I wish I could provide some useful information but I have none. Fortunately I see lots of other ladies around here can. Just a big hug from me, it sounds like such a nightmare.

I also don't have anything useful to add, I'm afraid, but am glad that the other ladies have so many great suggestions and info. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and your family, Elizabeth, this is an extremely difficult and sad situation to deal with. Please keep us posted?

Warm hugs!

Inge
xxx

Know that you are not alone in this!
You will find that there is lots of support out there for your situation, and the fact that you are sharing with us is a great first step.
Make sure you say 'yes' to all offers of assistance at this time, and please look after yourself too.

Thank you all so much for your replies and suggestions. You are a wonderful bunch of women! I can't write much now because I've got to get the kids off to school, but I will try to respond to your comments soon. It has been a totally surreal weekend. My mom appears to be having a complete break from reality (acute psychosis?) and she is now filthy and aggressive with me as well as my dad. It's like she has been possessed. She won't stop rambling for hours on end, hurling abuse and insults, and she won't let you ignore her -- she gets right in your face and follows you around the house. She thinks I'm one of my dad's mistresses (she thinks he has eight of them), and she's got constant hallucinations of strangers in her house and babies lying unattended in their own filth. (No wonder she's freaking out). She chased me to the bathroom one time and taunted me while I was in there. I thought she was going to hit me, but so far, she hasn't.

I nearly called an ambulance several times over the weekend, but held off because I would have been overriding my dad, and ultimately, it's his call. He doesn't want to have her committed against her will. I agree that going that route would probably be traumatic. But I am anxious for my doctor's appointment this morning. She will need to advise me what to do. It seems to me that this is delirium on top of underlying dementia, and she needs to be taken in for observation for a period of time. We will see.

I'm truly sorry to hear this, and very concerned for you.

To be honest, I can't imagine any situation in which your mother would give permission for you and your father to commit her. Ultimately, it's going to be a question of your mental wellbeing, or, at the very least, physical safety.

A, "psychotic break" is probably the right term and can be treated. Your phrase reminded me of this poem by a late friend, who struggled with her mother's dementia and mental illness. Their house did actually burn down, but this was really about her relationship with her mom. Not the same as you, of course, but thought it might resonate with you:

http://www.versedaily.org/2006/firepsychotic.shtml

If she is having acute psychosis, she needs to be hospitalized. Please consider this as an option (here in Canada, we can "form" her as physicians - to keep her against her will - I also think that you may need to try to convince your father to let her stay). She also needs to be medically cleared. It is extremely unusual for someone of this age to have a psychotic break due to a psychiatric illness. The culprit is usually medical.

I wouldn't leave the doctor's office until he has ordered a complete medical examination for her as well as proper blood tests (include thyroid, liver and kidney function, electrolytes) and other investigations (we in Canada, would also be ordering brain scans - be that CT or MRI).

I believe that she needs to be on a MEDICAL ward, not a psychiatric one, but I'll leave that to your doc to figure out.

Best of luck.

Lyn, my mom is now in hospital. What you are suggesting is exactly what happened. I saw the family doctor this morning, who said we must get her to emergency. She said it would be better if she would go willingly, but to call an ambulance if necessary.

Mom would not go in the car with us, got aggressive, so I called an ambulance. Police came also, but luckily the ambulance attendant was very good and convinced her to go willingly in the ambulance. Dad and I went to the hospital separately. They interviewed my mom in bed at the ER, and my dad and I later in another room. My mom doesn't recognize us as her daughter and husband, only as the evil people who had her taken in against her will. She keeps calling us filth ("I don't know how you can show your face in here, you are so disgusting", etc). She's been admitted for overnight observation, but the nurse told us it's likely she will be there for quite a bit more than one night. Luckily the evening on-call doctor happens to be a geriatric psychiatrist, so we will probably be called back there tonight for another interview. But my mom wants us to get out of her sight.

She's had blood tests and urine tests, and so far everything is coming up normal. She's due for a CT scan sometime -- perhaps she's already had it.

This has to be the worst day of my life. I feel like I've done something terrible, although rationally, I know it was the right thing to do.

Oh, you poor thing! *hugs* - It must feel terrible, although I always assure the families that we will try to do the best for their loved one, and it sounds like a geriatric psychiatrist is the perfect professional your mom needs to connect with right now. It is a good thing that all her results are coming back normal, and I hope that psychiatry will be able to help her. Sometimes though, the best thing to sort out all of this is time, so please do not be too upset if the geriatric psychiatrist doesn't come back tonight to assess her (or sends a resident in his place).

Please take care of yourself, and make sure your dad is okay too. I bet he's going through a rough time as well.

*HUGS!*

Thinking of you at this toughest of times Hang in there.

