Danger to much emotion - YouLookFab Forum

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About: Style Needs Both Your Head and Heart

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Danger to much emotion

kkards

Veteran

today blog post about style needing emotion hit me hard.
i have always been an emotional dresser...what do i feel like wearing today etc. how does this outfit make me feel, is equally if not more important to me than how does this outfit make me look.
BUT...for the last couple of days i have looked at my extensive wardrobe and come back with " i have nothing to wear". clearly that is not true. and my closet served me well last summer. so what is going on. well, my old boss was promoted 2 months ago (yay her, so proud), and the transition to my new boss is not going well. in addition, i currently have an open position on my team, so i am doing that job in addition to my own, as i hire, train and on board someone new. i'm frustrated and i'm stressed, not a winning combination. conclusion - i need a little less emotion each day as i get dressed and head out the door...and i definitely do not need to shop which is my default mode when "i have nothing to wear" .

thanks for reading. thoughts? ideas? comments?

General

30 replies

Latest reply was from Brooklyn

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I do agree that how one feels can definitely affect how we feel about our clothes.I hope that your stressful work situation settles soon but in the meanwhile ?fall back on tried and tested outfits and try not to overthink it whilst all this is going on.Best of luck.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, kkards. Lots to navigate, process, do, and deal with. (((HUGS)))

Nodding along with Cardiff Girl.

The stress and frustration of it all is affecting your perception of your otherwise super duper wardrobe. Trust me! You have stellar, fun and beautiful stuff!

May I suggest the following:

Select your outfit the evening before. Choose a calm five minutes to do that to avoid the helter-skelter in the morning.

Choose fast fallback outfits for now. Simplify. Choose the clothes and SHOES that comfort you.

Try not to shop for a while. It's overwhelming. You need to feel in control.

Good luck, and hang in there. Here to help!

slim cat

Veteran

I've had some similar changes at work - the current general manager is the third one I'm working with ( 3 years of our store being active/open including partially open mall during pandemic ).
Each new person feels like extra stress one way or the other.
I'm usually starting to fall back to my favorite uniform pieces with the stricter dress code by default. There is some things that familiar and bring some extra comfort - like favorite jewelry ( for me at least ) or sharp jacket, pants.
On the first day we had a VIP visit and were asked to wear actual black shoes ( versus comfy sneakers/boots ) and that gave me extra anxiety
( can't do those shoes more than 3-4 hours ).
It's all settled now - but it took some time to get used to the new boss.

Hope your new boss just stressed by new position and all will be changing soon for the better. Your fab wardrobe has lots of possibilities and you have great style - just pick your favorite things and carry on.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

That does sound frustrating and stressful! I am nodding to everything Angie says. You have a fabulous wardrobe of terrific clothes that suit you well. You will feel better about it all again soon, and you're right -- shopping's not the solution. Wearing the heck out of it is!

Roberta

Veteran

Wow, I've been there, and I remember that everything I put on had to FEEL good. Soft, silky, no tight waists or pinchy shoes, no clangy or harsh jewelry. Any outfit that had earned a compliment previously was a good choice. And no closet experiments; they added another layer of anxiety (even if it used to be fun). You could look at your posts and pictures where you looked beautiful and we all told you so!

My new boss previously reported to me, and neither of us were comfortable for a while. I just kept my head down for a couple of months and enjoyed going home at the end of the day.

LJP

Veteran

Geez -I feel seen . I came to the conclusion yesterday ( I’m a slow learner apparently ) that shopping is indeed overwhelming and frustrating and NOT the answer to stress . I made a promise to myself to stay out of stores for the rest of the summer . More fantastic stuff is not going to magically materialize at this point - we’ve seen it all now . Like you , I’m alternately irritated and frustrated at work by new managers and new , young team members . Life is challenging at times when it needn’t be , right ? I look at all of my lovely clothes and feel blah and uninspired . What I think I had to have now looks very ordinary and I don’t feel fan when I look in the mirror . Ugh .

Anonymous

Lots of good advice! When I get extra stress, I simplify everything else as much as I can, and make as few decisions as humanly possible. FFBOs, very simple meals, and saying no to everything that isn't essential.

phoebe

You describe very well the reasons why is a challenging time for a spontaneous dresser!

