Confession: I think I am really intimidated by quality expensive clothing - YouLookFab Forum

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Confession: I think I am really intimidated by quality expensive clothing

Hil

(website)

Veteran

OK - this may sound silly but I really do feel a little intimidated when I wander through the "classier" stores.

Yesterday I went to the mall with DH and family and we wandered through a store called Stuttafords. I imagine it may be the South African equivalent of Nordstroms. They stock awesome, international brands.

I can totally see the difference, quality wise between the budget cheapie shops which I frequent and the higher end clothes, but somehow I just cannot see myself buying any of the clothes. Almost like I am not sure I am worth the money. I don't even bother trying things on!

I seriously feel a little panicked and intimidated by the clothing. And yet - I can look at a fab Stephen Cole coat on hubby and "ooh" and "ah"over it and *almost* talk him into buying it.

Just a funny little observation that I made whilst wondering the shopping mall.

Shopping

24 replies

Latest reply was from Kalli

merwoman

Veteran

I feel a lttle intimidated as well walking into a swanky shop. Generally these stores are less crowded, and have more sales staff. I feel that there are more eyes watching/judging me, and I can't blend in as well. Funny isn't it?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

That's totally okay, Hil :). You don't need to love better-end clothing at all! (Of course you're worth every penny, though - why wouldn't you be :)). It's understandable to feel more at home and "down to earth" is less expensive merchandise. Also you might actually prefer the styling of less expensive stuff.

I just wrote this on the YLF Facebook page:

"For the second year in a row, I keep on looking at designer tops, fully prepared to pay the price, yet nothing tickles my fancy. I go to good old J.Crew and can find many tops that I love and want to wear. Designer is not always better and style preferences are a very personal thing".

Wearing better-end clothing does not automatically give you style. While I am giddy over well-made items which exemplify quality workmanship - I love to wear Zara too. I enjoy having a high-low style because it feels authentic and right in my heart. If wearing clothes from "less classy" stores feels right - I vote stick with it. Fashion is about having fun, and not about wearing expensive clothes.

Btw, I LOVED Stutties and used to buy my clothing there from time to time. I knew most of the fashion buyers at the time too. (Were you in Sandton City, yesterday?) But I also liked getting stuff from Truworths and Woolies. Why not! Where do you like to shop, Hil?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh yes, merwoman! That does happen. Sales staff keep their eyes peeled on you in high end stores. Great! Don't ever feel that you are not welcome to browse and judge their merchandise. That's the point of a store.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I think a lot of us feel a bit that way, Hil! It's a really astute observation. If you decide that you would like to adopt some higher-end style, that's a whole different story. In that case, it helps to go slowly, buying one item that you know you will like and use, something it's easy for you to feel comfortable and special in, whether that is a dress, a great pair of jeans, a skirt, or a jacket. Or perhaps a pair of shoes. I bought my first really high end shoes (or high end for me!) in the winter and it was a good purchase. I know they will get tons of wear and I feel good in them, not overly fussy.

jayne

Veteran

Thanks for starting the thread, because I am right in there with you, and it was nice to read Angie's response.

Gaylene

Veteran

While I agree that it's perfectly fine to not shop at a store that makes you feel uncomfortable, I also think that it's sometimes not bad to step outside of your comfort zone just to explore the possibilities. It's just this sort of "I feel out of my element" that keeps us from going into a thrift/consignment outlet, or a "youthful", fashion-forward chain.

Our perceptions of what other are thinking are usually just that--our perceptions. Sometimes confronting these perceptions is not bad; you might find the sales staff quite willing to help you navigate their offerings if you ask for assistance. Or try going with a friend for mutual support. Even if you don't choose to buy at that price point, just looking at what is available, or trying on a better quality item, can be an education.

Stores, even high-priced ones, need customers to stay in business. As long as you look interested in their stock, it would be very poor business sense to turn you away. My 70+ husband loves to check out the high-end designer stores such as Dolce and Gabbana when he gets the chance. And the sales staff seem to enjoy his swooning over a $7000 leather jacket which he has no intention of buying--at least I hope not!

Thistle

Veteran

I understand totally, HIL! I have no problem buying from higher end stores online where I can take my time and sort through everything, but once I get into the store, I feel super nervous.

