Hmmm....I'm looking at that picture you posted, Jenn.

What happens if that woman in the red dress doesn't like the looks of the other women, and then decides she's going to wear something that fits in with her environmental norm the next day? In this scenario, the woman no longer seems like the confident woman in the picture.

So what I'm thinking is that in order to pull off the red dress (ie: to pull off a dressy look that is outside your environmental norm, or outside your normal look), you need to consistently dress up.

I think this is where I fail: some days I like to dress up, and other days i don't. I think I need to stick with dressy every day.

You don't look showy or over the top to me, and even if you did, I'd still like it because I've realized I like that kind of thing.

I enjoy every possible expression except dangerously underdressed or dirty.

I've been practicing reserving my harsh judgement self for bad behavior and laying off any appearance criticism nastiness. Try gently but firmly redirecting yourself just like you would a child. There may be a psychological aspect that merits further examination but if the behavior is bothering you, actually practicing a different response can really help.

Everywhere you go you become part of that scene, for yourself and other people. If you've been a little creative with your clothes it's a contribution as long as it doesn't prevent you from being a positive presence.

I'd add onto what smittie says, maybe someone needs to consistently dress up for a period of time, a couple of days a week for a month. If it's something you want to do, it just needs to become habitual and comfortable through practice. Then once your mind is accustomed, you can add it to the repertoire of looks, it doesn't need to be an all the time thing.

I think this is what I basically did two years ago, I went through a skirt wearing phase - often with refined shoes, and got over feeling 'too dressed up' running daily errands. Now I don't wear them quite as much for practical reasons, but when I do, I don't feel self-conscious about it, they are my clothes as much as jeans are.

The woman in the red dress is a good illustration of concept, but I'm thinking in real life the woman in the picture is a model doing a fashion shoot, so the gawkers are probably first and foremost thinking 'wow she's tall'

I love what Isabel says and I think this is great and true:

Everywhere you go you become part of that scene, for yourself and other people. If you've been a little creative with your clothes it's a contribution as long as it doesn't prevent you from being a positive presence.

When I go to the areas of my city where people dress creatively I enjoy watching the people walking by just as I would enjoy a flower bed in the front lawn of a house I'm passing. Beauty is for the person who cultivates it, but also for every beholder.

Just for a little update of how the day went...

First off, I have to say that you are all such an insightful group. I think someone very early on in the discussion pointed out that the leather jacket may be the thing going on here. I didn't realize how true this was until I was halfway through the day. Before I left the house I layered a cropped, cashmere cardi under the jacket for warmth. As we ran around the mall I shed the leather jacket for comfort...and I felt so much less conspicuous in doing so.

My thought yesterday was that maybe the leather is just too much for me and I need to give upon the idea. Reading your responses today has given me the opposite outlook. I think I'm going to start wearing my leather jackets all the time, even around the house with my pjs. I WANT to be a woman who wears leather jackets. I always admire a woman in a smart leather jacket, on the forums and in real life. I've spent too many hours drooling over Danier's website (rip?) to decide that I need to give up on being a girl in a leather jacket.

For several years I bought a few different stiff leather jackets and I always told myself my discomfort with leather was purely physical. But I've now come to own two very nice, supple, comfortable leather jackets and I know that my physical comfort is not the deterrent here.

I love that you took off the leather jacket and noticed your increased comfort with the cardigan. But I love even more your idea to wear your leather jackets MORE in order to encourage your own comfort with them. I love that you know the woman you want to be and that you are taking the steps to get there. There is a huge lesson in this for me, for many aspects of my life.

Smittie, that picture is fascinating because it so reflects the feelings and reactions which surface when someone deliberately, or even unconsciously, dresses outside the environmental norms.

Putting oneself out there does create interest--positive and negative. I guess it's up to each of us to decide how far we want to push boundries and how sensitive we are to others' reactions. While I love the "you go girl" support that exists on YLF, I often wonder if the wearer continues to push the boundries after the initial attempt. It's not easy to be the woman in the red dress.

Great insights, Traci!

I love that your choice was to go for it and try it, and to learn from the experience.

traci, I'm going to wear my leather jacket more TOO, and see how it feels.
Rabbit, this comment of yours:

I went through a skirt wearing phase - often with refined shoes, and got over feeling 'too dressed up' running daily errands.



I think I'm going to try something like this!

I so enjoyed this thread-Thanks!
On a recent holiday I was the lady in the cobalt coat amongst a sea of black. In the end I purchased a new black one, but it was more a matter of coat-style than being the odd one out.
I will wear my new leather jacket with more confidence (when the weather here allows) after reading your resolve Traci.

I haven't commented here because I have so much to say and no time to say it! But I want to be sure to let you know how fantastic you look.

I'm going to try wearing bright lipstick more regularly. Maybe we should do a "Who do you think you are?" challenge.

(That phrase totally reminds me of one of son's favorite memes. "Who do you think you are? I am!")

I understand your dilemma Traci, partly because I've shared it. I think I struggle in part because I imagine that only young, very beautiful women, have the right to dress magnificently (Like the woman in Jenn's pic). I know this is rubbish, really, but these sorts of feelings come from a deep place, and can't just be ignored. I love that pushed through and wore the jacket, and have been thoughtful about how you wish to respond to these feelings. And how wonderful that your daughter is encouraging you!

Jenn, I love the idea of a who do you think you are challenge!