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challenges of updating a wardrobe

qfbrenda

Veteran

My closet has really needed an update lately since fluid fits became popular, yet with money being tight I couldn't justify spending much. So I decided to try out thredup. com and ordered several things to try. My order came and I liked a small number of what I ordered.... which really isn't the challenging part.

It's the husband! We've been married for 19 years and I love him dearly. But he's picky about what he likes me wearing and "fluid fit" is not part of his vocabulary. The very things I liked from my order were the things he didn't like much at all. One particular top, a fluid peasant top with elastic waistband, he really doesn't like. But it isn't returnable so we're compromising--I'll style it a few different ways and if he still hates it I'll pass it along.

I'm betting he's not the only significant other out there who is not loving the looser fit popular of late... right? Anybody else struggling with convincing others that a looser fit looks more current?

Dressing

21 replies

Latest reply was from Elly

Meow

Veteran

I actually had to wrap my head around this looser fit thing. After wearing it one time though I was converted! ha ha. Luckily my DH doesn't care much about clothes so I don't have much advice there.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

My boyfriend admires a stylish, on-trend outfit, but he LOVES me in more fitted clothing. I just think it's the way the male brain is wired.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

My DH is the reverse. Seriously. He far prefers a fluid fit and used to blanch at the sight of skinny jeans (on anyone, not just me). He did finally learn to tolerate skinnies and he likes a few of my more body con sheath dresses, but he equally likes fluid or even boxy tops and pullovers and he absolutely loves BF jeans.

What he doesn't like too much -- so far -- is oversized. Especially if it is a cardigan. For instance, he is not a fan of the new J. Crew doubleknit cardigan on me. At all. However, I've already worn it about 8 times in just a few weeks, so I guess he's going to have to deal with it.

Double-knit merino wool long cardigan

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Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Brenda, have you tried fluid fits as opposed to oversized cuts? And remember that tailored pieces are always in style, and that adding structure to an outfit can make the world of difference.

Can't say Greg has had a problem with fluid and oversized fits at all. In fact - like me - he is allergic to clothing that looks overly tight on any one. He's a non-conventional male who is actually not into body con, skirts or dresses really. Occasionally he'll prefer those pieces over jeans, trousers, shirts and turtlenecks.

I don't wear hectically oversized pieces because my slight frame and narrow shoulder line cannot carry the silhouette. Most of my fits are fluid or gently oversized, but there is structure in my outfits - which is key. Greg loves that element of structure despite a surrendered waistline.

I will say though, that Greg likes to see me wear roomy BF jeans AND tight straight legs, as well as my flares. He likes to see the change - and so do I. He was a fan of BF jeans right from the start. Bless my sweetie. xo

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Suz, our hubbies can high five each other.

qfbrenda

Veteran

Angie, the tops I tried are definitely fluid, not oversized. Hubby prefers something like a tailored button-down with darts front and back to make me look more curvy, or a tailored sheath dress, or a knit that shows my shape. I wear those too but was hoping to add a bit of variety to my closet. And with my hair so gray now I really want to try to keep my clothing looking current. It's a good thing that tailored pieces are always in style or I would be out of luck!

Anonymous

That's an interesting topic, and you'll definitely get different responses from women no matter where you post a question like this. I wear what I think is best for me, with what is current and flattering in mind. I'm not terribly concerned with what my DH thinks - which is not to say I wear what I want to spite him, but I would not let his own preferences dictate what I wear. (The same way I try not to comment on what he wears either ) . He also, thankfully, is not particularly vocal about it either - he knows better

bj1111

Veteran

i am snorting at this...my husband does prefer a fitted fit but not a painted-on fit. we have a saying at our house, if we can read your lips, your pants are too tight.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

My expensive Allsaints purple cocoon coat that I bought at SSIF...I wore it once and DH said, "I'm sorry, that coat is way too big on you. It's not flattering at all." Ugh, it's really taken the wind out of my sails and making me question whether it really does make me look huge....but it's not returnable...sigh.

Style Fan

Veteran

I loved BF jeans right from the beginning -- maybe 5 years ago. It was DH who pointed them out to me. I still have them. They are baggy and distressed. All my pieces for my lower half tend to be oversized or fluid. No problem for the DH. He has actually directed my attention to some of my favourite oversized pants. I own one pair of skinnies and I rarely wear them.

Now DH would love it if I wore skin tight tops to "show off" my torso. I refuse. I look for tops that are not oversized but not body con. I can not wear button ups. If I wear an oversized top with BF jeans I look like a blob. I am waiting patiently for the return of the waist in the world of fashion.

A look that I love and DH loves (by the way DH has a very good eye and is artistic or I wouldn't care so much) is a tailor fit top and baggy bottom. That is what I have settled on.

Lynne

Veteran

Brenda, this is such an interesting topic, and I'm sure there will be lots of interesting perspectives! FWIW, I do actually think of DH (in heaven now) and the kids when I buy clothes, because they're people who are special to me. The kids and I spend a lot of time together - they see me more than anyone. I'm not saying that we should dress for others, or that I would not wear something I was crazy about if they didn't like it, but I do find I compromise for these special people in my life. For instance, DS1 really likes my hair longer - he has quite a strong preference on this, and it did influence my choice to grow it longer again, for now at least.

The children, for whatever reason, also strongly dislike reptile prints. I like them, but I haven't bought any because there are lots of other things that I like that they also like. Of course I don't expect anyone to agree, or understand my choice, but am just putting it out there that I do care about what my loved ones like or dislike on me and take it into account, and given that there are so many choices available, it gives me a certain amount of pleasure to know that they enjoy seeing me wearing things that appeal to them, too.

