Dainty flats don't love me - YouLookFab Forum

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Dainty flats don't love me

Aziraphale

Veteran

I am coming to the realization that I'm not made for dainty flats. (By "dainty" I mean sleek and with a fairly thin sole). It is sad, because there are some I really like. I've been seeing pointy-toe ankle strap sandals a lot these days, and they really appeal to me, but give the trouble I've been having with styling my "dainty" oxfords makes me think I should steer clear. I have to be so careful with proportions when I wear them -- get it wrong, and I look really top-heavy. On the other hand, I can throw on a pair of chunky-heeled shoes, or even chunky flats, with just about anything and the proportions are almost always right.

Maybe this is part of the reason I enjoyed 90s fashion so much: my figure worked better with the chunky-soled footwear that was so ubiquitous in that decade!

What kinds of things are you attracted to that fight will your body shape?

Dressing

30 replies

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abc

Veteran

Same here, I have a hard time with any dainty footwear. I think my body scale just looks more balanced with a "heavier" shoe (visually speaking).

Thistle

Veteran

I hear ya!! I also feel more cohesive with a less dainty shoe. I think it does have to do with scale, and I want a bit of support in my shoes.

Although, that could be the 90s girl in me . . . How I loved my Docs. And Birks (although, I did get a pair of silver Birks last summer )

catgirl

Veteran

Me either. I just ordered a pair of the famous Okalas and am debating whether they work with my hobbit feet. They fit but do they flatter? Can feet be flattered? The closest I come to delicate is my Allsaints flats worn today.

I have managed to stop loving things that don't love me, except for eying wrap dresses.

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Aziraphale

Veteran

Una -- those flats are really "you"! Very cool.

abc -- I think it's more than just scale, though, because I'm built on a small scale -- really short and small-boned -- but I look off-balance in dainty flats. (Dainty heels are usually OK).

Thistle -- ah, Docs and Birks. I remember those days.

catgirl

Veteran

Delicate footwear makes me feel like my feet are hooves somehow, maybe because they look so disproportionately small. I'm petite but as you know, I need to balance my shoulders.

Jude

Interesting discussion. I can usually wear more delicate shoes as long as they have a higher vamp or some kind of T or ankle strap to elongate my short wide paws. Aziraphale and Una, would that help you? As to clothing, I'm attracted to so many inappropriate (for me) styles! Love long, drapey, flowy things but they make me look like I'm wearing bedding. And yet, anything too strictly tailored and I look like a very cross school marm!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Interesting, Elisabeh. I wonder if it really is proportions at play - or simply your sartorial preference? You seem petite and small boned from your pics. Dainty footwear should suit your frame.

I tried on your sandal bootie Fluevogs - beautifully made shoes - and found them uncomfortable unfortunatley - which was unexpected. Fluevog usually makes soft and comfortable shoes. The cut-out booties on the other hand, were heavenly on my feet. They may have followed me home if they were white.

I'll wear the dainty shoes for you, if you wear the chunky shoes for me. Deal? (Docs are the only exception. I LOVED my Docs).

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Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What kinds of things are you attracted to that fight with your body shape?

To answer your question: Fashionable oversized pieces that I cannot carry off because of my narrow shoulders and slight frame. It's not a height thing. I'm 5ft 6. I have 5ft 2 clients with broad shoulders and more of a bust who can carry these pieces off with panache. They can fill them out whereas they're wearing me when I fit them on.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I also wonder if it's an outfit proportion or style issue rather than something truly to do with how you're built. You are not a disproportionate person in any way, from what I recall. I wonder if your eye would just need to adjust to the look on yourself.

That said, I do understand a bit of what you're talking about. I have slightly narrow, low-volume feet, and I can in theory wear dainty shoes. However, I have, well, solid hips and thighs, so depending on how I style those kinds of shoes, I can look unfortunately ice-cream-cone-ish. More substantial shoes can help balance out my hips, to my eye. But it all depends on what I'm wearing with those shoes. If I'm wearing dainty shoes, chances are I need to pull something a bit tougher into the look, just because my personal style preferences do not really include the term "dainty."

But I'm attracted to all kinds of things that fight with my body shape. I love bold and printed pants, but they're just not the best on my shape. I think shift dresses are adorable on lots of women, but absolutely hideous on me (the way I learned to remember the difference between "shift" and "sheath" dresses? All I had to do was remember that "shift" looks like, well, "shift" without the "f" on me ;-)). Ah well, my closet is not exactly empty for lack of options.

Staysfit

Veteran

My list of what doesn't work is growing........however, I can wear the dainty flats. I think it's because I have skinny ankles.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What Angie said.

