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Depressed........(off topic sorry)

fashionista

Veteran

Sorry ladies, I am on and off this forum for quite sometime. I am having a really painful days going on in my life.
First I was troubled with my back. The backache did not go with any physiotherapy. So doc told me to go for ultrasound and they found a complex cyst (suspect chocolate cyst) in my ovaries. So they told me to get a blood test CA125 done for cancer. And turns out the normal value for CA125 test is from 0-35 and my reports show 35. I am diagnosed with endometriosis, probable candidate for ovarian cancer. I don't know what to do. I am not married, want to start a family and I am diagnosed with the endometriosis and all those causing a pain in my left pelvic area and also casuing the backache for so long.

I am depressed. I cried the whole night that day, talked with my BF and he has assured me even if we don't have a child, its ok with him, he wants only to be with me and that's all that matters. Even then, we are in a culture where not being able to have a child is a curse by God.

I just wanted to share this with you all as I don't know what to do next? I am blank in the head. I am thinking of leaving my BF because he deserves a better girl......

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30 replies

Latest reply was from Jonesy

rute

Veteran

oh.. so sorry! Dont's say BF deserves a bettar girl because he loves you!
Maybe they don't have to remove everything, maybe you can addopt.. there are so many options, the important is to cure you!

Deborah

Veteran

Darling don't leave your BF:). He obviously loves you very much. Try not to make any decisions for the next few days as you are feeling quite vulnerable and sensitive. I suggest you talk with your doctors and get as much info as you can. It may not be as dire as you think. I respect the beliefs of your culture but perhaps try not to focus too much on that at the moment. Try to have faith that will be a light at the end of the tunnel. If you don't mind Fashionista I will be praying for you and trusting for a postive outcome. Sending you a big hug and lots of love xx

April

Veteran

So sorry to hear what you're going through, Fashionista.

I would say that whatever you ultimately decide to do, now is not the time to make major decisions like leaving BF (who sounds like a wonderful person!) Now is the time to do what soothes you while you get used to the presence of these new issues in your life.

After a few days or weeks, when your emotions have settled down, then you can make a clear-headed plan about what to do next.

ETA: Hee hee -- I see that Deborah and I posted at the same time with the same advice. Which means it must be good stuff.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Try to not make any decisions about life until you have had an opportunity to adjust and to get more information. Norms are not normal for every body. It is really difficult, but try not to assume the worst outcome in the time until your doctor is able to do a complete diagnosis. Accept the support from friends and family and you will get through whatever life throws your way.

(((hugs)))

ramya

Veteran

Oh dear!!! Darling... don't take any hasty decision... Your BF loves you...
You know I understand our culture very well... But then don't think about it now... Always do 1 step at a time.. First find out how to become better then there is family...
Science has progressed so much... you can have your family or you can adopt.
Come on sweeety.. Don't be upset.. Get your strength back then you can fight the rest of the things...

Claudia

Veteran

Fashionista, that is a lot to be dealing with all at one time. I am sorry that you are going through all this right now. I will be hoping for the very best outcome for you.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Fashionista, while endometriosis is extremely painful (I have several friends who suffer from it), it is treatable and it is not always a precursor to fertility issues. Yes, doctors will advise you to have kids (if you want them!) sooner rather than later with this disease, as scarring can increase over time and cause extra complications. But don't assume the worst right off the bat, even before you have a strong diagnosis and a treatment plan. Especially as it sounds like the only major problems they've found so far relate to a single ovary and not to both, nor to the uterus itself. Talk to your regular gynae, but also talk to a fertility specialist before you come to any decisions about your future.

