I hit my stride (for now) when I turned 30, I think. I'm 35 now.

Honestly, one thing that's made a difference is money, much as I hate to admit it. When I was in grad school in my 20s, I was great at living on my small stipend. I shopped almost entirely at consignment stores. I'm pretty happy with what I owned and wore - a lot of second-hand Gap, Banana Republic, and J Crew. I was lucky to be in a college town with excellent secondhand stores. But it was all fairly boring and basic (especially because yes, it was all black).

I still buy most things second-hand, but I stalk higher-quality consignment stores and the Rack. What has let me be so comfortable with my clothes is having a closet that is full of high-quality things that I love and chose very intentionally. (That includes a lot of moderately priced things like Gap tshirts, but now I buy those new and choose them carefully.)

There are many women who can do far more with far less money than me, but I don't think I had the innate sense of style that would let me buy cheap new clothes and look fabulous.

Of course, much more than the money, I've also developed a really strong sense of my style over the past 5-10 years. It changes over time but I always know what things feel like "me" and how I can make a new trend more "me" by tweaking it a bit.

This is such a strange place to be in, for me, because as a teenager I was anything but comfortable in my body and my clothes. (I'm sure that's a very common experience.) My roommate in grad school basically had an intervention to make me buy women's clothes that fit instead of boy's clothes that made me look huge and didn't even manage to make me look androgynous anyway! I remember my first pair of bootcut women's jeans, bought in 2003 after a decade of wearing men's 505s.

Haha! I remember wanting those dresses!

I have gained so much confidence in the past year since coming to ylf. It's made an immense difference - I had no idea what to look for or how to see any differences between what was just clothes before.

Now, I not only am comfortable and feel like 'me' in what I wear, but I can recognize to some extent what won't or doesn't work on me, and what I like only on others. It's a great feeling.

At the same time, I find myself in the past few weeks anyway, wanting to put less effort into dressing. I know that I like the clothes I have, and that they fit well. Now I just want to throw on clothes and go, and know that I look fine (maybe not stellar, but whole lot better than a few years ago). It's nice to know that clothes CAN take very little effort and still result in a reasonable look.

When I was in my 20's (in the 80s) I wanted this RL (below) so badly but never sewed it because I thought I'd look bad in it.

I agree that it can help not to be super strapped for cash. Although I saw DD develop a lovely style buying from thrift stores when she was a poor student. She lived in West LA though which helped a lot.

Maybe it's not the cash or lack of it. Maybe it's also partly the abundance or scarcity mentality that can hinder style development. You can have money but it you think "I spent $XXX on this and I can't let it go" then it might be hard to open yourself to things that work. You have to be able to let go, no matter what your budget is. Because we all buy things that don't end up working and they can clog our closets and our fashion brains.

Such a great point, Jody. We all need to let go in order to develop confidence and true style. I think that is so right.

Also, I wanted one of those dresses, too.

I do think Greyscale is right that having a bit of cash makes a difference -- it's part of what allows us to let go of what isn't working. You can't do that if you don't know how you'd ever replace it. It's tough to allow ourselves to make mistakes (such a necessary part of learning) if we are very, very tight for money. I think this was my position for many years of my life -- part of why I didn't feel I developed an authentic style until YLF and even now it is nascent, not fully developed.

Thanks everyone for sharing.  This is so interesting:)  And sorry for taking time to get back here, insane day for a Saturday and finally alone with my laptop

Lyn D, I have always thought a stylish woman wearing something different to the majority was a sign of really confidence (and style) and I have always envied women like this:)

jenanded, I am loving my forties!  And I agree our younger years are a great time to try things out as we get a sense of who we are.

gryffin, you made me laugh with embarrassment!  In my first job at 20 I think I dressed like a woman of 40!  There was no sense of my youth in how I dressed. And how funny is it that at 40/50 we become rebellious!  You comments echo how I feel also.  I wear my skull scarf to church because I want to make a point about stereo types, once upon a time I just wouldn't do that lol.

kkards, having access to the internet has been huge hasn't it.  Having so much available makes it so much easier to dress they way we want.

MRL, looks like Im not alone on the Laura Ashley dress front

Lantana, you have really hit on an important point.  For so long I bought clothes that did not suit my lifestyle!   It took me ages to get past what i liked to sensibly consider things like when will I wear this?, where will i wear this, how many formal functions do I attend in one year etc:)

annaj, not giving much a away!!! Were you Laura Ashley offender??

