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Conscious purging

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Due to the pandemic and also life/career changes I have no current or projected need for 90% of my smart casual clothes, which are a big percentage of what I currently own. I've also been thinking a lot about sustainability, environmentally conscious purchasing, and also - for want of a better phrase - aging. I haven't totally formulated my thoughts yet but I'm imagining a process that's a combination of Konmari and Swedish death cleaning (great book, btw). It seems to me that the logistics of everything are only one small part, while the emotional process of acknowledging the loss and change is a big boulder in my way.

I know we've discussed similar topics before, so apologies if I'm repeating myself. I'm struggling with the change in my identity as much as anything.

General

36 replies

Latest reply was from Barbara Diane

bj1111

Veteran

angie said elsewhere that holding areas are good for a society in transition. i would echo her.

i've started dressing up the few days that i'm in the office. so over stretchy waists.

maybe prune to a weekly capsule and shop your holding area see you get tickled to wear some of the smarter clothes.

Runcarla

Veteran

Been there. Done that. The process doesn’t feel easy, but it’s liberating. I dumped a lot of anger, when I did a big lifestyle change wardrobe edit 2 years ago. It really was a purge, come to think of it.

I believe I got a head start 4 years earlier when we moved/relocated and downsized. I sold or donated a lot of furniture that wasn’t going to work in our new place, and did a hard edit of 3 decades of accumulated ‘stuff’.

Our current house keeps us honest. It has great storage - for stuff in seasonal rotation. There is nowhere to hide stuff you don’t use and don’t want to deal with!

Joy

Veteran

We are living in a world of constant change. Living lightly makes the changes easier. I am still mourning my jeans and miss them but the challenge is pants with elastic waists that don’t look dumpy or too casual.

Anonymous

I could repeat everything Carla said , word for word. I have done 2 major purges in the last 2 years : once when we downsized and moved , and the other when I retired from being a full time sales agent . My wardrobe feels pretty one - note now , and I have to fight the urge to buy things I have nowhere to wear to ( that’s gotta be grammatically incorrect ) . After having focused on me and my clothes my entire life , I feel a bit at loose ends right now not having that take up so much of my brain .

unfrumped

Veteran

Similar situation here.
While I did not do a “ now I’m retired” giant purge, I have been carting out a box or bag of things every month or so, by trying on things more or less in season and evaluating for fit, color, shoes that hurt, and anything that was annoying. And all but a couple of pencil skirts, though I love that style, because a lot were a tad too short or relied on opaque tights- which I also still love- but I would never need the number and variety I used for working day in and day out.
The categories that are going to kill
me are woolen sweaters- cashmere and merino- and a collection of silk shirts. The former is actually more of an issue because I have to work to defend against moths, yet I don’t reach for them for at- home wearing,
I am lucky to have extra closet space for holding zone, but over time want to minimize that.
I am keeping a fair number of pants ( only if fit currently) if they are in silhouettes that I know I like. Most are dark neutrals but are in different weight fabrics. I hope to trial run them over time to see which ones still work in capsules for nicer casual outfits, but might find that by time we see other side of pandemic, I might be on to something else. Who knows.
I also have been culling some scarves, mostly by fabric not comfy enough, stricter color choices, and choosing favorites from among similar.
You’d think I would offload a lot of handbags since I’m not a huge handbag- craving type, but have more than I use now, but I’ve kind of collected some favorite colors and sty, so think I will hang on and see if I enjoy using them to accent simple outfits , when going places returns.

cat2

Veteran

I am on year three of going from business casual to casual for work. I don’t think you need to do a massive purge, just start remixing what you have set aside as smart casual with your existing casual pieces and see where you end up.

