it seems like they don't need you at all but actually in some ways need you the most, is something I wouldn't trade for anything.

Not that I'm giving up on finding something until then, but it does take the pressure off, after all mid-pandemic is not a great time for a career pivot is it ... ?!?

Anonymous

I’ve corrected my typos . Sorry . Should really double check before hitting the submit button .

SarahD8

Veteran

Ha, I felt the same way as rachylou about science so instead of becoming a scientist I became a science journalist. And, wow, rachy is not wrong about remuneration for writing these days. It is absolutely a vocation/calling for me though. (My husband is one of those who does not feel passionate about his work and that causes him some angst from time to time...but then again he makes almost 3 times what I do, so--)

Anyway. If you have experience as a virtual assistant and love doing the SAHM thing...what about doing virtual assistant type work for SAHMs? Helping set up systems, getting them organized, etc. Surely some of them have cupboards that need cleaned out? (This suggestion brought to you by me slightly toying with the idea that it might be cool to have a side hustle as a decluttering/organizing consultant, which is probably a crazy idea, which is why I'm now foisting it upon you, sorry!)

cjh

(website)

Veteran

Torontogirl, this is a great topic and you’ve raised some excellent questions. Thanks to everyone who has put in her two cents. Though I’m retired, I still have thoughts and feelings about how to spend my time and what levels of efforts should be put into and what rewards could be reaped from various activities. So perhaps your questions about passions can apply to much more than just what one is doing in the workforce.

I would say my passions lie very close to the ones mentioned by Janet, and always did. My college major was a self-designed mash up of history, foreign language, poli-sci, econ, literature, art, and a little theater. I couldn’t really decide what was most intriguing. Before kids, I worked as a paralegal. DH and I committed to me being a SAHM until our older daughter turned 16. I was a 4-H leader, and an active church and community volunteer.

Then I worked part time for my church as a youth ministry assistant and newsletter writer, and then as clerk in an election commission. Those jobs allowed me to pay eight years worth of state university tuition for my daughters. Then I became assistant director of the election commission for the last 7 years of working.

All the time I worked, my passions were to do a complete, quality job, learn a lot, be efficient, think of creative solutions to problems, teach others and lead by participation, work with a big picture viewpoint, plan ahead, make systems, document for the future, infuse fun and camaraderie into the workplace, be available, be transparent, and especially work with integrity. I am proud to remember many times when I acted professionally and creatively to lead and solve issues.

What I’m trying to get at, though, is I don’t think it would’ve mattered if I was a retail manager, an IT analyst, a medical provider, or a teacher etc. What mattered to me was more HOW I did my job, not so much what I did. Though I feel the election commission was a great fit for me, and it was a very interesting yet challenging job, I probably could’ve had the same experience in most places.

And in conclusion, (finally, huh?) this is maybe what is meant by the passion part. If your passion is music, for example, somehow you find it, either in your job, or elsewhere in your life. It might be later in your life, as art has now become something I do have more time for. But really, the passion might come out in a job you never expected, because it is about personality or the way you approach life. And sometimes that passion can develop when you find yourself in a new, good place.

Well, I’ve reread and rewritten parts of this a few times. So I’ll submit. Hopefully it’s not too nonsensical or irrelevant.

Helena

Veteran

Cjh extremely relevant ... On my phone so will respond better later but just thanking everyone again for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences xoxo

Anonymous

I suppose my passion is teaching. I knew early that I needed something that was not repetitive like an assembly line. I can’t even stuff envelopes the same way For more than a minute. I found teaching was always different and never a dull moment. If you needed a challenge you are surrounded by them. Plus seeing children grow in what they can do is very satisfying. Teaching religion to small children has been the most satisfying of all.

