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Comfortable wearing clothes that are not slimming?

Preppy Pear

Veteran

In her NAS review of these Madewell pants, Angie wrote, “They are not slimming, and that's not a bad thing! You don't need to wear things that make you look long and lean all the time. Where is the fun in that?”

This made me laugh, because I think trying to look leaner is so deeply etched in me and many women that I know. Even as I have gotten older and therefore more comfortable in my body and confident in who I am, dressing to try to look leaner is still my default impulse. Maybe it’s keeping me from having more fun. (I both want and fear the pants!) I am thinking of this as a new challenge for me.

How much priority do you place on looking long and lean in your outfits? Do you enjoy wearing clothing that is not slimming?

Emmett Windowpane Plaid Crop Wide Leg Pants

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32 replies

Latest reply was from Sal

RobinF

Veteran

Yeah that is my default too. My first question when I try it on, does it make me look fat? I'm quite short so I never really look long and lean

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I strongly dislike wearing clothing that makes me look wider than I am. I can embrace a certain level of JFE, but I have always been self-conscious about the size of my hips and thighs, so looks that actually make me look *wider* are off the table. Quite simply, they do not feel fun — they make me feel self-conscious and unhappy. I feel much better in “long and lean” looks. I will avoid those pants!

Liz

Veteran

My theory is that we're comfortable wearing clothes that highlight or increase a figure zone when we feel neutral or positive about the body area they 'don't flatter.' For example, most tops fit me easily. I have a small-to-average chest and am not self conscious about my torso, bust, shoulders, neck or arms. I am not lean or slender, but ...so what? I'll wear boxy tops, sleeveless tops, surrender the waist. No big deal.

On the other hand, as a pear, I am very conscious about my heavy hips, thighs, and legs. I've made peace with the fact that I'll never have the straight hips and long, slim legline I'd like, and that no piece of clothing is going to magically make me look like I do. I could drop two sizes and still have very heavy legs. However, it would take a lot for me to be willing to wear pants that made me look even wider still.

Molly Mac

Veteran

My sisters and I recently had a conversation about wearing what you like, even if it is not conventionally flattering. We all agreed that fashion should be fun and you should wear what makes YOU happy. I love sack dresses. They do not make me look long and lean. At 5' 4" (on a good day) and a very curvy build I have never looked long and lean in any outfit. I wear what makes me feel good. Sometimes that means a style that is flattering other times probably less so. At the end of the day, my opinion is what matters most to me when it comes to my fashion choices.

notsaf

Veteran

Liz is right on the money: for me, I think it's about finding what the right balance is for your own mood (do you want to feel lively or comfy? dressy or casual?), sensibility (do you appear to follow trends or buck them? are you conservative with or dressing or not?), and sense-of-self (what do you want to draw attention to or away from with your clothes -- whether that's physical or non-physical).

One of the things I love about this forum and about Angie's approach to dressing is the attitude "try it a see"! It might not work for you, or work for you right away or in this iteration, but it's always worth putting something on your body to see how you feel in it.

BTW: I really like those pants and think they'd look great on you! Perfectly preppy.

nemosmom

Veteran

I don't need to look like I poured myself into a pair of pants, but I certainly don't want to make my hip and butt area look any bigger than necessary. I have to be careful about adding anything with a wide leg or pleated fronts. Wide leg pants I can do, I just have to be aware of the top I am putting with them so I don't veer into "sloppy".

Anonymous

I’m already long and lean, I don’t need clothing to accomplish that I’ll wear bootcut or boyfriend jeans, sweatpants, hooded sweatshirts or loose sweaters to add some bulk on but I find those all comfortable.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I tried these on and liked them -- I'm sorry I didn't get a photo.

In my teens I was "pear shaped." I'm not, now, or not exactly since I don't have super wide hips -- but I definitely carry my weight in thighs and bottom.

I liked these pants on. It is true, they made me look a bit wider. But they felt really nice and fit well and the only reason I didn't buy them was I didn't think they'd be warm enough for my winter climate. It wasn't about flattery -- I figured I'd just find ways to style them that made me feel good.

