I had a young hairdresser who regularly said I always reminded her of a "retired model." I think she meant it as a compliment, but I tended to just hear retired/old. What are you gonna do? People can be insensitive. Interpretations can vary greatly. And manners are in short supply. Witch? Ridiculous and farfetched. Makes me mad just thinking about it.

Deb and bluebell's ancedotes really get me going. Maybe I'm reading too much in, Deb, but it sounds like these people (ganging up, no less!) are trying their best to defend a standard of frumpy-ness and do not like any usurpers challenging their ideas about style and comfort. It's like people who think that those who dress stylishly cannot possibly have deep thoughts or be taken seriously. *shudder*

Bluebell, for the same reasons mentioned by others, it's just ridiculous that having fun with style is off limits someone who does not use their facilities in the same way as everyone else. This is upsetting because I know these types of assumptions spill into all other areas, not just style. )-: Grrr....

Thank you for this, Jenava! I have to agree with you about motives ... it is really sort of mean-spirited to pass judgment in a negative way. I try always to say something nice to everyone - I mean, isn't it so nice to be complimented, and why *not* find something positive and mention it? If there's nothing to nice to say, then say nothing ... but I still find that there is something worth noting in most everyone, and that it makes them feel good to hear it.

Having said that, I have noted that many women (perhaps men, too, but *that* I haven't noted and cannot address) still have a mentality that worked for them in high school, and which they've carried over into adulthood. If you do not conform to the group (meaning any standards not their own), you're pecked at, like hens who will peck to death another hen.

Fortunately, as adults we are better able to note the behavior for what it is, and overlook the meanness. However, it really doesn't excuse those who still employ the "put down" as a way of attempting to establish their own superiority.

Well ... off my soap box, here. :o)

Small-mindedness is just so deadly. Ugh.

@Jonesy - I cannot fathom how anyone could associate you with any of the Hogwarts staff - I can only imagine that had we been there to witness the context of the conversation it might seem more understandable? Right now, I am with Angie on this one!

Deb - that was too mean and I am fuming on your behalf!

Julie - I am GREEN with envy that you're going to be there! Please do post pics!!!

I love getting compliments from students, but they're more non-verbal...if that makes sense? And I would never be familiar with my professors unless I knew them VERY well.....I babysat and houseminded/pet-sat for one of my professors but I would never have been as forward with him as this student was with you. I guess Australia is also more conservative than the US?

Aw thanks Jonesy, Alaskagirl, Jenava, Michelle... it's such an interesting thread and you are right... small mindedness is horrible.
Peoples perceptions have been very interesting as I often get shouted at when I park in disabled bays by other people (especially by much older people) and get told to get out of the spot NOW! as I need a disabled permit. I won't have even switched off my engine... they are judging me by my hair, make up and top! I was a make up artist for years so I do make an effort but many ppl still think style/effort etc doesn't go with a disability (or people wouldn't keep shouting at me). When I hold my disabled permit up they stomp off quite put out. That's why this forum is so lovely. Everyone is geniunely supportive and warm.
Michelle - I really felt for you with the assumptions that people make. People can be so narrow minded and forget that each one of us are women just like them, and having style is something burning within us that makes us make that effort regardless xxx

This is such an interesting thread. I knew it was time to change my hair style when a little niece was fingering my hair and announced that I had "witch's hair". It was funny and probably she was going by the grey color, but I've been wearing it shorter since...less witch-like, I hope.
About those old enough to have a filter and don't..I really hate being talked down to and being called "sweetie" and "girl" by waiters and clerks.

I'd love to be told I look like I belong in Hogwarts Off the top of my head the strangest (and rather unnerving) comment I got on my personal style was being loudly told by a judo mate (a nice guy who usually can be counted on to know better) that I smelled so nice... I'm very much a perfume girl, so good to know, but it was neither the time nor the place...

I'm often overdressed for my surroundings, but no one seems to care. My mother on the other hand, is sixty-one, and likes to dress nice as well. She loves makeup, and wears a lot of flared skirts and the occassional straight or maxi, with layered, colorful knits, all of which flatters her (takes about ten years off her age), is comfy, suits her lifestyle. This certainly seems to rub others the wrong way, and has often received poisonous little 'compliments' from acquaintances ('OMG, have you got work done?' 'Oh, you are sooo thin... have you been sick?'), and been told in no uncertain terms that she is 'too dressed up'... excuse me? It's sad how threatening it is to some that a woman in her sixties still takes pride in looking good. And how people just don't have boundaries.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVXqocPAz1k

I think if some people have to make comments they just make 'em---If I have to go somewhere and I try to match/blend, like everyone else in the room, someone will ultimately make a rude comment to me ---some people must seem more approachable that way I guess.

I've been told I smell nice (always when I'm not wearing perfume!) by classmates and strangers several times. It's weird, but I've just gotten used to taking it as a compliment. I've also been told I look like an anime character, which is definitely a compliment since they usually have awesome hair, cute style, and ideal proportions. I have also been screamed at for being in the handicapped section while looking too lovely. I'm still trying to get over that one... but Hogwarts is a great compliment. It means that you have a rocker-gypsy-mod-fairytale thing going on. Cool. ^_^

Just remember, if they compliment you, it means they appreciate your effort. If they insult you, it means they don't appreciate your effort because now you've made them jealous. Either way, you look fab!

All this talk reminds me of the time I turned up to my aunt's 80th in a leather jacket, black mini skirt and black boots. I had to listen to my 80 year old uncle rattling on about how I forgot my motorbike and should join the chain gang. The thing was my outfit was not that outrageous ..(about 15 years ago) and they were just dressing boring.

I think sometimes people who say stuff like this are awkward and this is their way of getting noticed and starting a conversation with you. It's an opener. I thought in Jonesy's case, that's what it was and reflected a fairly shallow level of cultural knowledge on the student's part.

On the other hand, Deb's story of the women in the book group commenting on her shoes... that's player hater territory!

Just read through the thread properly. That is awful what those ladies said to Deb. Some people are so catty...but then again it is their problem and probably stems from their own insecurities and jealousy. I used to work in an environment where I used to feel uncomfortable to walk into the large meetings because we had a couple of real snakes who would look you up and down before making snide comments between themselves. I was not imagining it too because when I told a few other people I hated coming in for that reason, they agreed and said they thought it was awful too.