Update: I'm still here.

Thanks, everyone, for your great words of uplift, guidance, and
community. I have been absent from YLF for a couple of days because -- to be
honest -- I felt like I had really bared my soul and I was not quite
ready to come back knowing I had made myself so vulnerable. I'm feeling a
bit better today.

Several of you (Mo, Greyscale) talked about being "our own worst
critics" and I can really relate to that. As sole practitioner, I am my
only source of regular feedback (aside from the occasional praise from a
really happy client) ... and when things are not stellar it can be very
hard to turn off that voice in my head.

A few of you also used the word "cycle" or "pattern" (Suz,
Torontogirl) to describe what's happening right now -- this slow period in my work -- and that's exactly what it
is. My workload always moves in unpredictable cycles -- sometimes I'm
overloaded, sometimes my desk is clear, and there isn't much I can do to
modulate that. I have to say yes when the work is flowing, and try to deal
with the dry spells as well as I can. Sometimes it's hard -- like now.

I really appreciated the words of wisdom and commiseration from
independent workers and others (Janet, Lavinia, Carter, BethAnn, Tarzy,
Rachylou) who helped me feel that I am not alone in grappling with
professional challenges and with this specific challenge of a dry spell.
When your work is not only your livelihood but also to some degree your
identity, it can be difficult when it slackens.

And thank you for those who simply offered encouragement (BethL,
Isabel, Angie) -- I can't tell you how it helps just to know I have some
people rooting for me.

I've got a few things starting to percolate ... a possible project
later this month, a very likely one in June, a proposal to work on for
PBS, and some other things still in development. Before too long I
should have actual work to do, and until then I am going to keep going
as well as I can, using all the advice you gave.

Thanks again.
Vivian