AnnieMouse, it can be really challenging to separate who we are from what we do so to speak.  I am a Pastor's wife and the temptation is to confirm to how the other pastors' wives dress but I don't!

Windchime, so many of us owe so much to Angie and YLF  I agree too that our personal development and growth can relate directly to how we style and present ourselves.  I realise I have become more outspoken and confident of my opinions, experience and knowledge in my 40's.

Joy, I cannot imagine you being anything but incredibly stylish but it looks like for most of us it's a journey.

mtgirl, I love your spirit.  It would take a lot to get me back into that style of dress lol. Even though you may not look like anyone in your town stylewise, I bet you fit right in because you are being true to yourself.

ManidipaM, the time after having a baby is challenging.  I bought a skirt that was so not me just before I had my son with a view to wearing it after the birth.  What was I thinking?  But, it was one step toward working out what worked and what didn't.

Shevia, we have the incredible luxury of YLF and time to ponder and explore and discuss style which clearly has really helped us all in our style progression.  Life events (like having kids) can really hinder that journey lol.

MuseumGal, interesting point.  In our 'youth' we don't tend to worry about age appropriate, anything goes, and we are almost expected to experiement and be different.  There is a definite freedom in that.  

Catnip, authentic and happy!  This might just be the mantra I adopt for my wardrobe.

Mo, I wonder if the expressing ourselves thing comes into play later because that is when we feel more in touch with who we are?

IK, the ongoing dilemma...budget!!  When I was young, foolish and single I would not hesitate to spend my whole wage on a garment, now days with a family and commitments the challenge is obtaining the look I want within my means. lol

Suz, the truth is deep down I thought it was ugly then too lol.  I have NEVER like that much volume or floral.  I just wasn't confident enough to stand up and be my own person stylewise.  Oh my goodness Suz, I had a wrap white organza blouse similar to the one you posted and I wore it with a long black skirt.... what you describe still has an element of style and tweaked would probably work today.  So would my blouse and skirt with tweaks but I voting no hope for the floral dress.  I wonder had I been photographing outfits during my Laura Ashley period, would I have in fact every left the house???

Ruth, maybe we should start a What was I thinking thread lol.  You raise the point that we can look good, and people can compliment us, but the outfit may not be what we want or feel it reflects who we are.

rachy, interesting that you seemingly more of a free spirit now and I see you as someone who makes their own rules.

Aquamarine, feeling like a poseur is generally a bit of a give away to me that Im not feeling comfortable and may have strayed too far out of my comfort zone

Angie...no  If we are adopting a uniform I propose Rick Owens...lots of black lol.

E, you sound you have a really balanced approach to life and a pretty clear picture of what you like and what works for you.

patsymaloo, we should shop together.  I see soooo many things I don't like in the stores but soooo little that I do.  It makes it difficult.  Don't hesitate to start posting.  Part of the fun here is doing the journey together.

Elizabeth P you need to show us these dresses:)

Lynne, you would have looked gorgeous I am sure  And Im always telling my son we learn from our mistakes but why are fashion mistakes so painful? lol

Caro, relocating and changing jobs threw me a bit.  It's almost like you have to work out who you are in your new environments.  You clearly have fallen on your feet, cos your style is amazing:)

Greyscale, I think your confidence shows in your outfit choices.  And I have learnt here that quality certainly can up how we feel in our clothes.  Knowing what is 'you' I guess, is what allows you to make the new trend "you"

Amiable, you have been on an amazing journey and your growing confidence shows in every new post.  

Adelfa, I do think we have to be prepared to accept the mistake and move on.  It would be nice to have the money to buy exactly what we wanted and would certainly make it easier to curate the style we wanted, but doing it on a budget can be fun (ok that's what I tell myself)

Such an interesting thread.
My style confidence comes and goes. It is a reflection of where I am internally, and I'm starting to recognize it as a sort of sentinel of sorts. When I feel less confident in my dress, it often signals some short of shift, not just in fashion, but in self. It's not always super deep -- I feel less confident when I'm tired or overworked, for example. Strangely enough, sometimes when I'm stuck on an issue in life I'm having trouble resolving, working in my closet, creating new outfits and presenting myself to the world in a fresh way, can keep me moving forward until a life solution arrives.