As a uniform dresser, for me, emotion is a decision making factor at the time of the purchase, not during the outfit construction.

Maybe practicing variations of a uniform for when you're not feeling inspired would limit your decisions to fewer choices without eliminating that "of the moment" spark.

Dee

Veteran

Yes when you’re feeling stresses in other parts of your life, its pretty hard to focus or care about what you’re wearing half the time.

Lots of great advice already, you definitely have a great wardrobe to rely on, even if it doesn’t seem so at the moment and I sure get that default reaction to shop your way out of the problem, but hopefully this situation is only temporary and that you’ll soon be back to enjoying your wardrobe again.

kkards

Veteran

Thanks to all for listening, commiserating, and offering support and advice.
I’m also a slow learner and only came to the conclusion that shopping was not the answer after I spent Saturday afternoon at the mall, and then kicked myself for buying something I didn’t need and will now need to return.
I had been trying to pick an outfit the night before but somehow get derailed this week, I think the sudden return of 90F/32C temps this week kind of threw me.
I’m going to make an effort for June to dress with intention and physical and psychological comfort 1st and foremost.
Thanks again for listening

cat2

Veteran

What I do in times when work gets hectic is on Sunday to set out a week’s worth of outfits and then just pick one each morning. But I am on the logical end of the scale, so it may not work for you.

RobinF

Veteran

So much great advice here! I agree, the change in temps can throw me off too.

I always pick out my clothes the night before - mostly because DH sleeps later than I do and the room is dark when I am getting dressed But I do find that it is much easier to make decisions when I am not as rushed.

You do have a great wardrobe to fall back on!

Peri

Veteran

Right there with you, although different stressors. I'm sorry you are dealing with work issues as so much is out of your control. I think the suggestions to not shop are good ones because even if you bought great things, if it was me I would always associate those clothes with stressful times and having been bought under duress and that would make me not like them later.

Indigoprint

Veteran

Well to me you always look great...For example your recent post of linen shorts & sneakers So Fab!
I know what you mean about emotion that is my Achilles heel so I may not be the best person to offer advice....
One thing you could do is review your YLF posts and the comments. You will have a documentation of your Fab looks and comments to help work through the emotion.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Oh, gosh, that sounds stressful indeed. I hope you can take a few deep breaths when you look in your closet, and maybe something will appeal to you. Just today. Then if it doesn't work, or if it does, try it again tomorrow.

Work is work, or they would call it vacation. But geez, I hope you get some relief soon.

kellygirl

Veteran

Omg, so sorry. I can totally relate and sympathize. I have had the same feelings where dressing feels like a chore and nothing feels right. When that happens, I rely on FFBO that are comfortable - so mostly jeans and sneakers. Not sure that your work is as casual but it gets me by until I feel less in a funk. This approach has been kind of liberating - no pressure dressing. Our team is down two people not including the two replacements for the two that originally left so you're not alone! Well, you are sort of. Just like me. Haha.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I have nothing to add to the excellent advice on this thread but sympathy. I have worked with good managers and bad and my job satisfaction is really determined by the difference. I hope you find someone for the position and that you remind yourself that this too will pass.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I guess I’m with cat2, that I’m a logical and utilitarian dresser- now. I didn’t used to be, that was when I was feeling bad about myself in my late 40s and shopped a lot to try to make me feel better. It wasn’t a work issue per se at the time though there were stresses also with a business partner back then.
The over shopping is what led to my bloated wardrobe that eventually brought me to YLF.
I’d try to lean into your logical side that knows you do have something to wear, and I also like the idea of re-reading your old YLF posts for all the compliments! And good luck for the work situation.

Bijou

Veteran

KKards - I hope your jeans are doing the heavy lifting in your wardrobe at the moment, as you are our resident denim specialist and always look fabulous in your jeans.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling, that sense of being overwhelmed is awful. Time to put in the schedule things that are relaxing and fun. Take time each day to do something that helps you destress and relax.

The mere fact that you can identify that your dissatisfaction with your wardrobe is because you are stressed is great - knowledge is power.

