Cutting compliments you've received! - YouLookFab Forum

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Cutting compliments you've received!

catgirl

Veteran

I'll start, although I don't think this qualifies as a compliment, really:

"You wear the wrinkled look so well." (Many years ago, when I was a temp)

General

32 replies

Latest reply was from krishnidoux

rosee

Veteran

... I can't, I tend to forget them as quickly as I hear them.
Sometimes I say "thank you, you are too kind" -- most of the time I don't have time to think about it (but I mean it as much as they do).
Sometimes I come up with a witty comeback that isn't rude but helps me save face, especially if the comment was one with an audience. I'm pretty good at double entendre.

I forgot to add: my brother calls these "condesompliments".

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, rosee, let's include comebacks too!

MsMary

Veteran

My favorite is a long look up and down, followed by "Not everybody could carry that off!"

Maya

Veteran

Mine are mostly of the "for/despite" variety.

-You dress so nicely FOR an intern.
-That jacket looks great FOR being H&M.
-The dress looks adorable DESPITE you being so hippy (umm, I know I'm a lot of things but "hippy" isn't one of them).

Then there was this: "You don't have to impress anyone. What you have on is perfect." I'm not sure if that's a backhanded compliment or just a flat-out insult...

rosee

Veteran

I'm racking my brain... I tend to forget as soon as it's over b/c I have better things to think about.

"You always dress so nice. I wish I could spend money like you do"
(note: I actually am quite cost-conscious)
"Thank you, you can actually, if you have the right kind of tree planted in your backyard"

"You look nice but that is a really bright color"
"Thank you, I was hoping to brighten things up a little around here"
(on the blog comments)

"You don't look as old as you are"
"Thank you, I don't act as old as I am, it helps"

"Your curves really fill out that dress" (by a creepy man)
"Thank you, and your wife for allowing you to comment"

...maybe a few more later...

Aziraphale

Veteran

Maybe I'm not paying enough attention, but I can't think of any insults disguised as compliments. However, I can think of a few comments intended to convey concern that are unintentionally insulting, like "Did you have a bad sleep last night? You look tired." (No, actually I slept great; I always have circles under my eyes).

MNsara

Veteran

I recently got a "You're such a fashionista." What on earth does that mean?

Then there was the "Well, look at you!" Really?

In these instances, I have to believe both were actually meant kindly (considering how kind these ladies are), but not well formulated before leaving their lips

Kristine

Veteran

Wow, what in the world do you have on today? (2" heeled brownish-red boots with dark boot cut dress pants, shocking).

It looks like you had a run-in with the Avon lady. (Gee... thanks?)

Oh, now you're wearing dresses? Great, now I'm going to have to start dressing better. (Game on!)

Beth

Veteran

Mary, I got that very comment recently...the whole "only you could pull that off."

I was wearing these boots, which are hardly outre. It's funny how perceptions can be.

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Kari

Veteran

The somewhat back-handed compliments I receive are usually from people who comment that I am very "dressed up" and that "they will have to start dressing better now." Usually, they are said in jest and I take them that way without being insulted. Some colleagues teased me a few months ago by asking my boyfriend to send me off to work some day in jeans and a sweatshirt just for a change. (I do wear jeans to work sometimes anyway.)

In general, I just socialize with a very casual crowd and I prefer to dress up a bit more. And that's okay.

catgirl

Veteran

Keep 'em coming, ladies - these are fun to read, especially the comebacks!

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Copy-pasting my comment from Angie's blog:

This is a technique of a former close friend I don't see much anymore. She would transfer her remark (meant for me) on to another person. I.e., we're walking down the street and a slim woman with a large chest passes us by. She says: "I think a big chest just makes you look fat." (Background -- my friend is small busted and I am fuller in that area.)

My response: silence. Maybe you guys can come up with the perfect response.

