Marilyn - you are not alone! I felt weird asking for the seniors discount at the pharmacy when my purchases were 'lady things!' LOL. Things wrapped up before my 58th birthday.

Lisa, I like both outfits very much. I think you are so pretty and have a unique sense of style, almost rock and roll.
I like the looser tops because you look comfortable in them. At 63, I wear looser clothes now too. It took some getting used to.
I used to joke about never “going full J. Jill” when I still had firm abs.
I now realize that there’s something to be said for dressing in a way that feels comfortable and not needing to emphasize certain body parts that society tells us should remain thin and defined.
Too long, I know. Shorter version: you look really good.

Another thought. Personally I prefer my wide crops a little longer, and you might too.

Lisa - I agree with everyone that you look. However, it's immaterial when you don't feel great. My first thought is please ditch anything that does not feel good on. Like a toxic friend, they may appear great but they make you feel awful. You deserve better. Have you read Malcolm Levene's "10 Steps to Fashion Freedom"? If not I highly recommend it. He suggests not even looking in a mirror until you experience how a piece of clothing feels on. No matter how cute, put it back on the hanger it will not make you happy. Secondly, and feel free to hate this suggestion, would you consider bringing or wearing those jeans to "your" boutique? They have the style and quality that calls to you. Let them scour the sales rack for beautiful and quality pieces that help you achieve the look and quality you crave. If something new looks great stalkl it on ebay etc or have them call you if it goes on sale. Third, if you have not reread kendall Farr the pocket stylist in awhile, then consider it. She has a whole section on celebrity doppelgangers. If you can find someone with a similar figure and aesthetic than you can google up a storm and see how they style similar pieces. But I think you will continue to be frustrated until you figure out how you want to dress. If you can get a picture of yourself in your head, even of one type of outfit then you can figure out what you need to make it work, or at least begin brainstorming toward that. To me this seems like you are doing an awesome job of putting together a nice outfit, but it doesn't feel good because at the end of the day it's not YOU. This is not to diminish how hard it is to figure out how to dress a changing figure. I had that when I was nursing, and it was awful, but you need to figure out how to be you despite the challenging to needing different pieces to do that. I honestly don't think anything less with make you happy. Beaming you love and strength - but know you look great even though you don't feel great!!

Ha, I thought of you , gryffin, and what you would think of my random colours and proportions and general fashion mishaps here I think I am rebelling against having to wear so much black in the last year (I don't work there as often now so that problem has been dealt with - lol) that I'm buying everything in colours I never have previously worn. My closet looks like someone threw leftover cans of paint into it. WHAT AM I DOING?? I clearly have lost my way . Thanks for those book recs - I have looked for the Malcom Levene one before, but it seems to be out of print. I think I own the Kendall F one, and will see if I can put my hands on it.

Angie, yes, I have some wide leg pants that are longer, and drapier, and those feel much better and more sophisticated (in terms of my age and how I want to dress) . You're right about that. Thanks for the support for these jeans though, but I really think it was a lesson learned in not trying to make every new look work for me. I firmly believe style should not have to be worked so hard to achieve, and I think I can dress myself pretty well when I stick to what I know. When I try dabbling outside the parameters of my style, it isn't often successful, and I don't want to make costly mistakes like this. Going forward, I will wear these jeans with a sleeker top in a dark colour, and with a sleek shoe. Statement jewellery will help here too.

catherine - you're much smarter than I Full J Jill made me laugh, I know exactly what you mean. My friends and I call it full on Chicos. Same idea You're right about not falling into the trap of feeling less -than if you can't keep yourself thin and toned and defined. One of the most difficult challenges for us women who care about how we preset ourselves and who have maybe traded on our looks for decades, until now.

Carla - bring on the tapas and cocktails (oops, mocktails , rolls eyes)

Lisa, I fully support following your feelings. I am ALWAYS on the side of the wearer. Stick to what makes you feel fab and ditch the rest.

Marilyn - I've been through the other side of menopause for a few years now, but it's only been in the last year that my body has changed so dramatically. Yes, weight gain has been steady for a good 5-6 years now, but stuff is shifting . I swear I am shrinking in height too I didnt' expect to experience body changes, as my mother didn't, and I swore I was not going to be "one of those women" who gained a ton of weight and lost their style .....but I know now that some of these things are not always within our control. Anyways, thanks for commiserating - that's a big part of it

texstyle- I've been tempted to do some chopping on old jeans too.

kkards - yes to styling these kind of jeans in the winter. A great sweater and high shaft boots would be great, and I may save the jeans for winter to try again with them. And sure, I'd LOVE to go shopping with you!