I know part of it is I am not the shape of what they want in a customer. They tend to put clothes in my size in the basement in swanky stores. Online, I don't feel that way. I also hate going to a store and finding out they don't carry my size in their store, but they do online. Then the sales lady always tries to get me to try a size or two below what I told her I needed because that is what they have.

Peri

Veteran

Oh, I definitely am! It's not about feeling like I don't deserve it though, it's more feeling like the sales staff are looking at me like I don't belong. The joke is, I could buy pretty much whatever I wanted to...I just don't. I'm not a penny pincher, but just reasonably frugal, so I dress like I can't afford higher end because I'm not wearing it!

But I feel that way at places like J Crew as well...like they are thinking I'm too old and not trendy enough to be there. That's something I really have to work on!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Maybe I'm wrong & if I am please ignore this; but it sounds as though you do appreciate "quality" for your husband & you sound a little wistful. So my question is why wouldn't you appreciate quality for yourself?

Like Angie says this doesn't always mean designer, but it often means paying more - for fabric, construction & design. If I were you I'd go back to Stuttafords & try a few things on & take photos - don't buy anything just see how you feel:)

ironkurtin

Veteran

I have the opposite reaction for much low-end stuff. Low-quality things make me unhappy.

Note I am talking quality, not price - but I find it much harder to find nice quality in a lot of lower end clothing lines.

cinnamon fern

Veteran

Are you intimidated by the clothes, or the store? If it's the latter, sites like Shopbop can be very useful - you get the nice stuff you deserve sent to your house, where you can try it on without pressure.

4babiesMe

I'm right there with you. I think for me it's two things--I can't really afford them at this point in my life (well, unless I budget for one item every year perhaps), and I can't trust myself with the high-end clothing. I can't even trust myself to drink out of a glass cup most of the time, often reaching for plastic or aluminum. LOL I'll admit to looking at the high-end stuff online and being envious of some of you ladies who can wear them. But frankly, I think I'd be afraid to wear anything expensive (especially tops) for fear that my baby would spit up on me or my toddler would wipe his sticky hands on me. As a SAHM of four little ones, it's just not practical for my life right now.

amiable

Veteran

Yes! I feel this way too - I'm really intimidated by the "high end" stores - scared almost to enter. Now to read the rest of the comments - maybe there's a cure

siniestra

U are not alone... hub seems to be like that...I love delecting my eye and getting informations of garments ...and trying finding a similar one...I used to be shy and intimidating but seems i'm not anymore one of the reason is when there is a fancy wedding or party i need to be presentable and sometimes clothing in department store and other store won't help so far a vow myself one at a time go to different stores neiman marcus been very helpful ...super friendly i feel way better than going to macys! no kidding if u ask me who works in there in my nearest store i remember their faces and names, but like other say some workers are just plain rude. I tend to look them straight in the face and make eye contact with them and make me a bit more confident look for example i try on LV, channel and high end shoes without compromising in buying they are not pushy at all. I went to prada and learn things like when are the clothes and shoes on sale and it's very cool ...instead paying full i wait and buy it when is on sale shoes for 250 or 200 sometimes less like clothes ..i been wanting to go to saks but haven't have time. It's refreshing and boost your confidence you should try it ! i take friend with me sometimes too

Nicole D

Veteran

I know what you mean about the differences between "low end" and "high end" stores. But then I read this article, and got thinking about the true cost of truly cheap clothes. I don't know if this topic has been covered in forum before:

http://grist.org/living/h-ahem.....our-style/

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

When I started taking an interest in clothes I was completely intimidated by boutiques where you go in and the salespeople hover around you. I would run out if I ever was brave enough to step in at all. I was even afraid to enter the high end consignment shops in my area. I pushed myself, and, over time, I have become much more confident and am able to walk in most places without hesitation just to look around. It wasn't easy to get over that internal barrier, but I am glad I did.

