Decisions, Decisions . . . . - YouLookFab Forum

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Decisions, Decisions . . . .

cherylm

Looking for advice. It has been a little over a year since my Mother passed away. She left mountains of clothing and a small mountain of jewelry. It was easy for me (relatively speaking) to depart with the clothing (I am a purger by nature). But the jewelry I am finding more difficult. Already gone is the low hanging fruit - large quantities of cheap jewelry from the 80’s and 90’s for example. My daughters have picked through what they want. For the most part - the jewelry just isn’t my style or that of my girl’s. Pieces my Dad bought for her are an easy keep for sentimental reasons.
I know there is some jewelry of value (vintage Ivory pieces for example) but they definately do not inspire “joy” for me nor my daughters even though they are beautiful from an artistic standpoint. It is very likely there are other pieces of value too but I have no idea which ones. There is a local retailer here in Seattle, Rhinestone Rosie - that might be able to help but I thought I would ask the forum for thoughts.
Thanks,

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25 replies

Latest reply was from Tina

Gretchen

Veteran

Are there any items you might be able to rework into something more your style? My mom took my dad’s wedding ring and my gramma’s anniversary ring and had them made into a necklace for me and earring for my sister. Still super-meaningful, but more useful as we both can wear everyday.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

FWIW, Cheryl, my late Mum left me lots of jewellery too. All real, custom-made, and not my style - although it's gold at least (my metal). She LOVED jewellery and wore it all the time. I'm a jewellery minimalist. I wear my few pearl pieces and that's it.

I have gone backwards and forwards with what to do with it. 19 years later and I've decided I'm keeping it all just as it is. I take it out from time to time to look at, which is meaningful too.

taylor

Veteran

So hard to part with things that belonged to people we love .
I am extremely sentimental when it comes to these things .

You can re-make some pieces as Gretchen has suggested she did . I like that idea and have seen family members of my own do that .

If you are happy with the pieces you have gotten and shared with your
family and daughters and what’s left isn’t something anyone is interested in then by all means ...let them go “with love” as they say . No guilt

cherylm

Gretchen - thank you for that suggestion I will give that some thought. Most of the piece are cheaper costume jewelry and not as apt to be remade but worth considering.
Angie - meaningful words of advice - but excess clutter even neatly stored makes me anxious - I would need to get the volume down. Currently it is in two LARGE plastic bins. I’m not kidding when I said a small mountain.
Taylor - I am struggling with “ is this valuable?” And respecting my Mom’s more personal things.

Anonymous

Could you use the cheap stuff to make (or have made) some holiday ornaments for your daughters? Do you have granddaughters that may love playing dress-up with those bobbles (and your mother beaming down watching them and delighted)?

ophelia

Veteran

I'd consider keeping it stored out of sight, if you were close to your mom. I'm in a similar situation, and also an (over) purger.
But once it's gone, it's gone forever.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I had to deal with a similar situation when my mom passed last year. I had one week and only one week to decide, completely on my own, what to do with her house and ALL of its contents. Nightmare!
I kept some of her clothes and jewelry. I’m wearing one of her tops today and realizing it just does NOT fit right. But I think I’m ok with letting these things go. The object- even the decision- doesn’t feel as meaningful or important now that I have digested the fact that she is truly gone. What I do with her shirt is not going to change that, you know?

It sounds like you are in a similar place emotionally. Maybe ready to let those things go. Especially if they are causing you stress! Life is too short.

gardenchick

Veteran

My mother-in-law left behind a lot of jewelry. I took a few small pieces but most of it wasn't my style or size. Now a bunch of it is in two safe deposit boxes. Since she was my husband's mother, I didn't feel like pushing the issue. But most of it is just sitting in storage, which seems silly.

I did ask about jewelry resale value at the local jewelry store. They said that it is very difficult to sell jewelry at its appraised value -- there's too much available, and styles have changed.

If you feel ready to let it go, I encourage you to do that! Maybe watch some Marie Kondo episodes on Netflix for inspiration

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Do you have a local consignment center or do you know anyone who has done this before/knows someone who has? They might have a referral for you. If not, it would be worth it to at least get a jewelers loop. Someone gave my mom the stuff leftover after everyone had their pick of their loved ones items. I went through and realized some were real gold and worth keeping or selling. Even cute .925 pins can be worth selling. It seemed things sold for close to the value of the metal, and you get at least 50%. It seems like really good stuff sells for half retail, and if you get half of that, it can be disheartening. But if the money is useful to you, or useful as a donation to a cause you care about, it is worthwhile.

For fun stuff I love the idea of using it for dress up. Also can be used by a high school, college, or community theater group. For better stuff, there are so many ways to repurpose items. Someone I knew took all the small stones out of things and had a wonderful multi color bracelet made.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I nearly made an off-topic thread with the struggle I have had with my parents' stuff. Most of the struggle comes from me. I tend to remember where things were in my childhood home. Mum died in 1999 and Dad in 2010, and I absorbed a fair number of the items into our home. There was thankfully not much jewellery so the bits I kept I love and wear. Now that we have moved into our new home I have brought all the china, glassware, vases etc in here but have been culling it with agony over every bit, and likely kept too much. I am going to try to sell some stuff I think, am preparing it. Searching the Internet is helping work out which bits may be worth selling and which just best to donate. Getting a little money is perhaps partly trying to recognise that my mother especially was careful with money her whole life and feels a bit respectful as well in a strange way. It helped to know the history of some of the things. I have a silver bangle like a wide cuff which my great grandmother is wearing in her wedding photo in 1886! I wear it occasionally.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

JenniNZ, you’re so right, we all want to show love and respect to our folksby preserving their memories and maybe their things. I found it heartbreaking somehow that the “fancy” objects my mom valued were then judged to have no (resale) value, and ended up being donated. I think what really hurts is to remember the many times she got angry at me as a kid for “marking the furniture”— and in the end the stupid furniture is gone and I have this bad memory leftover.

