Style Fan - that's interesting. Sounds like you and your husband compliment and balance each other. Yes, "Quiet" was a very interesting read. I have the version for teens, I was interested to see how that differed. Yes, introverts get less love across the board, but the winds change. Good thing we know our own value, and in life that is what really counts.

Gryffin, you are great with descriptions. Thanks for the kind words.

Suz, Style Fan and La Ped, I don't know where I got the phrase "high functioning introvert" from. I think from Greg? He can also be a high functioning introvert. It's when introverts act more like extraverts in social settings - or at least that's my understanding.

I've had the pleasure of meeting Suz, and she acts like an extravert in a large social gathering. Suz is absolutely NOT shy or a withdrawn wallflower. Miss you, Suz.

La Ped, thanks for the kind words. (I'm obsessed with tidiness - I have a bit of OCD I think - and a very tidy house because of it). I love your examples and explanations of Introversion = SPOT ON. Nicely done.

I think we ALL need to recharge our batteries. I'm bouncing off the walls after a social gathering while Greg is a bit exhausted. Typical extravert/introvert reaction. But I love my quiet alone time - and Greg loves small gatherings with friends and the buzz of a loud city.

Gryffin, I find the discussion about an outfit as "armour" interesting - as many have mentioned it. I don't think of it that way. I am a great appreciator of the visual and art. I almost did a degree in Fine Art. I think of my outfit as a visual I want appreciate. If I don't like the way it looks - I can't appreciate the art, IYKWIM.

Angie - you are the painter and the canvas all in one. You create yourself! Because you are energized by social interactions, you may have a different reaction to clothing. For me, and I don't know if I can articulate this well - apparel is like my home. I create a sequence of spaces - from the formal to the intimate (those who love "A Pattern Language" you'll get this). Depending on how well you know me, you will see what I want you to see. But when life is stressful, I use my outfits to visually control interactions. If I want control I dress powerfully, suits, dark, edgy - I'm not looking to be approachable because I will control by manner and mien how and when I want to be approached. I am in charge. This is armor, and until I feel comfortable taking it off, rolling my sleeves and kicking up my heels, you will not see my little tender introvert under belly. OTOH, my friends see my quirky, relaxed, playful, shadow and intimate side through my dress, accessories, jewelry, if that makes any sense. My latchkey is always out for kindred spirits (hey you anne of green gables fans!!)

(Ok, you just brought a memory back, gryffin, of the year I did a proper 7-course New Year’s meal and my bff recited Anne of Green Gables - ‘Oh, Diana!’ )

Suz - just curious, is your daughter an introvert or extravert? My son is more exhausting than my work day because he requires constant stimulation. It's a constant battery drain!! And yes, happy as a clam in my little clam shell!!

Good question! This child required constant stimulation and company as a little one, but -- perhaps from living with two introverts? -- has now become someone who craves quiet pockets in the day and definitely recharges at home, alone, reading or petting the cat. I hope we didn't warp the natural personality! I did find parenting exceptionally draining in the early years for exactly the reason you say.

Angie, thank you -- and you're dead right about me. I "present" as an extravert, especially if I'm with people I enjoy. (That is a credit to you and the Fabbers). Mr. Suz says that people who don't live with me don't really *know* me. I think it's partly because my mother was very social and lively and my dad was extremely introverted, so I am a blend of the two.

In the tests I sometimes come out as extreme introvert and sometimes as borderline introvert. It depends whether the questions are focused more on the need to regain energy by being alone, or more on one's tolerance for environmental stimulation and enjoyment of social situations. I tolerate environmental stimulation (like cities) very well (as long as I can be alone there, ha!) and I very much enjoy social situations (for a limited period of time and preferably with a small group or one or two people whom I really like). But if Quiet is right, it's the need to "restore" oneself with quiet that marks an introvert. And that is definitely true of me.

Fascinating discussion. My theory is that E-I, like most traits, is on a bell-shaped curve with most people somewhere in the middle. I do tend to be more quiet in a large gathering unless I'm with a pal. Right now I'm functioning in introvert mode because it's cold, rainy, I have 2 papers to complete and a book to finish.

Letting hair grow natural has changed things too. In anticipating spring I have ordered some colorful clothes--last fall and winter I bought mostly black and gray and I'm sick to death of them, but it's made it easier to get up and throw something on and not worry. I'll have to think about the "restoration" quality of these choices.

In June I'll be presenting a paper and I'm already thinking about what to wear. Back in my early law days, (late '70s) advice was to wear red for public speaking. In the past few years I've been fairly conservative--but this time I want to wear something that will make me stand out more. So you post is timely and has given me much to think about.

