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Closet edit: fear and failure

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Is anyone else a little afraid of closet editing in light of weight gain? I hate confronting the items that I still have from 4-6 years ago that are beautiful but a size too small for me now. I feel like I’ve failed at keeping my size/weight down, and my rational mind knows that it’s probably better to get rid of those items (they taunt me even from the holding zone). They make me feel bad when I look at them. Giving them up feels like I’m giving up on ever getting back into better shape, even though again I know that rationally that is not true.

Does anyone else feel this conflict? I imagine so, but if you do, how do you resolve it? I want to get better at letting go.

General

39 replies

Latest reply was from Bijou

Gretchen

Veteran

Raising both hands!

The too small clothes live in a basket in the back of the closet for "someday". I have a general rule that if it's a gap of more than 1 size, I go ahead and donate - why look at the size 6's when I'm nowhere near that? But it's the "almost there" clothes that I have trouble letting go.

Would love suggestions!

Joy

Veteran

Just think that if you do get rid of the weight you probably will not want those clothes and may not even fit into them the same way although the same weight. You can "reward" yourself with new things that feel current.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Gretchen, the “almost there” clothes are tough — I have a number of those. Part of the problem is that my extra weight is sitting in places it didn’t used to sit before menopause. :-/ I have a great blouse I never even got around to wearing with a fitted waist that is *just* that bit too tight, and I’m so mad at myself for buying it, thinking I was going to lose weight but instead I gained. That was nearly two years ago, and the darn thing is still in my holding zone. I know, I just need to donate it. Selling is too much hassle.

Anonymous

I struggled with this - as everyone who has read my tales of woe here knows - for a few years. I have a few thoughts - starting with agreeing with Joy. Even when/if you lose the weight, your body may not be the same anyways. I went up at least 2 sizes during menopause (from a 2-sometimes 4 to a full 8- sometimes 10 . It happened over the course of a few years. A recent change in lifestyle /job/diet managed to take some of it off just this past summer, leaving me now squarely in the middle. I'm not sure I"d necessarily want to drop much more, as it would be really tough to do for starters, and might not look great in my face. That all aside, there is nothing I finally got rid of that I wish I had hung on to (although I know I am far less sentimental about clothes than you are - lol) and am just happy that my clothes feel and hang better . Some are now too big, but if that's the biggest problem, then ....yay for that. The holding zone (which I maintained for things like jeans that didn't fit etc) ended up being a colossal waste of space and time - as I wouldn't wear any of those jeans now anyways. I think it's hard to remain stuck in the past and stuck on things that just aren't great RIGHT NOW. Life is too short.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Lisa, you are right. This is one of those programming things from my mom that I am still working out. She held onto EVERYTHING. She was sentimental and attached to her things. I am less so, and working on continuing to move away from those habits, but clearly still have some of those tendencies.

It really does no good to hang onto things that make you feel bad when you look at them, I know this! Yet it’s still hard.

I am also about to give up my outside studio space at the end of the year, after having it for almost nine years. I know I will need some storage space for some of my art inventory, and clearing the holding zone would help. (I am also struggling a bit with this decision to give up my studio space, even though it feels like the right thing to do at this point in my career and life). Change is good, I know! And I want to simplify and streamline!

kellygirl

Veteran

A resounding yes! I’ve done some serious editing already but now I’m down to stuff that I really like which is harder to part with because these items made me feel fab at one time and I still love them but they aren’t currently loving me back! I’m keeping the majority of what’s left in a holding zone—wearing what fits and trying not to add anything until my weight stabilizes. I’ll evaluate in 6 months or so. Fortunately, California weather is pretty mild and much of what I have is two or three season appropriate. (I’m not sure this is something that Angie would agree with but this is the best I can do right now. I’ve got too much of an attachment to what’s left in my closet! It would cause me too much anguish to do a ruthless purge without knowing how my body could could change in the next 6-13 months or so.)

binkle

Veteran

I feel it. Beautiful things that I haven't worn (or, have NEVER worn) for years. And so much self-flagellation for gaining weight, for buying things that didn't fit because "some day."

And in a somewhat bitter twist of fate, some things that do fit now (after weight loss due to illness)- only I don't know if I'll ever be going back to work.

Through time, ageing, laziness, conscious effort, and illness, my weight has gone up (and down). Some things are out of my control, some were totally in my control. I have a hard time breaking habits of shopping and wishful thinking.