I hope the work situation can be resolved.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Sorry to hear about the extra stress and load you are under. There are lots of good ideas from everyone. As an emotional dresser (taking practicality and weather into account) some years my preferred “uniform “ is vastly different from the previous year. One summer was all crops and tops, the next all skirts, and the next some of everything. So if you’re leaning a certain way, maybe lean into it.
Good luck.

Olive Green

Veteran

I go uniform under stress. Even if it’s just jeans and a shirt with sleeves I can roll up. Shoes need to be comfy. And rinse and repeat till it’s over. Every day, in some iteration. The energy needs to go elsewhere. No need for choice fatigue.
So, chinos, flats, shirt, blazer for the VIPs?
You have a great wardrobe for that!

Olive Green

Veteran

Looking at my post, I think it says dress like a guy, lol. Or your version.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I understand that feeling all too well. Stress or dissatisfaction in other areas of my life definitely have an impact on my self-image, including how I feel about my wardrobe!

Recognizing and identifying what’s going on at the core is the all too important first step, and half the battle, in my experience. I then generally rely on FFBOs and favorite silhouettes and uniforms to help me have one less thing to worry about.

I hope the work situation improves soon! That does sound stressful.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

I’m sorry you’re going through all of this, and I hope things improve soon!

I didn’t read all of the comments, but during times of high stress, I will do an outfit creation session and hang it all together, so I can choose from several grab-and-go options.

My process:

I create an empowering mantra (mine fallback is usually “I am not f***ing around”. Feel free to use it).

Then I give myself a couple of hours, pull out my favorite pieces, and start making outfits.

I take pictures for reference, and hang all the pieces together, outfit by outfit.

I like to hang belts and put jewelry into resealable bags and put them with the outfits, and put the shoes underneath.

Every time I try a new outfit, I look at myself in the mirror and say my mantra to see if it resonates, or if I need to tweak things in the outfit.

unfrumped

Veteran

Not in this situation now but just a few short years ago. Agree with great advice given above.

You have gotten some “ fashion cred” from staying updated and even adventurous in your wardrobe, but still, most of the time we obsess about our outfits than our co- workers are really noticing.

With the great choices you’ve made already in your wardrobe, I think the most comfortable, FFBO’s and even consciously choosing outfits that you have learned you forget about once they’re on, and focusing on your work expertise.

Since so much of this is “ mood”—not that stress and harder work is in your imagination, but that it all affects mood- if you have better days when you feel less harried and feel like wearing something from your more adventuresome selections, by all means do so, as may elevate mood.

You are likely experiencing “ decision fatigue “ if having a lot of changes at work, hence the fallback to uniform and tried& true outfits and a bit of outfit selection/ planning done at times other than the morning rush.

catherine

Veteran

Ugh, that’s the worst. I had some sage advice around 40 years ago that served me well during difficult times at work.
“Suit up and show up.”
Your wardrobe is so fantastic and your outfits are so put together.
Sending good thoughts.

bj1111

Veteran

What a stressful situation. No wonder you feel emotional.

As an ornery person who has to literally drive fingernails into palms to avoid blurting out inappropriately , I wear a totem-a hedgehog brooch-prickly brooch for a prickly person. Helps diffuse the inevitable tension.

Perhaps something similar to keep you grounded?

kkards

Veteran

So after a long day I wanted to just do a quick update.
After reading Bijou comment something clicked-part of what was pushing the “nothing to wear” button was that it had turned to hot to wear most of my jeans, so my tried and true, most favorite FFBOs weren’t available. But I reach back to some outfit pictures I had from last summer, pulled out pieces from the one I felt most grounded in, and wore that today! No standing in the closet fussing, no putting something on and immediately taking it off. It was easy peasy and I felt calmer this morning than I had in a long time!

Thanks to each and everyone for helping me through this. I feel like this is a huge step for me. For so long shopping was my default “solve” for these situations -which of course it wasn’t.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*happy dance*

You solved another part of the puzzle, kkards - hot weather prevented you from wearing your true FFBO's, which are jeans outfits. Now you know, and reaped the reward.

WELL DONE!

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