Cycles...of life and closets (long)

abc

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately due to some terrific posts on the forum.

In the past 3.5 years, I have gone through some significant life and lifestyle changes:
-move to a different country and climate
-working in a dressier office environment than I was used to
-got pregnant and had baby #1
-back to work in said office
-got pregnant and had baby #2
-change of job to work from home, with some travel and client-facing meetings
-recent weight loss (from about a 16/18W to around 12/14, enough that even stuff bought a few months ago falls off of me)

I have found myself playing "catch up" in the closet - and for me, that historically has meant panic buying, resulting in items that don't play well together, orphans, and items for an imaginary life (my old lifestyle where I had to dress business casual 5 days a week).

Not to call one person out, but I am impressed by Mo's analysis and restraint when it comes to purchasing. ((claps))

I would love to be in this position, but with so much flux happening in the last few years, I've found it hard to be in a stable place where I can actually plan for and make smart buys.

I guess it just hit me today why I haven't been able to plan and analyze more. But I am also my own worst enemy when it comes to impulse buying and caving to the rush I feel when shopping.

I travel to the US about once a month and do all of my clothes shopping there (it's sorely lacking and expensive here). I tend to feel like if I can't or don't get it on my current trip, it will be gone or not available the next time around - or that I'll never be back - which is far from true. I know this is adding to my own panic factor while shopping, and it's not a good thing.

I'm not sure what I am looking for in this post, maybe some reassurance (ha!) that all all of the money I've spent on clothes hasn't gone down the drain. That this is normal given the amount of change I've experienced the past few years.

I am at a point again at rebuilding a wardrobe. Confession: I recently bought quite a few items on impulse at WHBM, but they have proved to be handy so I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. However, I would like to be smart (and way less impulsive) about my next purchases.

I have the following (see pinboard for recent purchases):
http://www.pinterest.com/angel.....fulfilled/
-several dresses that can be worn for work and dressy casual situations
-1 pr black dress pants that are work appropriate
-2 pr straight leg black jeans
-2 pr straight leg dark denim jeans
-1 pr skinny jeans dark denim color
-several sleeveless tops/tanks that span casual to dressy but need a topper (I don't like to expose my upper arms and it's never hot here so I'm lucky)
-several blazers, 2 of which are new (1 I have been wearing a ton, so a good buy)
-older tops that still fit but I'm not crazy about, some of which are honestly probably too big but I have a hard time letting go of
-denim jacket (Kut from the Kloth)
-chambray shirt (GAP 1969)
-bodycon B44 knockoff dress from WHBM
-grey, black and stripe skirts
-white button down shirt
-stripe silk button down
-gray matte sequin stripe tee
-Gap cream/orange stripe sweater

Items I purged due to weight loss that I think I need to replace:
-pants or jeans or leggings hemmed for flats
-white straight leg pants hemmed for flats
-leather jacket (probably more of a want than a need)
-VC tube skirt (size I have is too big now and I miss it)
-plain tshirts for layering
-jackets/coats - need to revisit but my need for these is less due to the mild climate where I live
-denim skirt (used to wear a ton)
-white, black and dressy denim blazers (I had sejour brand and they were fab but I probably have enough blazers already)

My activities vary:
-client facing meetings (dressy)
-business casual
-client that allows jeans (I usually do jeans+blazer to skew to the dressier side)
-work from home days (walk to/from daycare)
-casual activities (family visits, etc)
-urban, city, walking lifestyle

For some reason I am still coming up empty when I go to the closet to make an outfit. What's wrong with me? Am I just overwhelmed with the change?

I guess I am trying to figure out what my needs vs wants are and how to prioritize those AND how to pick smartly so they play well with what I already have. It's been a few weeks since I did a huge purge and so far the things that are standing out most are the lack of pants hemmed for flats and plain layering tees.

I'll be in the US next week and really want to be smart about how I spend my money.

Input, thoughts, analysis, commiserating welcome

12 years ago

Shopping

13 replies

Latest reply was from shemarie

(website)

Veteran

funny, I clicked on this right away - must be something in my gene pool lol.
It looks like you're doing all the thinking behind it, but somehow it's not translating into actual outfits. Have you tried making a capsule or two and trying everything on? That can often show exactly what wardrobe gaps you have and just what you need to make an outfit work.
Along the same lines, look up some of the outfit formulas Angie has blogged about and see if you can mock up some similar looks that you like. It can be a starting point to leap off from.