Lynne

Veteran

I love the idea of a holding zone, and of remixing pieces to dress them down. Changes in identity are HUGE, never underestimate the emotional impact of transitioning to a new version of yourself :)! Having said that, I still hold onto a few emotional pieces: a cotton crop top I wore to uni, a pink, polka dot sweetheart dress I made, my wedding dress, some of my late husbands work shirts. Only you can decide, x.

kkards

Veteran

For me, I’m being very selective with what i get rid of this year, because honesty this year seems, well, un real, and so I’m not sure i want to get to far ahead of myself. But we each need to approach this differently. If you feel better and more in control letting stuff go, then I’m all in on letting it go.

always trying

Veteran

My big purging was footwear done about 3 years ago. So happy i did that. Now I buy footwear very carefully.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Kkards echoed my feeling exactly. I’m not sure how long things will feel “abnormal” or what a new normal will entail. I’m not being quick to get rid of anything that I truly like that may serve me well in the future, however impractical it is at the moment. As long as it fits and is comfortable. But I understand if you’re feeling like an era of your life is over and it’s time to move on.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I also like Cat2’s suggestions to rethink and rework “smart casual” pieces. After all, one would imagine someone like me in my life situation would have no use for a blazer, but I love wearing one casually with a graphic tee and jeans, for example.

JAileen

Veteran

This year has definitely been different. Okay, definitely bad. Really, the worst ever. But I think we’ll be back to our old normal in 2022, maybe even sooner, sometime in late 2021. I’m very casual anyway, so I’m not really changing anything.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Space is a concern for me; I do have a self storage unit for out of season items, but no real room for a holding zone on site.

LisaPs note about buying habits is one I’ve been thinking about too. I used to enjoy browsing stores (in person or online) and mentally putting together outfits and keeping up with trends. I’m not sure what to replace it with.

Jane

Veteran

I am trying hard to remember to take things slowly in terms of purging. I have made my holding zone very much bigger than it ever has been and am taking care to make sure that if I am purging, then try to do it in a level mood!

Sal

Veteran

Yes I can understand why downsizing is attractive right now and I probably agree with you. If you have a need for these types of pieces in three years would you want them or not.

I would keep things I really loved though even if you can’t see a current requirement.

I guess it is being really thorough with the edit - try items on - does it suit you, is it good quality, do you adore it, how often have you worn it, does it suit your climate?

In terms of the hobby aspect I do find mini challenges can be fun (10x10 etc). At the moment I am trying to wear all my spring and summer skirts and dresses.

Oh goodness I hope 2021 is a better year for many people.

Anonymous

Sounds like some pretty significant life changes. I can see why it would feel like a big deal and I think you're right about the emotional part being in the way. Most of the time I have no problem giving things away but in some situations they seem to absolutely hum with meaning.

Who knows? Maybe they really do.

You might give yourself time to really be in your current life as much as you were in your past so that you really know what you like to wear now. If you work in the items from before, great, if not, also totally fine. If you're feeling like letting go of these things now will free your mind to focus on your new life I have done that many times and it always worked out just fine.

Anonymous

I'm not doing any purge this year,
but planning on it next year. Even though 2020 is an abnormal year, I don't see returning to my BC19 life/priorities.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Purging takes me a very long time and I did a lot of it during 2018 while we were building our new home. I didn’t want to fill the new house with stuff I wasn’t using, apart from some sentimental stuff that belonged to my parents. I did manage to even reduce some of that since my second parent had died 8 years earlier. It meant I was more able to let go of what I associated with them since a number of years had put a distance between me and them.
My identity has changed over time as well, but some styles of older clothing I still like.
I worry about purged items ending up in landfill so I have really slowed down my buying, 8 items so far in 2020, racking up wears on pre-2020 clothing.
Dealing with the wardrobe still takes a fair chunk of the brain when trying to track wears and carefully plan any purchases. Wardrobe holes are small and when confirmed as a hole over weeks or months can start a careful search. My most recent purchase, bought a matter of a week or so ago, was such a case and has already had 3 wears!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

This thread has been on my mind a bit. Combined with our return home after 7 weeks away, it’s helped inspire me to clean out and reorganize a bit of my wardrobe. I took a quick look through the holding zone and a few things went into the “sell” pile (nice items that will probably return a little cash), a few more went into the donation bags. Scarves and hats got a review and mild edit. A couple of sweaters and tops, and several pairs of jeans (skinnies in particular). I’m side-eyeing some shoes that have gone mostly or totally unworn for the last couple of years too.

