complimenting younger women's clothes - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

complimenting younger women's clothes

Andrea H

In a reddit thread about people's comments ruining a piece of clothing for you, a (presumably very young) woman said that when several random 50+ women complimented her coat and asked her where she got it, she knew it was time to get rid of it. Oof. But as a 50+ woman myself, it confirmed my own impulses.

I'm in Boston and I take the T. I'm a people watcher and like clothing so I'm always clocking what other people are wearing. My own day has often been made when a random stranger has made a nice remark about something I'm wearing. Despite all this, I never ever say to one of the college girls/very young professionals I see on my commute, "oh, hey, that's a great [whatever]" because heaven forbid they think, "ugh, grandma here likes my sneakers, I better go home and burn them", lol. The redditor above proves this is in fact a (maybe slim) possibility.

Just wondering what my age-cohort thinks about this, if y'all think about it at all. And those of you with teenage or twenty-something daughters or granddaughters, do they cringe if you actually like what they're wearing?

General

46 replies

Latest reply was from Cardiff girl

Sisi

Veteran

Thank you for making me laugh out loud! Your writing is hilarious! I almost never compliment strangers, it is not an Italian thing - and from now on I will never ever do !

anchie

Veteran

Just asked my teenage daughter who is very interested in fashion. She said that complementing would be OK, but asking where she got something would make her think. Also, she appreciates complements more from people whose style she admires, regardless of age.

rachylou

Veteran

I don’t know. As an old person, I know young people want and need in a certain way to distinguish themselves. On the other hand, I work with a lot of young people and get and give compliments and also get them on the street. On the third hand ( ), I work in a bakery in a small town (albeit within a megalopolis) - everyone kinda wears the same thing, like medieval peasants…from little children to the elderly.

Tanya

Veteran

Interesting topic that I haven't thought about until now. I am in my mid 40s. I have and do compliment other women's clothes on occasion, including strangers (e.g. when together in the elevator), and haven't really noticed how old those women were. But my guess is that likely none were teenagers. I don't tend to ask where they got something, Food for thought.

Dee

Veteran

Hmm.. interesting, I don’t think I’d ever ask for the specifics on where my sons’s girlfriends got their clothing, because as you said it could mean the “kiss of death” for that item then, as I’m not sure how they’d feel about someone my age taking such interest.

I’d likely just compliment the whole look, or perhaps just say its a pretty blouse, dress.. or whatever and leave it at that.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

This has never really occurred to me either. I compliment others regularly — even strangers — when I see someone wearing something stylish, regardless of age. It’s very rare I will ask for info about an item though.

Interesting though that I do feel just a little more chuffed when I get compliments from younger people, and from clearly very stylish people! I find that lately three things in particular get comments from younger people: my haircut, my eyeglasses, and the Bao Bao bag.

But I appreciate sincere, appropriate compliments regardless of who gives them.

Vildy

Veteran

I compliment people all the time, young, old, male, female. They grin and like it. But I never do ask abo;ut specifics, though sometimes I realllly want to know what brand something is. I feel that would be rude and intrusive.

Also, I really don't want compliments. I subscribe to Erving Goffman's theories of onstage and backstage. If people pick apart pieces of my outfit that's too much noticing how the trick is done for my liking.

Liz

Veteran

I admit that if I got several compliments from women 25 years older than me on something I was wearing, and asking where I got it, I would seriously start to question if that item was right for me. Would I feel the same if women 25 years younger than me started to compliment me on a certain item? Maybe.

I did experience this at one point when women about 20 years older than me commented on and complimented my shoes. I know these women well enough to know their style and their foot problems, so their admiration started to signal to me that I was wearing something that gave off strong vibes of "safe, classic shoes purchased for comfort," which is not the style description I'm going for.

Of course, when we're the ones giving the compliment, we have no way of knowing that 4 other women our age said the same thing, and that our comments are beginning to add together and raise questions for the wearer.

AndiB

Veteran

I received a compliment on an ensemble recently while shopping, from a stylish woman, who said (while sort of giving me the up down and gesturing likewise with her hand): I love absolutely everything about your outfit. I can’t even describe how it lifted me. I mean I get the occasional compliment…. But that day i had taken care, and was wearing a smart outfit. That experience did this for me: Made me eager to compliment others PLUS nudged me to take care more to pull it together satorically.

I have two early 20s daughters, one of whom is a bit of a fashionista and make up expert. We talk fashion and make up all the time, which is super fun! I’m in a midwestern college town and the young women here are very casual and uniformed.

kkards

Veteran

So….one of the things I like and hate about Reddit, you read most of the posts and never really know which are peoples true thoughts and feelings and which are broad exaggerations….or at least I hope much of it is broad exaggerations otherwise I’m pretty sure humanity is doomed.

anyway I often compliment the young people I work with, strangers and everyone in between. I don’t ask where they got something, because i generally figure that I google my way to the answer.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I compliment people on items that I would never wear, because they suit the wearer so well! So if I ask someone where something came from, that would be a whole other level of interest.

