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Comfort and style?

Thistle

Veteran

Can you have comfort and style? I have really been pondering this lately. I returned a super cool pair of shoes because my feet were okay in them, but that was it. I returned a flattering pair of pants because the fabric was a bit itchy. I have been culling work jackets that feel restrictive. The awesome shoes below are most likely going back as they are proving to not be comfy just wearing around the house.

I want pants with stretch in them, and now jackets too. I want shoes that my feet say "ahhhh" when I put them on. And I have never been able to get buttons downs to work for me, so I wear comfy knit wear.

I know a big part of this is because I now have 2 children, and I have neither time nor patience for fussy clothes. I wonder if this will pass, or if I will soon be dressing like my mother in oversized tees and sweatpants

Any of you go through this? How did it go for you?

Corso Como 'Mystic' Cutout Flat (Women)

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20 replies

Latest reply was from RoseandJoan

Sara L.

Veteran

I think you're way too stylish to ever dress in sweatpants and oversized tees. I have 3 kids and work full time so I get what you're saying though. I don't have problems with my work style, but I've been working on my casual style for several years now and I finally feel like I have a handle on it. It can take time to figure out what works, what doesn't work, and what you're willing to put up with (or not). I wear a lot more cardigans (both to work and at home) that blazers due to the comfort factor.

rachylou

Veteran

The right oversized tee and sweatpants - then the answer is Yes! But if you go for - with all due respect to Hanes - the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL Hanes beefy-t and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL Rocky sweats... no.

Gotta be honest.

On the ugly front, tho, you get bonus points for chipped pedicure and flipflops with a big fake flower topping the thong part. You also get more bonus points if you replace your handbag with a greasy bucket of fried chicken and start yelling across stores for your children. May be ugly, but it's iconic.

You lose all points, however - no matter what you're wearing - if You Do The Hipster and ask your very small, not-yet-verbal children, *Are we making good decisions here?*

Ahahaha! Style is more than clothing.

Daria

I think there is a huge range between the elegant shoes you had to return and oversized sweatshirts.
I work full time with two small kids as well, and while I don't have that specific "fussiness" issue, motherhood did bring changes (and challenges). E.g. I keep my wardrobe as carefree as possible and resort to knits and jeans way too often (granted, my line of work allows it).

Peri

Veteran

I work on this constantly and I will have to say...sort of. I think clothing manufacturers have moved further in this direction than shoe manufacturers. Even "comfort" shoes don't do a lot for me and gym shoes are still limiting what clothes I can wear. And chronic pain issues weigh in on the clothes side, so there are still a lot of trends I feel excluded from.

But you didn't ask if you can be comfortable and trendy, you asked if you could be comfortable and stylish. Being denied certain trends like cropped pants and skinny jeans hasn't made me feel like I have no style at all. I have some style, just not as great as some others! I think there is some wiggle room between beautifully turned out and oversized tees and sweats.

rachylou

Veteran

Out of curiosity, do you really think it's having kids? When my dd was small, I would still not have personally felt comfortable in the big beefy-t and sweats. That's an outfit that makes me decidedly uncomfortable. Too much cloth. Also, that's the kind of thing my peeps would have nailed me to the cross for. I'm not really a rebel...

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

YES. You can have comfort & style. ABSOLUTELY.

I have zero tolerance for itchy fabric and un-comfy shoes (you know that). You were right to return those items.

That said, I DO think that sometimes, the demand for comfort can be taken to the extreme. Sometimes it's merely a question of getting used to a feeling - and feeling 95% comfy in something that makes a huge visual difference is good enough.

Also, I've found that although shoes need to be comfortable from the get go - THEY REALLY DO - they still need breaking in. And it is unfair to judge them after the first day of wear if they rub a little in one area. Most of the time that is sorted after a couple of daily wears.

Echo

Veteran

I tend to agree with Angie. I don't think that a person needs to sacrifice style for comfort, though I don't think there will ever be the slipper-sock comfort feeling with ANY shoes, so our expectations need to be reasonable. I work with small children daily, so I sit on the floor or kneel a lot, so anything I wear needs to allow me to move in it, and it needs to be washable. And I put in several miles on my feet daily, so I have no room for uncomfortable shoes anymore. However, there is still a line between my at home loungewear and things I wear to work. It doesn't mean that both cannot be comfortable, but it does mean that sweats and oversized Ramones T's aren't work appropriate.

Gaylene

Veteran

Yes, you can have a houseful of kids, be comfortable, and be stylish. Rachylou, as usual, has made a beeline to the heart of the issue. Being a stylish mom isn't about wearing a pointy-toed pair of flats or a trendy top.

