Challenge- what would you wear to a funeral... tomorrow? - YouLookFab Forum

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Challenge- what would you wear to a funeral... tomorrow?

Queen Mum

Veteran

Banananutmuffin's quest to find a funeral appropriate dress reminded me of when my MIL passed away a few years ago. I owned 2 dresses at the time... a sheath with large flowers (you've seen it) and a black party dress. I had 4 days to book airline flights, communicate regarding any engagements I needed to break, and outfit myself and 4 teenage boys. Hubby was the only one in the family who had an appropriate outfit.

I ended up at LOFT where the SA helped me find a simple and appropriate black sheath dress. It was important to me to look nice, not only to show respect to the occasion, but we were travelling back to my husbands home town where we would be seeing family as well as many of his old childhood friends.

That sheath has seen it's better days so a while back I tucked into the back of my mind to be on the lookout for a new simple, sophisticated and conservative black dress to have on hand the next time I was in need of such.

I thought it would be a good exercise for us all to do a "funeral dress rehearsal" and post your outfits in this thread. It would also be a good thread to refer people to when they want to see some ideas of a variety of funeral appropriate wear.

I don't have time to post a pic right now, but I'll add mine later.

Over to you... what do you have in your closet that you could wear and feel appropriate as well as (dare I say fab) at a funeral?

Dressing

32 replies

Latest reply was from MsMaven

Vildy

Veteran

While I don't want to look fab at the funeral, I do have many options, depending on weather and degree of formality - though am unlikely to attend state funeral.

Tomorrow, I would probably wear a silky indigo shirtwaist with dolman sleeves and a full skirt. Probably brown retro style heels that are not maryjanes but have a velcro strap that goes through to bring two middle pieces together. Brown handbag. I don't think I would even wear any jewelry.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Part of mine is in my CA closet, but it'd be my new black pencil skirt below with black wrap sweater. If I HAD to go from here on the spur of the moment I could wear this (Pic) with a black trench over it and dark hose with tall boots.

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Vildy

Veteran

The shoes I'm trying to describe look kind of 20's - 30's. The brown handbag I mean
is dressier than any kind of leather hobo or similar.

ironkurtin

Veteran

My default for dressier/flexible but comfortable is Eileen Fisher. I have a black wrap dress that can work for most temperatures, plus a few black skirts, sweaters, and blazers. In earlier threads I mentioned that when my MIL died I suddenly realized I had nothing suitable for graver occasions, so I went out of my way to find things. I feel much more secure now knowing I have appropriate, flattering, and respectful clothing in my closet.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I have a ton of work-appropriate dark sheaths + navy blazer + dark leggings + black pumps.

I have only been to one mass funeral (for our med school cadavers); and hopefully won't have to anytime soon! (touch wood)

I think it's easier for people with closets that tend towards black/grey/navy. And men's suits are mostly in those colours. Lucky guys.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Excellent challenge Kim.

I have very simple but perfectly tailored long jacket (knee length) or is it overcoat, that will add formal touch to anything I am wearing underneath as well as be good additional layer for colder months.

So, my options are:
- LBD dressed down with or without the mentioned overcoat;
- dark top + black pencil skirt with short black blazer or the same overcoat.

kellygirl

Veteran

Interesting question, Kim. I have a couple black dresses and a skirt and jacket I could wear. Not sure that any are fab but I think they would all be appropriate--maybe I would add hosiery though.

ETA: oh, and different shoes. I didn't notice I had sandals on until I posted the pics from my archives.

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Sparky

Veteran

I would wear what I wore to a memorial service earlier this summer:

~ black Halogen pencil skirt
~ Kenneth Cole sleeveless black blouse with (small) cream dots
~ black AT blazer with bracelet length sleeves
~ various shoe options depending on weather, either black pumps, nude sandals, or black boots.
~ Black trench coat if needed

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Off the top of my head I could come up with 4 or 5 different outfits. Yikes! guess my style tends towards the dressy and the severe...(-:

Kari

Veteran

Confession - I've never been to a real "funeral" held at a church or funeral home immediately after the death of a loved one. I've been to a few memorial services that are usually held a few weeks out (or in my grandma's case, a few months after) the person who is being honored had passed away, so I've never had a true last-minute need to pull an outfit together.

