But it's all good, I think...

I'm inspired to write this after just now reading here of others' struggles with feeling bad about current fitness state. It's kind of apples and oranges, I realize; it's just the precariousness and vulnerability I'm choosing to relate to at the moment.

About ten days ago I started in on an eating plan that is healthy IMO but for some people controversial (so I won't mention which one it is). The food is good but it's so low carb (allows some fruit) and I've tried this protocol before and quit twice before. This time I am hanging in there. Today was very difficult (and it's not even noon!). I just wanted to bust out the sugary treats so bad. So far I rode it out. But I keep looking at my record of how many days are left on this strict stage (about three weeks), and all I want is for it to be over. And I don't know how I will get through it, or at least how without being obsessed almost every minute of my waking life! Ugh.

But I feel different starting the program this time...it's the first time I really feel like I can do this. And should stick it out. WITHOUT even a little cheat (which is not "little" on this program). I did the Precision Nutrition program about two years ago and though it gave me some good things to think about, and some great workouts and resulting improvement in fitness, I never succeeded in changing my eating habits in any deep way.

It's funny that the difference to me is about tango. I have advanced in these last few months, and up till now have done very well with my excellent core strength and overall fitness. But when I took a series of classes on turns that involved a lot of pivoting, I finally had to concede that the weight (concentrated in my belly) was throwing me off, making it really hard and creating a lot of imprecision. Even my right foot was hurting in the metatarsil.

I am just blathering now, but am hoping it will be therapeutic to write it down. I have widened my circle of friends and my community exponentially since taking up tango. It's led to a lot of changes in my life, in my work (I'm now assisting my two teachers at the gallery that they also run), and in my positive outlook toward life. I am feeling now that if I can hang in there and lose weight, even 20 lbs (out of the 50 I probably should lose), I will be an inspiration for a lot of my friends and colleagues. It's a big responsibility that makes me want to succeed.

I also know more realistically that if I go crazy with sugar while I'm in this stage of the program, it's going to be a very short-lived enjoyment. Probably not even any enjoyment at all.

I wish I wasn't dealing with hunger or cravings at all. (Actually, I will take the hunger pang over the food craving any day.) I seem to have fought it off this morning. I hope I can manage and find other things to occupy my thoughts the next few weeks till I move into the more lenient part of the program. Which WILL come. I just feel like it's never going to happen.

I know it could be candida or some other thing that's fighting back, that wants to be fed--knowing isn't helping all that much! But anyway, I'm fifty and I hope I can finally grow up and deal with a few mere weeks of limited food choices.

I'm enjoying my cuppa tea about 12 times a day, though : )