And I'll echo the ladies above --- don't wreck your relationship over this. If the man wants a better girl, he can decide for himself; surely, that's not your choice to make but his? And what's more, getting yourself out of the way to 'clear his path' is no guarantee that someone better will come along; could well be the reverse, couldn't it? Most important of course, see my first para --- you are not in a place where you should be even treating 'no children' as a foregone conclusion, so what a terrible mistake it might be to base your decision on that alone!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Oh I am so sorry. Endometriosis can be a terrible condition. But don't leave your boyfriend. My mom and dad were in the exact same position. My mom had endometriosis (a really severe case) and she found out when my parents were engaged but not yet married that she was unlikely to ever bear a child. She tried to break it off with my dad, and he said don't be stupid, I love you, we'll adopt. And they did. Here's me and my brother 40 years later -- we grew up in a happy family of four. You are not "cursed".

Having said that, I have two friends with endometriosis and both were able to have children.

But find out for sure if you have ovarian cancer. My thoughts are with you!

Anonymous

One of my best friends had endometriosis, and my DH and I helped her and her DH adopt a beautiful little girl. Endometriosis is bad, and I'm not minimizing your agony over this, but it is not a reason to break off the wonderful relationship you have with your BF. He loves you, and that's fantastic!

JR

Veteran

Fashionista, my prayers are with you. {{big hugs}}

I want to echo what everybody else has said. We should never, ever make life decisions when we are depressed. That is one of the rules I try to live by. Concentrate on doing everything you can for your health. Find out what you yourself can do and make an action plan. Even finding some small measure of control in this situation will make you feel much better.

My stepmother had endometriosis too, so when she married my father, she "adopted" us, and always considered us her children, although not in a pushy way, seeing as my mother was still alive. She was a very conscientious, caring stepmother.

If you do end up being infertile (and remember, that is not a foregone conclusion), do not consider it a curse from God, but a calling from him to love children who otherwise would not have received it. A wonderful thing indeed.

Use this time of extreme difficulty and stress not to pull away from the ones who love you, but to draw closer to them, and perhaps even to develop a deeper relationship with God. It's like manure, when you're in the middle of it, it really stinks, but afterwards, everything grows so much better. I have been through some pretty dark periods in my life too, and while I would still never choose to go through them again, I like the me who came out of them much better than the me who went into them.

Anonymous

Fashionista, you're in my thoughts. Please lean on everyone who loves you as you move through this challenging time. Don't shut your boyfriend out -- he loves you. And remember, YLF women all over the globe care about you. You are stronger than you know.

Anonymous

First, take a deep breath, this may not be as bad as you fear. I have had Endometriosis for over 13 years - all treatments failed, so I just suffer with the pain. In spite of the endo I have 5 beautiful children. Every endo case is different and does not necessarily mean infertility. I have also had issues with my ovaries. A year & 1/2 ago I had a 6 cm hemorrhagic cyst, which went away on it's own. I am praying for the best outcome for you....

Mona

Veteran

I am so sorry to hear that but I see that you have got some great advice from others. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Glory

Veteran

Please do not make any decisions while you feel this way. It is quite a bit to take in and work through. Like the others have said, one step at a time and don't assume the worst. The short term is to get your strength back and meet with your doctor. The longer term - family - these will fall into place. I too have suffered infertility but eventually adopted 3 beautiful babies. Be kind to yourself.

rae

(website)

Veteran

First of all, I want to give you a big hug. You're strong, and you were smart enough to get the pain checked out enough to catch this. I think you have great odds for the outcome you'd like. Even the worst case scenario... in this day and age you can still be a mother in a whole myriad of ways, and your BF is in a frame of mind to roll with it however things turn out - those are both blessings that I hope you don't turn away from.

And as for the BF, he deserves to decide what is "better" or "worse" in a mate, right? Don't be the one to rip him away from the love of his life, as that is cruel to you both. It seems like he really wants to love and support you no matter what.

You both will be in my thoughts, and we are here for you. XOXO

Sylvie

Veteran

The ladies up thread have said it all so I am just sending you "hugs". Your BF sounds like a great guy - he knows that your relationship is about the two of you and shouldn't be affected by any health issues that may crop up. Take care of yourself.

catgirl

Veteran

Don't leave your boyfriend! He obviously loves you deeply. As far as having a child - adoption and other options are out there. Right now take care of yourself and your own needs. Do you have support from family and friends where you are? I hope you can find some answers soon as this doesn't sound like it's anything final. Big hugs to you...