What I've worn:
To a recent memorial service for a family friend - gray sheath dress, classic charcoal gray cardigan, and I think I wore medium gray patent pumps with a pearl necklace.
To my grandma's memorial service, which was held in the spring and was more of a life-celebration occasion (a little more festive): dove gray A-line sheath dress, red pumps, red patterned scarf, silver earrings. (We had a gallery with my grandma's art displayed, friends speaking in her honor, poetry readings, and my sister, dad, and I arranged a trio to play on flutes and guitar.)

What I'd probably wear if I had to go to a formal funeral tomorrow - black pencil skirt, black semi-sheer hose with a very small-scale pattern, black blazer worn open, a black wide stretchy belt, black Mary Janes, and either a black mesh blouse with tiny polka dots or a blackberry-purple silk blouse.

Nakidra

Veteran

I also have tons to wear because of my dark suits and dresses. It's interesting because when my grandmother passed away last year, my hubby and I knew what we would wear, but we didn't know what to dress our kids in. We decided to dress them in just normal dressy outfits. My daughter who was 1.5 at the time wore a pink dress and it was totally appropriate. It's cultural ... my adult cousins wore white as a sign of respect.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

kellygirl, I like option #2 for a funeral, perhaps with closed-toe pumps. The other two are absolutely FAB dresses, but I feel are too "sexy-party-time" stylin' for a sombre occasion...? Just my two cents. You look GREAT in all, though! Loving' the gorgeous necklace too!!!

cjh

(website)

Veteran

I'm thinking of my closet, and I also think I have lots of choices because I have lots of black bottoms, plain blazers, simple tops as my basic pieces. I would probably pick a combination of my basics, and would likely choose a mix of ALL basics, meaning no feature pieces, no show-piece jewelry or colorful scarves, pattern mixing or color blocking adventures.

Either black pencil skirt with dark hose and shoes or slacks, depending on weather. If it's cold and/or we will go to the gravesite, probably slacks. Very common in our neck of the woods, and I have several pairs because it's one of my work standards all winter.

Dark or print modest blouse or top. Probably a dark teal blouse with pleated ruffle trim if wearing slacks, or a cream or red ribbed turtleneck sweater if it's cold. If wearing a skirt, a green print knit top, a cream knit top or possibly a taupe one.

If it was warm and I could wear a skirt, I wouldn't feel out of place with bare legs and basic sandals.

Dark sweater (black light weight cardigan or boiled wool cardigan with assymetrical collar) or any warm blazer - some of my choices are a rich black tailored corduroy (not fadey looking), or raspberry wool, or teal/gray/black tweed wool, or black and white nubbly tweed soft jacket. I think the tone of dress seems more important around my area here rather than the actual colors. For instance, a colored blazer would work fine if it's conservative, business-y and weather appropriate.

Black wool coat or trench. Possibly boots if really cold and wet, but I don't have fashion boots, just snow boots, so probably black mary jane heels.

ETA two slacks outfits that I would feel appropriate for a funeral here, except I would possibly change to skirt and tights, or even dressier if it were a close family member.

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cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Sadly I know the answer to this question. My sister's husband passed away suddenly about two years ago (he was 47 at the time). I had just purchased a simple black skirt suit and wore that to the funeral. I also have a black wool crepe knee length dress with a small velvet ribbon detail below the bust. When I had it altered, the seamstress commented that it would be perfect if I ever needed a dress for a funeral on short notice.

kellygirl

Veteran

@Helen: Thanks for the feedback. I haven't been to a funeral in quite awhile so it's good to know. I would rather error on the conservative side. What a helpful exercise--hope I won't be needing to put the theory into practice any time soon!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

In hindsight, I recall I wore heeled sandals to a funeral at Forest Lawn in LA when I very first moved to FL (2003) and they were all I had. It was raining and not the most appropriate. But, flying the 3000 miles to be there meant more than the shoes I wore.

Lisa

Veteran

I would wear the dress in #1 with black hose (sheer in warmer months, opaque in darker months). And swap out the tan cardigan for a black one, or a black blazer.

Or I would wear the second outfit again with a black blazer and belt instead and sheer hose regardless of the season. I would wear the all black outfit (#2) if it were a funeral for a family member of mine. I would wear the first outfit with the greys for a funeral for someone I know. I quirk of mine, to lighten up just a tiny bit depending on the situation.

