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considering going gray

qfbrenda

Veteran

The reality is, I am gray... or white... or at least very salt with some pepper thrown in. And hubby wants it gray. And I can't afford expensive color help, period. Can't. No way. So I've been using Natural Instincts, which works ok... but not great. But I'm only 40. Sigh.

So my pinterest board is filling up quickly with gray hair for inspiration but I'm not sure if I have the guts to follow through.

I don't know if anyone can help, but I'll take all the help or advice anyone offers!

General

26 replies

Latest reply was from jenanded

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Well at least I can share the ride with you. I stopped coloring my hair and it is growing in black and white, but mostly white, as anticipated. I am older than you but still in my 40s. I look at it as an experiment - I will have no problem dying it again if I decide I don't like it, but want to give it a few months first. I think the hardest part is this in between stage where no one knows if I am doing it intentionally or just am falling behind with my hair dye.

Thistle

Veteran

I say go for it! There are several ladies n here that rock white and silver hair. If you don't want to dye it, I see no reason to do so. It is a huge expense to do it, and I have often wondered if we are told we must dye as yet another way for women to never be beautiful enough so we have to keep buying products.

You are who you are and she is beautiful whatever way you choose to go with your hair.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I don't have any help or advice re: going gray, but wanted to tell you that my hairstylist appears to be less than 30 years old, and she's one of those people who seems to have a new hair colour and/or hair style every time I go in there (I go often, every six weeks or so), and just before Christmas, her hair was actually dyed gray, and it looked *amazing* on her.

She's had platinum blonde, ombre, dark brown/black, reddish-burgundy...and yes, she actually coloured her hair gray *and* it was beautiful on her.

I'm not suggesting colouring your hair gray, but what I am suggesting is that some people are actually colouring their hair gray on purpose and it looks good!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

http://www.advisor.com/story/g.....-your-hair

The process of getting to grey was the worst bit for me - I needed highlights & lowlights for a few months then I had it cut very short - which I didn't particularly like. I love it now though - no colouring makes me & my wallet very happy.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I think you would look great with grey, Brenda. But I understand the difficulty of making the transition. A friend of mine has been grey since her 30s. She looks great now (in her 40s). She began with fair skin and dark hair like yours.

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

I too am going though the greying stage. Unfortunately, my greys are growing out more wirey and kinky unlike my normal straight-ish hair. I won't have the beautiful salt and pepper hair like some people do. Eventually I'll have to dye the hair to hide the bad grey hair and hate to start up that process for fear of damaging my hair.

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I am mostly gray. It's all gray in the front and still dark in the back. It would be really goofy to grow it out. I am not ready to go gray anyway. I found a home color that I really like (Garnier Nutrisse Cool Tea). I stick with the same brand and same color every time so that I get a consistent result. I have to do it every two weeks to keep up a good color.

Claudia

Veteran

I am beginning to go gray and have no intention of starting to dye it. So I will be with you in spirit.

Citygirldc, my first few grays came in kinky/wiry and a different texture than my other hair, but all the new ones coming in now are straight and shiny, just like the texture of my youthful brunette ones.

Gaylene

Veteran

My hair has always been one of my best features, so everyone was surprised when I chose to let it gray naturally. I like to think of it as cheap highlights, or "sparkles". The time and money it would take to color my hair just doesn't appeal to me. On the other hand, I am vain enough to keep wanting my hair to be one of my best features, so I figured I'd concentrate on the cut.

As citygirldc points out, the texture of graying hair can be a bit of an issue. In my case, my hairdresser eased me out of my straightish bob and into a longer, wavier look with a close-cut nape and fringe. The style is easy to maintain and I can "funk" it up by working in a bit of molding paste if I want to change up the style.

My advice would be to find a younger stylist who was willing to help you experiment with the transition. My current stylist (who has bright purple and green hair) laughed when I requested a cut for my graying hair that didn't scream "old lady"; I'm sure I'm her oldest client, but I love that she was much more willing to help me experiment than my former stylist who kept giving me variations the same cut I'd worn for years. My new stylist pushed me into a totally different direction and got me into playing around with different products for different effects. My philosophy was it's only hair, and, if I didn't like something, my hair would grow out in a couple of months, but the process of experimenting led to my current cut which I love.

Carla

Veteran

I've been a copper penny red-head without any help, until my late 40's when I started to go 'polar blonde' . My hairdresser suggested blonde highlights to camouflage the white, and I went along with the idea. My hair was getting blonder and blonder, and folks referred to me as a blonde vs a red head. I explained to my hairdresser that I felt like I was loosing my identity as a red head.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get the message across. Like Gaylene, I switched to a very young hairstylist ( with purple and black hair) who supported my return to natural hair and provided stylish cut ideas along the way. I've been 100% natural since November, and about 30% white. Having crazy curly hair helped hide the demarcation lines as it grew out.

qfbrenda

Veteran

Thank you so much!

