Closet surprises and a mini-epiphany of my own

I have a seriously overstuffed closet with a lot of items that I haven't even been trying to wear because I thought they were too small. In a fit of organizing on Friday, I decided that I was going to start at least moving things that are a bit too tight out of the closet so that I could more easily see what is actually available to wear. I even actually tried on all of my tights (an entire drawer full!).

While I didn't try on everything in the closet as I sometimes do, I was surprised to find that only two pairs of jeans were a bit too snug to be comfortable, and most of my "business" trousers are in fact too big or too short. This is a bit sad because I have one pair that I actually rather like, but I will need to practice my alteration skills before I try to do anything with them. But I was able to move some things into both the "toss" pile and the "alterations needed" pile, and get them out of my closet, as well as determine that I have more things that currently fit me available to wear.

I also realized that when I shop, I am not really shopping for particular items, but for a new lifestyle or personality. That is, it is as if on some level I think that if I can buy that perfect party dress or business suit, then the party or job to go with them will somehow also materialize. I guess this is the classic shopping for a fantasy lifestyle, but it brought home how much I am unaware of what I want in my daily life. That is, I often feel like I don't really have any dreams or goals anymore, but the things I shop for -- even if I know that I am never going to actually buy them -- really say otherwise. So I suppose the problem now is figuring out what parts of that fantasy lifestyle I would like to have in real life, and how I might go about getting them.

13 years ago

Krista

Veteran

Mander,

Thanks for sharing all of these thoughts! I applaud you for trying on the items in your closet - for all of my ruminations about my wardrobe, the one thing I actually dislike doing is trying everything on to assess it. So I applaud you for doing that - even down to your tights! Wow!

I also find your point about fantasy lifestyle/shopping so interesting! I am always amazed that something as simple as our clothes can tell us so much more about the rest of our lives and what we might be going through. I also believe that we can't make change until we are aware of the fact that change needs to happen. Looks like you have gained some excellent insights - I look forward to reading more about your journey as you go forward!

Suz

(website)

Mander, what a fascinating realization. All from a closet reorganization, too! It is amazing how much our clothes say about our life, and our goals, and our dreams.

What a fabulous (if sometimes painful) decision to try everything on. There is no point keeping it if it does not fit.

I think many of us shop with some fantasy in our minds. And yes, you are so right - now the question will be figuring out what part of the fantasy you really would like to pursue.

Atlantia

That is such an interesting observation. I wonder if we can all look back at our fantasy shopping purchases, and try to determine what we want from our lives.
I was at a conference earlier this year that said that if you write a goal down, it is more likely to happen. I don't know how I feel about that, but I guess it is along the lines of "you can't strive for what you don't know you want."
Thanks for helping me exercise my brain this morning!

bj1111

mander, your last sentence is such a great realization AND a call to action! must think about how i can do that too.

Angie

Fashion Stylist

Really enjoyed reading this Mander, and look forward to how you continue along this journey.

ManidipaM

I find your 'mini' epiphany a major step forward, Mander! Congratulations. So many of us have come to the realization that we're shopping for a fantasy---but not very many of us turn that on its head to say, 'Hang on! Maybe that's the reality I'm supposed to be aiming for?' Kudos to you for a very brave perspective. It's so much easier to dismiss the 'impractical fantasy' and stay in our comfort zones.

Jenava

Wow, mander, that is deep and really resonated with me! I have recently started to look at some items that consistently appeal to me and realize that I've made that mistake before and I need not make it again - and most of it has to do with what you're mentioned - fantasty that if I buy a dress that looks best on a tall, leggy straight figure that somehow *my figure will become that? So silly, and not done consciously, but I'm trying to really be more aware of what looks best on *me*, not on some fantasy version of me!

Anonymous

Great read. It would be wonderful if you could gain some of that fantasy life into a reality. I wish you much luck in moving forward.

Transcona Shannon

Nothing like a closet clean to reveal some secrets, that's for sure! Well done.

Caro in Oz

Love this post. Thank you for sharing your wonderful insights.
It's like they say about work outfits - dress for the job you want not the one you have. Dress for the life you want but the clothes must be practical, wearable & comfortable though!

dizzys

Active Member

Thank you for Sharing!

fern

I like your analysis & I hope you enjoy your pared-down closet as much as I do. It makes a huge difference to only see items I really will wear.
I agree that it really helps to think about what aspects of the "fantasy life" keep resonating, so much that it shows up in the closet (umm, repeatedly). And some aspects do work or can be transitional - I'm thinking of my riding boots, which are imbued with adventure and travel, in my mind, but now I've got the right clothes to make them practical for real life. They have been a great bridge for me, to include that part of my life/aspirations in my clothing.

Missey

Mander-

Your words ring true to me...I often find myself shopping for, and buying, items for a life I want to have. Is this bad or good? I don't know. On one hand, I really do think you should "dress the part". If you look good, you feel good. On the other hand, are these items a part of my true style or those of someone I admire or of someone I"d rather be? How do I make a look I admire more my own? Good post...thank you for sharing your reflections. It is very helpful as I struggle in the same vein myself.

I know this is an old thread, but it resonated with me very much. I am a SAHM, lost a bunch of weight and have been buying things for my old Theatre job that I have not had for 2 years (Date night out type wear). I have no everyday wearable clothing. Every new item I buy is barely workable for cooking- cleaning and walking to the grocery....I can't seem to identify that part of my style life.

Mochi

Yeah, that was actually huge. I'm really glad you came to this realization and shared it with us.

rachylou

I rather think you speak for us all, Mander.

jenanded

In the sameway WE are constantly evolving and aspiring so are our wardrobes... i figure we need to focus but go with that flow too... you wrote this beautifully,,,,

Lisa

Great insight here. I too have been guilting of shopping for a "new life" and not a current need. Sometimes it seems much easier to pretend you are someone else for a little while. Sort of like a grown up version of playing dress up in mom's closet.

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