Oversized drape or really any drape just hates me. And I am not even especially petite. Grumble.

As for the footwear, I am attracted sometimes to low vamped shoes (flat or otherwise) -- none of which I can wear because they do not stay on my feet. Who knows how they might look? It's moot.

Anonymous

I don't even know where to start! I'm attracted to all kinds of things that look like , well, crap, on me. I just love super-fashionable clothes that look so excellent on size -1 mannequins in a store, and get all excited to try things on, then, NO.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Boho doesn't work for me.I look like a worn-out hippie! Now, I can do arty looks, if their is sufficient architecture to the look. I've also reached my expiration date with dainty florals. On the plus side, I used to reject stripes on me, but now I like them and treat them like a graphic print.

If you prefer chunkier shoes, I've seen quite a lot of these in those stores. Wear what makes you feel terrific!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Hmm, I don't like shoes that make my feet look too small. I wonder if that is your issue also. My feet aren't particularly small for my height, and I have a small frame, but some shoes just look too little to my eye.

dashielle (Ann)

(website)

Veteran

I've come to the similar conclusion after trying tons of ballet flats. I can wear dainty with a heel, but otherwise need a big sole or chunkiness if I wear flats in order to balance wide shoulders, a well sprung rib cage ( as we call it in horses) and muscular calves, although I have dainty wrists and ankles.

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

As Janet said, shift dresses do not love me, but I really love them! And there are so many shoes that I love (particularly Oxford types) that throw all of the proportions off of, well... everything.

Sal

Veteran

I do not like the look of loafers or ballet flats on me. Okay maybe with jeans or long pants - not good with shorts or skirts. I will wear minimalist sandals or even beaded thongs or havaiana's happily enough. I am happy with dainty or chunky heels. I think the loafers and ballet flats always fall off my heel, make me feel as though my ankles are puffy. When I wear them I think I may as well wear a heel or boot as these are so uncomfortable and unsupportive OR wear a sandal or sneaker that is truly comfortable. And if it is warm they get so hot and sweaty on me that they quickly become a very unappealing piece of footwear.

Shirts or button downs are a battle for me too. To get the length, bust, arm length and shoulder fit is a challenge. Then I mostly do not like them tucked in, but out can look wrong on me too. I look better in an open neck. In my head I look very dashing in a white shirt with jeans but not in the reality.

So you won't see me in a white button down with loafers or ballet flats.

I do like this look on others

Gaylene

Veteran

What kinds of things are you attracted to that fight with your body shape?

Well, anything dainty or very feminine--tiny prints, ruffles, spaghetti-strapped dresses, lace, bows, pastels, to name just a few. I'd love to wear a cute, swirly, full-skirted summer sundress with strappy heels, but even the mention of such an outfit on me causes people's faces to go white. My athletic, muscular, IT-shaped body just doesn't take kindly to swaths of chiffon and lace. But put me in a YSL evening tuxedo with a peek of a lace bra and I can take over a room. Same goes for avante garde shapes and architectural clothing that would swamp a more delicate shape. Leather boots = good; ballet flats = not so good; strappy, delicate stilleto = MAJOR DISASTER!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Lots of very interesting replies! I guess we all have things we're built for, and things we're not.

Jude, thanks for the suggestion. I can wear delicate heels -- and I love t-straps! I have two pairs. I can't do delicate flat very easily, though.

Angie -- I wonder if it really is proportions at play - or simply your sartorial preference? You seem petite and small boned from your pics. Dainty footwear should suit your frame. It really is proportions, I'm sure of it. I am indeed petite and small-boned, and dainty heels look just great. It's the flats that are tricky. I don't have typical IT shoulders, but they're very square, and I have enough boobage that it's easy for them to prop up tops so that they "fill in" the sharp angles of my shoulders and make my upper half look blocky. Combine that with narrow hips, and it makes me look very top-heavy. And for some reason flat dainty shoes exaggerate the effect, whereas dainty heels do not. (It is true, however, that I tend to gravitate to tougher-looking footwear. But I like sleek sometimes too! And those cutout Fluevogs are gorgeous...I wanted them too).

Janet, lol@ the "shift" comment. I'd probably "look like shift" in a shift, too.

Beth Ann, lol@"boho makes me look like a worn-out hippie". I'd argue that that is a general risk when undertaking the boho look -- I mean, even the Olsen twins looked like worn-out hippies (or batty bag ladies) half the time, and they were about twenty when they started dressing like that!