Caro, that article was helpful, thank you for posting it. I really enjoyed the comments and seeing women even younger than me allowing their hair to gray naturally.

I really appreciate everyone's moral support. I still haven't decided what to do but I'm seriously considering it.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I started going grey when I was 23 and coloured my hair for the next 22 years. I just got so sick and tired of the upkeep and the expense, never mind the anxiety when I couldn't get in to see my stylist and my roots were showing.

I did get my hair cut super short when I decided to let it grow out as my stylist suggested that's the lease painful way to go through the process. And yes, it looked pretty awful for about three months. For me, it was one of my best decisions and I'm so glad I did it.

It's a very personal choice Brenda - the beauty is, if you do decide to let it grow out and you hate it - you just colour it again!

rholmes27

I took my transition in steps as I was ready. First, I had blonde highlights that mixed with the gray & sort of melded the incoming gray & the outgoing brown. I wondered how it looked to others, but I got lots of compliments.

Now that I have become more interested in minimalism & using more organic products, I have decided to stop coloring all together. My highlights are growing out & there doesn't seem to be a huge demarcation between the highlights and the gray. However, my hair is curly so that may help.

My attitude is how bad can it be? If I decide I don't like the gray, I'll just start getting it highlighted again.

amiable

Veteran

I'm 36 and have just little bits of gray (it's not especially noticeable, but not hard to see if you're observant), so take my opinion with a big grain of salt, because I haven't experienced it yet....

But, I feel like I'm earning my gray hair. I figure that between my kids and my job and my higher-stress lifestyle choices, that each and all of these represents some battle fought and won. Most of my battles are of the nature of keeping calm when I want to have a heart attack (because my hubby is teaching my kids to climb really high in trees or something normal), or of not losing my cool when my kids annoy me, but they're victories to me anyway. And those victories give me gray hair. Just wait until I have teenagers (my eldest is 10).

So, for the moment I'm not dying my hair - even though I really like my hair dyed with henna (making it really quite red). I reserve the right to change my mind at any time - especially if it's just for fun.

Echo

Veteran

When I first started seeing greys in my hair, I embraced them and figured I would let it go. However, it doesn't seem to be JUST the grey. My whole hair colour seems to be changing to less vibrant, more mousy - and there aren't enough greys to be causing that or to make it interesting yet. So I am currently trying to decide if I should let it go, knowing that the overall colour is neither flattering nor appealing, or if I should make it a bit more vibrant (still natural) with a temporary colour. Temporary colour doesn't seem to stick that well to grey, so that may be an option for me,

My mom tried lighter and lighter highlights until I finally asked her what she was trying to achieve. Her hair is naturally black, and she looked more like a medium blonde. So she let it go, had it cut short and she went salt-and-pepper and is now (many years later) verging on a steely grey. It is a fabulous colour for her. I just wish I had hair as dark to provide such a great background canvas to the grey.

Adelfa

Veteran

One more idea. Everybody grays in a different way, and some ways might seem more attractive than others. My dad got noticeably silver in his early 30s, and my mom didn't have visible gray till around 65. I always wondered which I'd be but either way I fully planned to stay natural. I was buttressed in this opinion by the author of _Color Me Beautiful_, my bible in the 80s, who said Winters should spend their money on diamonds and leave their hair alone.

So in my 40s I started getting the odd gray hair. Only they weren't gray. They were white, a white that was sort of stark and dead all at the same time, appearing randomly around my head, so that people said "You have a GRAY HAIR!!!!!" I wasn't silver at the temples like my dad. And I wasn't gently softly graying like my best friend, whose grays just seemed to make her brown hair prettily muted.

In short I didn't like it. So I did what I thought I'd never do, and colored my hair. And became much happier.

So my point is that you may like what your hair looks like au naturel, or you may not. And either is okay. And you should factor this in to your decision. So that you can feel fab!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Lots of good advice here, Brenda. All I can really offer is, why don't you let it go its natural colour, and see if you like it? Gray can be fab or not-so-fab, and you kind of have to evaluate it on a case-by-case basis. The original colour of your hair, your complexion, and the pattern of gray are all going to affect the overall effect. (Gee, I don't think I've ever used those two words in the same sentence. It actually illustrates their usage quite well...will have to remember that).

Right, back to topic. See how your gray looks. It might be awesome, especially if it is nearly white, like you think it might be. Worst-case scenario is that you hate it, in which case you can dye it back.

Happy graying.

qfbrenda

Veteran

"Winters should spend their money on diamonds and leave their hair alone"

That's an interesting quote since I'm a winter.

