Changing priorities - YouLookFab Forum

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Body Type

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Changing priorities

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Growing up in the thinnest state in the Union (Colorado), along with spending 10 years in orthorexic Los Angeles has always made me want a better than average body--something I could perhaps strut across a stage at an awards ceremony, for example (if it came up!)

I will always have that goal in the back of my mind, but I am coming to accept that maybe that goal needs to stay in the back of my mind until further notice. I will always admire the bodies in music videos the way other people admire the work it took to make an ice sculpture--it is a joy for me less than a compulsion.

That being said, I am looking at my body as is. Today it is not very bloated, and also I exercised recently, so I will have trouble showing you everything that I mean. I am strong and healthy, but still have a few pounds and a few flaws I don't want.

The flaws include:
saddlebags and hip dips
A stomach that sticks out (it is more noticeable in person)
large upper arms

I am interested in learning to dress a bit better to hide these flaws. Any season, warm or cool is fine. More veering towards casual.

I know that I could spend 20 minutes looking up this advice online, but thought it might be good to ask here.

P.S. I love the "think piece" on tunics from McSweeney's that Janet just shared. I am guessing that would be an appropriate clothing choice here.

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Body Type

15 replies

Latest reply was from Sal

JAileen

Veteran

I think you’re too hard on yourself. You look pretty darn good. Would I like to look this good? Yes, of course! Also, Hollywood types aren’t even real. Re your hips and thighs, have you worn wide leg pants?

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I feel uncomfortable about assessing someone else’s body on the forum Carol. We have been asked to do it before when some new Fabbers have asked us to assess their Kibbe types, but this is not a Kibbe forum so someone explains that to those Fabbers.
I know you haven’t actually asked us to assess your body but telling us your perceived flaws is not too far away from that?
I think I have learned to dress in a somewhat more flattering way through soaking up general wisdom here…
I’m not happy giving any specific advice. It feels too personal to me.
This could be just me…

Sal

Veteran

I think you look great Carol and I am not going to comment on any flaws.

I think that working out what is most important to you is helpful. For me, trying to not have clutter at my neckline is important as I feel it is unflattering. I like to wear my hair in a messy bob and if I wear a scarf or cowl neck I feel stumpy. For you it may be something else.

Lisa

Veteran

I personally don't think any body has actual "flaws," every body is beautiful and unique in it own way.

For any body shape the big decision to make is what you want to draw attention to and what you want to draw attention away from. For example, skinny jeans and a short top will show off an entire leg, while skinny jeans and a tunic will draw attention to a torso and the lower leg/calf area. A V-neck will draw attention to a necklace and collarbones, while a crewneck will draw attention to the face more.

I wear all styles and silhouettes, it's fun to experiment and draw attention to or away from various body parts based on my mood for that day.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

We all have things we perceive as flaws, that do not necessarily appear like flaws to anyone else. I think the most important thing about how you dress is making yourself feel confident and comfortable in your skin. Most body shape oriented advice is about making you conform to a certain norm, and that norm is not everyone's goal. The advantage of systems like Kibbe my favorite classic book The Triumph of Personal Style is that the talk about dressing to enhance your unique self.
On a practical level, I like to take photos of my outfits (not necessarily to post) and take note of which ones make me feel and look how I like.

Irina

Veteran

I agree with Jaime, we all have parts of ourselves that we don’t particularly enjoy. But learning to dress better is not about hiding them. Find your style, your own voice and make yourself happy. This is the place where you can do it with Angie’s kind help.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My dear Carol, you look great! I agree with JAileen.

Like Lisa, I don't think our bodies are flawed.

Sal's point about exercise is a good one too. There is nothing quite like the endorphins created by activity to make you feel good about your body.

First, you might find this style nugget helpful:

https://youlookfab.com/2023/06.....onfidence/

Like Jaime and Irina mentioned, there are parts of our body we are less fond of. That's natural and you are not alone! Practicing body neutrality is the best way to deal with this, in my experience.

Second, the body is a shape made up of straighter lines and curvier lines. In some instances, we want to add curve to the straight. In other instances, we want to straighten the curve in order to adhere to our personal figure flattering priorities.

To this point, for example, if you want to visually straighten the curve on the top part of your thighs in clothing, you need to wear a silhouette that glides over or away from the curve - (not encase it tightly with fabric) - which means wearing loose fabric around the thigh area. Like wider pants, pants that are roomy on the thigh area and taper back at the hem, A-line dresses, A-line tunics, and flared skirts.

Happy to help you find silhouettes and outfit proportions that make you feel great in your fabulous strong and healthy body!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Angie says it best!

You look great. Re Angie's specific advice, for an example, all you need to do is look to your House of Slytherin post, which shows you in an outfit that does the glide over curves thing and flatters you in multiple ways. (The colour is also great on you.)

