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Dressing

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Disappointed

dlb1960

I've been lurking in the background for 6 months or so with little contribution but have been watching and learning from all the fabbers. My hand-me-down iPhone should be up and running next week and I hope to start adding wiw etc posts soon.
Today I went out with the 'girls' and was really pleased with how I looked and hoped for affirmation from my friends. Sadly this was not forthcoming and I felt a real disappointment. Have any others felt this way? I know it was silly of me to want their approval but I felt it never the less. Unfortunately, doubts have now crept in as to whether the outfit was age appropriate, event appropriate etc or just plain ugly! Now I find myself wondering whether I even looked good at all........... But I still think I looked ok. Has this happened to you? How to overcome feelings of doubt? I don't want to feel uneasy when I next wear this ensemble. Should I just trust my own judgement?

Dressing

27 replies

Latest reply was from Von

lyn67

Veteran

How to overcome feelings of doubt? By posting here!
Welcome to a great place, beautiful swirly blue dress:-)

Carla

Veteran

What lyn67 said. Welcome!

Anonymous

Welcome! Do your friends normally comment on your appearance? It might just be that is not the particular dynamic they have with you. They probably have noticed you looking good but they are not in the habit of mentioning it.

Post here, you will get lots of opinions and comments

Lantana

Veteran

Yes, I agree that it is affirming to hear approval from our friends. My friends and family are a mixed bag and the one whose style counsel I really respect is far distant from where I live. So this forum is an amazing resource for me: it's big, it's global, it's wise, it's kind and it's honest. If I wear an outfit that has the imprimatur of YLF I have all the affirmation I need.
You are on the right track and I look forward to your posts. Penny.

viva

Veteran

Definitely post here - I can attest to the value of this sisterhood! I have a very close friend, one of my closest in fact, and she is very, very stingy with her comments. It used to bother me a lot -- I still remember after I redid my kitchen being quite hurt that on her first visit to my house she didn't comment on the kitchen AT ALL. But I just came to accept that that was her way - I suspect it is her own insecurity but I don't know. It's disappointing, though. The great thing about YLF is that there is a very clear way to say, hey, how does this look? And you'll get lots of response. Can't wait until your iPhone is working.

dlb1960

Thank you ladies for your warm welcome messages!
Ceit - yes they are a group that does make affirming comments and today another was complimented on their outfit. My disappointment escalated! Lol!

Neel

Veteran

Welcome!

Anonymous

Welcome , Dib!
My friends and family rarely comment on my outfits. I need to post them here to "see" them through others' eyes. If you were wearing something not your usual style or looked more stylish than they did, they my have not commented. It seems like bright or unusual colors are more likely to get comments than neutrals, even if the neutrals look best.

Anonymous

Oh, then yes, I would feel disappointed too! Post here though, you will get good feedback

Sarah A

Veteran

Welcome! And yes post, your outfits will improve for it and you ll know you look great

Anonymous

I rarely make comments about people's clothes or hair style. I *really* dislike it when people make comments to me about my appearance. In fact it irritates me.

I would rather have someone notice my act of kindness or the joy they see in me rather than a surface item.

It is interesting how different people are. I don't think it is silly at all that you want approval. I do think you should try to find a way to become confident without their approval...posting WIW here would be a great way to do that.

Another thought would be to ask them if they think your outfit looks ok or if they could give you any advice to make it look better. However, if you look fashion forward they may not appreciate your outfit.

Thistle

Veteran

Welcome!! So, I would be super surprised if my friends ever commented on my clothing or style. Not their thing. We hang out, have fun, whatever, but they are just not that interested in fashion. At all. Which is fine, as we have so many other similar interests.

Posting is a terrific idea and you will get lots of helpful feedback

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Welcome out of lurkerdom!

If someone compliments me on an outfit or an item, I consider it icing on the cake. The cake part is wearing something I enjoy and feel great in.

That said, I understand feeling a little snubbed if your group of friends regularly comment on outfits and you didn't get any acknowledgment of a look you loved.

I agree with the others that posting here can help. People in our day-to-day lives are distracted and occupied with all kinds of other things, but when you post here, you are getting feedback from other like-minded fashion-loving people who will give you kind, constructive feedback.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

And another welcome from me. I want to see your fab outfit. Please post soonest.