It is not always easy for me to evaluate whether I am well and truly over an item — sometimes I go back months later and wonder whether I still have an item I donated, but regrets are very rare.

I don’t have a lot that can’t be somehow adapted and worn for a fairly casual lifestyle, although I have quite a bit of smart casual that can be dressed up or down. That’s ok. I am not quite sure what our lives will look like post-COVID, but I don’t want to adopt a wardrobe of just sweatshirts and joggers or exercise gear — the last eight months have proven that gets old for me pretty quickly.

I like taking an approach to downsizing that is incremental — today two plastic trash bags are filled with wardrobe items to donate. That’s a good afternoon’s work for me. It doesn’t put a huge visible dent in my wardrobe but it helps give a little breathing room, and I feel like I have a better idea of what I have again.

How are you feeling now about a big edit, Laura? It sounded like you were considering something pretty intensive. I find big changes rather challenging to do abruptly. Just curious to know if you’ve had more thoughts. Wishing you well!

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I’m curious, general question for all: as you purge and put items in holding zone, do you make separate bags or piles? As in “items that are too big,” “too small,” items that are “too dressy for current needs” or maybe “style feels outdated” etc? Because I can imagine needing/wanting to rescue things from a too big/too small pile (my hips change dramatically in size from week to week), but maybe would feel more confident donating items that had stylistic problems.

Lucy

Veteran

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. In my city in Australia, we have had very limited transmission of the virus, and nothing for a few months (though of course we are still quite wary, and other states have shown it can surge at the drop of a hat!). But in general, life is going on as usual, but with social distancing and less crowds.
This has meant that in my city, almost everyone is back at work in the office.
Weirdly, I have noticed almost no difference at all between how people dressed before lockdown and how they dress now. For all the talk of track pants and elastic waists, people are still in their professional attire. People wear what they wore before the lockdown. And there is something rather exciting about being able to buy new clothes for a normal life - I bought nothing for months but have recently bought a few things to freshen up.
So I guess what I would say is that, once we have a vaccine, things may return to normal more than we can imagine right now, and so a radical purge might not be for the best. It might be that people work more at home, and some may never return to the office. But my sense is that for those who do, what we wear won't be all that different than pre Covid.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Lucy, I suspect that for a lot of people COVID has sparked an earlier retirement than many people anticipated, or a drastic change in work circumstances. Some of the latter may be quicker to return to “normal” depending on what field one works in, and some may never be the same. I’m thinking for example of all the retailers and restaurants in my closest cities that are now shut for good.

But I’m in the States, where abysmal leadership has resulted in large numbers of infection and businesses and individuals have suffered. Other countries have had a much better time of it. Walking around the two sizable cities near me, it feels very much like a ghost town, and it’s sad. The people who are out and about are dressed like “normal” but that represents a small portion of the population. Meanwhile most people are wearing gear and sweats and staying home (or they should be), where we can’t see what they’re wearing.

To Laura’s original post, I am taking a harder, more realistic view of what’s sitting in my holding zone. Jessikams, I have two hanging garment bags in our basement closet for my holding zone. They function as out-of-season storage, occasion wear storage, and holding zone. I hang up items in there grouped loosely: seasonal items, fit issues (slightly too small but within a 10 lb reach), styling issues (usually classic things that are a bit too dressy for current life, or slightly off trend but not wildly so), and a few sentimental items that will likely never be worn (a skirt of my mom’s, a top my husband bought me for a milestone birthday, etc). It’s easy enough to see what’s in there because the fronts of the bags are clear. So I can do quick reviews even without opening them.