Lavinia

I don't know if this one qualifies, because it was a child who said it ...
Yesterday I wore a rather dark outfit with hot pink wedges. My girlfriends and I passed by a mother and a 4 year old boy. When I walked past him he said out loud "What is she wearing?" (it's hard to translate but it was something to this effect) and I had to laugh out loud because he said it so innocently. I wasn't insulted because I felt great and loved my outfit so I didn't think much of it and I still don't

Other than that, I can't remember getting cutting compliments but I don't get out much.

Steph

Veteran

For those of you who get these "compliments" from friends, why not say something? CocoLion, if my friend said something like that to me, I think I would turn to her and say "well, I'm large chested, so I guess you're saying I look fat?" I think people who are that rude and passive-aggressive tend to be bullies--once they are called out, they slink away.

For other comments that are rude, why not say (nicely) "that's kind of a backhanded compliment, isn't it?" I think I'm just upfront about stuff like that. When people ask sarcastic questions I usually answer literally, as if I didn't read any sarcasm into it at all. (So if someone said something like "could that dress possibly be any brighter?" I would respond with something like "I don't know, but next time I go shopping I'll take a look and let you know what I find." Or in Christine's situation where someone asked "what in the world do you have on today?" I would answer literally, describing the items I was wearing.)

People say stuff like that because they think they can get away with it (the people who intentionally do it, at least--I cut a lot of slack to people who are just being inartful). When they are called on it in any way, they generally stop.

Megan

I don't think I'd be insulted by being called a fashionista! I'd be kinda flattered I think

My Mum is hilarious with cutting comments- it's not usually meant to be mean though but sometimes things come out badly. Like I showed her a picture of my proposed new haircut she said "oh well, it'll grow"

I burst out laughing and she quickly tried to backtrack and tell me she meant that it would grow out if I didn't like it.

Or she'll tell me that she likes X piece of clothing much more than the one you used to wear.

LOL.

Sally

Veteran

My mum (mid-70s) is always complaining that I expect her to be trendy and my sister who nurses aged people expects her to dress like a little old lady. Well one day she came out in some shoes and I said 'They are not very trendy, they look quite outdated." She went out to my sister to complain and who sympathetically said "well they are fine for your age group Mum." She said she didn't know which was worse.
well not really a cutting compliment that I have received, but my sister's sympathetic response was far from complimentary.

krishnidoux

Veteran

What about strange looks? Do they count? What do you do? These days That's what I tend to get: (young) people looking at me from head to toe with a judgmental expression. However I dress conservatively, classic (see pics below). I don't know what to make of it or how to respond.

Now on to cutting compliments I received:

From fellow gym class attendee, older, sort of hippie-ish, in the locker room after class: "Nylons! I haven't seen it in YEARS! Wow, now why do you wear those I wonder... are you cold, is that it?"

My answer: "I wear those because I am wearing a skirt." ( Not a good comeback I know. Silence would have been more effective. Anyway now I know this woman might be feeling some jealousy so I keep away from her).

From coworker: "Your hair always look so nice... I don't know how you can find the time in the morning!"

Random: "You always look so pretty! But then again you are so petite."

(about curls, classic cut or tailored clothes, heels... : " I don't know how you have the patience with those..."

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Irene

Veteran

I get those by friends sometimes, especially with my 'impressive' items. It seems like they can't say they're nice because they don't like it, but they can't say they don't like it because that would be rude. They could just shut up and say nothing, but I guess they're so impressed that they feel like saying something like 'wow, those shoes... wow'. My reply last time was 'yeah, I like them because they are funky. I know I normally wear classier clothes but today my feet were hurting AND if I wanted some new cool trainers, I better go for the coolest ones in the shop, right? :)' Just so you guys understand, I'll add a pic of my weird trainers lol

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Dashrashi

Veteran

Airin, those shoes are awesome. (I am also a fan of obnoxiously loud sneakers. My current pairs are navy with bright red/orange/yellow ombre nylon and bright purple with a neon yellow/green swoosh.)

celia

Veteran

When I'm feeling good with myself I tend to not notice the sarcastic compliments and take them as real compliments.(A bit like Steph)
Not a cutting compliment but a situation that showcases my aproach was some years ago with my MIL.
We were going out (her son and I) to some friends house and she was 'scanning me' from head to toe with not a begnin look .I turned to her with a big smile and said :'I look very good, don't I? ?
Probably other people tried to insult me and I just didn't get it

Jonesy

Veteran

From a woman I worked with (supervised, actually): "Huh. I guess you're not as big as I thought you were."