I'm not a supporter of the term "high functioning" either- it implies that we aren't quite there but can manage. Not so. I know it's not the point but it's always interesting to hear an extrovert's take on introverts. I am the LEAST shy person you will ever meet - I will, and do, talk to anyone, anywhere and at any time. I am rarely intimated by other people. Annoyed, because of their excess energy and movement and noise and presence maybe

Gryffin, I think you articulated the way you view your outfits beautfully. I like the "creating a sequence of spaces* analogy.  As for the armorur - FASCINATING. Your outfit is filling a psychological need - as is mine - but the needs are different. We are all very different....yet so much the same..... 

Lisa p, you crack me up. YES. The term "high-functioning introvert" sounds a bit derogatory, doesn't it. I think it's a pukka psychological term though. They need to change that. I can be a low-functioning extrovert. There! Evened things out

Suz, you're reasoning makes perfect sense. You're "a blend", and I suspect that most people are. You sound a lot like Greg, although you're much chattier! 

I am thinking about how clothing is restorative and whether it is a reflection of being an introvert or not. I need to be comfortable so there is that but I am not sure whether my clothing is 'introverted'. I do like clothes that are on the fringe. I need to think about how that all works.

Angie, you and my high school geography teacher would agree. "Loquacious" was I think the term he used.

Gryffin, you started a great conversation here. I think it makes a lot of sense to see clothing as a place of repose. Also for some, organizing the wardrobe might create that same sense of restoration. I think that might be true for me. I get a sense of calm from the seasonal edits.

Rachylou you have brought back a lovely memory of my school best friend who used to call me “Anne Shirley” admonishingly as I was always in some awkward dilemma or other.
My son is a complete extrovert- needs constant interaction and has no need for alone time or wind down time. Whereas my daughter loves to do her artwork or play with her toys quietly for hours, or just sit and cuddle. She is constantly in an imaginary world, putting on funny voices and acting melodramatically to her dolls.
My son is wonderful but utterly and completely exhausting. He has very little fantasy/imaginary play, and is often trying to work out concrete problems like, our schedule for the week, how we can best stack things in the pantry, what we need to get when shopping etc.
Although I’m an introvert I am a little like Suz I guess because I love to talk and enjoy crowded places. I even like public speaking! People are so full of contradictions it’s amazing.
Sorry for the essay.

rachy - At not time is Anne with an E, not appropriate to any coversation or situation!! Your friend has remarkable good sense!!

Suz - I'm an introvert but I consider myself very social, but I am more sensitive than you to "chaos." I never understood why I would just shut down in huge department stores. I always did better in small speciality stores and later online. Just too much stuff and not enough filter. Also I enjoy social interactions but I find them very tiring. I need to recharge in quiet repose. I think for those who are not "shy" it's primarily about overstimulation.

Ms Maven - I agree with life and traits being on a continuum. The bell shaped curve is usually pretty on target. Color does have a huge effect on mood. I'll be interested to hear what you decide on!!
Lisa - I agree that people often assumer introvert = shy. It's definitely not the case for many, although I'm picky, I don't want to talk to anyone and everyone!! I'd need to vanish into my turtle shell to recharge for weeks!!
Angie - it's always fascinating recognizing the similarities and differences. It's what makes the world so fascinating!!
Style Fan - I don't believe that Susan Cain meant restorative niche as only for introverts. Extraverts need them too but they restore in parties, crowds, with music, interaction, color, pattern mixing, accessories. Same but different.
Suz - amen to organizing, editing and refining the closet. Don't you find that incredibly soothing?!

jussie - "we are large, we contain multitudes!" And girl we have to chat about our boys! My son is amazing but extraverts wear me out!! No place to hide at home....."mom.....MOM......MMMMOOOOMMMM!!!!!"

I very much enjoyed reading through this thread. I read Quiet a couple years ago and loved it. I remember feeling understood and affirmed as an introvert, by the author.

The activity of shopping can be a restorative niche for me—I think the singular focus of the hunt, combined with the quiet stimulation of attractive colors and styles, can at times help me settle inwardly. Other times, shopping is the opposite of a restorative niche—it can be stressful, frustrating, and exhausting. Those times, I NEED a restorative niche (what a great term!) afterward.

Oh my goodness, this thread reminds me of my third grade class that voted me both quietest and most talkative. In a class of about 25!
I am a true introvert who loves cities, and people watching, yet hates parades and being crushed. As was said "consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds". It is not that I cannot handle or enjoy groups, but it does completely exhaust me - I need a lot of time to process all the flying emotions that I pick up.
In answer to your question Gryffin, I absolutely love creating outfits and thinking about clothes, and enjoy designing my image. At the same time I am aware that as a 51 year old women working with lots of younger people, my image matters.