Anonymous

I have many- and each year I add more Mostly related to creativity, fitness, and the outdoors. I'm definitely job oriented, not career oriented- as I can see myself doing dozens of types of work. Or none for pay- if I could afford it
The way I approach it all, since I want to do all the things, is what do I want to do next? Next isn't a permanent choice, it's just "what is the best option now?" All different types of experiences are valuable-and each one opens up more "nexts".

cjh

(website)

Veteran

Suntiger, that is a very good way to look at things! And well articulated.

Anonymous

Thanks cjh Just because a path isn't obviously linear (entry level, assistant manager...all the way up to CEO) doesn't mean it's not intentional!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Wow, Helena, this really resonates. I have been through quite a few different career phases, none of which exactly stuck and right now am mostly focusing on reselling clothes. The problem is my passion is for the hunt, and less for the interaction. But I am working on it. Anyway, the main thing I want to say is that I agree completely about teens. I have an 18 and two (almost) 16 year old kids at home, and while they are very independent in some ways, I feel I am supporting them more now than when they were little. Or perhaps I feel like my support is more personal, rather than functional?
Also being organized and humble are excellent qualities, of which the world could use more.

Sal

Veteran

For me there are a few consistent things I always like and feel passionate about

community
friends and family
food and entertaining
outdoor activity
politics

There are other things that come and go a little bit in my life - fashion, home decor/gardening, even travel (sometimes it is top priority but not always)... and even reading (sometimes I am an avid reader, sometimes I don't read much at all).

With respect to work, I studied Business at University and have always worked in business related roles, either for commercial or not for profit organisations. Currently I work in this role for our own business which I am passionate about in one sense, but I am not an engineer nor a huge aircraft person despite this being our business!!

I find having a voluntary position is good for my sense of worth - and I have done a variety or roles from Mainly Music Leader (goodness knows how) to School Boards and being on a committee for a Large Sporting event for children. I have just taken on the role as Board Chair for our region for Athletics. I will be honest and say I like being Board Chair as it allows me a chance to network with other leaders in the community.

When I read through the article about work I felt very conflicted as I am a combination of all of them. And that is my biggest asset and my biggest weakness.

My husband is very driven in his career and in our business. I am not as driven as him despite having higher school and university grades. He is just more single minded.

Helena - it is a really hard time when you have children and want to work - and have multiple things going on with extended family. I always tell myself there are three things in a job and it is hard/impossible to get all three, but you can get two - one is okay but not quite enough.

Excellent money
Interesting work and projects
Flexible hours/not all encompassing.

I know people who earn excellent money and who love their work. Usually it is a full on role with long hours.

I also know people who earn excellent money and work flexible hours. Usually it is not interesting but they compromise on that for the other factors.

And I know people who love their job, and have flexible hours. Usually they are not well paid.

I hope that helps....

Anonymous

About children and work, having seen it at all ages, I have come to think that children really need you around most in jet high and high school than when they are younger. Their problems are more tough, from bullying to how to ask someone to prom. Pick them up from school in the car if possible. That’s when you will hear the most about their day ( at least with boys).

rachylou

Veteran

More agreement here re jr high and high school age kids needing available parents...

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I did this response some time ago but for some reason it wouldn’t load so l will try again!
Thishas been a very interesting read.l am not sure if what I say will add anything to the mix as it’s just my own experience but for what it’s worth.
l spent my working life as a physiotherapist until l had my daughter then ,like you, l became a full time mum.During that time I did various voluntary things in the community until recently I felt I should get back into the job market.Physio is no longer an option due to back and joint problems so I went into fashion retail.Until l did this I never realised how important to me a job that l felt l contributed something in was..l thought a nice little part time job in fashion which I am interested in would be lovely but I found it deeply unsatisfactory on a number of levels and left.l would not have known this about myself until l had done this job.
l have many “passions” but I am realistic enough to know that at this stage in my life l am very unlikely to ever make a career from them so I enjoy them as hobbies.People who have careers in things that they are passionate about are few and far between,most if us,if we are lucky,have jobs that are ok with good conditions and that we don’t hate.l was never 100%about being a physio but Knew that I wanted to contribute towards other people’s well being and so it for filled that need in me.It did not satisfy my creative,musical or horticultural passions one little bit but that is what l do for hobbies.
Most of life is a compromise between what we would like to do and what is realistic.l think that sticking with your core values is probably more important than your passions in a job.
Being a mum and raising well balanced children who are future citizens is the most important job in the world so Well done you!

