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considering creating a lookbook for my DD (now includes pics)

anne

Veteran

I am thinking about spending some time in the upcoming school holidays making outfits and taking pictures to create a little lookbook of acceptable outfits for my DD7. She has a mismash of a wardrobe, full of handed down items and gifts.

Though very pretty in my of course biased opinion, she is messy, and a beanpole who doesn't fill out her clothes and often wears them for years too long. We have weekly arguments over her clothing and I thought this "lookbook" might help - she could choose one of the already acceptable ones!

I mentioned the idea to her at tea and she was fairly responsive.

Has anyone tried this? Thoughts on the idea in general?

General

44 replies

Latest reply was from annaj

Anonymous

I've never tried this but I think it's a fantastic idea and something that I expect she will wholeheartedly participate in. I know that children can be tricky to get ready first thing in the morning and it may save a lot of angst for you both. I want to do this for myself!

anne

Veteran

Yes that is what I thought too Diane! I guess posting pics on YLF helps us to gradually build up a lookbook.

Susie

Veteran

I think I would start by purging (or at least putting out of her active view) those items that don't fit properly and especially those that she "often wears them for years too long." If they are past their prime, perhaps it would be best to just eliminate them.

If every item in her closet is acceptable for wear, would you be comfortable with her then choosing how to combine them?

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I think making it something you are doing for and with her not to her is the key. I know that seeing photos as adults we can see the flaws.. Wonder if the photos will change some of her thinking without you having to say anything.. I would use photos to educate why things work and why they don't...

qfbrenda

Veteran

The lookbook is a good idea. But I tend to agree with making all the items acceptable and then letting her combine things as she wishes as much as possible.

Isis

Veteran

I'm reluctant to endorse the lookbook.

I'm in the camp "Choose your battles" and clothing was something I let my kids have free reign over. It gave them an arena of autonomy that they could control. (Their clothes were also handmedowns and gifts).

I had minimal rules: they had to conform to the school dress code when at school, and I advised my son when he had bar mitzvah's and funerals to attend (my daughter has had fewer formal occasions).

So I'm reluctant to endorse a lookbook and wouldn't unless my daughter begged me. Not just showed an interest, but she actually pleaded.

What would happen if you stepped away from the weekly arguments and let her choose her clothing?

amiable

Veteran

I think this idea sounds like lots of fun, especially if your dd is on board. For my kids, I control what is in their closets (if it doesn't fit or isn't in good shape, it doesn't come back from the laundry -- in theory at least. In real life, I don't get things "out" as quickly as I should), and I give them almost free reign about when and how to wear it. (I do make strong suggestions on special occasions). But I'm pretty sure my girls (and maybe one of my boys too) would really have fun making a look book. I might offer it to them.

rachylou

Veteran

That sounds like a lot of fun. My dd would be all over it, but she's a clothes horse. On the other hand, it was very hard to get those Sponge Bob jammy pants away from her when it was time.

I agree with starting with a purge and doing it all as a together thing. Like, you could do some purging in your own closet and put together a few looks for yourself at the same time. Sincere interest - as in, your interest is sincere enough for you to do it for yourself - that's always more persuasive.

anne

Veteran

What would happen if I let her choose her own clothes (which by the way I do if she is just runnning around at home, and she has a [government school] uniform) is that she would like a neglected child. I am serious (I have just been learning about the signs of neglect to look for in children). She also wears her shoes on the wrong feet pretty frequently, which usually I catch but not always.

I agree with those who say a good purge is in order (easier said than done, as she is a hoarder of stuff she won't wear, but anyway) but to the suggestions that she gets to combine stuff - this really is the heart of the problem.

If she would wear dresses all the time things would be easier but you know how we have the problem of orphan skirts - well imagine how hard it is when you have a fitted skirt with diagonal lines that was bought maybe 8 years ago, or a pretty patterned skirt that someone saw on the bargain rack of a boutique and thought would be nice for your daughter - and she mostly has empire line tops from some other era or tourist tees. I went so far as to buy her a tshirt last year with more fitted lines in an attempt to get something to wear with these orphans, but it isn't always clean. The exercise may provoke more shopping this time!

