This is a very difficult post to write because I believe we all have to deal with this issue some time in our lives. I feel the need to start this part of my story with some history.
I have had some very close neighbors that I loved very much. So much so that we came to call ourselves adopted, they, my adopted parents, me, their adopted child. These wonderful people moved across the street from me when my children were small, about 25 years ago. Eileen passed away 12 years ago while eating soft serve ice cream at one of her favorite restaurants sitting across from her husband, Jack. Eileen and I would have wonderful conversations at 10 pm several nights a week. Her daughters lived in southern California so I was the stand in daughter close at hand. I loved her dearly and wrote the poem below about her about 2 years before her passing because she hated her feet and could not wear her beloved heels any longer.

Old Lady Feet

Dried, calloused skin
Covering heels and toes
Of the feet
She never chose

How many miles
Have they walked?
What places of wonder
Have they seen?

A lifetime duty
So easily ignored
Never acknowledged
For their unending chore

As toes curl up
Or out, or under
Disdain looks down
At these earthly wonders

Next to bronzed booties
Now stand bronzed heels
Marking the time
That marched with such zeal

The print of the foot
Created at birth
Hangs next to the one
Left at her death

Remembering each date
And the lifetime it took
To create the shape
Of an old Lady's foot

d simms
5/29/01

After her passing, I got Jack. His sons were in Alaska and his step daughters were in central California. He was a pain in the ass but he made me laugh and like Eileen, I loved him. He took care of me when my own folks were not there and I took care of him. Jack and I had a typical father/child relationship but our relationship was strong so he learned to listen when I felt the need to yell at him when he needed to go to the hospital. He was 81 at this time but after a couple of years and a couple of hospital stays the other kids and I finally talked him into selling the house and moving into a retirement home. This was such a relief to all of us and especially me because I was the one who saw him on a daily basis. It was not always easy but Jack and I really became best friends. Much like Eileen and I did.

Now I must go into the most difficult part of this story. Last Thursday night I took Jack to the emergency room because he had a nose bleed. Past bleeds had led to blood transfusions and at 94, we did not mess with them. By the time we left the hospital at 11pm the bleeding had stopped and all vitals were normal. No small fete for a man of 94. Friday night I went to dinner with my neighbor and got home about midnight and saw 3 phone calls and 1 text from the other kids. Saturday morning at 8 my time I called the son in Arizona. He told me Jack had called the other kids to say goodbye. Now, this was not new because this had gone on for years so there was no big concern but they wanted to let me know what was going on. I called the retirement home and spoke to the manager who told me she had seen him the day before and he had seemed fine but would check on him. I told her I would be there within the hour and got there about 9 AM. I checked with her and she told me she had not checked on him yet because he had not been sleeping well and thought it best to let him sleep in. I went back to his apartment, picked up the newspaper leaning against the door, knocked and turned the knob. It was not locked which was not unusual, the lights were on and I called his name, and closed the door after walking in. Our usual routine. He was sitting in his chair but blood was running from his nose. So I said, "Jack your nose is bleeding again". His eyes were open but he did not answer. Then I looked down and saw a gun in his lap and a whole lot of blood. Consequently, life around here is very chaotic right now.

I think I am telling all of you this because, yes, even those we are closest to may be a big pain in the ass, hug them, and tell you how much you love them. It is up to them to accept it or not. and really we all make messes for others no matter how much we think we don't. We are all human and being human is a mess in itself. We are all just beautiful messes.

I love all of you!!!