Oh, another thing that helps me is imagining myself doing whatever in the clothes. Am I walking to BigLots to get supplies for the house? Wine tasting in a casino in cold weather in Tahoe? Playing croquet with friends and then heading out for a casual lunch? Does my footwear work? Do I need a layer I can take on and off as needed? etc, etc.

12 years ago

jenanded

Veteran

Aaarghh its a tough one as there are so many aspects to your life which of course really is a yeah! Advice I have received previously is to concentrate on one area at a time, esp with your US trips. Perhaps some things on your replace list? I do a similar thing and was in the U S last week doing same. I have faced reality of the US brands I prefer and really studied their websites for the stock, colours etc... I was able to hone in on a few things I really needed on my list. But also allowed for an Angie mantra of leave no stone unturned. That way I added the sorely needed quality work top basics I cant get at home but came home with an unexpected nude look makeup which has made a real difference. Also a fashion diary journal is really useful for keeping reflective and focused. So congrats on lovely babies and new figure!

12 years ago

Liz

Veteran

Ooh. I love wardrobe planning. Here is what I'd do: think in capsules and focus on one capsule during each shopping trip. Let's say for February it's "client facing meetings, dressy."
* Figure out how many outfits you need for that capsule: two meetings a week? Three a week? Let's say you want three outfits for these meetings.
* Pull items from your closet to make those outfits. If you can't make three, what do you need to complete them? One pair dress shoes, and one print blouse, for example.
* That's what you look for and buy this time. Next month, do a different activity capsule.
Then relax, knowing that over a few months, you'll gradually address everything that you need to address.

(By the way, it seems like you have plenty of bottoms and toppers but are hurting for tops.)

12 years ago

Lisa

Veteran

Some great tips here already. I agree with others, you need to try creating capsules of your clothes to identify the wardrobe holes. Then you'll be able to fill in the gaps next time you shop and have a closet full of outfits.

12 years ago

Veteran

I like Liz's plan! I too love wardrobe building.

I would consider seeing how many 'perfect' (I put that in quotes because I think perfect is a loaded word but can't think of a good synonym right now) outfits you can make for each of your scenarios from what you have right now. Try them on, completely, and when you find a combination that looks & works 'perfectly' photograph it or write it down or hang everything together. That will let you know that you *do* have something to wear and might help quell any feelings of panic and stress when you go to your closet. The fact is, especially if you stick to more neutral & classic pieces, you can repeat as often as you want without anyone really noticing. I imagine with 2 little ones it will be a challenge to get the time & space & energy you need to do that, so I'd ask your husband to take the kids out of the house or arrange a play date or something so you can focus and know you're not going to be interrupted in the middle of things.

With a walking urban lifestyle, I'd prioritise the shoe situation too. So definitely get those trousers hemmed!

Oh, and have you worked out the frequency of your different activities? That might help in figuring out how many clothes you need for each one!

12 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I saw the title of this post earlier today but wanted to come back when I had a bit more time to respond. And now that I've read it, I see that you've already received fabulous advice.

So first I will just say congratulations -- not only on the weight loss, which is amazing and something to be especially proud of, given how busy you are in the rest of your life -- but also just for weathering all those many changes in the past few years. That is huge!

I can really identify with a lot of what you are saying: coming to YLF after weight loss and having to change my whole wardrobe; changing jobs around the same time; being a MOTG; frequent travelling; need for quite a variety of TYPES of outfits; urban walking lifestyle -- and last but not least, the periodic mad shopping trips to the US when you feel like it might be your "last chance" to get this, that, or the other item. And go a little crazy just trying to stock up.

Deep breath. First off, although it may seem as if you've been purchasing like a madwoman, your overall usable wardrobe is still quite small.

I love the ideas that you've received to think in terms of creating capsule outfits from your closet for your specific activities and seeing what's missing. And E's idea to focus on good footwear (always great advice, period!) And I've also found it really useful to adopt or adapt Angie's ensemble outfits. This exercise in particular has often showed me where or what I need to upgrade to achieve a more current look.

But in order to ease some of that shopper's guilt from previous shops, it might also be useful to count the total number of items (wearable) in that closet right now. I know that when I did this, I was surprised to learn that my wardrobe was still a lot smaller than I thought -- and it helped me understand why I was still coming up blank at times when it came to outfit creation! (And made me feel a bit less guilty about continuing to shop.)

A couple more questions:

Have you settled on a colour palette? If not, it might be smart to do that -- you'll get a lot more mix-matchability from the stuff you have that way.