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Anonymous

I learned the hard way to be prepared when I was stuck in small town Iowa with only a Walmart to find a complete funeral outfit for my mother's funeral. When it's a close family member and you need to make lots of calls and arrangements, there is no time to go shopping.
Now I've got two sleeeveless black sheath dresses, one of a heavier fabric than the other, plus an AT LBD with cowel neck and elbow sleeves. This summer I attended the funeral of a dear friend and wore the lighter weight sheath dress that hits just below my knees, black low-heeled pumps, grey pearls, and a light-weight black silk jacket.
Be sure to have shoes that will not sink into the ground if you need to attend a graveside service. I wore the same dress to the wake the night before, but with a different jacket and a black/grey/cream ombre scarf. If I can get pictures, I'll add them. I've also got a black lined trench coat for a winter funeral.
In the past one of my favorite funeral outfits was a skirt suit of a dark ink blue with a tiny pin stripe of baby blue paired with a dressy ivory silk shell, white pearls and ink low-heeled pumps.
Kelly, I've with Helen on picking option 2 for the same reasons. One doesn't want to stand out at a funeral. Plain and black or dark and covered up looks the most respectful for the family.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

@kellygirl, thank goodness you haven't! Actually, looking at your pics again, I think dress #1 could certainly work for a funeral too, WITHOUT the sexy boots! The boots definitely threw me off initially! The cowl neck, long sleeves, and knee-length are all appropriate for a occasion calling for conservatism - with a close-toe pump.

@cjh and Lisa, I think I'm being a stickler (or maybe it's just the norm where I live), but I've found that all black - or dark grey or navy - is best for funerals. I'm tending to see the bright green print and the lighter-coloured shawl cardi as too 'happy' for a funeral. But I do understand the need for wanting to inject a bit of levity into such a sad occasion...I guess it all depends on how you feel the grieving parties would interpret it. All in all, definitely more low-key colours and styles are risk-free.

MsMary

Veteran

Tomorrow? I'd wear this outfit - black sheath dress and Kate Spade jacket -- and change out the light shoes and bag for black.

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Isabel

Veteran

This thread gets to the heart of the matter, in general : is your closet in shape for anything ?

I have several things that I could wear from a lovely black cardigan, slacks, skirts and a dress. My most versatile would be a jersey wrap dress that is charcoal grey and black : so it would fit me at any time and it is long sleeves with roll tabs. Even in the middle of a heatwave, I would do ok. I have a black linen dress, black linen pants and a very lightweight cotton black shirt.

But I think that gray and navy would also be appropriate.

I have always been one of those people that needs to have some plain, black stuff in her closet. I also feel that way about navy.

MNsara

Veteran

I have so much black that I'm pretty sure I could dress for a funeral for any of our four seasons :-\

(There was this one summer that we attended three funerals on my husband's side in a three month span. That was a challenge to find funeral attire when you're with the same crowd every time!!)

Elly

Veteran

Two years ago this month I had two last-minute funerals I had to attend. I drove 9 hours straight to get to one and 15 hours to get to the other--- then turned around and had to be back to work/school--- so I slept and then drove the 15 hours back. Both were very close family members--- the kind that were close enough that I was asked to speak, but didn't know if I could keep it together.

I was extremely embarrassed--- I have been unlucky enough (or maybe lucky enough?) to attend funerals of a lot of loved ones in my life and often attend one or more service a year. It is hard since the majority of my family is elderly since I grew up very close to my grandparents and their brothers and sisters. Just prior to loosing two people in one month 2 years ago I had gone almost two years without a service I was able to attend. I pulled my "funeral clothes" out of the closet only to get all the way to my destination and realize that I couldn't button the blouse over my chest and that the slacks had a hole in the butt. I borrowed a cami and stitched the slacks up, but it was embarassing going to my grandfather's funeral in a blouse that didn't button with a sweatshirt over it because it was a cold day and I didn't have a proper jacket (didn't own one, let alone think to have brought it). Turns out the slacks had rotted of age and the seams gave in the crotch at the reception after the service when I went to pick up my cousin's little one. I actually fell down the stairs at that reception too, which didn't make it a better day.

I wish I had just worn my jeans.

I would love to say that I have learned my lesson and have a perfect funeral option waiting in my closet, but two years and YLF later I still have nothing appropriate.

I have told everyone I am close to that no one is allowed to die and that they better take care of themselves because I am not attending any more funerals or driving anyone to the hospital because they were doing something stupid--- if only that was the way it worked.

Moral of the story--- get it sorted!

JennyAnne

(website)

Veteran

I have a go-to funeral dress, since I'm the head of my church's bereavement committee (I coordinate a reception if the family desires it). Anyway, it's a knee-length, short-sleeved black doubleknit dress. If it's chilly out, I usually wear black flats with it, since I'm running around a lot.