And she isn't intransigent - she will change her top with a sigh, if I suggest it, but it takes time for me to look through her drawers. I thought a lookbook would mean she already has combinations and she can do it herself.

This is mostly a before church situation, and I have 3 girls to get ready on my own and often have to get there early to set up a class I am teaching or for music practice, so the more I can do to streamline the situation the better.

DD does love having her photo taken - the kids are always snapping each other and random things - so I don't think she'll object to that side of it.

rae

(website)

Veteran

When you ask her to change, does she sigh because she's frustrated she didn't meet the mark, or does she truly like what she's put together? I used to have huge fights with my mom about what I wanted to wear, but then I always felt that my outfits were Of Extreme Importance to me.

If this is an outlet for her, then I echo the others that say purge the ill-fitted and let her do her thing. If it's a frustration for her, then the lookbook will probably help a lot! Adults have YLF and InStyle and whatnot... why not a lookbook for DD?

MsMary

Veteran

I agree with "purge the things that are unacceptable and let her do her thing." It sounds like she has way too many clothes. Can you get her out of the house for a day and just do it? She may pitch a fit but it would be done and she'll live.

Honestly, I don't think this is a battle you need to pick.

anne

Veteran

Rae - I get what you're saying. ( I was a child who had very set ideas too, and my mother let me go with it. Mine were not wearing jeans til I was 9, and an obsession with old fashioned looks - she let me wear my elaborate and messy rendition of a mid victorian hair style to my 8th birthday party!)

But she isn't really like that. She'll be frustrated because of the bother, not because she was set on a particular top. But she is fond of skirts, with all their challenges.

MaryK she doesn't have that many clothes, as I have already either purged or hidden away (I have a younger daughter) many of her clothes in an effort to make keeping her stuff tidy easier for her. And she has a tendency not to put her clothes in the laundry even though they are very dirty, and to hide them or put them back in the drawers dirty, so that cuts down on the options too! I have done previous purges hwhen she was out, but I think for working out clothes combinations has to be done on her, because I can't always tell if they will work until I see them on her.

Please don't all think I am some sort of high fashion standard demanding Mum; she ran wild on church camp the other weekend with her hair not done for 4 days, my kids frequently go to school in stained clothes, and I let them do handstands all over the furniture, climb trees and shimmy up poles!

Deborah

Veteran

Anne, as you know I have a boy so my experience with little girls in limited but I would simply say if you can make it a fun thing for your DD then go for it.

Gaylene

Veteran

My first reaction was similar to some of the other commentators--oh, she's just a little girl, so why make a fuss. But, after thinking it over, it seems, Anne, that you feel she needs some help in figuring out how to dress herself.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think that, as a parent, there is nothing wrong in helping your children learn the importance of looking presentable when they are in public. As you say, you don't mind them looking unkempt when they are playing, but it sounds like your daughter could use a bit of guidance in learning how to dress herself without your direct supervision.

The lookbook might work if she likes the idea, but I wonder if she'd care enough to use it once the novelty wore off. One of the ways I helped our sons learn how to dress themselves was to put a colored thread in each of their garments. They could pick their tops and bottoms but the rule was the colored threads had to match. It took a few minutes to add the thread to a top or bottom, but they seemed to find the idea easy enough to use so it worked. I also made them help me with the laundry so they had some idea of how to take care of their clothes. It took a bit of effort on my part, but I figured it was important to train them so they could look after themselves when they grew older.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Hi Anne, has the weather cooled at all where you are yet?
We are having a few warm days (again).
I have just checked with my D.D. re her opinion on this one.
She liked just having clothes that fitted and were mainly mix and match, but tended to wear jeans and Tees generally.
I usually told my girls (and still do) exactly what they should wear for special occasions.
If she likes your idea though, it would be a fun thing to create together.

anne

Veteran

Deb - thanks for the encouragement

Gaylene - I like your thread idea. I could probably do both

Lyn - it is getting cooler here. 13-23 was the forecast today, and the girls didn't want to take off their warm PJ's to get dressed this morning. It may go back up to 30 on the weekend though.