Do you have a sense of whether your style is in evolution? It might be wise to spend some time figuring that out before the next trip. How do you want to look. What's the current style and where are you going?

With weight change also (sometimes) comes body type change. That happened to me -- and it left me confused because former favourite styles didn't seem to work as well on me any more. If this is true for you, you might have to experiment a bit with silhouettes and it's time well spent, because otherwise you might end up buying a whole lot of items that would have been FFB with your former shape, but really are less flattering now that you might wish. (AKA "expensive mistakes and orphans).

For the US trips -- is there any way you can do ordering in advance to be delivered to wherever you are staying? I do this and it saves me a lot of frustration. I try it on in the hotel room and if it doesn't work, back it goes. I can order in multiple sizes, etc. Also, the advance planning helps to keep me calmer when I actually find myself in a real store. I already have some sense of what I'm looking for (from my online shopping) and so I'm more focused and less overstimulated.

Try to buy from places with great return policies, in case you do take something home that won't work with your current things.

How about one of those wardrobe apps with photos of all the stuff you own? That would allow you to compare the colours, etc. (Note, I haven't done this yet, but now that I write it down, I wonder why not!)

How about making an appointment with a Nordie's (or other) stylist on one of your trips? That might help you focus more as well.

12 years ago

deb

Veteran

Can you take pictures of the capsules to look at later and analyze? I do this when I am trying to figure out how different pieces can work together. I lay them on the bed or floor and take a picture. Then later with a cup of tea, I go through them on my computer to see what is off.

12 years ago

abc

Veteran

Mo, haha...I've noticed I do the same with some of your posts. I guess it is all in the brain wiring! Capsules and formulas are what I need to do, thanks for the suggestion. And a huge help is thinking of HOW I will wear the clothes. I think that is a really important thing for me to keep in mind, as my activities are varied yet sometimes I find I don't have what I need for that day or activity...not that I don't have clothes.

jenanded, thanks for the commiserating on the US shopping trips. It can be overwhelming but maybe if I do like you suggested and focus on one area it will help. I think my anxiety is coming from the fact that I know I need things across different areas - work, casual, etc. One thing at a time and breathe, right?

Liz, thanks for the concrete suggestions. I love a task oriented reply! I think part of my issue, too, is that I never know how many client facing meetings I will have. The most is 4-5 in one week, so I guess I should plan for the worst case scenario, that way I would be covered no matter what. For the other steps, similar to Mo's post, I will be working on capsules and outfits. I think you guys are hitting on the fact that I haven't taken the time to play around in the closet too much with the new items yet.

Lisa, thanks for echoing the other comments. It's good to hear a consensus (sp) from multiple people.

E, I like your suggestions for dealing with wardrobe panic moments (dressing and feeling stressed). I just ordered another pair of my go-to flats (Me Too) that were 50% off and are in a metallic, a neutral I know I will use a ton. So thanks, we are thinking alike on the footwear situation! Re frequency, my job is consulting and I change clients regularly based on projects, so I have to be ready to be in client facing dressy meetings 5 days a week, but won't always (so far rarely) actually see that situation realized. Same for business casual - gotta be ready for onsite meetings at any time. I go to the US once a month and have to dress smartly for 4-5 days, I can wear jeans and do dark denim with a blazer or structured topper most of the time, so I think that is probably the area where I am most covered in terms of outfits/options. I'm learning for me, the business dressy and business casual are easier to shop for and have on hand than the casual outfits! I think I am struggling with those because I used to never focus on casual - working in an office 5 days a week, my at-home wear was mostly yoga pants and PJs. Now that I work from home, I need something between PJs and business casual so I think that is the area I need to focus on more.

Suz, as usual, your perspective and advice are spot on. It's nice to know someone else has a similar lifestyle as me and can offer some hints on how to deal with my specific situation(s).

