Coming Clean - YouLookFab Forum

I've been putting off making this post for months; I haven't been around a ton on YLF the past year or so and the main reason is that I moved and got divorced. We were together for almost 20 years and the divorce wasn't my idea so it's been really challenging to reframe my sense of myself and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. We sold our house in the Bay Area and right now I'm living in Indiana near my parents, helping with some health stuff and with their downsizing as they are selling their house to move to South Carolina to be near my brother and his family. I've had some part time work and taken some college classes but I'm honestly not sure what to do next, especially since I hadn't worked full time for a decade before my divorce and my depression still likes to rear its ugly head at the most inconvenient times.

Anyway, I didn't post this so people could feel sorry for me. I like to think of all of you here as friends, and it started to feel like lying that I hadn't said that I'd relocated, etc.

Fashion has been a welcome hobby through all of this but stress eating has meant that I've gained back some of my previously lost weight, so actually dressing isn't that enjoyable for me. Plus I need to watch my pennies and not go overboard, but the 'bones' of my wardrobe have remained sturdy and I think all the things I've learned from my time at ylf have been to thank for that.

7 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Laura. My heart goes out to you. This is very hard, and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. There are many wise and wonderful women on this forum who have gone through divorce. I'm sure they will offer great advice. YLF is here to support you as best we can. Good luck and much love to you. xo

p.s. On a practical note, I suspect you'll need to find a full time job. That will probably decide where you live.

Anonymous

I wish I had invented the phrase "reframe my sense of self" and I'll be watching for your posts because you sound like someone who knows how to get back up.

Gigi

Veteran

Laura, this sounds devastating! I hope you can be patient with yourself as you heal. You have experienced so many life changes with the divorce: relocating to be near your family, helping your family downsize and move, getting back to work, taking classes...wow. I hope that the YLF community can at least be one stable thing in your life.

kkards

Wow, that's a lot to go thru....no advice, just a simple reminder to be kind to yourself, and stop every once and a while and take a deep breath.....

Amy Isabella

Oh Laura, I'm so sorry - that's a lot of life changes to go through in the space of a year. I agree that you need to remember to be kind to yourself. Sending you support and good wishes.

Style Fan

I am so sorry Laura. What a lot to go through. Take care of yourself.

Suzanne (ambergreen)

Laura, my sympathies...I am going through something similar. It's especially sad for me because it was my second marriage--and so much better than my first! I have learned a lot however and can only tell myself that I know a great new adventure is ahead even though I know I will go through some ups and downs--as we all do in these situations.

My best wishes that all good things come your way!

Echo

Laura, I am so sorry. I realize that everyone's battle with depression can be VERY different, so in no way am I going to imply that my experience will be yours. However, I was at the lowest of my lows when I applied for a job. I'd always been good at dressing up and playing "normal", so I gave it a shot. I actually got the job. What I found, after 10+ years of not working outside the home, was that going to work everyday actually gave me purpose and alleviated my depression.

I absolutely recognize and respect that you have much bigger things on your plate than I did, and in no way do I mean to minimize that. I just want to give you hope that perhaps in combination with other things, full-time employment can be a GOOD thing for you. You will be in my thoughts and I wish you the very best.

Laura- it’s so hard when a door closes on a long term relationship and it ends. I guess the “window “ that opened was the opportunity to be there to assist your parent. What a kind and generous soul you are to serve others in spite of having needs yourself. The universe will look kindly on that and reward you with what you need when you need it ( I really believe people’s kindness in stressful times does get paid forward)
Hang in there and use some of the time to take care of you and your needs too. Hugs

rachylou

I have to make a career change myself, I know this, but I can’t for the life of me decide what. It can’t be on the same basis as my two past careers. If you find the magic solution, let me know...

cindysmith

That's a lot on your plate. Sending you (((hugs)))

Bijou

Laura, 2017 sounds like it was a ghastly year for you, massive changes like that are bound to leave you reeling. I hope things pick up for you and like efbgen, I do believe your kindness to your parents will be repaid. I hope you are getting support from your friends and family and know that YLF is there for you too.
xxx

Joyce B

So sorry that you are going through such hard times. Like Echo, I think you will enjoy going back to work as it will help give you back some structure and of course help financially.
I wish you a lot of peace and patience on the road ahead. Things will eventually settle.

Janet

Laura, I am so sorry you’re going through all of that. It’s a time of such upheaval, please know that we’re here to support you. Be kind to yourself, and treasure the time with your parents. Hugs to you.

Suz

Laura, I'm so sorry -- this is a huge upheaval for you and a significant loss. It is no wonder you are struggling. You are doing a great kindness to your parents now and will later look back on this time of aid to them with satisfaction, despite its being so difficult for you. I hope you are able to find your way to a new job of some kind. And I wish you courage to get through the depression; I know what this is like as I also live with that spectre.

Runcarla

You've encountered some awful challenges, but it sounds like you're on the way to overcoming them. I've missed your posts - but certainly understand your absence. Take care of yourself.

Sal

Laura- so sorry you have been through thus really hard time. It must have been extremely challenging.

Thanks for coming clean - and hope to see you around a bit more - hope our chatterings can provide positivity and support.

kellygirl

Sending more hugs. I'm sorry that you are going through this but I'm glad that you have a place to regroup and "reframe." I hope this doesn't sound dumb but here's to turning this into an opportunity to re-invent yourself. Good luck and know that we are with you!

UmmLila (Lisa)

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, and am glad you've reached out here. I'm going through a divorce myself, and though it was my idea and I'm overall happy to have done it, the struggle to maintain decency and civility in respect of 27 years of marriage, even in the face of provocation is not fun. Feel free to pm me anytime to commiserate.

Jane

Sending you positive thoughts. Such changes can be so tough. I’m sure your parents must be thankful to have you there with them. I hope that the future becomes easy to see ahead.

Windchime

Laura, I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful year. I hope this ultimately leads to a time of positive, exciting changes and growth for you.

MsMary

Oh, Laura! Bless your sweet heart!!

When I went through this about five years ago, I kept telling myself "the only way out is through." And I also told myself every day, "next year at this time, things will be so much better!" And I was right on both counts, and things will be better for you, too!!

Big hugs to you!!

gradfashionista

I’m so sorry to hear, Laura (as well as a few others). Wishing you strength and success as you navigate these new challenges.

elpgal

Laura, how are you doing?

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