Echo

Veteran

It sometimes helps to go into a boutique knowing what you are looking for. That way, you can engage the staff in conversation about something specific - either a brand or a style - and make your visit seem less awkward. While you are looking for what your state dpurpose was, you can look at what else they have and choose items to try on or check out. You ARE worth it, and sometimes you don't realize it until you have something on in the dressing room. But ultimately, the sales staff is looking to connect with a customer as much as a customer is looking to connect with the store/staff. So go in looking for something specific, engage the staff in conversation, and try on things that suit you. They are there to help you, and in a good store, that's what they will default to doing.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, you know what I say the worst is? Snooty boutiques. They can be such a chore. First you have to figure out what kind of snooty store you're entering. Is it one where the sales girls swoop in on you like birds of prey? Or is it the kind where they realize people don't necessarily like that, so they lurk in frosty silence somewhere waiting for you to signal them to come forward? And then either way, you have to sit there and wait while the sales girls bring everything out to show you one by one / go get your size which is never on the floor, etc.

I find you really have to be in the mood for suffocating assistance to go into stores like that. Be emotionally prepared.

K. Period.

Veteran

I think all of us have had experiences where we stepped into a store that took us out of our comfort zone. I've certainly been there. I always remind myself, though, that it is a business. They want my business. If they are snooty, then they don't get my business. Eventually, theirs will fail if they do that.

I've also been in your shoes where I was intimidated to be somewhere and buy something that I could afford, but didn't feel cool enough for. I took a big leap a few years back and bought a new pair of shoes that were from a very cool (to me) shop with a hipster feel that made me feel a little unsure of myself. I realized I was carrying around a lot of high school insecurity about that particular store. How ridiculous was that? Decades later. Wow. But I went in, had a fabulous time with the store staff (who were amazingly friendly), and bought the shoes. Now I know the staff at my local store by name and can't believe that I was so intimidated.

So, how's this for advice: go in and buy something that is a bit of a splurge, but affordable to you. (My favorite is prestige cosmetics because everywhere sells the same lines for the same price, so why not buy it at the swankiest store?) Once you've done that a few times, you'll feel much more comfortable. The store might even become your go-to for certain things.

Greek Goddess

A couple of year ago I lost a lot of weight when I returned to weight training. My husband gave me the money he promised me for a full wardrobe of clothes when I lost the weight. I was happy as a child as I walked into a very upmarket shop in town.....until the assistant looked at me and said '' we have no clothes to suit Madam here''..... I walked out of that shop and never went back . It was their loss as I had enough to buy several outfits from there but her rudeness stopped me ever going in there again..

There is some justice though, they have now gone bankrupt and closed down. No doubt they were too good for other customers as well. I now buy upmarket clothes that are heavily discounted in a sales store....with wonderful , friendly shop assistants who know the value of being polite. I have felt too intimidated to shop at up market shops ever since that day.

Gaylene

Veteran

Wow, GG, that sales assistant deserves to be out of a job. My response would have been "How unfortunate for your shop since I'm planning a rather complete overhaul of my current wardrobe."

I really think that its time for all of us, regardless of our dress size or shape, to quit feeling intimidated by this kind of rude behavior. I choose to believe that the vast majority of sales assistants want to be helpful because it is just good business sense to make a sale. My job is to let them know what I need, and, if they don't carry the items I want, to give them the opportunity to show me something else or to help me source the item.

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I think I identify a bit with things that everyone has said and I thank you all for sharing your wisdom, tips and experiences with me.

I think it's definitely a self consciousness issue for me teamed with the fact that I am not used to the idea of spending large amounts of money on single items.

I have spent the last few years buying temporary items for what I always hoped would be me temporary plus sized shape. I am now edging closer to my goal size and I am planning on creating a more long term wardrobe so the higher end stores will ultimately be where I want to spend some of my money. I don't really have an issue though with the lower end stores - sometimes the items there are equally fab. I don't think I will ever be a big designer clothing wearer though.

Glory

Veteran

I feel exactly the same way about going into the upscale stores. I always thought it was just me, and my lack of confidence but it looks like many of us feel the same way about these stores.

Kalli

I do own some high end items and everytime I have bought them I have felt intimidated when I went to those stores. I really low high-low fashion except I haven't been feeling the really low end because I want my clothes to last and they're just not made that way. Although the mid-high end brands seem to weather better. On that note, the stores I like to frequent seem to have friendlier SAs that are willing to help you out which is why I'm intimidated by the low-end and the high-end but not the middle :).