Vildy, I’ve had that sort of thing happen to me, where someone starts with my bag, and then says, “actually I love that jacket too, and your earrings…and actually your whole look is really great!” I don’t mind that level of scrutiny. But then I’m also the person giving other photographers the secrets of how I find and make my photographs. If someone really wants to copy me, I’ll take it as a compliment and know that really there can only be one me.

LJP

Veteran

I work with some young women and have occasionally complimented them on pieces I really like . I always compliment my daughter on her outfits and she likes it when I do ! I never comment on random strangers' clothing and don't really love it when I'm on the receiving end of that either . I find it a bit weird, to be honest, like they are giving me their blessing or something .

cjh

(website)

Veteran

I’ve had the same thought as to whether my compliments would be appreciated or a prompt to younger people to reconsider their choices. So keeping the comment less specific, like Dee mentions “pretty dress”, or just “you look great”, is probably appropriate and appreciated by anyone. So I like to say things like that when I can.

I tend to wear “young” items myself, like Converse tennis shoes, funky or quirky glasses, graphic tees. Many times young people, teens or college agers, compliment me. That does make my day!

Andrea H

Janet, I was going to mention it in my OP (but I'm wordy enough already), but I too get just an extra bit of pleasure when I get an appearance compliment from a much younger person. I'm still riding high from the time last summer when the 19 year old delivery kid spontaneously said, "Oh! I love your dress!" when I ran out to grab my pizza from him. I'd already tipped him on the credit card, so it wasn't that

Helena

Veteran

So I come at this as the parent of two teens ... Their task right now is to figure out who they are apart from me and DH, and part of that is to differentiate themselves from us through style etc. So I will give a compliment if its genuine but if they then burn said item, I don't take that personally. I actually get a bit frustrated with this whole nonsense about millenials vs Gen Z ... Just let the Gen Zs think older people aren't cool! It's fine, that's what they're supposed to be doing!

On the other hand, if they or their friends gives me a compliment, why I start blushing like a school girl lol!!

Vildy

Veteran

Yeah, you know I tend to make my compliments more general, maybe only as specific as how terrific they look in the color they're wearing.
In the vein of what Lisa said, I don't want to be making some expert pronouncement on items they bought and wore.

phoebe

I'm actually more likely to compliment something I would not wear myself, because the novelty is part of the appeal.

Honestly, I think impromptu complimenting of strangers has gone somewhat out of style, due to a convergence of I am not sure exactly which social movements, masking and the use of phones

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My thoughts are most similar to Tanya's.

Simply put, the age or style of the person complimenting my outfit, look, or item does no affect me at all! I say thank you, and that's that

April

Veteran

Interesting. I have just one more year of being "in my 50s" and I do compliment younger women's outfits but they're always people I know and it's an artsy fashionable crowd so they often dress memorably.

Recently a young mom with a stroller stopped me in town to say she loved what I was wearing. I was thrilled. "Thank you for telling me!" I realize that's the opposite situation.

I have one friend in her 70s who, when she compliments something I'm wearing, always means she finds it conventionally figure-flattering and preferably curve-enhancing. I'm a touch suspicious of those compliments, but I just thank her.

I also ignore her when she criticizes an outfit for hiding my figure. Many sentences begin with, "If I had your body..." to which I reply, "then you could walk with crutches!"

Irina

Veteran

I honestly didn’t think of that. Most of my coworkers are younger and I compilent them and others sometimes. Mine are more like “great shoes “ or “what a lovely color” variety. I also compliment strangers in a same way. I got compliments, too. I don’t recall getting them from teenagers or much older people, though. It’s funny but every time I wear my summer Marimekko dress, I get a compliment from someone. It became a joke in our family. Like when I wore it in Florida and it was the only time I didn’t get any
OK, now I remember - when I was in my late 30s, my middle aged coworker complimented my shoes and said they look comfortable. I don’t think I wore those shoes to the office again. “Comfortable “ should not be the first word to come to one’s mind when looking on my shoes. I want to feel comfortable and not necessarily look comfortable, IYKWIM.
So, I think it is not only about age but also about what is said.