Thanks for the encouragement!

qfbrenda

Veteran

I meant to say my only hesitation in trying it is the time involved. I'm afraid I'll spend a year with awkward hair only to hate it and dye it again. If I could just flip a switch and make my hair it's natural color, I would do it in a heartbeat. There would be nothing to lose. But it's just not that easy.

jenanded

Veteran

Brenda i was very similar colouring to you and dyed my hair brown and thought i always would. Travelling was a bit of anuisance with regrowth and he constant dying, dye stripes etc annoyed me etc. A woman at work also in her 40s and very pretty let hers go naturalgrey and she looks gorgeous. If you look at my posts you will see my hair now andpeople always comment onit. I was even ina high level meeting the other day and this super exec womancame up and asked me about my hair lol! But your questionis transitioning. My hairdresser is amazed i could do it but i did . My last browndye was july and january 1 waslight... just over one year ago. We did blonde highlights and layers to transition it. About aug september when here was a fair bit of regrowth we did the old frosting cap,, i did have very gingery hair for a couple of months but i really madeapoint of styling it so it was just like i had picked the wrong colour dye... i can sen you pictures. I donow have blonde and beige foilsevery few months because my front is ery white and the back grey.mousy which i dont like and i was dealing withthe 40s thing. But i can go months without colouring and as isaid i get lots of complients which makes me feel ok about it. Try the going gray looking gray website andbook as reading others journeys hrough the process is helpful when YOU are feeling unsure. My hairdresser also had promised e she would talk me down and still reminds me when i nearly turned back... so so glad i perservered. Truly it was a good thing. I am still working out colours.. but that 80s colour book is right... i still love black whites and jewell tones but you will see my agonising on forum sometimes but getting there. Good luck!

jenanded

Veteran

Brenda, the other thing I SWEAR by in the process is buying that purple shampoo and conditioner. It tones down the brown dye as its growing out and not being refreshed, any foils/highlights, and keeps the new grey and white looking lovely... If I didnt do this during the process you reallllyyyyy noticed the growout... can i say again that it is one of the best decisions i ever made and in retrospect the couple of months when it was 'at its worht' I would have already saved in the redying etc time. And all the people around me survived as well If you read that going grey website, its interesting that the hair growing out time becomes more about you and your closeds get used to the stunning new you

JAileen

Veteran

I'm going through this myself. I just got tired of the maintenance. Plus I saw my siblings, and thought their hair color looked pretty good. My stylist has been putting blond highlights on just the old growth hair, omitting the brown lowlights, and the grow out is going easier. She said be prepared, it's going to be light, but my hair is (I think!) very very grey, almost white, so it's going to be light when it's all grown out anyway.

As I was leaning toward making this decision, I loved reading this website, and you might too:

http://www.rockthesilver.com

qfbrenda

Veteran

JAileen, thanks for the website suggestion.

jenanded, thanks for all of that wisdom you shared. Question... do you really mean "purple" shampoo? I'm wondering what exactly that is and if it's something I can find in the states.

jenanded

Veteran

Yes excuse the tablet spelling... Yes there is 'purple' shampoo for white/grey etc hair to make it really white and shiny... I went to a hairdresser supplier type place or a good hair product place and there are lots on the market in little Oz so must be heaps in the US. JAileen is right - I think that is the process we used and the purple shampoo blended the two... My friend at work who is just grey goes to those really daggy old lady salons where she said its so not trendy but they know EVERYTHING about grey and white hair. no camomile in the shampoo, no moroccan oil etc etc (and you can get those moroccan oils for white hair as the normal ones have linseed oil which 'stains' the hair)...

qfbrenda

Veteran

Thank you! I'm glad to know to avoid the moroccan oil. I have some in my cabinet and have been meaning to try it but maybe now I won't.

jenanded

Veteran

Brenda - its a whole new world I thought last night too, that if you colour your hair you put a coating on the cuticle of the greys... as others noted, grey hair is 'coarser' so you need to embrace that it will be different texture as well. Another woman at work who stopped colouring when I did has left hers totally au naturale (she was blonde before) and she went from a long shoulder blonde bob and has a pixie now. She just washes and lets the slight wave do its thing - she looks great and you would never think she was a grandmother umpteen times over! Because I put some foils in my hair some hair is natural and some smooth but overall it is very soft etc but I do take time to condition regularly etc etc. I have read that you can get your hair dyed clear so that it smoothes the cuticle but guess depends what you thought... remember when old ladies had pink or blue (purple) rinses? that was an old version of putting the purple on to make the white shiny rather than gobrassy/ yellowy - the purple shampoos dont leave you with the blue hair thank goodness but that is the same principle... I also should add that I had not realised how much makeup I was using to compensate for the dark dyed hair. I use a fraction of the amount of makeup now - especially concealer under my eyes which I used to use tonnes of (got the panda award at work!!!)... I dont dye my eyebrows anymore (can I believe I used to do that to keep me lookng 'natural??") but I do make a point of a little eyebrow powder and eyeliner and that keeps the winter 'contrast' happening... I had to lighten my lipstick colour to a softer rose and I find like my other friends who went white/grey that a little bit of white or silver in your jewellery/tops/ etc etc really makes your hair and eyes pop... I would love to hear how you go... I am happy to send you photos of it before during and after ... it is not so freaky after all...