Beth Ann

Veteran

I know exactly how you feel. People comment, or don't, for all numbers of reasons. If you want to increase the affirmation from your friends, you could try asking them to help you assemble some outfits that they find fashionable and flattering. If they're not into fashion, you could engage them in their areas on interest -- taking a cooking class together, for example, or going to a concert.

If you main goal is to develop a fabulous personal style, you can't do better than YLF! Posting often, at least at first, is most helpful. The more the forum learns of your style and current wardrobe, the more they can help you move forward.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Welcome. I think it's great that you still feel you looked good even without your friends affirmation

MsMaven

Veteran

Welcome to YLF. One important thing I have learned in my time here is that we need to please ourselves with our outfits. After we discover our own unique style, the approval of others is nice, but what really matters is how we feel ourselves.

deb

Veteran

Welcome. I have felt like you do before and it usually happened when I was attempting a change in my style. My friends did no how to react, I think.

Deborah

Veteran

I have no doubt you looked fab! Welcome:). There are many reasons why people don't comment on how we look, so don't take it personally. Trust your instincts and post here...we LOVE talking about fashion and style and share with one another. I live and work in an environment where few people are interested in fashion and the YLF community is very important part of my world.

K. Period.

Veteran

Welcome! You know what? One of the very first posts that I posted on when I first joined was one by our super incredible, fantastic, uber-stylish Denise (aka CocoLion) where she was disappointed because she, incredibly stylishly dressed, met up with a group of friends, none of whom noticed her outfit. Then to top off the disappointment, she heard someone in line behind her complimenting, not her gorgeous shoes, but some destroyed pastel Ugg knockoffs that the girl in front of her was wearing. Denise always (underscore always) looks incredible. She'd posted the meet up outfit in advance to the forum and all of us were mad for it. It was brilliant. Sometimes an audience just isn't attuned to the subtleties of a great outfit, unfortunately. I think that's what makes this forum so much fun. It is a meeting place for all of us who appreciate and want to learn more about style to do just that. We enjoy each other's outfits, we comment on what goes right, when asked we give suggestions on what might have gone wrong and how to fix it, and we generally have fun.

I think what you describe is totally natural and I know I've felt disappointed when I went out and about in some fab outfit and no one noticed it. Some days are just like that. I can't wait to see your posts. We're going to have a lot of fun together.

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Ceit and the others here that this is a kind group with a keen eye for fashion said in a helpful way. The more I post and learn from Angie through her blog, the better I look and I feel satisfied with myself without looking outside for added validation.

Peri

Veteran

I know what you mean. My best friend is like that...even when I'm complimenting her on something, she rarely returns the compliment. Doesn't she know the girl rules?!

It does bother me sometimes, wondering why not. For instance, I know she doesn't like messy and my curls can get unruly. So when I compliment her hair and she never ever says anything about mine I'm left thinking she doesn't like my hair, it must be messy, it looks bad, etc.

But I've decided to not worry about it. There could be plenty of other reasons. Maybe she doesn't even realize she does this.

I joined because I had no one else to help with fashion dilemmas. This is a great group. Welcome!

dlb1960

Oh! I feel so included in you look fab from my very first post and thank you all for that!!! I think, on reflection, I may have thought I looked fabulous but who knows and who decides??? I'm happy to let it go. I was pleased with what I wore and that's all that matters. After all I only have to look good for me.
I look forward to participating in this forum and receiving the constructive advice offered by the fabbers. Onward and upward!

Anonymous

I feel it all the time ... especially when I take extra time and effort to make my outfit sing. Sadly, I have had to accept the fact that I work with engineers and they just don't have a clue.

rute

Veteran

My dear, you should always trust on your judgement first and on YLF eh eh. Here you'll have honest opinions.

Anonymous

Welcome, and yes, I've been there too. It can feel deflating when no one seems to notice the effort you've gone to. I'll bet you looked fabulous and I'm sure your kitchen does too!

Von

Veteran

I think you have to come to a place where you realize that not everyone will "get" what you're doing with your outfits. I find that my friends and I have always had different points of view on fashion. Lots of them don't care one bit about fashion or how their outfits are put together - and that's not to say they go out looking a mess, they just don't think *extra* about what's on trend, what's in style or anything like that.

Coming here has definitely helped - I've lurked for the longest time too! Finally, I think I have a place where I can ask like minded people "Which bag is going to work with more outfits, and is it OK that I don't own shoes this color?" and not get the blank stare :).