Over the years, Angie has written posts geared towards those who aim for conventional figure flattery, and posts for people who would rather throw conventional standards to the winds. I think today we are lucky because while beauty standards never disappear and always constrain or at minimum influence us one way or another, overall, people seem much more open to different kinds of beauty, and it has become somewhat easier to find clothing that fits different body types.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I couldn’t agree more with Angie and Suz. We are our own harshest critics, and I have been working on body neutrality — I’m turning 60 next year and do not want to enter my third act of life obsessed with the size of my thighs, LOL. Time to let go of these old tapes!

I do lean into my preferences to “straighten the curves” in some ways, as Angie puts it. I love full-length wide-legged pants for this reason, as long as there is a neat fit in the waist and high hip. And I don’t generally go for very fitted tops or dresses anymore, but styles that gently follow the lines of my body can make me feel better about what I see in the mirror.

I think it helps to identify what styles, outfits, and combinations make you feel your best and increase your confidence, and go from there! Much more productive than hyper fixating on perceived flaws, which are really just variations on how brilliantly diverse the human body is.

RobinF

Veteran

We tend to be way harder on ourselves than others are. I agree with the advice above, it is about wearing what makes you feel good in your body, rather than hiding it.

MsMaven

Veteran

Carol, to me you look muscular and strong. You don't look overweight! Here I am, trying to build muscles to get me through the aging process, and it's hard for me. I feel envy looking at your upper arms and shoulders. No matter what I do with weights and resistance bands, I have scrawny arms and bony shoulders.

I wish I could give you some good advice about body acceptance--advice I didn't have as a teenager and young woman. In our very visual world we are often shown "ideal" bodies possessed only by a few women. I spent too much time as a teenager worrying about my skinny body and lack of curves. Then in my 20s and 30s the Twiggy look and other skinny models appeared all over, but that didn't help me feel better about myself.

So, take advantage of the friendly helpful people on this forum. Take Angie's advice on what should work and then take selfies for the members here to analyze and offer suggestions. Show us the outfits that you love and make you feel good, and we'll help you figure out why they work for you.

Oh, and when I was a tall, skinny 8th grader, I had saddle bags! Or so I thought. My Mom got me a girdle and sent me to a modeling class at the YWCA. I laugh now, but I was intensely aware of my "deviation."

Carol

(website)

Veteran

JAileen--thank you! And yes, Hollywood types have much money to apply to their bodies. Wide leg pants is a good idea. I have worn them, but never considered them a staple.
JenniNZ--okay--that's okay, thanks.
Sal--that is a good point, but I feel like that is an instinct that not everyone has--the instinct to do or not do certain things to improve appearance. Like I will still see photos of myself, and say, "ooh, I shouldn't have worn that." I do feel overall pretty good about my appearance, but I don't feel I always have the instinct for what to wear and not to wear.
Lisa--that does seem true about highlighting features. I guess I am looking for "big ideas" that are easy to apply, because I just don't have that instinct for daily dressing.
Jaime--hmmm, I will have to check out that book. I am sure you are right about everyone having a different idea of what looks good. But I also think there are things which are pretty universal. Like I don't like when my legs look short!!

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Irina--I know we all have different parts of ourselves we don't enjoy, but I do believe hiding them is one of the key ideas in fashion. Like finding pants and skirts that glide over saddlebags, for instance. There is certainly something to be said for wearing whatever you want, but most fashionable people I know make choices in the direction of flattery.
Angie--thanks for that blog post link. I love the concept of body neutrality--I had never thought of that, but it is actually a powerful concept. And thank you for the concrete advice about curves and lines. Perhaps one day I will get a consult with you, or something...don't really know how that works for out-of-state clients.
Suz--oh, wow, I can't believe you remember my House of Slytherin post! Thank you so much. And then this idea of bucking convention--so great, but needs to be done well.
Janet--I like that idea--start with what you know looks good on you, and go from there. I also like your statement about the "brilliant diversity" of the human body.
RobinF--thanks! I will think on that.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Ms. Maven--If you want muscles, get a retail job! My friend at work is 61, and she has to lug heavy boxes around with all the rest of us. She looks pretty good. We have a man who is 70 who looks like he could lift a car.
I don't think I have a problem with body acceptance--I have always eaten well and not overexercised, etc. And I am at a healthy weight. I am really more in the vein of "what other tools can I use to look better?"

Great idea about specific outfit photos--thank you.

Sal

Veteran

A couple of strategies I use to make myself look taller/longer vertical line:

1) Column of colour or low contrast between the top and bottom. Can work well with a topper in a different colour. This is elongating.

2) Making sure my top or any horizontal lines are not at my widest point. For me mid calf can be unflattering, or at my widest point on my hip. It is experimentation to a certain degree as to what you like.

3) Short sleeve length - I prefer a sleeve to be longer or shorter than my bust. A boxy tee with a sleeve ending at my bust is not good on me. I prefer a boxy tank top or a boxy shirt with sleeves rolled up.

I don't always use these but it is good to know them as a baseline.