Anyway. Lots of emotions around these things for all of us.

Mainelady

Veteran

Yours is a challenging situation. If you are ready to let go, I suggest looking for a jeweler who handles estate pieces (for any pieces of value) and also looking for vintage/antique dealers. I am sure some of them would love your mother’s items.

njw

My dear grandmother left me some costume jewelry several years ago. I had a few pieces remade ... parts of a necklace became a bracelet...clip earrings became sweater clips...just an idea

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

I wish I could help - we’re going through something similar with my grandma’s jewelry - semiprecious stuff that isn’t actually ‘valuable’ per se, but it’s giving my mom pause - and stress.

If it’s vintage** and in good shape, you could try listing it on eBay or Etsy. Other avenues might include donating to a charity shop (Furkids in Atlanta is a favorite of mine), or seeing if your local high school or community theatre can use any of it for costuming.

**If you have elephant ivory pieces, I believe you’re going to have to have to prove the age and provenence before you can list it on online retail sites such as eBay or Etsy, because of CITES restrictions.

Another idea might be to repurpose some of it into other wearable things, such as shoe clips or to embellish a coat. I recently saw a website where someone makes these very lovely little retro-inspired bags with costume jewelry clustered on the front. If I can find it again, I’ll link it here.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Found it! Looks like they do denim as well as bags...

http://designsbytuesdai.com/

cherylm

Wow so many wonderful suggestions!
Everyone has given me so many good things to think about going through this process. Fashioning a few Christmas ornaments will be an easy fun project - my Mom had a couple of bizarrely large bedazzled Crosses that immediately come to mind.
When she passed away I only had two weeks to empty her apartment and my purger self got a little carried away at that time so I am suffering from a bit of whiplash from that process that I am still rebounding from.
You all have given me a much needed boost and guidance.
Thank you,

lyn67

Veteran

No clue as dealing with same thing still very hard to part with each piece...

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I'd start by asking my insurance company a good place to get it appraised, to know what you're dealing with. Even if you can't sell it for those prices, it would help with this discomfort It is very likely there are other pieces of value too but I have no idea which ones

Texgal posted recently about cleaning out after her parents' passing. You might want to reach out to her.

Angie, if you're going to revive the idea of buying guides, I'd love some guidance about used jewelry. Sounds like others would be interested too.

I just pulled up https://www.replacements.com/ to suggest Jenni NZ sell her dishes there, and I see they deal in vintage jewelry too. They are a good company.

SarahD8

Veteran

In my experience, of dealing with my grandmothers’ things, this is an iterative process. My impulse at first was to keep everything nice/fancy/valuable as well as sentimental items. Now, I’m slowly whittling down as I come to understand what does and doesn’t have a place/use in my life. If you have time and space, this might be the gentlest way, but I understand that it might not be a fit for all personalities.

rebekahphoto

Veteran

Jewelry is one of those things, small so it feels easy to hold on to, but it also seems to have so much literal and emotional value attached. My grandma had a ton, literally after years of working in shop and loving fashion. My mom & I kept a lot in big bins--fantastic source for many craft projects and also just wearing for fun! My mom herself also has a room full--she moved on from sewing to beading in her 50s and now has an incredible collection. I love lots of it, but I also think about what am I going to do with it all when the time comes?

Lots of good suggestions here--selling is always an option, but it does take time and energy. Rhinestone Rosie is very knowledgable, you would get at least an honest valuation and then could decide, knowing they would take 50% if you consigned/sell. My friend owns Fusion Beads here in Seattle & I could connect you to her if you wanted more info, (PM me) she & her employees are all bead jewelry obsessed

You could also donate to a school--I teach art and we always get great donations of supplies the students do amazing things with! Im sure any art teacher would be thrilled.

Have you seem Sherry Markovitz work? She is a local artist rep by Greg Kucera. Well known for her beaded animal taxidermy, (a few copiers now) Such amazing texture and color in her work!

http://www.gregkucera.com/markovitz_sculpture.htm

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Anonymous

My mother also left me lots of jewelry. I kept a few pieces and DD took what she wanted. The rest went to auction and I was happy that her jewelry found a good home. That is what I say to myself, but since my DD works in the auction business, I know in the back of my mind that some of it was purchased for the gold and silver value.

Helena

Veteran

Cheryl, no great advice for you, but just a comment to your point about having a bit of whiplash from a quick purge during probably a very difficult, perhaps shocking time ... I'm a firm believer in the ripples we can't see; consider, if it's right for you, trusting that the things you parted with are blessing someone else (whatever 'blessing' might mean to you) in a way that would make you and your Mom glad. Good luck with the jewellery xx

Anonymous

So much good advice! After my grandmother passed I just kept a couple things, but not sure how I'd handle my mother's due to all the emotion. Hopefully she'll outlive me

cherylm

So many kind and wonderful responses - this forum is blessed with so many individuals with a wealth of knowledge, experience and compassion. Thank you everyone for the terrific suggestions.
At this point I need to simmer on the advice and decide my next step.

Tina

I've been looking at Pintrest for ideas of projects with jewelry. I've seen framed Christmas trees in the past, but have been having a lot of fun imagining decorating a box to store other jewelry in, or adding to mosaics....