This thread is intriguing.
First, and kind of off topic, I believe the correct spelling to be "extrovert" and "introvert" with an "o" not an "a". But in Myers-Briggs, the spellings do have an "a", because I believe the meaning is slightly different. I would have to research this more. Anyone who knows please weigh in.
Secondly, I own and love the book "Quiet" and have read it twice. I have always come out as ESFJ on Myers-Briggs or as a Sanguine on other personality tests. But since the difficult bullying of 10 years ago which caused us to leave our church ( and faith) behind, I have needed a lot more time to myself even although I am still energised by people. A good friend of ours who is an Anglican minister( one of the only ministers we are still friends with, he was a friend first for about 38 years) talked about Jungian psychology and one's "shadow side", saying that one may need the opposite of one's usual in order to replenish oneself. So I read the book eagerly to see if it had anything like that in it. And maybe the stuff about "restorative niche" was the closest.
As far as clothing, hmmm, not sure. I definitely have a bit of "SAD" ( seasonal affective disorder) and am not looking forward to NZ's Daylight Saving ending at Easter. I do wear more somber clothes in winter often but some days feel like brights still so still have some. In summer I feel like brights a lot more. So how does that relate to my personality?
And I'd like to challenge Lisap and Suz! Just because you might like to have your doctor dress as a "Professional Princess of Darkness" like Gryffin, why should it make a difference if your doctor dressed with some kooky sandals and earrings and bright colours like me?! I'm sure I can be just as professional like that?!
Finally, is it consistent with my personality that my use of my restorative niche, alone, is actually interacting with all of you? Maybe it's still social after all...

Jenni NZ: you make some very interesting points!

Windchime - I can see how the action of funding the perfect piece can be restorative and invigorating. I can get that feeling small speciality stores where I am not overwhelmed by the abundance too.
Shevia - yes we create ourselves, our "gui " through our wardrobes. The public persona or I'm humming jeckle and hyde's "it's all a facade" but important because we know others will act and respond to that image. I love your hair and outfits. You and they are interesting and uniquely you. I would bet others are intrigued and attracted to you individuality and that your wardrobe and fab hair do a lot of work for you.
Jenni - I googled earlier since I was spelling "extro" but others were using "extra". I saw it both ways. I'd need to research too to see what is correct. I chose the predominant use on the forum spelling. But if you look at my responses you'll see where I noticed and changed spelling. Can you let me know what is correct if you find out? I will check "quiet" and see what SC uses also. I'm so sorry about the bullying. I was bullied as a child. I'm glad you were able to leave a toxic environment. I like the image is "shadow " self. None of us should try and fit in a box. We are fluid and complex. It's understanding the paradoxes that helps me sort things out.
Jussie - agreed. What a rich conversation!! Delightful and food for much thought!!

Gryffin, you are so amazing. If you lived in Australia I’d like to have you over for dinner and deep and meaningful conversation Very small group of course. Large group dinners and parties are overrated!
I really enjoyed reading this thread.
FWIW, I don’t know how it applies to me. I am an introvert, but enjoy bold patterns, accessories and pattern mixing. Not so much the bright colours.
I think I identify more with the clothes as armour concept rather than the clothes as restorative niche.
But what fun!
On a tangent, virtually all of my friends, aside from my husband, are extroverts. They love big gatherings (the more the merrier). I always find myself negotiating for the odd intimate gathering, which I enjoy much more. I need them to read that book!

Brooklyn - same here, I'd be wanting you for a bestie!! The lines of your clothing are very streamlined and elegant, there is always a bit of toughness usually in the line, perfect fit and softness in color/pattern and pattern mixing/those dark florals and hair- it's the yin/yang drama and perfect balance where you create the tension. I always am thinking, how does she do that!!! Usually accessorized by the fabulous Miss B. There is soooo much I'd love to talk to you about!!!

I always come out as an ENTJ but as I need quite of a quiet "me time" to recover, I really don't know anymore.
You say "Not many people have a richer ""inner life"" than I do and I can live too much inside my head". It is also true to me including analysing everything--- and I feel generaly great doing that:-) but sometimes can feel exhausting!:-(
I am many times interested in the "why"-s too and am certainly scraping deeper when I really want (after all, that's what am doing here on your thread, too-:-)) - but when it comes to simply fashion and other creative things- my focus is on the "what"s and "how"s as am a very very visual person, too.
BTW, I am not of a native English-but I know 3 other languages and we use the "o" for introvert and extrovert, too.

Lyn - I am always amazed by people who speak multiple languages. I just don't have that pathway. You write incredibly, I would never have guessed. I agree with are all too complex for generalizations and boxes, but that being said, generalities sometimes generate causing those moments of insight and that's what really does it for me. It sounds like you have a great balance of I/E that allows you to cull the best from both worlds!! Kudos!!

