Do I "settle" too easily? - YouLookFab Forum

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Do I "settle" too easily?

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

In my recent thread about finding "a sort of white sandal" (http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ort-factor) I notice a few folks mentioned the term PPP, since these are not technically the white sandals I was searching for. And in reading through various threads from others over the last two days, many have decided to return items or not buy items because they did not meet PPP.

This has got me thinking about my own shopping and buying habits. I'm continually and incredibly impressed by those who do not waver in finding the "perfect" item they are searching for and will absolutely not settle for anything less.

But what if that perfect item does not exist? What if you are unsuccessful in finding exactly what you're looking for with fabulous quality and comfort? When is it ok to settle for something slightly different and in the end, is it really "settling" at all if it still fills the wardrobe hole that was in question?

For example, yes, I really want white sandals but our summers are short here and do I really want to spend the next month looking for the Holy Grail of white sandals while summer zips on by and I still have no light footwear to wear? Does a purchase ALWAYS have to be PERFECT?

(BTW I mean no offence to anyone who does practice PPP - in fact, I'm in awe of those who do)

Shopping

42 replies

Latest reply was from krishnidoux

missvee

Veteran

I think you raise a good point here. When you need something, there are only so many hoops you're going to jump through before making a decision. For me it's about shopping locally first, and then if there's nothing available, ordering online ( provided they deliver easily in Canada). If I still don't see what I want, then it just goes on the back burner til next season. Good enough means different things to different people - but I'm not *that* picky that I can't find what I need in most cases. Do you think that thrifting makes you view things differently, ie, more options but none of them "perfect"?

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Great reply missive - so in your opinion, is there such a thing as being "too picky"?

I'm not really considering thrifting at all in this discussion because I do think the choices I make in thrifted items is different. When I'm trying out a trend without spending too much in order to see if it's really something I want to wear, I will often find a "good enough" item via thrifting in order to experiment.

For the purpose of this discussion, I'm referring only to new retail items.

Liz A.

Veteran

I think this comes down to a difference in your approach. People are different and all that. Some people are just pickier than others. If you are happy with what you buy and don't find yourself still desiring something else, then you have made a good choice.

Thistle

Veteran

When you have a true wardrobe hole, and you are not wearing clothes because of it, I say settle a little but do so with a low budget fill in item while you search for the grail.

In my experience, and your mileage may vary, I find if I don't wait for the right piece, I am still looking and will usually donate the fill in item long before it has paid for itself in CPW.

Beth Ann

Veteran

OK --- I'm having car-pocalypse this weekend, which is keeping me off the forum news, but I wanted to say I saw those shoes and adored them. I also remember, as I speed-read through your post, that you said they were extremely comfy. Maybe the shoes are an "unexpected" item that came to you while you were looking for the perfect white sandal.

Let me state categorically that it is preferable to spend money on shoes, rather than cars.

missvee

Veteran

I don't know if it's about being too picky or if it's being realistic about what's available. We have so many options on the Internet but no way of knowing what is going to fit or flatter based on a few online details. Case in point - I want to replace a casual taupe jacket with something more streamlined, so today I had a look at what's in store at our local mall. I saw a nice Olsen jacket that fits well and looks good. It's a bit too pricey at the moment, but I can keep an eye on it to see if there are any sales. Now maybe if I combed the whole of Ontario I could find something better, but I'm not prepared to spend my time doing that.
Hmm, the more I think about this, it seems that if our needs are very well defined then it's easier to decide when something is *good enough*.

Carla

Veteran

I don't know what PPP stands for, perfect something I am sure. I would suggest that there is no real right or wrong on this, Shannon. Personally, I'm the queen of deferred gratification, and I am always being supported by enablers (DH being #1) that I am worthy and deserving of things. That said, I would still go a season without the 'thing' as long as it didn't mean that I was nekkid! It doesn't have to do with ability to afford an item (for which I am grateful)--just me.

I would get something that was less than the perfect thing (settle in other words) if it meant an outfit would languish in the closet due to lack of the right shoes, a top, etc. Pulling the trigger for something that was less then perfect would require a good, price, and the search would continue for the perfect thing.

The white jeans might be the thing that gets a pass this summer, though the hunt has been refuelled by some pics of Jackie K-O in white pants and dark top. We shall see. In the mean time, I think I'm sorted for this summer!

