Peri, I used to get the "What do you do all day?" question. Grrrrr!!! I had 3 small children and spent hours and hours planning lessons. Parents never get that since lessons are private, they are customized to fit each student's individual needs and musical tastes. It's not like piano teachers only work when giving lessons. Geez! I guess I was dressing to offset those types of comments.

I agree it's rewarding, though. I miss working with the kids, but don't miss dealing with the parents. Only a few parents ever acted like they appreciated the time and energy I put into the lessons.

On the bright side, one of the students I taught years ago when I taught in Central America actually found my oldest DD on Facebook. From my DD, she got my cell phone # and called me when I was vacationing in FL. What a surprise that was! She called to tell me how much she valued the piano lessons, and how I instilled in her the importance of being prepared. She is now in medical school.

Hi Ruth, yes I love that connection with students. Who else gets to know them from childhood til they graduate and sometimes beyond? I've even been to weddings. Very fun to watch them grow up. And I do think most parents appreciate me...it's just the few whose stories stick!

I'll stop with the hijacking now!

Hijacking happily allowed!

Great thread, Jody.

I guess that, when I teach, I try to dress in a way that says, "I may be someone's mom, but I'm not your mom." As a performer, I dress to look creative and modern, since there is much age discrimination in the singing world.

I'd certainly like to dress in a way that's appropriate to the occasion and environment, but beyond that, to reveal my best self. My rubric of "form with flow / energy with ease" probably represents this I want the structure and line in what I wear to help me seem "put together" and dynamic, but I'd like enough softness to seem approachable and warm.

As for projecting the right kind of "youthfulness," I'm learning to be subtle in how I accomplish this. For example, I debated a long time before trying BF jeans, since no one, and I mean not one adult woman in my work or home environments wears this style. Finally the creative "always trying something new" side of me won out. No one seems too scandalized.

Beth Ann, that was my laugh of the day! "I may be someone's mom, but I'm not your mom." I just want to savor that.

Nodding my head at the creative&modern against the age discrimination. I have a friend who is a Juilliard-trained flautist (doctorate). She is our age and talks about how flautists are supposed to be young and pretty. Maybe my bassoonist DD won't have it as tough?

Just so everyone knows, on a thread like this I answer everyone, but I've been working all day and now have limited time before I attend choir practice (dressed in denim bermudas and a batik tee) so I will come back.

Ruth and Peri, you both take/took such care in your appearance to your students. Not too young, professional, and not too old. Wow, does anyone else feel the box around us constricting? Can't be too young, too old, too authoritative, too harsh, too soft....

AnnieMouse, that's really interesting--you up your level of formality to compensate for the quirk factor. I can see how that would work!

Adelfa and Gaylene, REALLY liking the way you expressed this difficulty. It's about balance. But I also have learned that I can have authority plus a sense of humor, even in the workplace.

Agree with Gaylene's post, which was very well said. Also liked what MaryK had to say in that it can actually be fun to dress however you want to and still be taken seriously.

Truthfully? My 'offsets' are as follows:

Hourglass - try to dress more conservatively
Hearing Impaired/Blonde - feel perceived as 'dumb' - try to dress in a way that I might be taken more seriously
Classic/Conservative looking family - friends/co-workers afraid to swear around me and it's a struggle to appear relaxed and/or even the slightest bit 'cool'. I look and feel like a dork most of the time.
Overweight Person - although I have lost a lot of weight, I spent years in very frumpy-looking attire - offset is to try and make up for that

What a mixed bag! How am I to try and dress more conservatively (off-setting the hourglass / blonde thing) while also trying to off-set the dork/classic vibe that I tend to give off? Yeah right...no wonder I'm spinning my wheels half the time.

Very interesting thread!

I have been voraciously reading all of the responses and feel like I have nothing to add since everything I feel was summed up in the intro. I echo what some of the other ladies have said about wanting to bring myself to my outfit. While it may not be all of me it is who I am at that moment.

DV, exactly. Sometimes the offset is to bring forward a part of me that for whatever reason isn't being seen as clearly as another part of me.

Velvety, I think you're describing a great example of the ever-constricting box that we sometimes find ourselves in when we think about what we want to portray! Nothing is simple!

Una, wow, taking on ethnic stereotypes--cool! I think you're succeeding!

kkards, insightful observation that the offsets can change over time!

MaryK, there's a reason why my *favorite movie of all time* is Legally Blonde! I just can't get enough of pink-clad Elle Woods walking into the courtroom!

Gaylene, it's good to have you comment so articulately on the bad old days. And YES, "not caring about others' perceptions can swing too far"!!!! IMO. Extreme example--in my town, if you work with the people I work with, you best not be sporting gang colors. Doing so inadvertently has gotten people killed.

Linda, I want you to be my insurance agent! I think the image you're projecting is way cooler than "I've sold so much insurance that I can afford to dress like this"!

Suz, when I first started to participate in ylf, I confused people a bit, I think mostly because of the moto jackets. It was fun!

Thanks to everyone who has joined in on this thread. This issue is a rather tender one for me and it's been so good to hear how you all have experienced it.

As a software engineer in an all male company, they don't care much. Yes they tease me on my 2 inch heels but nothing mean.
I wear what I want to. Jeans wiyh conversr one day, trousers with heels the other or my twirly skirt if my mood strikes.
The team I lead sits in India, yhey cannot see me in person but I am sure they know that I may be sweet and helpful but the work needs to be done. Period

I dress to offset the body I've got. I'm small and dainty-looking, but I don't feel dainty on the inside. So I prefer to wear clothes that make me look...assertive.

Ah, I forgot the other big one. I dress to offset my bombshell figure. I do not want anyone but my husband to find me sexy (and he can see me naked if he wants so he doesn't need to see me in bombshell clothes either. ). Yes, I have a bit of a complex about this, which may be why I'm so conflicted about the tube skirts!