Then again, I'm very open to wide crops generally and wear them, and I also tend to like patterned bottoms. This is despite the fact that the thighs/bottom are my "trouble spot." Maybe I've just got so old that I don't care any more!

Christina F.

Veteran

I’ve come around to Angie’s thinking on this. I even wrote on here recently that figure flattery is no longer a top priority for me (though I don’t want things to be unflattering).

I think the idea of figure flattery presupposes that there is an ideal figure or figures we should all be aiming for (tall and thin usually). I reject that notion.

That said, people need to feel comfortable in their clothes first and foremost! If dressing in a slimming manner makes someone more comfortable and happy, they should keep on doing it.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

+1ing Christina on this one!

I'm quite round these days and while I very much dislike my new spare tire (post partum related) I am not at all concerned with looking long and lean. I want to look a certain way, but if long and lean don't happen I don't mind a bit. I know it's hard to look at someone in an outfit that makes them look wider and still appreciate it aesthetically, and not everyone 'gets" that slim isn't always the goal with an outfit. But there it is, nonetheless. I want to have fun in my clothes and feel like they are expressing what I have to say. So that's my top priority.

DonnaF

Veteran

At 5' 1", I will never look long and lean. I rarely wear colors that are THE most flattering on me (like coral and red), but I also won't wear those that make me look like death warmed over. I have kinda concluded that I could never get dressed if I insisted on only 9s and 10s on the flattery scale, but I do have some standards.

My area of sensitivity is a very long trunk and very short legs. If we were both sitting down, I might be as tall as a long-stemmed beauty like Janet! I can't wear heels and if I'm not careful I can look like I'm walking on my knees so I try to raise the center of gravity.

For myself, I am generally okay with JFE, but in reviewing my Finds. my *just* is a pretty high bar!

ophelia

Veteran

I definitely wear unflattering clothes if they are comfortable. Longish (for me) cotton skirts probably do my hips no favors, but they are cool and allow me mobility. My only rule is that I will not wear anything that embarrasses me. Fortunately, that's hard to do. But example: before I understood my body shape, I ordered some petite pants online. Tried them on and finally!! Pants that weren't too long! That didn't need 3 inch platform heels! No hemming! No baggy front crotch! But then...the back view. Apparently my round and low rump takes up too much room in petite sizes. The crotch is too short, and there were the pants attempting to wedge their way deep between my cheeks. Walking around work that way would have even embarrased me.
Back to hemming.

Jules

Veteran

What’s interesting to me is when the same people who swore skinnies or low rises could never work for them now live in skinnies and swear the new wider proportions and high waists won’t work. By which I mean it’s not totally objective, our eyes do adjust to what we see around us, and there are always changing standards of beauty. In my lifetime alone I’ve seen in a huge change in the ideal body type. The alt weekly ad photos for ‘services’ have literally gone from all breasts to all butts. It used to be almost mandatory to wear heels with boot cuts or skirts - now flats look just fine.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Echoing DonnaF. I am 5 foot 1. I will never look long and lean. It has taken a very long time ( over 10 years) to accept the way I look since my mid 40s. At first I didn’t realise how I had changed and it was seeing a photo my MIL had taken on a family outing where I thought to myself “Who’s that rather plump middle aged woman leaning against a rock?” and belatedly realising it was me! Weight gain changed my self-perception from “short and cute” to “short and round”. So it is more trying to not look worse in unflattering clothing that I believe I have been doing since then. But comfort is even more important than that.

kkards

Veteran

I’ll start by saying that for years I dressed to try and look “long” as I’m 5”4ish and always wanted to be tall. The lean part-well that kind of took care of itself, and when I was young I guess I dressed in baggy clothes thinking it made me look bigger. Now I am bigger, but not unfortunately taller. And I’ve learned that the way to look the most attractive in my clothing is to feel comfortable and good in my clothing. I think for each of what makes us good is different....I still want to look tall, but now looking current and trying newer silhouettes is equally as important to me

Anonymous

Ditto Janet! I have a very short waisted 8 shape, so many things make me look much bigger than I am. I'd rather wear what's flattering and go about my day!

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I've never been tall and lean, but I wished that when I was younger I had realized that I was not as big as I thought. And taller than I would be when I was older.