Inspired by Angie's challenge, I've also going through my closets (and backs of doors and plastic bins). I just sent a dozen things to ThredUp to try it out. And, about 18 items will be going to Dress for Success. I hope they will help some striving women.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My dear, Janet. YOU HAVE NEVER LOOKED BETTER than you do this year. How many times have I mentioned that in your posts, you gorgeous creature

You have a large and beautiful wardrobe that works perfectly for you. How blessed and lucky are you! I vote pass on the stuff that no longer fits. Dodge the holding zone and get it out of your life. I echo Lisa P and Joy 100%.

Life is too short to be taunted by clothes that make you feel bad and boss you around. Bag it up and drive it to DFS asap. Out of your life and out of your mind.

ONWARD.

Sal

Veteran

I think many of us can identify with this feeling. But I echo what everyone has said - weight comes on, it goes off, but it does blinkin move around as well. I cannot see it in your WIW at all.

I do keep occasionwear that does not fit - I am keeping these for future partners or grandchildren that may or may not happen. My Grandmothers had gorgeous dressups that I loved.

ChrisM

Veteran

Double and triple ditto!!!

Completely empathize with you, I am in a similar boat. But Janet I remember that picture of you in the blue dress for the wedding in London and you looked so completely fabulous!! Same with Lisa in the black and white sack dress - I hold these images as inspiration.

Get rid of the too small. Joy is right. Life is too short to be bossed around by clothes that don’t fit (Angie is right again!)

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Haha, Sal, I keep occasion wear that no longer fits too, and sometimes for sentimental reasons, but more because I like it than for any possible opportunity to pass it along to someone in my family.

After all, I still own the dress I wore to one of the Clinton inaugural balls in 1993 (I can zip it up, but it ain’t pretty LOL). Is that kind of silly? But then again, I am glad I hung onto the gown I wore to one of the Obama inaugural balls in 2009 because I got another chance to wear it last year. Gotta admit, I don’t think the one from the 90s will be my style again, so I really should let it go.

MsMaven

Veteran

I thought I was long through all the menopausal weight changes, and guess what? Comes the new issue of age shrinkage, although the weight stays the same but stuff moves around. New insults! After hanging on to 80s and 90s fancy outfits for black tie events I no longer attend, I finally donated many wonderful items.

My advice is to let it go, let it all go. Should you lose weight, your body will have changed and you will have new challenges. It's hard, I know, but take lots of photos and make sure you save photos of you in your wonderful things.

I know how hard it is, but if there are a few special items, keep them in a box or somewhere outside your daily closet. I did that and eventually let them go. With regrets.

catherine

Veteran

Janet, I totally get what you’re saying. I’m almost 63 and have recently decided that keeping clothes that don’t look good on my present body is very self-defeating. It’s difficult, though. I think you look really, really good.

Anonymous

I find that even more than my figure, what I want to see in the mirror, and the persona I want to project, is evolving faster than when I was younger. I barely want to wear things from a year ago, much less several, and fit isn't even an issue. It sounds almost as though your negative relationship with these items is longer and more powerful than the positive!

I think it's good to focus on what you're going towards rather than what you're giving up. Send them on their way to people who'll be thrilled to wear them tomorrow.

Christina F.

Veteran

I totally get this. For me, it’s the items that technically fit in that they will go on and zip, but are too tight, or tops that are too tight on the bottom on my curvy, short waisted frame. These items aren’t comfortable or aren’t flattering enough to wear regularly, mostly due to belly bloat. I’ve popped most of them in holding, but I should really get rid of them for the same reasons the wise folks above mention. Thank you for bringing this aspect of things up.

For the record, YLF now as you are!

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I let go of larger sizes when I lose weight but keep smaller size clothes in an area I don’t see unless I search for them.

Sentimental clothing is in it’s own spot, except for a few items hanging on the outside of my closet door. Those items make me smile.

As fit is a challenge, when I lose weight it is so much less stressful to have some clothing ready. And it is like I get to see my old friends again.

I do have some items I find challenging to let go of. But they aren’t in my bedroom.

Janet, decide what works best for you. Good luck.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I share the issue of having “feelings” about items that no longer work. For me, it’s not incorrectly sized items but rather old blazers and office wear. Some nice things, but I don’t work in an office anymore (um, for 3 years now...) and have no desire to return to that type of work. YET: I know it was a huge disappointment for my mother when I left corporate life to strike out on my own. I feel guilty when I look at those clothes, like I let her down by not becoming who she wanted me to be.

Nonetheless I am happier with my indie jeans-life. I’ve been thinking, perhaps I will wear some of the suit pieces to her upcoming memorial, as they are black and navy, and then be done with them.

I must echo everyone else and say your style and “look” is an inspiration! Whatever you’re doing is just right.

