Determining your identity from and with your wardrobe - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Determining your identity from and with your wardrobe

ironkurtin

Veteran

How do you personally determine what is "you"?

Angie has done a number of posts on determining your style, and having style personas. I am wondering, to what extent does your wardrobe mirror who you are and who you want to be?

Do you find that your closet is
- comfortable (I'm happy being this person)
- joyful (yay this is me!)
- defiant (if you think this isn't me, suck it)
- aspirational (I want to be this person)
- transitional (I want to try out being this person)
- resentful (I'm this person but I wish I weren't)

Note I am not talking about fashion (I am edgy/formal/bohemian etc.), but about emotional expression through your closet.

Wondering, because I am reaching the point where I am exhausted by so many mini-mes in my closet. Who am I? How do I want to dress? Who do I want to be? And not *right now* but for the long term?

Dressing

31 replies

Latest reply was from Mander

Vildy

Veteran

I think my closet - particularly in warmer seasons - is exhilarating and emphatic.

Since people do develop and evolve, perhaps one needs to pass fully through
"right now" to arrive at the long term eventually?

christieanne

Veteran

I just realized (thank you Dana) that my closet has a split personality!
There is the responsible, practical and take no prisoners efficient side and then there is a laid back, chill out, adventurous and peter pan (don't want to grow up) side.

I have been struggling with trying to figure out how to balance the Preppy, Classic (which also means structure to me which looks better on me) and the Boho (which I can't figure out how to express in structured things) and this helps me understand a bit better.

So you are doing some big thinking and learning this weekend digging in that closet? It is interesting how we assign emotions and phases of our lives to our clothes. Do you think the non-YLF world does that?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I think for me comfortable (yes I feel this truly represents who I am in my skin), transitional (I am trying to 'grow up' my style while remaining true to it), and joyful (I love representing myself in this way) all apply.
I totally get the mini-me's convoluting the scene. But I realize I have different sides to myself and my lifestyle, and therefore my style. So I still have some girly dresses and ruffles alongside my cargo and utilitarian stuff. I want to have the pieces that feel so very 'me' in the varied aspects of my life. I want to feel just as comfortable in my interview wear as I do my date night outfits, as I do my active clothing for playing outdoors with my friends and then hitting their house for a barbeque.
I am there (minus 2 or 3 pieces) and I am the happiest with my closet I've ever been!

Meredith1953

Veteran

Really interesting question you pose IK! I look in my closet and because my wardrobe is tiny I feel it is in flux and thus somewhat transitional. On the other hand there is a consistency that I am working towards which makes me joyful and comfortable. I am definitely a casual, dresser who tends towards classic but is adding a few edgier items to the closet. Still working on a rubric though. With the help of YLF and Angie, I have many more days when dressing puts a smile on my face.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such a great question, Dana. I am confused by your reference to:

"Wondering, because I am reaching the point where I am exhausted by so many mini-mes in my closet"

What does that mean? Do you want to pare down your fashion personas?

I think we ALL have different sides to our personality and that comes through in the way that we dress. A style persona can comprise of many different vibes. And as Vildy hints at, style is a constant journey with very temporary destinations.

Good job, Mo! I really think that you achieved your style goals. Meredith is definitely getting there too.

Christieanne, I'd love to see more of your style

I guess on a VERY HIGH level, I want my style to reflect that I am a fashion professional, and that I am a person who does not dilly dally about - is ready to get on with it - walk, run, hug doggies, eat cake, shop, cook, help a client and yak with a friend. Comfort is a given that I do not include because it seems so obvious - don't we all want to be comfortable ?

ironkurtin

Veteran

Angie - Yes, I want to pare down my fashion personas. Or rather, I want to know me so much better, so I don't make purchasing errors. There is a fair amount of wistful/wishful in my closet, and I don't wear those things. They're beautiful but owning them sometimes creates a weight on me.

I am coming more and more to admire the women I know who have a clean, effortless look achieved by knowing 100% what suits them. This is only possible with a ruthless shopping soul, knowledge of their body and what suits it, and what they will wear. For the women I truly admire, it also comes without any sort of craving for constant novelty. They really do think what they own is the bomb and don't see the need for the constant churn my closet undergoes. It also means they have the money to pounce when they see the perfect, perfect item. This is my ideal zen state.

catgirl

Veteran

My closet is often confusing but mostly joyful. I have learned what is and isn't me (simpler, unfeminine, skater, military, steampunk, UWP, in the right colors), as well as what I sometimes want to be me but isn't (pretty, Kate Spade, wrap dresses, girly shoes).

I am also finding that what suits me is what I've always been drawn toward in my life - for example, I've always loved cropped tops, slouchy pants, and chunky boots. That was my formula through the 80s and 90s. Have never been able to enjoy frippery, puffy shoulders, PB styles, and girly styles. And ultimately that suits me - I'm not a girly girl, I'm truly a toyboy at heart and in my life.