Helena

Veteran

Wow, thanks so much everyone; I want to reply to everyone but please forgive me if I miss something; there is so much here!

CG - thanks so much and this is really helpful. I really do value having my own income, however small, but there is a cost benefit to consider - for example, if I took a job that took me away in the evenings, and then DH has no time to relax after his stressful job and I'm not around when the kids might possibly talk, is that a good price to pay so that I can buy a pair of boots with less guilt? I appreciate you sharing your story, and agree - hobbies are a wonderful outlet.

Joy, I do the school run with my son and our friends sons (my son in cohorted with one of the boys at school, and we all mask in the car) ... I learn SO much by just shutting my mouth and listening, it's quite amazing how deep teen boys actually go sometimes when they talk! And amazing on your teaching and Sunday school work. xx

Sal, those are VERY good points, and I totally agree. I am quite happy to just do anything really that fits into the hours, as I'd have to earn a lot to make it worth uprooting everything else, and that would actually incur costs that would negate the gain! I agree on volunteer work and that's something that I've generally been active with and then stopped when my Mom was in her last months ... so I need to start again, but again now is not the time; most places don't want new bodies in their space anyway at the moment.

Jaime, thank you and yes, you're right - in a funny way, in the teen years it really has to be the parent/trusted adult; whereas it's easier to find someone who can change a diaper it's harder to find someone who can navigate talking about some of the crazy social issues going on right now. Of course this is not to say working moms aren't amazing at supporting their kids! But there is definitely a benefit to being around for when they decide they want to talk, which of course could be any time of the day or night with teens!

Suntiger, love that idea ... what next is a much better question than just what ... and takes a lot of pressure off.

cjh, resonated so much with what you said ... I agree that whatever job I've done, I've always brought the same value to the table, which is the ability to systematize and organize things. In fact, I got hired in my last full-time role and my VA roles specifically because I would always go the extra step in my previous jobs to create personal processes and document how to get the job done, which my employers then knew they could role out to teams and/or have as part of their business assets. Exhibit A (photo) - the process binder I created for homemaking lol! Also so encouraging to hear that you were able to find some meaningful work, even after your long hiatus at home.

And Sarah, this is one of those things that I love the idea of ... but I've come to accept I'm just not entrepreneur material ... I'm an excellent soldier, but not a general, so to speak!

Aside - DDs school is reporting its first Covid cases as of yesterday and reported numbers (though small) increased 7-fold from yesterday to today, and I could not be more thankful that she will pick up her stuff this morning and then come home, and can stay home indefinitely ... an absolute gift that I wish every family had the option for. So I am, until this pandemic is under control, going to make priority 1 being damn grateful for our circumstances ... but write down some ideas for how to move forward when sunnier days arrive.

Thank you thank you everyone so much xoxoxo

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Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Helena, it sounds like you are a very competent Jill of all trades. Lucky you!

With humility, thoroughness, organization, eloquence, precision and compassion at the forefront of your many strengths - I'm sure any non-profit would be very happy to employ you.....when things normalize. You have to pick one that interests you. Intern for them first, maybe?

What Suntiger, Sal and Shevia wrote makes so much level-headed sense. I suspect you REALLY want the flexible work schedule, so that is a priority. It will come. Hang in there.

My passions have been consistent throughout my life: art, creativity, dogs, horses, fashion, style, retail, psychology, food, cooking, nutrition, music, travel, organizing, operating, decorating, (and martial arts). Yoga and politics are something that I've become passionate about over the last decade.

I wish you luck and hope you find what you are looking for. xo

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