I'm looking forward to hearing others perspectives on this!

Alassë

Veteran

qfbrenda, I bought the exact same style top, got a compliment from YLF, and received a strong thumbs-down from DH. Since I liked but didn't love the top , I chose to return it. Now, I haven't given up my love for autumn colours and belts, but if the item in question is not a core part of my style (just branching out), I'll adjust to DH.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

It is so confounding when our SO's see something that we don't, or vice versa, which casts and outfit or a garment in a less-than-positive light. My husband has a great eye and an open mind, but from time to time he'll make it known that he doesn't love a particular item. Usually, if I style it a certain way, he comes around, but sometimes I just let it go. Or I wear it while he's away.

He doesn't seem to mind fluid fits at all. In fact, he's complimented me a bunch of times on outfits with BF-ish jeans or fluid tops. He and I both are highly frump-adverse, so the moment something edges towards frumpytown, I usually catch it before he does. He does sometimes give a thumbs-down on something if it feels too corporate -- after spending so much time in the corporate world, his eye is pretty sensitive to that, and I welcome the input.

Likewise, I encourage him towards looks that I think look best on him and portray his personality and where he currently is in his life. It's not always easy now that he spends most of his time in ultra-casual cattle-wrangling clothes!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Brenda, I guess it all boils down to how YOU want to feel in your outfits.

unfrumped

Veteran

So many factors, to factor! It's hard enough to find items and please ourselves and update! Hopefully there will be some common ground and "alternative" outfits.

N-Marie

Veteran

I feel your pain. My husband prefers fitted styles for me, and I had to sample quite a few "fluid" styles before finding some that he liked. Sometimes it can help if you ask for what exactly he doesn't like about an item ("would it be better if it went in here? or draped like this?") . There are different kinds of fluid fit (drapey, boxy, billowy, oversized, flowy, etc) and you may find one that you both like for your body shape.
For my husband, he wants to see some waist definition (front and profile). So items I buy need to drape back towards the body after going over the bust. Longer tops that can be tucked with a low rise or wrap-style tops are best for me.

Isabel

Veteran

Dear Brenda, I LOVE the conclusion that Angie came to. In the end, it is how comfortable you feel about it.

My husband is the type of guy who won't necessarily comment on something that I am wearing that he hates but he will give hints. " Do you remember the time that you wore maxi dresses ? I really like it. " I can remember a few times that he really didn't like something and said so. I happened to really like one of the items and said to him, " I know that you don't like it but constantly bringing it up really takes my enjoyment out of wearing it. So please don't mention it again. " He agreed.

Why don't you post it ?

Aziraphale

Veteran

I can't commiserate, because my husband pretty fashion-forward, and on top of that he is the opposite of your husband -- i.e. not a fan of things he thinks are too 'conservative', like tailored shirts or tucked-in tops. (In fact he loathes tucked-in tops, which works out well for me because the tucked look doesn't suit me anyway!).

However, my father-in-law, a very well-put-together, dapper man, IS very conservative, and he has spent forty years trying (and failing) to convince my mother-in-law to wear tailored clothing. She has a great sense of style and has been wearing fluid fits her whole life. For her, it's as much about comfort as anything. She can't stand the feel of anything 'binding' (as she puts it). He can't argue that she doesn't look fabulous; people frequently comment on her clothes or hair or glasses, or just simply how chic she looks. And he does admit that she has style. So they just agree to disagree about how clothing should fit. After all, she doesn't expect him to give up his tailored sports jackets and pleated pants.

My point is, dress how you want to dress. Your husband may come around to the fluid fit thing (I know I've read comments on this forum about men hating loose boyfriend jeans at first, then gradually changing their minds!). If he doesn't, well, can he compromise? You might wear tailored if you're out with him, but not when you're out with your girlfriends, for example.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Re fluid fits, specifically: they've only been trending in 'regular people' stores for less than 6 months, IIRC. The typical guy that isn't too into fashion isn't necessarily going to adjust his eye to drapier proportions that quickly, especially considering how slowly things trickle out of stores and onto the streets for regular folks to wear. It might just take time to adjust.

I'm aware of what my DH likes and doesn't like, and at times (date night) I play into it. But he's not the ultimate arbiter of what I choose to wear. I don't have kids, but I do remember as a teenager having irrationally strong opinions about what my parents wore. I don't recall either of them changing much as a result, although my mom values my fashion advice nowadays.

qfbrenda

Veteran

Thanks for all the comments! I'm loving the input and discussion.

Isabel, what do you mean, "post it"? Do you mean post a pic of the top?

Elly

Veteran

My SO is pretty easy. He has a very clear sense of what my style is and what flatters my body.

So far he has been ok with experimental fit. I often ask him for advice on sizing because he can usually tell me if something fits like it should (my green Unliquo sweatshirt, for example). He likes the straight legs on me, including the slouchy pair. He likes my BF shorts, so I can see him being ok with a pair of cropped BF jeans for the spring. He did tell me the pair I tried this fall was not right on me, and I agreed. That said, he is a "riveting rear-sider", for SURE.

He will often tell me that something I am experimenting with is "very Elly". Occasionally he doesn't feel like something is me. I reserve the right to like it and wear it and it usually grows on him --- pieces that are a bit outside of his comfort zone usually win him over in the styling. A top seems "girly" until I pair it with jeans, a belt, and boots. He is also pretty good at "color" -- when he sees me in a color he likes he will let me know.

He very rarely gets to see me all dolled up, which I think is a first for him in relationships. I know he'd love to see it more, but his work schedule means he never accompanies me to gallery events and he doesn't care for going out much.