If you don't get the sandals, will possible outfits not get worn? Will you stop the search for the PPP, or continue to invest time, and eventually money looking for the perfect thing? Or, could the acceptable item actually become the thing?

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

PPP is a great guiding principle but there are other considerations.
If you need comfortable summer sandals, but you are not sure exactly what those should look like, you are going to end up choosing from what there is rather than waiting to find the ideal sandal in your head. Comfort, availability and lack of time and energy to hunt are all important factors. I live in an environment where there is no free shipping and free returns. I do have time to shop but not so many places to shop that are not second hand and are yes in my budget. When I decided I must have pointed toe summer shoes, I ended up "settling" for the black and white shoes that you have seen. I might have designed them with a slight heel or without the t strap but the pair I bought was the best I could find and I am quite happy with them. In your case Shannon, you have a very refined sense of what works for you and I think you can rely on your own intuition and assume if you like it, it is worth it.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Shannon -- can't speak for anyone else, but in my case I'm not really holding out for some ideal "perfect" item. I'm holding out for one that works seamlessly with my style.

Which means I might compromise in some directions, but not others. Just as you did with your new sandals. While they weren't exactly what you had in mind to start, they seemed to satisfy the need you had. When I find tops and toppers that answer my requirements that well, they will be mine!

But items that:

Don't quite mesh with style persona
Are not flattering (figure flattering or colour wise)
Are uncomfortable
Do not quite fit properly

can't pass my filter even if they do pass the item/ outfit/ capsule test as all of these Zara items did, for me.

That's why I took pictures and asked for advice with mine. I knew they passed the item/ outfit/ capsule test by playing around in the closet. I knew I wanted something like them (or I wouldn't have ordered them in the first place!)

What I didn't know until I took photos and elicted comments (and wore them long enough to get a sense of them on my body) was the answers to the questions above.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I think PPP only works for things that aren't time sensitive - like my stalked green dress - it doesn't REALLY matter if I have it - I have plenty of other things to wear, so I can afford to PPP it. On the other hand, your sandals are timed - as you said, we have a very short summer, so we have to get the best use out of it!

And luckily, we have ways of swapping up or even getting more - it's not like we are picking a life partner :p I say cut yourself some slack and enjoy your pretty shoe-sandals!

Anonymous

I think it depends on other factors. When I was having to replace my whole wardrobe I did some settling if an item fit well and worked well in a capsule. But now that I have enough to get by, I'm pickier. In many instances if I settle, I find myself still on the hunt for a better version. In other cases I've changed my mind about what I thought I needed. For example, last year I was determined to find the perfect tomato red jacket. I bought and returned multiple times. But my real aha moment was realizing that an orange VC jacket could fulfill my needs and was really what I needed. I thought I would still be looking for a perfect red one but I'm not. Maybe your bone sandals will fulfill your need for light sandals and white isn't really necessary at this time.

shedev

Veteran

If you are happy with the item I dont think it is settling, but if you are dissatisfied from the start then you might be settling. When I bought the Steve Madden boots I wear a lot, they were not the exact thing I had in my head that I wanted but I love them and have not considered another boot anything like them. I'm completely happy and will wear them until they fall off my feet. Are you genuinely unhappy with them, or are we causing you to have second thoughts? Go with your gut Shannon and you wont go wrong.

Echo

Veteran

PPP is important to make sure that things that are purchased get loved and used. Most people, myself included, have purchased something that was "good enough" and then wore it once or twice because it wasn't something we loved and reached for.

Now, if the items a person purchases really do fill a wardrobe hole and get worn, then they were well worth it, IMO. I think PPP is most important in making sure that things don't become orphans and in making sure we aren't spending foolishly. Therefore, I think your shoe-sandals are a great purchase as long as you reach for them and wear them (and I can't see why you wouldn't because I think they look fantastic, and comfort is a plus!).