Janet - I'm with you on not loving the cropped wide leg silhouette either, and I think I fell prey to some peer pressure here (which I absorbed myself of course, not blaming anyone here at all) . High contrast is not great on me either, and yet I forget to consider it so often you'd think I'd have learned by now. And no offense taken on not liking citron - it happens to be one of my favourite colours in fashion, home decor, and in nature I don't like purple - which everyone other than me likes - lol.

mainelady- summer is indeed a good time to experiment, but when it's taking up too much time and money, I get put off. And wise words about learning to accept a new body shape - but I don't know if I'm there yet. Acceptance at this stage equals giving up, which I know is silly , but.....

anchie - absolutely no offense taken at the suggestion of a better bra. I know that I need to do something about this, but keep procrastinating the event. Going into those shops and having to look at oneself half- naked in the mirror is a horror show. But it needs to be done and has been on my to-do list for weeks . I was wearing a minimizer bra when I took the photos, and it's likely the complete wrong size and wrong type for me. I am SUPER short waisted now, and my breasts sit very low on my torso too, which is a huge part of my self-image issues. I am seriously considering a breast reduction - but am fearful of electing to do such major surgery. Still to be decided....

bijou - I learned some of my worst body-image issues and behaviours from my mother. She fought with her weight, her hair, her everything , and it only got worse as she got older. Thanks for your kind comments - hanging in there , I will !

Tina - your questions are tough ones to answer, admittedly. Am I at the point of acceptance? Clearly not. To me, acceptance means giving up, which I am not prepared to do - yet. I feel that it's my fault for not staying thin and toned, and that if I had better discipline and mental energy , I would be successful. If I didn't feel it was "my fault" per se, I think I would rest at acceptance. I'm glad you get the whole desire to look good in what we wear and the frustration that goes along with those who dismiss it or deem it as vain. And yes, you are dead right in recommending a thorough overhaul and examination of my clothes. Maybe soon And YES to wanting /needing to wear better clothes as we age. Cheap and cheerful doesn't work as well any more.

kate - you're very smart in suggesting an either all-or-nothing approach to volume. And you hit the nail on the head with blowsy, dowdy and untidy = that was me in that outfit !!! Waist volume does me zero favours. I have done a ton of shopping this summer trying to get tops that are right, and have had very limited success. I've wasted more money than I can even admit to.

janet - thanks for the boost, much appreciated
echo - yes to a more fitted t as a more suitable alternative, but my fitted t and tank days are over, I think. But I'm happy to be the one to fix your poison eye - haha!

I'm super late here and have nothing to add, really...I think you look great in both outfits (maybe especially in the one with the blue boho top); I love the Flys (and the great tote!!), and your hair/ makeup etc. -- but, as other have already commented, it's really down to how you *feel* and if you don't feel great in an item, it's not working for you!

Body changes are tough to accept, for sure. But I tend to suspect that in this case, it's as much about whether the clothes are projecting the image you want. It's hard to find sophisticated and not horribly expensive summer clothes. It's hard to find clothes that fit and work for women of a certain age -- without going full on J. Jill (or Chicos, or even, at the higher range, Eileen Fisher, who's super fab in doses, but...). It's probably a whole minor study of its own. How do I look sophisticated without going all "docent lady" is the way I always put it. So far, I sort of ignore my own question and veer toward my gamine side, but at some point that is going to start looking just plain idiotic on me. In the meantime, I get that it's a tough balance. For now, I think these outfits look fantastic for drinks on the patio with friends!

Lisap, it is no secret that I am a fan of this style of jean. I like both outfits but I prefer the second. I do like citron but the top needs to be reined in. I think it is the volume over volume problem. I am not really adding anything here.
Your hair and make up are always fabulous. It is part of your look. So is edgy jewellery and great accessories.

Like others have said, the pants don't look anything like your perception! They actually look great on you. I don't love them as much with that citron sweater, 'cause I thinks it's too long for the pants, but the shorter tied blouse looks fab!

I wonder if it's just a matter of you needing to adjust your eye to this new look?

