Crap like this seriously puts me off dating

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

http://observer.com/2013/01/th.....irlfriend/

The blog post that lead me to article.

http://www.manrepeller.com/201.....riend.html

Admittedly it's talking about a select niche in NYC.

13 years ago

Off Topic

16 replies

Latest reply was from rae

bj1111

Veteran

I am so conflicted about the whole article. I am a firm believer in autonomy...being able to do with your body what you wish, including selling the gfe if that is what you wish. But another part of me thinks we (men and women) have an intrinsic worth beyond what we can fetch on the open market.

Of course this does not address your frustration and it is frustrating to feel that you maybe competing with not just the women who are looking for partners but those who aren't but are narrowing the dating pool nonetheless.

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I think it reflects how lonely and sad some people are. Sometimes I think I'd pay $3500 for a boyfriend that wasn't insane, full of himself, would listen and not care what I did for a living.

But then I want to buy shoes instead.

13 years ago

Irene

Veteran

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I don't think that article is that accurate. And i think they are only talking about a small group of frivolous men -sorry- who don't feel like working on a relationship. They only want the sex and the beautiful woman, but dating a beautiful woman that gives them the sex would -supposedly- keep them from having sex with other beautiful women. Plus, they have to be romantic and all that 'silly stuff'.

But I can read as well the wrong idea that a man has to pay for a $200 meal and maybe bring flowers for a woman to sleep with him. Maybe I'm weird but if I don't want to have sex with a guy, I won't, and it doesn't matter whether he takes me to a McDonald's or to Bulli. Yet if I want to have sex with him, I will, no matter the circumstances. And if it is true that many women won't sleep with a guy unless he pays for a $200 dinner, I get the male's point. If you have to pay for sex anyways, at least you can have it done by a professional that will put out and won't bother you.

I think one of the many beautiful things about sex is that it is something you give for free, and they give it to you for free as well. For whatever the reason, it is -I hope- usually that way. Pleasure, love, lust.

You don't treat a woman well so that she will sleep with you. You treat her well because you actually believe that's the right thing to do. Likewise, you sleep with a guy because you want to, not because he worked hard for it.

PS: Were I guy, I would be far from proud of having to pay for something most people get for free because they are loved or desired by someone else.

13 years ago

Anonymous

The only real issue I have with this, in all seriouness, is that if a woman was to hire this type of service, she would be forever called a million bad names. Although it is not something I would employ myself in, prostitution is the oldest profession in the world, so there is no shock value there for me, this is just a different modality. Also, there is no deceit from either party and the transaction is between two consenting adults. To each his / her own.

As far as dating, I think this sort of guy is not dating material anyway.Nothing to lose there either.

13 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Zap, thanks for articulating so well what was in my head but what I struggled to type out this morning when I read the article. I agree with you by about a billion percent.

13 years ago

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I am quite sure that this article is not a true reflection of a shift in society. There will always be a small pool of men with wealth and/or power who will use it to secure what they want in life. There will also be a small group of women who have beauty and are willing to trade it for their livelihood. I do not think either of these is a reflection of the average person who wants to be in a committed and loving relationship with mutual respect and goals.

I also have to question whether the women in the story are truly happy with their lot in life. I have my doubts. I don't believe any woman's goal is to be paid to have sex with men. I suspect that the women were continuing the lie for the article. They play a part with sufficient believability that the men who want love can pretend they bought it.

13 years ago

Isis

Veteran

What Zap and Dianthus said.

World's oldest profession. No new information here; no reason to change your world view.

13 years ago

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I wouldn't question if these women are happy. I'm sure there are a variety of levels of happiness among the escort trade, just like any other service industry. I would guess that the ones who get the most business (i.e. are the most popular because they provide the best service) probably are the ones who are the most satisfied with their lives.

13 years ago

Anonymous

Not everyone wants to be in a committed and loving relationship. Relationships take work and are not a happy trail every.single.day. Some people don't want the hassle.
About their happiness, I am not sure if they happy or not, as much as I am not sure if someone in a committed relationship is *truly* happy.

Like any other "job", you will be happy if that is the job for you.

Different strokes for different folks.

13 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Heh. I can understand the penny hooker, scrabbling for existence. I can comprehend the power player king's mistress. Everyone else in between, honestly, I say go suck an egg.

Growing up, I just knew a lot of kids who seriously suffered because their dams and sires - I can't even call them parents - were off pursuing their so-called rights to be happy, blah blah blah. I think [insert swear words here] of detached sex, which is one of the myriad manifestations of that level of self-absorption and lack of impulse control. Some unnoticed innocent out there will always be paying heavily.

If you make me soft pedal, I will say it's socially and emotionally dysfunctional. But really I call it nonsense and I got tired of it a long, long, LONG time ago.

13 years ago

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I would just like to add in the interest of fairness that women also use escorts too.

13 years ago

ManidipaM

Veteran

The only thing that really bothered me about this article --- and it bothered me a LOT! --- was the incessant, depressing gender-based stereotyping. Like here: "Men want to be loving. They want the GFE without the LTR. They want to make love and nibble on lips and watch television and Herbal Essence a woman’s hair in the shower and even tell her that they love her, and know she won’t turn it into something else. They feel it in the moment, then they go to work and the moment stays home, until next time, or until they fall in love." (Don't even get me started on the fat wife too disgusting/boring to sleep with!)

It's also poor journalism --- old news in old-as-hills format (not just oldest profession, even the exploration of said profession is through old-as-time patriarchal pornographic filters of rich personable men buying favours of personable un-threatening women who are of course enjoying it, else it wouldn't be the ego boost or straight-up manly thing it obviously is); but that's a niche judgement on my part as a fellow journalist perhaps.

Anna, I'm really not sure, though, why this would put you off dating. 'Man Jack' is clearly not someone you want to date? You're looking at --- and excuse the crassness of expression --- at the wrong market there. It's as though you were upset you couldn't find jeans to fit and flatter in the little girls' section or at the maternity store. Why would you even go there for jeans for you? The men you're looking to find through dates constitute and inhabit a different shop/marketplace from these jackasses!

13 years ago

Mochi

Veteran

Everyone here has smart things to say, but manidipam's words particularly echoed what I was thinking. "Jack"--assuming he really does exist--is a sort of "alpha" guy that for some reason, certain types of women would want for status and financial security (especially seeing that this is New York). But what he and the other men mentioned in the piece represent is such a particular mindset and attitude about women and relationships. I doubt you'd even want to hang out with guys like that anyway.

13 years ago

Kristin L

Veteran

It's nice to know there are still people like this out there. (end sarcasm)

This is sad. But, like everyone else as said, would you really be interested in dating a guy like this? He seems like he wants all the perks of a relationship but none of the work.

13 years ago

Nicole D

Veteran

Jack should save his money. With his attitude he is going to have to pay a lot of money someday for someone to care for him in his old age and infirmity. Just plain sad.

13 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

*nodding with Manidipa*

Actually, I find the "Jack" in the article less offensive and depressing than other stories I've heard about prostitution - like married men and fathers who go out and pay for these services behind their partners' backs. Sounds like the men who are doing this are not out there looking to date, anyway. Since they have that option, they don't have to go out and lie to women that they're interested in more and con them into rolling in the hay. *shrug*

13 years ago

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