And Suz and Jody --- I had both of the patterns in my sewing box. I did make the lace blouse --- with the v-neck, of course!

Deborah: I had a dress much like yours -- only mine was so sophisticated......OK, it was a floral with a black background........and a butt bow.

Beth Ann....a but bow!! Do you think being creative in your closet actually helps you to view your situation or challenge more creatively?

Ha! Not in her teeth Deborah - on her bottom ;o

Woops...corrected lol

Deborah this has been an interesting and useful thread and I really appreciate the energy you have put into your responses.

I didn't have a chance to add to this thread properly last night.

Like most, I've hit, or am hitting, my style stride in my 40's. In Jr high and high school, I was very influenced by a friend, who had an amazing sense of style, even at that age. She still does, but we only see each other every decade now. I thnk I drove her nuts, copying her as much as I could, and never understanding why it didn't work as well on me. In high school I also liked going a bit against the norm, not totally crazy, but I didn't really follow trends, and did what I liked. University was a blur of jeans and hand knit sweaters. In my early days of working, I bought quite expensive clothes, in an effort to be professional and look good, it took me ages to clue in that spending money like that wasn't necessary where I worked! And nor did it make "style".

I think I've always liked nice clothes, but have been completely clueless as to what was "in style". Nor did I really care. I got really boring in my late 30's and early 40's, as I had young kids, and most of my disposable income went to camera gear. Again, I had nice things, looked presentable etc, but in no way was fashion forward, current, modern, any of those words. Just dressed.

It's been YLF, and "Dressing your truth" that have really pulled things together for me. DYT for colours, design lines, fabrications, make up... and YLF for figuring out how to add some real "style" within those elements. I would NEVER have worn pleather pants prior to developing the confidence those two influences have given me. Nor decided to grow out my grey, which I am loving.

Thanks for this thread Deborah! Very interesting to see the commonalities among us.

Now to dig out those dresses :). Ironically they are sitting in the laundry room... they'd been hanging at the back of a closet at my mothers house, and I brought them back at Christmas to wash and figure out what to do with them. Too funny.

I remember Laura Ashley dresses - I always hated them!

I actually feel quite the opposite about how I dress - I'm not so confident anymore. I have always loved trendy dressing. In my 20's, 30's, and even my 40's, I dressed as trendy as I wanted to and was happy as a clam. Now that I have entered my 5th decade, I have begun to question whether or not I am dressing in an "age appropriate" manner. I think it all goes back to when I was a child and I saw a much older woman in the grocery store who was dressed in white go-go boots, a mini-skirt, and too much make-up. I thought "She's too old to wear that!" (I was a fashionista even as a little girl). I also think she was dressed in the wrong decade, but I'm not sure. While the bottom line is I don't really care what other people think, I still don't want them to think that.

So maybe the key to my confidence is that I know not to wear too-short skirts and too much make-up?

Ummmm, late to the party as usual. I never even thought about style, much less trends, until a couple of years ago when I found YLF. When I was in my late 50s. Before that, my goal was probably to look presentable and not embarrass DD. I had little money until my early thirties, and then I used to hit the sales on my lunch hour. After DD was born when I was 40, I had no time to shop for me. The few times I did, I got credit card fraud alert calls! Dazzled by pretty pictures, I bought way too much Lands End stuff which I now realize fit but did not really flatter me.

Trends? What trends? At least now, I'm mildly aware. I just know that for over a decade I did not care for what I saw in the stores (cardigans, low waist pants, empire tops and dresses) so I just didn't buy. I was also disinclined to take the time and effort to root out different stuff. As DD prepared to leave the nest several years ago, I figured I better get my act together style-wise since she would not be around to advise me.

The wonders of the internet for research and shopping! Post-YLF, I think I have honed my style and become more daring. People comment on what I wear (I think/hope in a good way), and this used to never happen. It has taken me sixty years. . . .

YLF has really helped me be more cognizant of what I'm wearing. What "fit" means, waistband placement, proportions, trouser length, how quality affects fit and appearance... It's helped improve my eye, I think.

I TRY to wear what looks good on me but I know for sure as I've matured I'm more comfortable wearing what I like. My personal style isn't that remarkable but I really have fun dressing for my dog events and I always get comments. In a sea of boring, badly fitted suits my pattern mixing and eclectic style stand out. In my "eff you guys" punk days I had this. Lost it for a while, but now it's back!

HI guys! *traipsing through*