My first comment was not meant to be a “verbal smack on the head”, it was actually meant to be kind. If I dare to say something else: I don’t think acceptance means giving up. You and others do a lot more exercise than I do. I should do more, I know that, I even advise it to others of course, and at least am able to commiserate with those I am advising on how to start in small ways because that’s what I do! But you are fighting biology here and it’s not a post-menopausal woman’s fault that her hormones now make her gain weight like a man ( abdomen mainly) rather than like a woman ( hips and thighs and bum). And even when exercising that will tend to be the case. How is that your fault?
PS my name is spelt with an i.

https://www.amazon.ca/10-Steps.....038;sr=8-1

BTW I think you wear color incredibly well!!

Jenni - I apologize for misspelling your name . I am usually more careful than that . And I took your words as you intended - with kindness . I appreciate your thoughts and apologize for my sense of humour not always translating well in writing .

Oh that’s cool Lisa, thank you

Suz - the docent lady image makes me laugh . It’s true though , that finding chic ( I know I keep using that word and it can sound obnoxious but I don’t know how else to describe what I mean ) clothes for summer that don’t cost a fortune is a tough task . We lack access in Canada to makers of quality , sophisticated clothing that isn’t at the EF price points , or isn’t on-line only. Department stores explode into a sea of bad prints and Capri pants , or a sea of Ralph Lauren classics , with nothing in between . Even chains like Aritzia are really for juniors , not the average mature woman looking for good clothes . So much is just filler . At least you can do gamine , which can carry you a long ways . Here’s to drinks on the patio , regardless of what we can find to wear !

Gryffin - thanks for the link . I’ve checked it out in the past - did you notice the prices for the paperback ? Ha! I ordered the hardcover from some bookseller in Texas - so we’ll see what happens .

I wish I had something grand to say but it has all been said beautifully above. The work is with your perception of what you see in the mirror. But you know that. Not that it is easy, or that your struggle doesn't resonate with me. It does.

SF, and hereforthecake (which always makes me laugh) - I see now how that citron top is too much. Not a huge loss, it wasn't terribly expensive. Thanks for your thoughts - you both have a great eye. And yes, SF, I know those pants are right up your alley - you rock the style so well

So were any decisions made? Are you going to continue to try to make these work or are they going into a donation bag? I only ask because I am struggling with some of these decisions in my own wardrobe. I'm looking for solidarity.

Lisa - IKR for under 3 bucks the hard cover was so worth it. I thought it was defintely worth a look at that price - although I do hope it's helpful, I would hate to be an agent of clutter!!

Agreeing with the others, that both outfits look nice, and more than JFE for sure. I prefer the second too, but like the sandals more with the first. Still you shouldn't feel pressure to wear things you don't love! The fashion police isn't going to bang on your door to be sure you have obligatory wide leg crops

I think of wide cropped pants like I would an a-line midi skirt, though yours don't look as wide as many. I've never seen you wear an a-line skirt-and they're not something I associate with your style. "Conventionally flattering" would be pairing with fitted tops, which I know you don't love either.

When trying out new to you shapes, it's a good idea to buy an outfit or capsule together-to be sure you have one or more combinations you like. From experience, many things that "should go with everything," don't work out quite right and become orphans

Vildy - I always hope that the camera is not representative of me in reality And what you say is true. The accessories were wrong here, and I knew it the minute I left the house. Something more interesting and bolder would have been the ticket.

sun tiger - you are so right about making sure an item doesn't become an orphan. I still do it with tops, thinking they will work with everything, and they DON"T! And you're also right about the midi skirt comparison. I own two , bought last summer due to "peer pressure" again, and never, ever wore them. Well, I wore one of them once and absolutely hated it. Another classic waste of $.

Sterling - jeans are not going to be worn out where it "matters", is my only decision. And I'm going to try them in the fall with boots and a sweater, which is more my comfort zone. And a coat. I think part of the problem is the missing 3rd piece, which to me , makes an outfit. And the real decision made is to lay off the credit card now until fall. Deep breath.

Lisa
Just a lurker with a suggestion if you like EF. I haven’t seen EF’s Renew site mentioned on the forum. Her gently wore items that have been bought back from customers ($5 a piece is the max paid) that are then cleaned, repaired, etc Free shipping & returns.
https://www.eileenfisherrenew.com