Re knowing what I have - I do need to count the items, though I must admit I am a little scared to do that exercise! LOL
My color palette tends to skew cool - purples, blues, along with some brights (I LOVE COLOR!) like hot pink, yellow and green. I rarely wear browns, I guess due to my coloring or history of being stuck in a black shoes/black pants rut. I've recently started incorporating white (pants, blazer) and it really brightens things up a lot. No wonder I like WHBM, black and white with color, that's me!
In terms of evolution, since discovering YLF, I have experimented with some things out of my comfort zone (boyfriend cardigan, JC oxfords, oversized blouses) and I think I'm starting to hone in on my personal style. I will always tend toward modern classic, but I like some brights thrown in for fun. Structure up top is very good for me and I tend toward more fitted clothes (partially because I think it is more flattering but also because I live in latin america where bodycon is taken to another level on a daily basis, I suppose this has adjusted my own scale). DH usually comments positively when I am in modern classics so that just confirms my direction.
Re shopping, I usually do order in advance and Nordies has gotten way too much of my money the last few years, but their return policy and ease of ordering is worth it. I can't imagine how stressed I'd be if I didn't have the ability to pre-order and have items waiting on me when I got to the hotel!

Speaking of shopping, this month, I ordered:

2 pair replica Two by Vince Camuto leggings to replace ones that are too big
replica VC tube skirt to replace two that are too big (see related post to come on this)
two pairs of black ponte knit pants to hopefully bridge WFH and business casual needs, length for flat shoes
5 bright color short sleeve tshirts for layering (I have long sleeve but NO short sleeve)
metallic flats since my comfy ones are not neutral
Two leather jackets to try - the leather are the iffy "do I need them?" pieces. I want them, yes, but do I need them...probably not. I can probably get by without them. Hard to tell myself no, though! This want is coming after purging the 2 leather jackets I own (consequently listed on style exchange right now)

I want to continue my weight loss journey so I don't want to go TOO overboard. I know I have to shop for the body I have now and I have to be prepared for all of the different scenarios life may throw at me, but I don't want to have regrets in x months when I've dropped more lbs and nothing fits me all over again, hating that I've spent so much money all over again.

Re the apps to organize, I've been trying to pin my recent purchases onto a Pinterest board so I can easily see what I have. So far it's working.

I think I might wait a month or two for a stylist appt at Nordies, once I know what I really need/want. I have had pretty good luck walking into the store and asking a SA for help so far, as long as my request is focused. I might do that this time with the pants hemmed for flats wardrobe hole - esp if the online order doesn't work out.

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO RESPONDED!

12 years ago

Veteran

Work from home wear can be challenging! The good thing is at least you only have to please yourself. Could you perhaps mix your dressier trousers with softer knit tops, if you usually wear them with woven tops for your more business-y requirements? That would be pretty comfortable for working from home, I imagine. I find a lot of dressier trousers (not super skinny ones or jeans) as comfortable as yoga pants actually! Especially flat front ones, so there's no zipper poking into my stomach when I sit.

12 years ago

abc

Veteran

Yeah, E, I am with you on knits. I rarely wear wovens, there is just something about them that I don't find very comfortable.

My previous WFH outfits tended toward some kind of a knit pant, usually the TWO by VC seamed back leggings I have on order in a smaller size, along with a top long enough to cover my rear end. I just took a look and am lacking in tunic tops so they are on my list for next week's shopping adventure. I think with a couple of tops and the smaller leggings I will be set for that formula.

Oh and even when I WFH, I have to dress daily because I walk the kids to/from daycare, so that is a good reason to have decent casual-wear.

Another idea I have beyond the leggings+tunic formula is to try ponte knit pants. I have two pair on order. I think they might span the casual and business casual capsules and I can get extra wear out of them that way. Plus if they are not as tight as leggings I can wear them with existing tops I already have.

Thanks again for your reply, E!

12 years ago

(website)

Veteran

Maybe another pant option could be the dressy track pant? The Leith's Suz sent me are comfortable enough to lounge in but look way nicer than any legging or yoga pant.

12 years ago

Veteran

I meant woven trousers, like this vs knit ones. The drapier woven ones in a classic cut that falls straight from the hip are SO comfortable for me, like pjs. I guess it depends on body type though! And I'll admit, I got rid of the 2 pairs I had, because they just didn't fit my style. I'm not modern classic though.

Sounds like the ponte trousers are a great idea, since you prefer knits.

12 years ago

shemarie

Active Member

What a great self-analysis and thought-provoking questions! Seconding the ponte pants for WFH especially, but also for all-around wear. I find them so versatile and comfortable. I love leggings too, but my ponte knit pants from Ann Taylor are absolute workhorses and I've virtually worn them out over the past two years. They look dressier when I have to run errands, meet friends for lunch, etc., yet look polished. Easy to tuck into boots or wear with comfy ballet flats. And they are fantastic for airplane travel and are my hands-down go-to every time I fly. Good luck and enjoy the process!

12 years ago

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