That said, I am a sucker for trends - but I'm learning which trends to jump on (slouchy pants) and which to skip (pastels).

Which makes it even more fun to see those of you who do sport those other styles with joy and fabness - I can admire it without having to do it myself.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Ah. I hear you on your first paragraph, Dana. For starters, bag up those items right now and pop them in a holding zone. Really. It's the best thing to do. See where that leaves you. I also think you might benefit from being stricter about aligning yourself with your style goals. That's what keeps you focused throughout the current leg of your style journey. (I am a strong believer in discipline and not that much of a free spirit - so take my advice for what it is worth to you).

Your second paragraph IS the ideal zen style state. I identify with it by about a billion percent - as long as you still have fun with fashion.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Angie - yes indeed! It is happening even as you read this. I do need to be careful not to ditch things that will be truly useful in the right circumstances (funeral outfit, LBD, etc.) but the extraneous things need to be purged. Thanks for the words of support!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My pleasure

Thanks for getting right down to the tasks at hand. I love people who take action!

Classically Casual

Veteran

This is a fun question to ponder, IK, thanks for raising it. For me as I've been rebuilding my wardrobe, I think my style has been pretty consistent. (It's been all over the place in earlier years.) So now when I get dressed to appear in public what I reach for mainly seems to be determined by the weather & by my mood. My mood affects what colors I want to wear.

Traci

Veteran

I was having many of the same feelings you're describing and I've settled many of them. by setting up a clothing rack in my bedroom. I think of this rack as my wardrobe, but I have a closet that holds off season and other clothes that I still like, but am not wearing in my current rotations. Every few weeks I move things from the rack to the closet and bring some old friends out of the closet. This system keeps me from feeling overwhelmed, but also not feeling to bored and minimalistic.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Interesting line of thought, here.

I think for me, I have a few outfits that are "comfortable". They hit the right note and I identify strongly with everything about it...color, fabric, silhouette, fit, etc. I have a few outfits that are more along the lines of "this is who I'd like to be" and it will be interesting to see if I grow into those outfits eventually, leaving the current comfort level to become less so...and then there are outfits that really represent past personas; thing that I used to be very comfortable with, and that I still identify with, but that I now see as less sophisticated versions of my style. These are typically leaning towards the highly feminine and traditional.

I think there is still a place for this last category, because ultimately at heart they are still reflective of an aspect of my personality, and they can help keep that element included in my style as I find and include more "stretch" items. But, I do have to be careful to mix the up with more current pieces or I don't feel fab (because when I wear those outfits I know I'm not projecting an image to others that really communicates who I am).

jen

I am a minimalist dresser, our house is also styled that way. I have a very small wardrobe but wear everything in it. Most of my clothes are designer and I bought them because I loved them and they suited me. I would describe my self as a 'Preppy Tomboy'. I also love my slouchy Balenciaga black bag, LV Neverfull and Alexander Mcqueen Clutch (these are the only bags I own and I use them all the time). When I grow up I want to be an Emmanulla Alt!

jen

Forgot to add my hair is short like Angie's and has been for years and years!

Jewell

Veteran

I would say my closet is currently a combination of comfortable and aspirational. I'm quite happy with where I am in my style journey and how it's reflected in my clothing. However, there are definitely some purchases hanging in my closet that were made to push me further along toward my style goals.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Something that Jenava said, about being careful to mix up the 'maybe' pieces with ones more currently the direction your style is going, strikes a chord for me. Today I wore both a white button down and a blazer. Not very 'me' pieces. But when I put on my feather look earrings and my blue ankle boots with hardware and skinny black jeans, it grounded the outfit with things much more my personality.

Beth Ann

Veteran

You're further down the road than I am, Dana, and I sense your work/life environment allows you more freedom than mine does. I'm at the point that I have a closet that works. I've stopped trying to buy the smallest size I can wear (oh,vanity) or the cheapest thing I can find. I can put together pleasing and flattering outfits. This makes me sound a little lame, but the change has been huge. I'm not purging yet, unless I dislike items or they are very dated or unflattering. I need to learn a little more first, and I'll be following your new course for inspiration!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What a fascinating thread!

"Emotional expressions through your closet."

Hmmm. As I pull out last year's spring/summer things, I'm finding that many of them were transitional. It was my first season on YLF and my first season buying clothes at my current weight. And I hadn't bought clothes or thought about fashion for DECADES prior to that. (Almost literally..I would order the same jeans and Ts again and again...)

It makes sense that those items were transitional. I hadn't yet figured out what works for me, or where I want to go. I donated some at the end of last year, kept a few because they are practical (if not great) and find that others have actually worked their way into my heart.