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Who is to say that you didn't follow the PPP principle with your new white sandals! I think you did

Tanya

Veteran

Like Lyn, I think that there are many factors at play, including time-sensitivity, need and trendiness. I personally divide this into three categories:
1. No time sensitivity/constraints at all: when a certain item would work really well with your wardrobe but you are totally fine without it. For example, about 2.5 years I made a list of 10 dream summer items I wanted that were pretty trend-proof. Among those were very specific types of sun dresses. I have searched for them for over a year, and gave up, only to stumble upon some amazing ones a year later, that I promptly snapped up. I still have a perfect white denim pencil skirt on that list, that I am not actively searching for. Bottom line, for these types of items, I can afford to be PPP and only buy something if it is 9.5 or 10.
2. Some seasonal needs, like your sandals. In that case, it is good to be picky, but one still needs to find something to fulfill the need, so a dream item might not be realistic. I personally settle for as low as 8 for this types of items, especially if it is a trend of the season.
3. Some super urgent items - like there is an event in couple weeks that nothing in the closet would work for. Even though I try to avoid these situations, they do happen here and there and in that case it is really about the best one can find in that short time span, and it might be far from a dream item,..

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I find the factors of how complete one's wardrobe is and how pressing the need for the item to be in direct ratio to how picky I'll be. I took quite some time to get my white button front shirt. I didn't need it for any particular outfit or upcoming event, but wanted it to round out my wardrobe.
I'm still trying not to settle, yet I bought (and almost kept) the cheapy metal plate sandals just last month. Came to my senses and got much better ones I am thrilled with. So, it's still a battle, lo these 3 years later.

krishnidoux

Veteran

That is such a very good question... it is similar to a concern I am having about my own purchases. Being in a relatively small city in Canada, I sometimes wonder how much of my own personal style is determined by what is accessible to me here.

Isn't it a bit the same? In the end, we must choose, and we choose from what is available. And I totally get you on the fact that summer is short here, and one doesn't want to spend the summer looking for perfect sandals, meanwhile not wearing any. That is what I did last summer, and as a result did not have a happy feet summer, along with numerous outfit woes.

This year I went to my favourite store and picked two pairs from there. They were not quite what I had had in mind but I am really growing into them and they totally fit the bill for me. Of course I did not just take the first ones I saw; I still chose among many.

Thanks for posting this thought provoking question. I don't think you settle quickly, as your style is coherent and obviously well thought through. What you pick is always very "you".

rae

(website)

Veteran

I asked a similar (if far more exasperated) question back during my trench search. It was something I wanted for upcoming travel and for use this year because my others weren't useable IRL. Some may say I stopped short of PPP because there are probably more flattering coats out there... but I wear that darned thing all.the.time in rain or shine and feel 100% comfy with the look and function. On the other hand, I have never bought an olive army jacket despite the plethora of olive army jackets available in the last two years. For that, I'm willing to wait almost forever. It will always be my style, it will come in and out every few years, and its absence doesn't cause me discomfort or wardrobe holes. If I bought one of those that was good enough, I know I would not wear it a lot.

rae

(website)

Veteran

That means no, I don't think you settle. Unless you secretly don't use all those fab items you show us.

Carla

Veteran

Found it!

PPP = patient, picky, practical

If you tried on 20+ pairs of shoes, and you found something that rated 20/10 for comfort, I would say it meets PPP. However, it might be a surendipitous find, and a great shoe to add to a shoe collection. (Didn't you just do a big shoe cull? ) Maybe you need these shoes *period*. I was looking for shoes to bookend my red hair, and NOT white shoes when I found the white Riecker's that I have been wearing to death. Surendipitous find.

DonnaF

Veteran

Sometimes an item we *think* will be perfect in fact turns out not to be the item we reach for frequently. Maybe those white sandals in your mind would not have made you feel comfortable psychologically/stylistically. You didn't give me the impression that you felt like you were *settling* when you bought your newest footwear.

To me, a non-PPP item is one that is uncomfortable and/or doesn't fit and won't or can't be altered to make it fit and one feels like one is settling. Style details are harder to assess because maybe in the end they will work out better than the vision.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Thank you all SO MUCH for such thorough and thought provoking responses - this has been an incredibly interesting and valuable read.

I found the particular points in the discussion very valid and spot on:

Unexpected items can become your "perfect" item.
What is available in our shopping range, whether that be brick and mortar stores or internet availability, can skew what our perfect item is. Item X might be my perfect item but if only item Y is available to me, then that needs to become my perfect item.
Settling for an item may be necessary to counterbalance several other items in your wardrobe not being worn.
I will also not compromise on comfort, fit or non flattering just to fill a wardrobe hole (much the same as Suz's comments).
Time sensitivity can make PPP difficult to adhere to.
You still have to be happy with the item you settled for.