Jules

Veteran

Hmmm I think I might comment on something I know to be trendy due to my kids’ style, so not an item they’d be in doubt about. And/or, I will say you look nice or pretty or that’s nice lipstick. I more likely compliment specific items on women my own age. I think my comments generally land based on reactions, but I’m not around a lot of younger people at work. There is one young Gen Z woman who reminds me pretty specifically of my daughter - we don’t interact but given the general ‘why the eff do I have to come to this office full of middle aged people’ vibe I get from her (and I don’t blame her, the back to the office policy doesn’t make a lot of sense for people who don’t know anyone in the building), I’d be unlikely to compliment her for the reasons you mention!

judy

Veteran

I think as an older person it was just something we grew up doing in the Northeast USA. Everyone had something to say about everything and what one was wearing was no exception. But it can be a fairly invasive habit, even the little remarks I might say like "Great bag, or shoes, or I like your whole outfit". Though I appreciate a compliment from another woman about my attire, I have learned from experience that it sometimes makes people uncomfortable. And talking to strangers is not something done here as much in the PNW. I have experienced this exact thing you're posting about, complimenting someone very young in my gentrified city neighborhood and getting that "oh if this old lady likes my clothes, I'm really not as cool as I thought" look. BUT if one of my young adult sons was with me, it was well received! They gave me credibility :). Also, I live in the country now and the young women here have actually complimented me a couple of times on my clothes or bags, and so it's made me feel more comfortable if and when I'm moved to do that too. Maybe it was just a city vibe...?

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I like when people compliment my outfits. No matter what age.

Sally

Veteran

I'm a secondary school teacher and I remember an interesting discussion I had with some girls once some years ago. They were talking about an older teacher who I am guessing was in her 60s. She used to wear skinny jeans all the time and a v necked top. These girls told me that they were horrified to find she was wearing the same shoes as they had recently purchased. They also said she shouldn't be dressing like that at her age but I thought she looked great and found the situation funny. I might say someone looks nice but I would never ask someone where they bought something, usually because while I like something, I am not interested where they got it.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I occasionally complement someone on their clothes and it’s usually well received. However usually the person is not significantly younger. Yesterday I noticed what several young women in the restroom were wearing but didn’t say anything. Not sure if it was the age difference or the location

Peri

Veteran

I compliment people I know of any age. But now that I'm thinking about it, I have never and would never compliment someone younger that I didn't know. Odd and not reasoned out, it just wouldn't occur to me. If I had to pin it down I would say I'd be too intimidated to so, and would assume they didn't want or need any validation from me. And yet I would easily compliment someone around my age, maybe because I know how scarce those compliments can be!

Now, the very mean part of me wants to start complimenting younger women and girls just as payback. They sure do make us doubt ourselves and our clothing choices on the daily with the endless lists of what you shouldn't be allowed to do over fill-in-the-blank age!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

This is fascinating! I have to say, it had never occurred to me that a sincere compliment might turn the wearer (any wearer, of any age) off the item or outfit!

I guess you can tell from that -- I give compliments to people of all ages. Now that I think of it, I probably offer them more often to people who are 40 or older...at least if we are talking about strangers.

Also, I definitely take Helena's point. It's a teenager's job to differentiate herself from her elders. And often they do it with fashion. I certainly did! Having said that, I also, always, admired older women who kept up with fashion and knew what was current and how to wear it!

And I've definitely complimented my 20 something students. Last year, one of my students actually had the same pants as me (plaid J. Crew, below) and I pointed this out to her. We never wore them to class on the same day, but she didn't stop wearing them just because I also wear them.

My kid is 23 and regularly asks me for sartorial advice or thoughts. And my students also compliment me on my outfits.

I like giving and getting compliments. I get them from people of all ages—I think more often from. younger people than older people. Like Janet, I'd say people tend to focus on a few things, in my case, my haircut/ hair colour, my footwear, my bag (even though I'm not much of a bag person), or the outfit as a whole. Obviously, statement items attract more attention, so those plaid pants get a ton of comments. I'm always super grateful for all the nice words, and have never felt put off, even if I don't care for the complimenter's style or self-presentation.

As an artist, I know that very often our taste is better than our ability to produce the effect we'd like. That probably applies to outfit creation, too.

So maybe that rather boringly dressed person who says she loves my plaid pants is really saying: I'd like to add more vibrancy and fun to my own closet; you're giving me an idea how. Or maybe she's saying, Gosh, those look great on you. Not my personal style, but I love them on you, i.e maybe I'm opening her mind, reducing her poison eye, and that's what she's really telling me.

It's all good.

High-rise Cameron pant in red Stewart tartan

View Info

Top Pick

11

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I don’t think I compliment very young women. If I do it would be extremely occasional. I did compliment a group of 3 teenage girls once who all came into the consultation together, but I think it was more along the lines of “You all look so fantastic in your jeans”.
(They were kind of all dressed the same but all gorgeous!)
Otherwise it tends to be women of at a guess 30+ and I don’t ask where they got something, particularly since I am not trying to add to my wardrobe much.
I think I will just keep doing what I do. I enjoy compliments given by any age to me.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Hmm. I am not really one to initiate (or welcome) conversations with strangers so I don't generally compliment strangers of any age. That said, I have received some compliments that have made my day. I do compliment my 18 year old daughters frequently and sincerely. They compliment me too, with a 'that looks good on you'. (As in don't offer it to me, I don't want it.)

12