I'm comfortable with most of what's in the current closet, although the wardrobe is by no means complete or perfect, both because it still has big holes, and also because it doesn't fully express the person I am. But there are enough "joyful" pieces in there to make it seem fun to get dressed, and give me hope that eventually I'll figure this whole thing out!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

After a few years of random thrifting trying to figure out what my style is or what I like, I have reached the point where I can look in the mirror and know if this is something I like. I do sometimes get tripped up with flattery - I have a hard time seeing whether something looks flattering in the mirror, but I do know if I like the idea. I enjoy being seen as someone with a sense of my own style, if that makes sense. I don't think my clothes reflect all the aspects of my personality but they do fulfill the side of me that wants to present a sense of my aesthetics.

Deborah

Veteran

Dana this is an excellent post. I was thinking about some aspects of this when I was getting dressed this morning, primarily because YLF has encouraged me to step and try different things and this more than anything has helped me to see clearly what I think my style is and what it isn't.

I hope my work wardrobe says that I am professional, capable and ready for anything I also hope that it conveys some warmth and maybe just a little bit of fun.

I hope my home wardrobe conveys similar.

When I look into my wardrobe, I smile. I like what I see and it makes me happy.
After 12 months with YLF I find that my wardrobe can cater to most occasions. Proof of this has been that I have been able to shop my closet for two recent weddings and last year's Christmas functions.

My challenge is that sometimes I am seduced by things and styles that look amazing on others but not so much on me. I then add a garment to my closet and try to create the look someone else wears so well but makes me feel like a fraud (not my style). My big revelation in relation to this is that I can work the one garment into MY style rather than try to CHANGE my style to facilitate this alternate 'look'.

Hence my wardrobe is becoming more consistently me which means less and less am I having to ask the questions ' Who am I? How do I want to dress? Who do I want to be?' because those questions have now been asked and aswered. Of course it's a journey and from time time I guess those questions do need to be re asked, but generally on a daily basis, I like to be free from them.

Hope this makes sense and I haven't misunderstood your point.

Anonymous

Wow, what a great post Dana! I think my closet is definitely transitional. It's mostly joyful and comfortable and a little bit aspirational as well. To borrow a phrase from Suz, I've been "shopping like mad" this season and trying to beef up my summer clothes. Like her, I have some things left over from last summer that aren't ideal, because I was still finding my way. My persona is more cemented now, and I'm adding in things that are better, and maybe even a bit more what I "wish" I wore (so that I *can* wear them) and I'll be ready for a big cull around November when it finally cools off a bit here.

Like Deborah I try to find a way to do the trends that are really *me* if I like them. I feel less pressure to wear things I do not like because the forum will like them, but I do still try to stretch myself, fashion-wise. I'm also open to getting more formulas going so that I'm not boring and predictable.

ironkurtin

Veteran

No one has a defiant closet?

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Okay, my closet can be the defiant one. ; )

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

My closet is about 90% accurate for who I am and fits my personality. It has my structured items and dresses that I love, hints of retro/vintage and the odd urban/trendy piece - these all meld together to be "me". But then every once in a while, I throw it (and my style) a curve ball like playing around with this baggy menswear thingy. I sometimes wonder why I try things that deep down I know aren't going to work for me, either because of my body type or my lifestyle. But it's fun to experiment and I think a little closet schizophrenia can be a healthy thing!

Anonymous

I have style ADD. I think my closet reflects that. I have items ranging from lady like to an off white distressed jacket that looks dirty. I find myself explaining that it is "like that" everytime I wear it

I'm in a constant love/hate relationship with my closet also. Right now, I'm going through a period where I don't want to see black, I am not digging skinny jeans and no longer hate cardigans. This is why purging is no use to me, I'll end up throwing things away, to then have regrets of having done so, a few months later.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Zap, why don't you try putting some things in a "holding" bin? I do this and it's really worked for me. I keep a plastic storage box in my closet that I put things in that I'm not sure I want to get rid of. I leave them in there for a while, 6-12 months, and that way I can really decide if I want the item or not. Time and distance gives me perspective, and I don't have to see the item hanging in my closet every day either.

teeandcee

I had to really think about this. Interesting question. I look into my closet and think several different people must use it. And yet each totally different item does represent me. I think this is due to both being new to YLF and coming out of therapy. I'm discovering who I really am and what I really like.

I guess you could say mine is transitional due to my transitioning in a lot of ways.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Heh, I think my closet may count as defiant - "If you think I ought to look like all the other bankers, you have another thing coming!" But it is also playful and joyful (finally).

Having too many mini me's is something I relate to - I had to send Boho Rae, Surfer Rae, and Sk8er Rae into exile as they were not bringing me comfort or joy and were causing too much confusion. Toxic personas are just as bad as toxic friends - let 'em go!

12