From a friend as she was looking at my wedding pictures: "But you have such a pretty face."

From my MIL: "Have you lost weight?" "How do you find anything that fits at Anthropologie? Aren't the clothes there too small?" "Have you lost weight?" "Well I could never wear that, but it looks good on you." "Have you lost weight?"

teri

Veteran

here's the latest one I heard

Every Friday night Hubby and I go to the same Mexican Restaurant (Gringo's). We always sit in the bar and we have become one of the "regulars" and usually on a Friday night there around about 8-10 of us there EVERY Friday night. I stay in the same clothes I wear to work.

One lady says.... "You always look so nice, but I don't dress up to come to Gringo's Bar." I just say, well I've had this outfit on since 7am, I DON"T dress up to just come here.

Tessera

To CocoLion:

"She says: "I think a big chest just makes you look fat." (Background -- my friend is small busted and I am fuller in that area.)"

You: "Luckily for me, it's the kind of "fat" that men really, really like. A lot."

(If you're not straight, fill in whatever is appropriate.)

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

A personal pet peeve of mine is when people note something about your appearance and then don't follow up? "Did you get your hair cut?" "Yeah, on the weekend." "Isn't it a great day out?" etc. If you noticed and don't like it, say nothing. If you noticed and like it, shout it loud!

Here's one I got just today. It wasn't actually cutting in the context of the conversation and considering the source, but it would be in a different situation. "You're so bold in your fashion choices!" P.S. I am not bold at all in my fashion choices, people just think I am because I'm blind and insist on maintaining a style quotient.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I remember about 30 yrs ago, my friends little sister (she was about 12 and I was 20) came up to me, peered closely at my face and said 'you're pretty, but you have pimples' OY!

rosee

Veteran

I remembered some more:

"Wow are your feet ever small, how can you stand?"
(note: I am average height with average size feet)
"Thank you, I manage. I sway to and fro a bit, but overall I keep my balance"

"Wow, your eyes are so dark. Do you have pupils?" (dark brown eyes)
"Thank you, you are looking at my pupils"

"Your hair looks nice. I don't dye my hair though"
"Thank you. My philosophy is that 'you only live once, but you can dye as often as you like' ".

rosee

Veteran

@CocoLion:

"This is a technique of a former close friend I don't see much anymore. She would transfer her remark (meant for me) on to another person. I.e., we're walking down the street and a slim woman with a large chest passes us by. She says: "I think a big chest just makes you look fat." (Background -- my friend is small busted and I am fuller in that area.) My response: silence. Maybe you guys can come up with the perfect response."

"Well, maybe, but it's a loveable kind of fat."

@MaryK:

My favorite is a long look up and down, followed by "Not everybody could carry that off!"

"Thank you, I guess I am original that way"

rae

(website)

Veteran

Had fun reading these - especially the comebacks. At first I thought I couldn't remember any, but you all have jogged my memory.

Them: "That is a RED shirt..."
Me: "AND it's shiny! AND has sparkly buttons! :D"

Them: "Do you have an interview or something? Why are you so dressed up?"
Me: "Meh. I felt lazy, and the suit automatically matches."

Them: "Why are you dressed like a biker chick today?" (I was in a simple leather vest)
Me: "You... haven't met many bikers, have you?"

Julie

Veteran

How about, " Your hair looks fabulous!! What there is of it." ? Well, at least I know how a balding man must feel when someone says that.

Grrrrr
Julie

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