The most stylish mom I've seen in a long while was wearing crops and a T-shirt on a grocery run with her young daughter. Both mom and daughter looked clean, neat and well groomed, but what really put that young mother's style chops Into the stratosphere for me was when her very young daughter resisted going into the store. Instead of yanking and scolding her crying toddler, she bent down in the swirl of shoppers, held her daughter's hands in hers, and gently asked her little girl if she needed some time to control her emotions before they started shopping.

I think we sometimes get caught up in the outward trappings and forget that style is more than just what we put on our bodies. If style was that easy, the malls and shops would be filled with stylish women. What made this young mom so stylish was, yes, the care she had taken with both her, and her daughter's, appearance in a public setting, but, more importantly, the graceful way she handled a difficult situation and her obvious consideration for both her daughter and other shoppers. That little girl was learning a lot about style from her mom.

catgirl

Veteran

I'm going to argue for yes. A lot of my style is now in my shoes and hair, both areas where I try to edge it up. I think I've told the story here of how I accidentally came to work (thankfully on a Sunday when no one else is here) in my PAJAMA BOTTOMS. That's what comes of wearing comfortable clothes all the time - you can't tell the difference!

I'm in the same boat as you - insane full time job, grade school child, demanding life. And I'm a lazy (or let's say non-fussy to be nice) dresser. I call my current work wardrobe "giving up in style" - ponte pants or stretchy print pencil skirts, jersey shift dresses, oversized tops, tunics... Fortunately these are styles that work for my body type - but I do think you can have both comfort and style; in fact, don't settle for less!

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I love what everyone has said here!

My thoughts:

When my kids were very little, I was all about being a mo, albeit a working mom, with very young kids in day care. It was all consuming. I can't remember much about what I wore in those years, but I if remember a significant moment where I walked through the grocery store and picked up a fashion glossy off the magazine rack instead of a mom mag. I suddenly realised that maybe being a mom wasn't as all consuming as it previously had been. A few years later, I ventured into the odd white outfit and high heels on the odd occasion. If you're feeling stretched, give yourself a break and just go with neat and tidy and clean clothing

Secondly, I absolutely think that you can be stylish in knits and stretch. It doesn't have it be all button down shirts and pointy toe shoes.

Lastly, I have work wear and home wear, and I'm not shy to tell you that my home wear, especially when it's just me and my family, is sweats and t-shirts, although I have been making an effort to make sure even these aren't too tatty or mismatched. I like the definite difference between work wear and loungewear. I don't like feeling like I'm in lounge wear when I'm at the office - I actually enjoy the process of dressing up each morning. I certainly don't enjoy being in work wear when I'm at home.

unfrumped

Veteran

I think it can be done, but it takes more work. Just as you were sorting and rejecting possible options.
The problem is that some of the simplest ways something gets to be comfortable is that there is very little fitting, something just to surround the body or feet, so the easiest thing is to make things bigger rather than smaller, elasticized rather than tailored by actual shaping, and so on.
That speaks to Angie's idea that if my goal is that I won't feel anything
touching me anywhere, won't feel my sleeve if I move, don't feel a waistband if I bend, well then there will be very limited silhouettes.
So you end up looking for those makers that have managed to create shaping and interest and fit in more creative ways. Even for shoes, it's "the last" as has been pointed out--sometimes a comfort shoe isn't comfortable on me but another maker is.
I've also learned that the typical hip-length, straight-bottomed tops are just so easy to look frumpy on me, even if in a nice color or print or fabric--it's the horizontal line--while a similarly fluid top with curved or asymmetrical hem suddenly looks much better. But the former are everywhere , and the latter have to be hunted down.

Style Fan

Veteran

I also need comfort. My feet are often in pain and some of my joints are also screaming at me. I find I need soft, non restrictive clothing. I find it much easier to dress in style in warmer weather than in the brutual cold of winter. Now that silky track pants and slouch pants are stylish I am in heaven. And add Birks to that.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Oh DEFINITELY! And this is what I've been seeking for the last year - nothing that pinches, binds, rubs, itches, constricts, fusses, moves about...

But there is a difference in being comfortable and being sloppy. And I don't see you going the sloppy route Thistle. Comfort is what led me to try Eileen Fisher and yet I'm careful in not choosing her over-sized items and making sure there is still good fit and at the very least, JFE.

I do agree with Angie about shoes - when I bought my cream laser cut oxfords a couple of years ago, there were a bit uncomfortable the first few wearings and I was worried that they might become orphans. But I persevered and used Angie's wet feet trick and they became one of my most comfortable pairs of shoes. IMHO, they have to fit perfectly right from the start, but a certain level of comfort can be attained through wearing.