Thanks for asking your daughter. DD does wear jeans sometimes - and they are much easier to find things to go with. Skirts are the main challenge ( and toppers, sometimes).

If I was purchasing a wardrobe for her from scratch I would try to ensure she could mix and match - I am more trying to assemble if from a disparate collection.
And, not in response to anyone, but some additional info

When I mentioned it to her, she asked if it would be okay if she could just wear 2 of the outfits - one, for when the other one was in the wash. I didn't answer, but I guess that will be okay if she wears 2 acceptable looks (thought I might be a bit sad about all the lovely dresses she has been given that she doesn't wear). Again, if I was starting from scratch I would probably just buy her 2 "good" outfits per season anyway.

jayne

Veteran

two outfits sounds like a good start. But I think 4 would be better. I cannot wash clothes that fast!

I wore what I wanted and that meant one favorite pair of pink slacks like every day. i finally got teased at school about it which triggered me to start caring. I am not sure parents can force a child to take an interest, so finding a uniform between you should be a good first step. Then sit back and wait. If she ever gets an interest, you have all of YLF to help her find her style later.

My 14 year has always dressed herself (stubborn as a mule) and I only put my foot down once. Otherwise all her wild choices were allowed. I have suffered in silence and just let her know about my own interest in dressing well, pointing out when something she wore looked particularly good and trying to explain why. Anyway, again, it was the inluence at school that finally made her care more and now she always looks great. I feel I saved myself from some battles by letting time and age and outside influences effect her. Of course, I wouldn't give her a credit card and send her shopping alone at this point!

anne

Veteran

Jayne when I said two "good" outfits I meant for church and going out. They would only be worn once or at most twice a week. She wears a school uniform to school.

I do wonder if those of you who let your kids choose what they wanted had a better selection of clothes than DD does! I mean, did you (apart from Isis) actually buy them clothes yourselves? Except for shoes and the very occasional other item, I just don't buy her clothes, so I have very little control over what is in there in the first place.

lyn67

Veteran

I may be in minority here, but I adviced my DD how to dress, up to these days, and she is almost 16:-). If I remember well, at 7 she never ever had an interrest on what she was wearring, so I dressed her each day-and this was so important, as we don't have a uniform at school, so her outfits had to be comfy and up to date, for a good acceptance-as our good endoved environment was requiring it.
It's only for 3-4 years now, that she is interested in clothes and some fashion-including she is getting more and more stubborn in her choices, and now I will only help her shopping- regarding to price, quality and matching her existng wardrobe. When new clotes are home, we usually try things on and I give her some advices especially, as due to my YLF presence, usually I'm even a bit more fashion forward than she is:-).
Sometimes she is listenning, sometimes she is not-but that's not my problem anymore:-)
And yes, I figure if she has some good selection of clothes, she cannot go that wrong, no matter what.:-))

Hil

(website)

Veteran

This is such an interesting topic... I also have a 7 year old little girl and sometimes her choices drive me batty - especially when we have gone out and bought her new clothes, with her input and they never get worn because she would rather wear her old stuff. And mostly I just let her choose and *try* to buy things within a capsule, for want of a better description, so that clothes all sort of work together. The other thing with her clothing choices is how she LOVES to wear her older brother's things. She looks quite cute in her tomboy style, and again I just leave her to it unless we are going somewhere where what she is wearing matters.