Anonymous

YES! Thank you for posting this. I don't have time to read all the comments, but I suspect they will be enlightening.

As always, the advice is helpful. I am further motivated and will attack the next phase of my wardrobe edit this evening after work.

Mainelady

Veteran

You are not failing. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I can identify with everything you have written. I have hung onto clothing, because if I drop a few stubborn pounds I will be able to wear them again. Well, as I get older, those stubborn pounds are harder to lose and easier to put back on. As you said, despite weight changes, either up, or down, my body is not the same shape it once was. I used to be a rectangle. Now I have curves. What is up with that?
I began my closet edit yesterday and was very critical of fit. Just because I could zip things up, didn’t mean they looked good or fit well. I have a large wardrobe, so I can let things go and still have options. Wishing you luck with your closet edit.

lyn67

Veteran

I feel the same...ALL THE TIME...and have many bags full of beautiful clothes in my holdig zone...:-((

Anonymous

I'm so glad I am not the only one that agonizes over this. It is hard to describe all the emotions involved in editing a wardrobe.

Here is a question I am asking myself: If my weight changes, will I want to wear these things again or will I want to buy something new and exciting to express who I am at that time? If history has any bearing on this issue, I will always want something new to mark progress and change in my life.

Bijou

Veteran

Say goodbye, something not fitting for over 6 months should be out of your wardrobe forever.

Yes, you are not alone with these feelings, and for me, weight gain holding is the worst as it makes me regret that I put weight on in the first place. When I find items like that that I put them in a holding zone for a maximum period of 2 months. I have to be that strict in terms of timetable, as it helps me to get serious about my desire to not eat treats and increase exercising and after 2 months if it still does not fit, I donate.

It is not a good feeling having beautiful clothing that just does not fit properly and even worse having to see it and let it make you feel bad.

My Mum was just the same as yours and so I can see her tendencies emerging in me.

Murph11

Veteran

Janet, I guarantee you’ll feel so much better after purging the items that don’t work. Reading all the advice here, I’m letting go of 3 pair of almost-my-size pants that made my recent closet edit. When I saw them hanging there yesterday morning, they made me feel bad— who needs that?

Anonymous

I have a black and white sack dress? lol

ClaraT

Veteran

What helps me mentally with donating still-lively items is donating to an organization that does good work—eg Bloom Marin (nearish me) has a boutique where the proceeds help the community, and the staff use donated clothing to help outfit women who need help with interview/work clothing.
It makes me feel happy to know that my mistakes (fit or size) help someone else.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

You have a cracking figure now Janet from what I have seen on the site,l wouldn’t waste time thinking about what you were like years ago,us ladies are always unnecessarily hard on ourselves when it comes to body image.
Let the old clothes go and enjoy your current wardrobe.

Colette

Veteran

Popping in to commiserate. I have always struggled with my weight but I have no great advice to offer because I've buried my head in the sand for too long. I store the clothes that don't fit (my body or lifestyle) out of sight in my basement and forget about them until I'm down there and I get a peek of all the boxes. It plays havoc on my emotions. I definitely do not suggest this!

I'm in the midst of a massive edit and what I hope to achieve is more of a live in the moment and look to the future approach to dressing. These clothes are weighing me down physically and emotionallyl. THEY MUST GO!

Kate

Veteran

The older I've gotten, the easier it has become to get rid of stuff. I like having less stuff in my life. It makes me feel physically lighter. I'm also less sentimental about clothing, certainly my own, although I do have sentimental attachments to some of my mother's clothing that she no longer wears but I find hard to get rid of.

I refuse to hang onto to stuff that makes me feel bad for whatever reason. I'm itching to get into my closet and prune a few things. Just mentally added another—Madewell Camden sweater coat, you are off to find a new home!

Runcarla

Veteran

I'm in a 'mood' and Angie's challenge came at the perfect time. One of the items I just dispatched was a dress I've had since I was 16 that I would try on once or twice a year as a 'test' and a reminder to mind my size. To further complicate the psychology it was a dress given to me by my mother, from her closet. (Theme for a short story?) Anyway, during this year, and this purge in particular, my aim has become to rid my closet of anything that makes me feel bad - for whatever reason.

You have the physical space to store a large wardrobe, so you shouldn't feel compelled to jettison items with a high happiness factor. However, if there is the least pang of regret or other negativity - bundle it along.

FWIW - that navy dress you wore to the wedding recently might be the litmus test for that category. If anything in your occaisionwear category makes you feel as good or better - it would be a keeper - otherwise it might be time to let it go?

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