Suz, just about every pair of dressy shoes I own have some kind of strap. The only ones I have that are low vamp are tight enough that they don't slip -- but I had to buy them too tight and have the toe box severely stretched out!

Kiwigal, shirts are a battle for just about all of us, I think.

Gaylene, let's see a picture of you in your tuxedo and lace!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Aha. You feel like you're toppling over in dainty flats, E. Makes sense. Conversely, I have narrow shoulders - wearing chunky shoes makes me look like I'm wearing Greg's shoes. Dainty footwear - heeled or flat - balances out proportions. (Again, DOCS are the exception).

unfrumped

Veteran

Too-dainty flats here too, but generally it is when combined with too- tapered pants. They can work okay with some skirts, and with fuller pants. It is the proportion from hip to foot that seems to matter.

Other "fighters" are some tunic tops, really most tunics, because I need some hip room but don't have broad enough shoulders to carry that volume, and also because of long torso--there isn't any leg left!. And then if it's too much of an A-line shape, I feel I must look preggers. So can't carry off a lot of arty drape the way some folks can.

columbine(erin)

Veteran

I love the look of button downs but the are enough of a battle to fit that I currently own none. They just plain fight with my curves so I'd have to get them made for me or tailored.

Anonymous

I'm pretty straight and boyish. The dainty footwear gives me a shot of femininity. I like low vamp footwear a lot.

ETA: What doesn't work for me? Most shirts. Most dresses.

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rachylou

Veteran

I don't like thin-soled ballet flats on me and, frankly, all but a few very delicately boned, short middle schoolers. Delicate pumps are a bit different, because a heel is a heel is a weapon, lol. This is obviously a personality thing. On the otherhand, I don't like shoes that make feet look small because of proportions... I don't feel Tweedle Dee is really a good look...

DonnaF

Veteran

Shift dresses. I will join Janet and Sarah on THAT bench. Like Janet, my body looks best in sheath dresses and (probably) fit'n'flares if the waist hits in the right place. But I like comfort. And a degree of flattery. Shift dresses highlight my body's flaws.

Many shoes. Most shoes. The good news, I suppose, is that I save a chunk of change because most footwear simply doesn't work for me.

old chic

What kinds of things are you attracted to that fight with your body shape?

I love the look of a long, slender, willowy column that both flows and creates angles with movement. For reference, see 90% of what comes down any designer's runway. Although I am tallish at 5'8", I am nowhere thin or straight enough to carry this off effectively. Even decades ago, when I weighed 115 lbs., my hips and bust were too prominent to get it right.

Still, I am so energized by a beautiful, original shoe that I will wear just about anything that I can put on my feet that doesn't look ordinary. In this regard, it's helpful that I have slender ankles and long legs despite my relatively clunky body. Anyway, it's all about the shoes.

Brooklyn

Veteran

I am tall with big feet and I don't like delicate footwear on me. Or ballet flats or sneakers or loafers! And I struggle with ankle boots with skirts because all I see is my big feet! But boots and chunky sandals are my favourite footwear because they seem to balance me. Love those first ones angie posted above.
I also love the look of just above the knee shift dresses on others but on me they can look a bit wrong.

Anonymous

Interesting. I'm very short with a curvy figure and some extra weight, and I think dainty flats generally work on me, especially since daintiness in a flat usually goes along with a low vamp, so at least I look a little taller. Very delicate, narrow heels, on the other hand, make me look like I'm about to topple over. I definitely get the ice-cream cone thing Janet describes. And, since I am short and I have small, narrow feet, very chunky shoes kind of look like I've strapped bricks to my feet. Heels that have some substance to them without being too chunky are probably the absolute best from a flattery perspective for me since they kind of balance everything out.

What other things am I attracted to that fight with my body shape? Pretty much everything. Except wrap dresses. Those are apparently the one garment shaped for me.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Aubergine, that's interesting. We are both short, but owing to figure differences, what works on you doesn't work on me and vice versa. I'm sure this is all down to proportions. Are you a pretty pear? Or a curvy hourglass? I've learned that whatever works on a pretty pear will look dreadful on me. But heels, even delicate ones, make me look statuesque (even though I'm not!). Ballet flats, on the other hand, make me look stumpy and unbalanced -- like I'm going to tip over.

Brooklyn, it's funny how we get an idea into our heads about something and then focus on it. I'm sure your feet are perfectly in proportion with the rest of you, but I can totally relate when you say you focus on them. I find that there's certain things I get an idea about, and then I can't un-see it.

Old chic, I'm a fan of shoes, too. I always think they make or break an outfit. They don't necessarily have to be unique, but they have to have good design. Design is key.

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