Echo

Veteran

ManidipaM is absolutely right. Please don't make any rash decisions right now, and speak with a fertility specialist before you make any medical choices. Endomitriosis doesn't necessarily mean no children, and steps can be taken if there are ovarian issues to make it possible for you to have your own children (even after cancer treatment if that is necessary). Anyone would feel overwhelmed and conflicted right now; you are mourning the loss of your health as you know it and apprehensive about the future. Now is not the time to make huge life decisions - like about the BF who loves you so much. Focus on yourself and the right decisions to make about your health and the rest will sort itself out. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Ariadne

Veteran

I'm so sorry you have to face these issues. I wish I could give you a big hug. I will just echo everyone else's advice to focus on taking care of and pampering yourself and gathering your strength, and to avoid making big decisions.

I have many friends who struggled with fertility to some extent (some more than others) due to endometriosis. Most of them have been able to have biological children. Even if that ends up not being possible for you, there are many other ways to build a family if that's what you want when the time is right--fertility treatments, surrogacy, many different types of adoption. Both my children are adopted and if it's ever something you want to talk about in any way, feel free to message me because I love to talk about it. I also know people who chose not to have children at all and who have beautiful, fulfilling lives that I sometimes envy a lot. They are able to do many things I can't. You may not want to think about that right now, and if you end up not being able to have biological children you absolutely can and should mourn in any way you need to, but in time you can consider all your options and may be surprised at what ends up being a great fit for you.

I will be rooting for you!

fashionista

Veteran

Thankyou so much ladies for your hugs, support and prayers. I love you all.

MNsara

Veteran

{{{hugs}}} I'm also so sorry this is going on for you right now. I wholeheartedly agree with everyone who is saying - don't make any major decisions right now about breaking up. With any shocking news it takes time to digest it and process it, and react to it. Don't make ANY major changes or decisions while you're still reeling.

DO take good care of yourself, so you can be in the best frame of mind possible. Sleep well (even if that means a sleep aid), eat well, exercise, whatever helps you feel strong and, hopefully, optimistic

I hope you have more doctor appointments to get more information, options, etc. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers

Kristin L

Veteran

I'm sending big hugs your way. Like the other ladies have said, don't do anything rash and let your BF decide for himself. Take care of yourself. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm sending hugs and healing thoughts your way too. Listen to these wise ladies and give yourself time and space. We are here to support you in any way that we can. xoxo

LadyBirdK

(website)

Fashionista, I know exactly how you feel. I also have endometriosis. I was diagnosed at sixteen, and told I would never have children. Two of my aunts also had it and had to have hysterectomies. I am thirty four now...and I have three beautiful children, each of whom I conceived, carried and delivered myself. In fact, my doctors were so convinced that I couldn't conceive that my daughter was quite a surprise to all of us!

This is a difficult and painful (both emotionally and physically) diagnosis. But there is hope! It is treatable, and managing it becomes easier every passing year as they find out more and better options all the time. My periods are still not even close to regular and when they do come, they are fairly extreme, but it is manageable.

Best of luck to you. My thoughts and hopes are very much with you this morning. If you need any info or advice or the ear of someone who has been there, please do not hesitate to message me.

- Micheline
(LadyBirdK)

Diana

Veteran

Sending you big hugs and healing thoughts. I have no specific advice per se, but just wanted to pass along my best wishes as well. It sounds like your BF is a wonderful person and loves you no matter what, so please don't leave him!

Anonymous

I'm still sending good thoughts your way, Fashionista. Big hugs.

celia

Veteran

I just saw this post now.
Big hugs to you.Don't loose hope.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

There are so many wise women here who have said it all. Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful man. It's okay to lean on him at this time. My thoughts are with you.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm late to this thread, but I wanted to echo all the expressions of support.

My mother was diagnosed with endometriosis about five years before she became pregnant with me, so here's another living example that this diagnosis does not necessarily mean a childless life!

I wish you all the best.

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