I would leave after the wedding ceremony and you don’t need an excuse. The one thing that stands out for me is that your brother’s new wife needs to be aware that her new FIL is an abuser in order to protect herself and any children she and your brother may have. That could be painful as she will probably want details. If your younger brother does not get it, that makes it even harder, but she needs to be informed...they both do, so that innocent children are never left with him.

Thanks for that important reminder, Joy. I will definitely have to have a talk with both of them.

Joy, that’s an excellent point. My mind went as far as other past victims, but not as far as potential future victims. Got to keep those babies safe!

Gigi, if your new SiL thinks you are being a pain about the wedding, once you explain it to her, possibly after the fact, months after the wedding, she will get it.

Bijou, so true about how a friend might react. This is an issue many of us wish we could do something about, but the way it occurs means that letters to legal representatives, marches, and the usual kind of “taking action” won’t work. Protecting a friend can.

Gigi, I’m late to this and see you already have lots of advice, but just wanted to offer my support and admiration for how you are approaching this. I hope you are able to celebrate with your brother in the way that allows you to feel as much joy and peace as possible.

The only other thing I'll add is to make sort of decision and then try your best to not think about it till the wedding. These sort of things stir up a lot of angst (ask me how I know), so please take good care of yourself. I would also go ahead and schedule a fun vacation with loved ones after the wedding if your schedule allows.

I'm new to this forum but saw this and just wanted to say I've been in an abusive relationship and having to be around those people is incredibly upsetting. I completely understand your feelings of not wanting to talk to him. I liked the suggestion of one of the other members of saying 'No thank you' and just walking away if he tries to talk to you. He knows what he did, you're innocent and you should be able to go to your brother's wedding too. I hope it all goes really well for you!❤️