A couple of months ago we were going to a friend's barmitvah and I chose something specific for her to wear and she put on something else, which was entirely mismatched and inappropriate. We argued, I insisted that she changed and eventually she looked at herself in the mirror in her nice clothes and through her tears shouted at me "Why didn't you just tell me this looked nice!"

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I have just skimmed over what's been written so far. Before I read all comments if I find the time, here are a few of my thoughts:

If you are considering to do this, then it is worth a try. Anything that puts order in your and DDs life and makes things easier is worth a go.
Involve her, by all means, let her make 'decisions'. She'll not feel pressured to do as told if she has a say. Kids love the feeling of independence, as I'm sure you know.
Make a checklist for her of what she needs to pay attention to before leaving the house, put it on some visible place (exit door) and ask her go though it.
Invent some sort of rewards system for successfully going through the checklist and for every outfit she picks from the lookbook / every stress free morning or something else you find educational in this exercise.
Last but not least: Limit the amount of her clothes you use before you even begin. Honestly, that is the key. My son went to school for 1 year in England and the kids wore uniforms there. That literally saved my sanity: a) there was not much deciding because the choice was limited and b) he had little clothes but enough and there wasn't much washing/folding/putting away, even though he is a very active boy and came home muddy 3 days out of 5 I have learnt valuable lesson from those days and since then have very little clothes in rotation for him, to the point that now 4 pairs of his trousers have holes and the patches on the knees and I must go shopping today asap. Little clothes for the kids, only what they need, I can't stress enough how that helped me put order in our lives. I apply the same logic to his clothes as I do to mine - limited color scheme, only the clothes that fit properly (as soon as he grows out of it, I put it to donation pile) and as little as possible.

anne

Veteran

Thanks for much for the input - am getting lots of diverse opionions

Gaylene - I forgot to say that I am with you on having kids help with laundry, DD9 does all her own laundry, including her sheets, which is quite a big task (she has to change them about 5 times a week) and irons 3 garments a week.

DD7, who is the subject of this thread, will have to do this too when she is 9 (currently she cleans the bathroom, and in theory, her own room). Sometimes when she wants extra money she hangs out, brings in and sorts washing for me, so she has some idea of what is involved)

Lyn67 and Hil, thanks for sharing your experiences with your daughters

Ornella, thanks for the detailed list. I share many of your preferences for a minimal wardrobe etc and like the wisdom in your suggestions of how to do things. Our girls have school uniforms too although they have a few different options, (dresses, shorts, skirts, pants, skorts, short and long sleeve top and a few varieties of tracksuit tops) and it is inevitable that some are the flavour of the month with certain ages. DD5 and DD7 share their clothes to some extent (as I haven't got around to/ am too stingy to buy many extras) and there are some arguments and laundry stress points.

Laundry is a big deal with us, with 3 kids and lots of lined washing, so I can't go as minimal as I'd like. I am frequently running out of my own undies!!

Oh, and DD loves checklist and reward charts - so that could work really well !

Ginkgo

Veteran

Anne, I realize some of your daughter's clothes are hand-me-downs so you don't have control over them, but do you think with the gifts that you could gently nudge people into giving more simple and solid-colored items, like tees, so items would mix better. Would DD wear a denim skirt? If she likes that idea, maybe someone could do that as a birthday gift.

Isis

Veteran

Anne, it does sound like your daughter WOULD like more guidance. Also I was mistaken in thinking that she wanted to dress one way, and you wanted to correct her. Not so.

Life sounds much simpler with school uniforms! I like your daughter's idea of reducing choice and creating a couple of tested outfits that you both like. Since it is just for church and one other outing a week, you could probably get away with only 3 outfits or so. It sounds like she is looking for that kind of simplicity!

I am impressed with how much responsibility you've given your kids with laundry and individual chores!

rachylou

Veteran

This IS an interesting topic. It occurs to me, Anne, that I don't know the age of your daughter. The issues will be different at 8, 12, and 16.