I have my basic standard of what I wear and having my clothes look flattering is important to me. As in, I don't want to look worse than I need to. I will go to JFE, but not beyond. And my tolerance for JFE is not much. Same with colors.

ophelia

Veteran

Just wanted to add--what Jules wrote really got me thinking. Some (many? Most?) elements of "flattering" really are subjective, and in part, as she said, what the eye has (or hasn't) adjusted to. Of course, we see that subjectivity in action daily with the divergent opinions of forum members--which can help us see things in a new light.

Gigi

Veteran

Another short-waisted figure 8 body type reporting in. I am only 5'2", and I can look really dumpy really fast if I wear stuff that makes me look wider around my middle. It doesn't matter how nice the clothes are--if I look dumpy, I don't feel good.

Like Barbara Diane, I want my clothes to be flattering. I rarely do JFE.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I want my clothes to look good to me. This does not mean making me look as slim as possible. I know how to do that but I don't usually make it a priority. I don't think about looking taller per se (a lost cause) but may decide to lengthen my calves with neutral shoes for example when everything else is shapeless.

rachylou

Veteran

I’m not sure I can get my had wrapped around this. I definitely don’t like ‘looking fat,’ but I don’t think I mean that exactly. I mean more that I don’t look like a squished tube of toothpaste, squeezed so my shape is bulging out in unnatural places. Or for something to fit so close you can see my belly button. I certainly don’t mind sack dresses, clothes that hide my shape. And I’ll never be willowy so I don’t try for that. And I have no desire to be taller... I’m already taller than everyone on my mother’s side of the family when I’m only average height and frankly, family dinners give me vertigo... but then, I’m really short waisted and those off proportions bother me...

Tammyb

Great question! Long and lean isn’t going to happen for me- at least not in a magazine model way. But I do go for less bulk, at least a hint of a waist and comfort!

Preppy Pear

Veteran

Just wow, thanks for all the smart insights on this. I know this is really not a new topic, but there is much collective wisdom here and I appreciate reading everyone’s thoughts.

Janet and Liz, I hear you re: hips and thighs. I keep all my cookies in my thighs. When I see other women wearing things that accentuate generous thighs, though, I wish I were more comfortable with mine.

Suz, I think am not really a true pear, either, because my shoulders are broader than my hips. After pregnancy my body shape changed via gravity and hormones. The widest part of my lower body is my thighs. I think we might have some similarities in our shapes?

Donna, I have seen a lot of your looks on the forum and FWIW, they look like 10s to me. I love your style.

Jules and Ophelia, you are so right about subjectivity. Fashion silhouettes change. Not everyone has the same perceptions about what is flattering. I have very different standards about what I find flattering in other people’s outfits than I do for my own.

I am fairly tall, but my mom is very short, and growing up I wanted to be petite like her. When I was younger, I didn’t want to dress shorter, but I tried to look less imposing and take up less space (I grew up with some pretty sexist ideas about looking feminine). Now I want to look imposing! Stomp, stomp. But you don’t have to be tall (or lean) to have presence, that’s for sure.

In conclusion, I ordered the pants.

Jessica S

I grow so weary of choosing my clothes based solely on whether they hide or accentuate my flaws. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say I grow weary of seeing my body as flawed! *sob*

Once in awhile I try a little mental experiment when I’m out and about: I look closely at what other women are wearing, and evaluate them as if I were her. What I realize is how very few women are dressed to the (elusive?) standards I think I should meet. This is a highly relative experiment, depending on where you live and your life stage/lifestyle. (In my case, I have a 8.5 y/o and a 5 y/o and don’t work outside the home, so it’s more likely my peers will have less time to think about style vs. comfort - or find stylish comfort, lol. On the other hand, I live in an affluent neighborhood - of which I am not! - so I do see a lot of premium and designer pieces. And the occasional second grader with the Dolce & Gabbana back pack, lol. Get it girl!)

But more important that what I observe when do this mental exercise is how infrequently I remember to do it. That is, I rarely notice what other women wear unless I really love it! Maybe that’s true for them about me!