I'm a language person, not a psych person, and as far as I know both extro- and extra- are acceptable English spellings, but the "o" version is more common, at least colloquially. I think it was Jung who brought the terms into widespread use, so maybe one is closer to the German spelling? I think a lot of scientific papers use "extravert" -- so maybe it's more correct but less popular?

La Ped - thanks for the input. Fortunately, the spelling doesn't muddy the concept but it's interesting that it does vary. I'm intrigued. English major also and the origin and evolution of words is fascinating.

I am very late to this.

I don't know know if I'm an introvert or extrovert. I think it's some combination of the two. I crave balance between the two, mostly. I am drawn to bright colors and patterns, but I like to use both with a bit of restraint. I'm not much for pattern mixing, for instance.

I think working on my wardrobe is my restorative niche, and I'm glad you've brought this up. I've had trouble finding another hobby that fits with my available time, talents, and interests, and that I'm drawn to as much. Of course, I don't have endless space and time to be continuing to build my wardrobe, but I can always focus on creating outfits with what I have. Food for thought.

Christina - I agree although "buying" clothing my be restorative for some people, what we wear and how we wear it. Organizing our closets, clothes, accessories, creating visual harmony, outfit harmony, feeling great in what we wear, so our outfits vanish and we can simply get on with life because we are at one with how we've expressed ourselves and that image, even ignored, supports, sustains and soothes us. That's a pretty powerful respite at least for me!

Okay, I couldn't resist, did some research on extravert vs extrovert and here's what I came up with:

The Difference between ExtrAversion and ExtrOversion

Looks like the word was misspelled with an "o" (and its definition somewhat altered) in an early (1918) American psychoanalytic paper, and dictionaries went with that spelling rather than Jung's (he used an "a").

What a conversation to lead us deep into the history of a word's spelling! That's YLF. Much more than meets the eye, that's us!

Jenni, I think being bullied as an adult is just as bruising as being bullied as a child, and of course it would cause one to reassess and it might even alter one's old patterns. I'm sorry this happened to you, although it seems you have emerged from it stronger. As for a doctor's fashion choices -- I did not mean to imply that I wouldn't want my doctor to look like she was having fun with fashion. I know several doctors who dress in whimsical or colourful ways (some on this forum!) and I respect that choice and would enjoy working with them -- after all, a conversation item can make someone approachable in what might otherwise be a tense situation. I merely meant to affirm gryffin's choices for herself and to note that in some cases a calm, neutral appearance could be professionally advantageous — soothing or calming to patients and perhaps also to the wearer. In the end I think dressing as authentically as possible without going wildly outside community norms is probably key.

gryffin, I was so interested in your examples! When I was a classroom teacher in secondary school, I found my big city trips too overstimulating...and had to be careful about what I planned for when I visited. And this is when I stopped shopping, too, because I found the big stores and the malls overwhelming.

Now that I (mostly) work from home and teach only once a week (to a small group) and work only sporadically with larger groups, I enjoy the city's stimulation again, and I have regained my ability to shop in person (though I still prefer online for most of my actual purchasing.) For me it is clearly a question of creating balance and a change in work or life circumstance will necessitate change in other areas. And amen to closet organization for that -- it works no matter what!

La Ped - thanks for following up and linking to the article. It was very interesting. I do feel personally introversion has more resonance to me as stimulation/decision. I really like that definition. I will be using the "extra" with an A version!! Hail Jung! Ave!!

Suz - I agree the pleasure is in the balance. I enjoy the excitement of cities, but lately find NYC with it's moving wall of people claustrophobic. It's like that Star Trek original series episode "The Mark of Gideon" I do enjoy a day at the mall to window shop now and then. The abundance can be soothing in small doses. But have to search through racks and rack and racks for a needed item - that will definitely shut me down. Same I enjoy a big party but I prefer quiet evenings with good friends. I agree it's all balance Suz, if life is quiet, big and exciting is a great change, if life is too chaotic and busy, then the need for quiet increases.

Ha! Thanks La Ped! Interesting that I was "correcting" the spelling and mentioning Jung in the same post! The article explains ( IMO) why it was spelt differently by Myers-Briggs, they were trying to be more scientific about it. Not sure I will be able to change. Might check Quiet as well.
Thank you Suz. I have emerged stronger, and happier, 10 years on. But there were some very difficult times for a couple of years requiring reevaluation of how I had ordered my world for 47 years up to that point. Needed a lot of time alone, journalling. Funnily enough one of the MBTI sessions I had done in 2002 ( so much earlier) had called the ESFJ a "journalist".