Rest assured, I do love my bone shoe-sandals and have no regrets in purchasing them. Will I buy white sandals if the perfect ones come along even though I now have these? Probably - although maybe with more wearing, I will realize the bone shoe-sandals are even more perfect than I had hoped and won't bother with white sandals. No one caused me to have second thoughts - not at all. I just found some comments to be very thought provoking and got me thinking is all.

BTW - wanna know what hubby thought of the new shoe-sandals? "Like something a sexy elf would wear" - lol! I'll take that.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Rae, Runcarla and DonnaF - cross posted with y'all!

Rae - is it possible that some items are more worthy of PPP than others?

Runcarla - I did just do a big shoe cull based on shoes that were no longer comfortable and I vowed to not wear any more shoes/boots/sandals that hurt in any way. These fit that bill perfectly.

DonnaF - fabulous point! Maybe we sometimes build up an item so much in our minds that it then becomes impossible to meet those expectations.

Deborah

Veteran

This is a brilliant discussion! I have definitely become more particular since joining YLF and will often delay purchases (even inexpensive ones) to be as sure as I can be that:

a. I really want the item.
b. it does fit my style persona
c. I am physically comfortable in the item
d. I am not replicating unnecessarily something that I already have (ie. how many black and white jackets do I really need? Go on please tell me I need another as I have just seen a gorgous one while at lunch lol)

I think PPP is perhaps relative. If your wardrobe is in good shape and you don't have any actual needs, then you can afford to exercise PPP in it's purest form and wait for the magical perfect white jacket, for example. If you 'need' a pair of black tailored pants for work then maybe you don't have the time to spend months seeking the 'perfect' pair.

I also agree that sometimes we stumble upon our perfect item:) And sometimes an item is our perfect one until a 'more perfect' one turns up. My black slim leg tailored pants from Target are a case in point. I would love a better quality pair but for now these fit and look great.

In the instance of your sandals, from your post they fit a. b. c. and d. of my requirements so I would say you did exercise PPP:)

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I think you make an excellent point. I waited so long getting white jeans shipped, returning them -- it all started in March. I finally found my pair by the end of May. However the ideal white jean wearing season is now over! (Spring for me.) It's already reaching 100 here and at those temps, it's completely shorts or cool dresses.

It wasn't waiting for prices to drop either -- it was all about too much PPP that I was no longer being the last P, practical.

AJ

Veteran

Ooohhh, I really enjoyed this discussion!

Yes, I think you should allow for customization of your PPP item as you try things on and realize what will or will not work for you. It seems to me that you did a lot of researching and fittings. When something sings to you and you find yourself making great use of it, then don't worry that it didn't fit your exact initial vision. Even if it's not the shoes that you wear the most, does it complete your outfit and make the sum of the parts FAB?

Lyn D.

Veteran

I think that we must stop putting an imaginary 'Perfect' in PPP and realise that there will never be the perfect piece!
The fact that we are all here means that we already spend alot of time thinking about our fashion choices, but let us not forget to ENJOY wearing what we have invested so much energy into, and trust our stylish instincts.

Kim

Veteran

I think CocoLion nailed it with the "practical" part of the comment. You needed light shoes "NOW". Your wardrobe had a hole that will be filled by that. You can either not wear anything this summer that requires light footwear or you can be practical and picky (comfort, bunion, goes with the summer clothing and is attractive ) realize that you may not find the "holy grail" of white shoes this summer (or the next, or the next for that matter) and get the a beautiful one from the ones that are available to you.

Practical to me would mean buy the shoes and wear the heck out of them this summer with one eye on the horizon for the elusive perfect white shoe, (which by the way, may not even exist...LOL)

Settling? No. I don't think so. Practical? Yes!

dizzys

Great topic!

Settling for me has been a huge issue. Finding a pseudo Matron of Honor dress in a specific color was annoying the heck out of me. I could not find anything to fit my style. I found something at the Goodwill though in the perfect color and formal enough to fit the bill. For 10 bucks I was willing to make it work. Will I wear again? Probably not.
I am however being completely picky and obsessive about the jacket and shoes that will go with it. ( As I do plan to wear again)I don't think the shoes that I want exist so I am considering buying a style I like and then DIYing a metallic finish. Kind of stretching the PPP a bit far.
I do know that being on this forum has made me far more particular with my shopping and helping a ton with fit. A huge issue! That is a good thing!

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