(This is not to assert that all women should abandon the desire to dress in clothes that compliment their unique shape. People find genuine joy in doing so! Not everyone is like me, seeking to camouflage shame. Boy I hope I can reverse this mindset before my time is up, lol. It sure has challenged the way I talk about my body around my kids, particularly the girl - like when she asks me “why is your stomach so big?” I replied “why is your stomach so little?”. To be sure, I think she was hoping I “swallowed” a baby. Lol!)

Gretchen

Veteran

I think there is also a question of when do you feel best in less flattering clothes. DD (age 19) is currently obsessed with giant t-shirts, big stompy boots and loves wide crops. Some of that is fashion trends, but I also think it’s a bit of a response to the fact that she lived in leggings and tighter fits as a dancer, so these clothes feel freeing to her,

Horses for courses as Angie would say,

Kate

Veteran

I think Liz hit the nail smack on the head. If we're positive or neutral about a body part, we are much more likely to feel fine wearing clothes that highlight or even increase that part. For instance my shoulders are already broad, my neck borderline short, and my bust small. I have no problems wearing things that highlight or even broaden my shoulders; I wear mock and turtlenecks year round (sleeveless ones in a wicking fabric in summer!), and if my already modest bust disappears in some architectural garment that I love, I don't give a hoot.

celia

Veteran

My hips compelled me to join this conversation:0)
I do have wide hips and generous thighs and am 5'3" and shrinking. I used to be more of a pear shaped but my bust has been catching up to the thighs as I grow older. My waist is still very defined as my cookies also bypass them on their way to the hips.
If I try to use all of the conventionally flattering proportions I end up looking very bombshell like, which is not the look I want for the office.
I try to balance out the proportions with clothes for work because it sends the right message but for my personal life I dress as I please and most of the time I believe I look less slim than I actually am.
I have been wearing wide crops and long pants because they are more comfortable for me in the summer, for example.
At this point in my life it is more important for me to send the right message of what I am as an individual than trying to look slimmer .

Anonymous

I actually wondered a bit at Angie's statement - and the use of the word "fun". There is no fun in feeling out of sorts in an unflattering outfit. I don't expect everything to make me look like a knockout, because who the f*** am I? but....I am not going to wear things that don't help me any just for the sake of fashion . And cropped wide legs in heavy fabrics are one of those things. I don't care about looking tall, or taller - at 5"5" I'm fine with my height and don't spend 2 seconds trying to look taller. But sure, I don't do body con anymore and am very wary of things like skirts and dresses that don't work for me. It's been ingrained practically since birth. Those Madewell pants are my worst nightmare: plaid, cotton, and wide legs. They are cute in the photo, but put those on the average size 8 or 10 woman with hips and a less-than-flat stomach, and I'm sorry but.......

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I’m pretty sure a major reason why I didn’t think about fashion for most of my life was that, like Jess, I was naturally “long & lean”. I thought of myself as sturdy & tough, because of my childhood, but others told me I was thin. Whatever. I was the person SAs asked to put something on because it hadn’t worked on anyone & they couldn’t make out what it was supposed to look like. Then they called others over to look and they all stood around talking about the item, asking me to tie it this way or roll that up.

So although I joke about being vain, it’s really much more the thing that Jenni describes—walking past a shop window and not recognizing the person in the reflection. That feels weird, mentally. My body, when I’m out of shape, also feels bad physically. When I finally get myself back in shape (I lost 40 lbs a few years ago, now am working on the other 20, and lowering % body fat) I might well be “long & lean” again, who knows.

I do think these pants look fun—they’re bright & colorful and a still somewhat unusual shape, with a great, bold but not overdone pattern. That seems a lot more fun to me than fretting about my appearance every time I get dressed. I relate to style concerns best as a process of building a wardrobe I like/am comfortable/feel good in so that I don’t have to think about what I’m wearing. I can totally see doing that in those pants. Was it here or a different forum where someone said “it helps with worrying about what other people think about you to realize how little they do”. Anyone who’s truly interested will look longer & figure out what I look like anyway, and if I’m interested back, there better be something more than physical going on.

I hope the reaction here is the overall response to these pants & they wind up being the rare NAS item that ends the season on clearance.

ETA: just came across this elsewhere. Seems related to connection between body image & self.

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