I have a hard time culling things that are really nice and classic (or timeless to my particular style like leather jackets). A slightly snug DVF dress has been languishing in that zone for several years now. Do I give up and sell it? Sigh.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Laura, you might find these posts useful:

https://youlookfab.com/2020/08.....robe-edit/

https://youlookfab.com/2020/05.....-my-style/

https://youlookfab.com/2020/09.....-pandemic/

nemosmom

Veteran

It is hard NOT to mourn your former self, regardless of whether you chose the change or not. You are right to feel like you are struggling - I hope you are being kind to yourself!

Covid is raging here; our county is one tier above stay-home order again. Schools, gyms, restaurants, etc. closed. Service businesses (restaurants, salons) is outdoor only, at 25% max capacity. So, we are staying home as much as we can.

I have been going through my holding zone more carefully, but also adding more to it. I don't want to get rid of things only to find that I want them when this is all over.

Christina F.

Veteran

I purged some things because I am moving, and it was a good time to do it. I will continue to purge anything that falls apart or stops fitting. Otherwise, I am waiting to see what my professional life is like post-pandemic. I will have more space once I move, and I would rather keep things than rush to re-buy once my office opens again.

Since you might not need smart casual clothes again, you may want to cull more. See if some of it can be dressed down a bit, though. I suspect thrift stores are pretty full right now, so that may be one reason to take your time (since the emotional part of it IS hard).

Runcarla

Veteran

Just popping back to add - there’s a difference between a seasonal edit or periodic cul vs a purge compelled by a lifestyle change. Sounds to me like you are in purge territory, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Liz

Veteran

It sounds like you've had a lot of life change, that will have lasting effects going forward. I sympathize -- changes that leave us asking identity questions are usually pretty big, and it always takes me time to work through them.

I've seen a couple ways that plays out in wardrobe: sometimes we resolve some of the grief over the loss and the change of identity, and we make closet changes to reflect that—we've let go enough inside that we can let go of the externals.

At other times, we're not quite there yet inside, but we go ahead and change the externals anyway, as a conscious action that we're choosing to move forward into a new thing in our lives, and we're using this outward change to shake us loose and prompt more inward change.

I can see a purge for you coming from either of those places.

However, if you're still in a place of real grieving over the losses and the changes, and doing something with the clothing is only going to be more loss that you aren't ready for yet, then I'd recommend just packing it up whatever isn't getting worn right now and putting it into the self-storage unit until you're more ready to make decisions about it.

@Jessikams: my holding zone is a large shopping bag, not separated by different reasons. When I get ready to do a donation, I go through it and take out the stuff that I'm getting rid of for style/fit/annoyance reasons. Right now, I'm leaving the stuff that's in there for weight reasons. I've learned to trust that if I was annoyed or bored enough with something for it to go in the holding zone, it's rarely going to work to try to pull it back out. There is a reason it went in the bag.

nemosmom

Veteran

oooh, @Liz, that is goooooood!!! *scribbles away in notebook*

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Laura, it sounds like your in the midst of a challenging period of change.

If there is one thing the pandemic has taught us, perhaps, it is that we can't always predict what might happen tomorrow, or in two months, or in five.

It can be difficult to balance a need to dress for a new identity and set of roles -- and a desire not to add to waste. It's also tough to find new habits to replace the old habits. But maybe taking it in stages will help. That is...

donate the clothes that no longer fit/ that you don't like/ that you cannot in any new world imagine wearing

put into storage some smart casual clothes that you still like and can imagine re-mixing -- jackets, maybe, dressier tops, etc.

pick a new hobby instead of browsing stores...what did you like about it? (Visual stimulation, gentle movement, new ideas, images, fit easily into daily schedule? -- so find something that provides some of these).

And give yourself time to grieve the losses and unwanted changes. Aging is tough to face and so much harder when we are in a period where it is difficult to find things to look forward to. But that will change with the vaccine, at least for many people.

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