How stressful. You are NOT terrible. You are a loving, caring daughter. Your mom was spinning further and further out of control with no sign of coming back on her own. She needed serious professional medical intervention to figure out what is going on, and now she is getting it. I hope for your sake, your dad's, and hers that she is not released until this gets sorted out. Many hugs and deep breaths.

Oh, Elisabeth, I've been in your shoes and know how hard it was to take your mother to the hospital, but I've also learned that medical attention for psychiatric illnesses is every bit as necessary as it is for heart attacks or strokes. You are doing the right thing by making sure that your mother has access to professional care during this period; her illness isn't something that she has any control over, nor something that you or your father can fix just by talking to her.
*HUGS*

This is always tough, though you know you did the right thing. Your mother's difficulties make it impossible for her to make constructive decisions and you had to take steps to keep her and others safe. Now she can be diagnosed and treated appropriately. Time was of the essence. I hope you feel a bit of relief now.

If she is angry and insulting, tell yourself it is the illness (or problem) talking, not your mother. You are the daughter people are lucky to have. Sorting this out could take time, so do take care of yourself and keep an eye on aftercare planning that is realistic. Here's hoping for rapid improvement. Also, your father may be relieved to have some education/support about the nature of her problems and treatment once there is more information. My thoughts are with you.

Oh, I am so relieved to hear that your mother is now getting the care she needs, thanks to you and those who also love her. I have been praying that this would happen sooner rather than too late. My next hope is that you and your family members will be able to regroup and breathe easier...getting the rest and nourishment and encouragement that you need as caregivers. It takes a lot of strength to deal with a crisis like this, so look out for yourself as no one else can do this for you. Please know that you are not alone...we are here for you when you need encouragement, support and venting! God bless.

I know how stressful this is, but I'm glad your mother is being evaluated by people who can help. You have done the right thing. Please let us know what happens. I'm sending good thoughts of support your way!

More hugs your way. Such a tough road for you and your dad at the moment but thankfully you had great advice from your family doctor and she is getting the care she needs. XO

Thank you for this update, E. I've been thinking about you and your family, and I hope the doctors will have more news and a treatment plan for your Mum soon.

Hang in there!

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. She is safe and well cared for, the practitioners seem to be sent for your mom and family as well. Take care of yourselves and hopefully things improve for you all soon.

I am so sorry to hear about all this turmoil.. Please know that you did the right thing by getting her to a hospital before something terrible happened. Your mother needs serious care that you cannot provide as she sees you as the enemy... My prayers are with you and sending virtual hugs as well.

Final thought... if this was you,wouldn't you want your children to take you to a hospital rather than subject them to this???

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. From my reading here, it seems your Mom is now in hospital? This is good news, because from there - you'll get all the necessary tests and treatments done in an orderly fashion.

The thing that really jumped out at me is when Lyn* chimed in that this might not be the usual age-related dementia stuff, and that it could be a completely different situation (ie. medical/physical, and not the normal age-related memory problems that lots of people deal with).

I don't know if it helps, but one of my Grandmas had dementia/Alzheimers, and while she also experienced periods where she was a bit paranoid/weirded out, I wouldn't characterize it as aggression exactly. It was more like ...well, she had dementia (possible Alzheimers) and this is going to be very scary for someone to deal with, and because of this - it's natural to sort of blame others/point fingers at others if something's going wrong.

With my Grandma, if she couldn't find her keys or something, sometimes she used to think that maybe someone had hidden them on her. It wasn't aggression, but rather - something would go wrong or something would be missing, and she'd blame others - think that we were hiding things or stealing things from her. To me, this seems like a reasonable response when you're losing your memory and don't know what's going on. In my mind, it's easier to think that someone else must have hidden the keys than it is to think that there's something wrong with your own brain/memory. Does that make sense?

But we didn't experience the aggression that you're describing, and this is why I'm so glad that Lyn* chimed in that this isn't necessarily the norm, and that it could be something else causing the problem (something other than dementia/Alzheimers/age-related memory loss etc.)

Here's hoping your Mom is getting very good care and a good workup to find out what's really going on.

To me, it's normal to get a bit paranoid and think that people are "doing things" (moving/hiding your stuff, stealing from you etc.) if you're suffering from memory loss/dementia - easier to think that than to think that your mind is going, but I'm not so sure about the aggression part. This seems a bit different than my experience with dementia/Alzheimer's with my Grandma, but then - I'm no expert.

Hang in there and I really, really hope your Mom's situation gets resolved and treated. Agghh....this must be extremely traumatic.

Sending over some chocolates and a home cooked meal for you and one for your Dad too.

Here's hoping these goings-on with your Mom are totally temporary and are the result of some easily fixable issue.