If the funeral is for someone I know, and who I feel would want a little cheer at their ceremony, I throw on an interesting scarf. When I went to my Grandma's funeral a few years ago, I work a black skirt and top and crazy shoes, because she was a shoe-lover.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Sadly, I have plenty of practice with this, as I've gone to four services of one type or another this year alone. I would say I have several outfits that would be totally appropriate, but a couple of them involve my black or gray dress trousers, which no longer fit, so I'd need a quick alteration! I do have a couple of dresses that would fit the bill, with a jacket.

My one gap in funeral-appropriate attire right now is a simple pair of black pumps. I can't believe, with all the shoes I own, that's one style I currently lack.

Marley

Veteran

I think that I must be pretty unconventional/non-traditional when it comes to "funeral wear."

When I go to a funeral, I usually wear something that represents, or has something to do with the person who has died. For example, earlier this year a girlfriend of mine died and we (family and friends) all decided to wear clothes to the funeral in her favorite color - periwinkle or blue. We were all decked out in her favorite color and it really felt personal and special.

For one of my dearest girlfriends who passed away several years ago, I wore an outfit that she had helped me shop for on one of our many shopping excursions - a beautiful pink silk blouse and black pencil skirt with high black heels. I know that she was looking down on me with a big smile on her face - remembering the great time that we had had that day.

When my father passed away last year, I wore a DVF wrap dress in a pink, black and white print. My mom wore a beautiful teal silk blouse with a black skirt. My dad loved my mom's beautiful blue eyes and the teal blouse highlighted them - we both knew that he would have loved that!

If I was to go to a funeral of someone that I did not know very well, I would wear something black, gray or navy.

Deborah

Veteran

I have quite a few dresses suitable for a funeral, I would just accessorize them more demurely for a funeral. A couple of months ago my father in law passed way and I wore a black midi sheath dress with a black cotton button down underneath with the cuffs turned back and I wore big pearls in the neckline. Black hose and black pumps. Black is certainly not required but I do like it so it's any easy choice for me. Deep jewel tones can be good too I think.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

I hope this doesn't sound morose, but this is a really interesting thread. I have a couple of simple black dresses (one with longer sleeves, one with short) that I think would be suitable. I'd probably accessorise very simply with my simple gold necklace.

Interestingly, when my mum died I actually had only just had a baby and couldn't handle the thought of wearing black. I also had the issue that wearing a dress and breastfeeding was looking to be a nightmare as well. In the end I wore navy and white pin-stripe pant and a navy top with brooch. My mum and dad used to love travelling in Asia and as white is their colour of mourning I figured it was appropriate.

Surprisingly, I actually felt really good in this outfit, I know the style and the colours were very flattering, much more so than if I'd worn the same outfit in black. I I considered that looking my best would be the greatest show for how much my mum mattered, not whether I wore the official colour of mourning or not.

I also figured that with it being my mum and me being her daughter, I could darn well wear whatever I wanted on this occasion and no one else would be game to say anything! (Stubborn, just like my mum! ;-))

lyn67

Veteran

Very usefull topic, thanx QM.

I'll show my funeral appropiate outfits down here(but sorry, I don't think you'll see the details very well). I do have a black shift dress, but usually find that separates of dark colours (but never all black, as I'm blonde) work better for this.

-dark grey pencil skirt (always with hose)
-a black blouse or fine tee(short or long sleeved)
-black beads or a small silver pendant (chocker stlyeÖ
-thin black leather belt, with silvery buckle
-a short sleeve black jacket (in the summer) or a dark brown/black small checkerred streamlined jacket(in other seasons)
- with/without a grey (white and black checkerred) longer scarf(for softening the colours nearby my face and also for coverage if I consider that)

Tights and shoes:
- in summer are invisible grey/sheer(10DEN)with grey 1,5 inch heeled pumps (looking like ballett flats-and so comfy) but
-are darker and thicker(for ex. black 15/20DENsheers)in the colder seasons worn with dark antique brown Mary Janes
(shoes are never black, as my outfit has no plain black more than a tee/blose underneath the jacket)
-black patent sneakskin clutch bag
-black trench or coat as outerwear in the fall/winter (+black long boots if neede-no pictie, but you get the point)

This is kind of a good formula for me and it took me a while to work it out, but there is no brain anymore what to wear to a funeral.

Hope this will help others to find their own formula easier...

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