In any case, your daughter sounds responsive and agreeable. I'm thinking it may not be so much a matter of choosing stuff to go together but an assortment of clothes (maybe a large one?) that could use some plain sorting out. Right now it may be a frustrating exercise to find stuff in the lot. Even if it's all put away, it just may be overwhelming. Gosh, my own wardrobe even after, what, three years of sorting is still too much.

In the interim, because that takes time, a classic Angie is to hang a complete outfit on a single hanger so it's ready to go. You could do a couple of those and bypass all the work a lookbook would take.

anne

Veteran

NOT AGAIN!!!

I just wrote a long detailed response to Gingko, Isis and Rachylou and pressed the wrong button!!! LOST AGAIN!

I need to go to bed. Will try again tomorrow

rachylou

Veteran

ARgh! I can feel the sting of pain from here

But definitely interested in hearing more of your thoughts. Wrangling with kid clothing takes study and plotting, lol!

anne

Veteran

Thanks Rachylou - Ok I'll start again

Gingko - i do love denim skirts!! They have had many over the years and I found them so handy that I have bought one new for one of them. I can't remember if DD7 still has one (and I put it away with the winterclothes perhaps) or I purged it for being really shabby. But unfortunately a lot of her tops just don't seem to go well with skirts just based on style (as opposed to if it was a matter of pattern or colour, where a denim skirt would work well)

As to "nudging" the giftgivers - not so good here. One (my MIL) is fairly good overall. I like it that she often goes for casual clothes, and whole outfits. And she is coming down for Easter so I am toying with the idea of asking to help with the whole project!

The other giftgiver causes me angst. She is in her 50's and is an old family friend who lives near my Mum. She is unemployed (though very educated) with some mental illness problems and struggling financially. BUT she loves buying things from boutiques for my girls, and she buys what appeals to her. I have explicitly asked her in writing to stop buying clothes for DD7 or DD9 but only a month or so another parcel arrived with 2 outfits for them (Leaving DD5 (who wasn't included in my prohibition) feeling very left out). They like about a third of what she gives them and the rest are worn under sufferance (like if we are visiting her) or DD7 doesn't want to wear them because they are so "good" (ie an unworn white linen summer dress) or DD9 just doesn't wear them because she has a very clearly developed sense of style. Anyway I digress!

Isis - school uniforms do simplify matters but I feel honestly bound to report that I was angry at her this morning because she "had no school tops" and I picked 4 up off her floor and had to pick out the least dirty (but still dirty) for her to wear and then she "had to wear sneakers" but had left them out overnight and they were soaked and we can't find her second pair. Helping out sometimes with the washing doesn't seem to have helped her to consider her clothes much. DD9 wears the same polo shirt all week, keeping it tidy and only washing it once, but DD7 needs daily changes. I did chuck a few things in the dryer for DD9 - it is a lot of work at times for her.

Their helping with the chores has started to pay off with DD9 but the others mostly take more work than it saves, but I hope it will benefit them in the long run. My idea is to rotate the jobs so they all have a go at each one.

Rachy - she is seven. And yes the clothes do need sorting out - I guess I have sorted them every year, but I really think I need to work on combinations - previously I was just culling on the basis of fit, worn out/ stains and sheer quantity. I have restricted her quantity in the past. I guess it is like the difference between packing for a trip when you work out combinations and try them on, like some on YLF have done, and just thinking (as lazy me tend to do) " lets just take 4 bottoms, 6 tops, a dress and 3 pairs of shoes and then ending up not wearing half of them because they aren't quite right together.

anne

Veteran

We did it yesterday!! Decided we need to buy her close fitting black and white tops to make some outfits work, but came up with some with what she had in there.

Here are some combinations we thought were okay except that I am not sure about the cardi in pi c 4.What do you think? Too ruffly?

Here is her wardrobe when we finished (and the shoe rack - we have found a pair of her sandals since then and her sneakers are drying out, but I'll get her something a bit dressier in the shoe department)

Thanks for all the encouragement

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