Dimity

I agree with Angie, and I love Gaylene's point too. There are seasons in life and having young kids and a job outside the house as well means that you're always busy. I barely remember those years as they've merged into one long episode of always doing something, but I do recall the pleasure I got from a few well-chosen pieces that I wore a lot. It's worth finding a few comfortably stylish pieces that will work for your needs and then getting on with your other important work. For me, loose boyfriend jeans are both stylish and comfy, whereas tight jeans just aren't comfy even though stylish. So I choose loose and that becomes my style.

Astrid

Veteran

It's doable, but I think it takes more work to find just the right pieces. And it also might be easier when you go for stylish instead of trendy. I think the distinction might be helpful in this case, as Peri mentioned. And I like what Gaylene said. In the end, I don't think it's very important when you take care not to be sloppy. My mum is fantastic, but she definitely was never stylish or trendy (just decently dressed). But that's not something that matters much to a child.

celia

Veteran

I am going to argue both points. Yes, it is possible to be comfortable and stylish, but it might be a slippery slope.
I am finding more and more that I am not a big fan of stiffer fabrics so I have been using stretchier fabrics.By doing that and barely using my jeans I didn't realize that the forgiveness of the leggings was preventing me to see if I gained weight. When the fact was presented to me in the rudest ways by my now non-fitting jeans I was very surprised.
My point is that it is possible to be stylish and comfortable, in fact I believe that when you feel good in your clothes you do look better. When you spend you day tugging at your waistband ,pulling down shirts or limping in your tight high heels you don't look stylish.
However , you have to be aware of checking fit, proportions and your motives

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I agree that it definitely can be done -- and particularly Angie's and Celia's points. I feel like if I'm *too* comfortable in my clothes (i.e., they really do feel like PJs), 1) I don't feel "dressed" enough to reflect my preferred style, 2) my outfits lack sufficient structure to be flattering enough, and 3) I start to experience the same thing Celia mentions -- too much loose and unstructured makes me too lax about how my more tailored items are fitting, and all of a sudden, I pull on my skinnier jeans to find out they're gettting snug.

That said, one person's "comfortable" is another person's "uncomfortable." We all have different threshholds and requirements. One person can't stand waistbands because they cause GI issues; another isn't bothered by that but can't tolerate a snug fit in the shoulders because of their daily activities, etc., etc. Shoes that I find perfectly comfortable for a 5-mile-walking day would be excruciating for some of you. So I think it's a matter of finding your own balance in which you feel physically comfortable *enough* while still feeling like you're looking your best for day-to-day activities. Then we can always step it up a notch or more (and sacrifice just a bit of comfort) for special occasions -- date night, job interviews, etc.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What Janet said. I need some structure in my out of the house clothes to feel comfortable. All knits, and I feel all over the place and sloppy.

And I also agree with her (and Angie's) point about just comfortable enough. JCE to go with JFE, I guess.

My jeans are comfortable to me. Are they AS comfortable as pyjamas? Well, that depends on the particular pair we're talking about, but on the whole, no. But they're comfortable enough. I don't buy them so tight that they bind, pinch, dig in, etc. They do, however, feel stiffer and more structured than PJs. For me, that is tolerable at home, and a big plus when I am out of the house.

I walk in booties regularly for miles. Are they AS comfortable as gym shoes? No, but they are comfortable enough for the purpose.

Susie

Veteran

How clothes feel is very important to me...and my daughters are 25 and 27

I avoid things that are too tight, too clingy, too fussy, too scratchy, etc. I want to get dressed and get on with my day without having to constantly adjust or rearrange my garments. I prefer soft and drapey fabrics to stiff and very structured.

But that doesn't mean that I live in sweats. Today I am wearing white jeans and a black sweater. Although they are skinnies, the jeans fit well enough that the waistband doesn't pinch and there is enough stretch to the fabric that they aren't binding when I move. Both the jeans and the sweater are of soft fabric. When I go home from work, I will change in to lounge wear but I would be fine keeping on these same things if I were going out.

I am a bit more tolerant of shoes than others might be. I certainly don't want them to hurt but they don't have to feel like slippers. Because I drive to work and work at a desk job, I can wear shoes that I wouldn't wear to walk for miles or chase after young kiddos. I still avoid very high heels or any style that is truly uncomfortable.

To your specifics...pants with stretch, jackets with stretch, comfy shoes knitwear rather than button down tops...yes, I think it is possible to find stylish versions of all of these things.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Can you have both comfort and style? Absolutely, but it takes more time and effort because there is little room for compromise. Being a working Mom I imagine time and energy are your most valuable commodities?