Busy and Irritated

Elly

I'm super grateful for the new job and the grad program. Unfortunately, with the government shutdown impacting the program things have been a mess and disorganized and now with 3 weeks to go I am getting all of these "surprises" from the program that weren't ever detailed for students . . . not what I expect for a grad program, especially since so many of the students are returning adults who work. I have had to call out of work tommorrow because my professor has made a late-night lecture mandatory with 3 days notice and I have to drive back to Colorado, which puts me in at 2 am or so, with work at 9 and a 45 minute commute. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I'm enjoying the new job, but having a bit of a problem with a handful of longtime volunteers potentially undermining my authority. Instead of discussing opinions about decisions that are supposed to be mine and my supervisors' while I am in town and joining in the discussion, they are discussing them with my supervisor after I leave.

I'm really really really irritated with my SO's work. They have a department policy that decides on schedules by seniority, and last week part of the way into a 3-month pre-scheduled block a supervisor changed EVERY LAST PERSON'S SCHEDULE with no explanation. My SO ended up with the complete opposite schedule of what he was supposed to be working and is now working 12 hour shifts on weekend graveyard. I only have Saturday and Sunday off, which means that if he stays up for 20+ hours, we might get enough time to have breakfast together on Sundays. He also has job duties that involve working with people who work the opposite schedule, which makes it impossible for him to get what he needs to do done.

We had been considering moving in together and becoming domestic partners (in our state you don't have to sign anything, but accepting domestic partner benefits changes your legal status). When I accepted this position, we talked about how it would mean that one of us would have to move because his current place is too far of a drive for my work. Now it seems like a ton of trouble because we might see each other 30 minutes in the morning, since with the new schedules he leaves for work before I get home. I've seen him less than 6 days since mid-august because of his crazy schedule and me working and not being available to drop everything.

He also now has to work both holidays, and we've had to cancel two sets of holiday plans. It hurts a little bit because he usually works holidays so other people he works with who have wives and kids can be home with them. We haven't had a single holiday since we have been together and this year he specially requested Thanksgiving so he could go home with me to get to know my family better because he would like to become my legal partner. It hurts a little because his request was denied, but the other two gentlemen on his shift were given it off even though my SO has seniority because they have "families"-- i.e. wives. Normally I am all for him working holidays, but it does smart a bit because usually his workplace is quite progressive as is our state and it feels as though he is not as important as other employees because we are not legally married.

12 years ago

Off Topic

11 replies

Latest reply was from Elly

LACeleste

Veteran

Just wanted to say I feel for you Elly. I don't like surprises and I understand how unsettling they can be. Starting a new job is rough. Sorry about the volunteers. Perhaps it could be old habits dying hard rather than a conscious attempt at undermining you? Maybe they are trying to protect their turf? You are there and you know best. The most valuable advice for new work situations that has never failed me? Stay cool and use your charm.

I am really sorry about the change in holiday plans. I know you were looking forward to spending more time w/ SO. Fingers crossed that it will all work out some how.

Edited to add:

Just a gentle reminder. Please don't let yourself get so run down so that everything becomes overwhelming. Eat well. Exercise. Make sleep a priority.

12 years ago

Elly

Veteran

Celeste, thank you so much for your reply. You've given me some really good advice and I am going to try to stick to it-- I'm doing my best to fit in lunch and snack breaks and eating real food even though it might cost a bit more since I'm eating out more because I just don't have the opportunity otherwise. I'm doing my best to be gracious with the volunteers because I know they are very important, just slightly frustrated because I feel like I'm being spoken to in ways that they never would have spoken to a person closer to their age, although techinically I am their supervisor. Part of the reason this institution recieved the money they did from the granting agency was because they agreed to hire emerging young professionals, but I feel as though I am at a disadvantage although I have considerable experience doing what I was hired for. I'm a bit afraid that the first time I have to correct one of these volunteers because they are making an understandable mistake, but something that needs not to happen for artifact safety I am going to be in for trouble and I am really concerned that having so many different opinions is confusing my supervisor as to my capabilities. Here is to hoping . . .

It really warmed my heart to see this. Thank you.

12 years ago

LACeleste

Veteran

You are most welcome!

I understand that the elder volunteers can be patronizing and a bit infuriating. Keep up the graciousness. Their apple cart has been upset w/ your bright young thing-ness.

They hired you because they thought you were capable. You are on the payroll. It's natural to want to prove oneself and to worry about what your supervisor thinks. Reallocate this energy. Keep doing a good job and DON'T get sucked into the politics.

Likability more than competence dictates success at work. I know you will be gentle with your corrections. When volunteers are being unsafe with an artifact redirect with a softly persuasive "Have you considered .....?" I think you should always be sincere but it never hurts to ask someone for their perspective on something--validate their experience.

You know all this already Elly. Sometimes it helps to hear what we know from an outsider.

12 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

I'm really sorry, Elly. I am offended for you. I do feel we live in an inconsiderate, off-centered world now. People need to let people go home. Do things when they say they will.

No real advice on the long-time volunteers older than you. That's a tough one. But I will tell you my theory of people management as, well, at least something else to think about: A leader spreads calm in a crisis by being calm, spreads enthusiasm the rest of the time by loving and talking about the work, gets people what they need to accomplish their tasks (equipment, materials, their own helping hand), takes complaints and blame - and never dishes them out. They don't tell people what to do; they only make the decisions when no one wants to or feels they can. Oh, and they pull the trigger on the start gun and wave the flag to end the race. I have found this method usually works.

12 years ago

Beth Ann

Veteran

I second Celeste on the job front. My singing makes me familiar with arts institutions work, as well as hubbies 2 decades in the pastorate (sometimes you slay the fatted calf, sometimes you let "sacred cows" graze) give me much empathy for your situation.

Balancing the weirdness of work with grad schools requires even more equanimity.

And, as a married woman with kids, I say that EVERYONE has a family. Single people have connections to, just not the married kind.

12 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I must say I have a lot of rage on your behalf for your partner not being able to take time on holidays because he doesn't have a "family" - I've been getting the short end of this stick for years and it makes me want to punch them and their families in the face.

12 years ago

Elly

Veteran

You guys are awesome-- reading these made me laugh and smile and I've been pretty grumpy, although I've been keeping it to myself.

I think I am going to spend part of my weekend creating two proposals for what to do with our equipment budget. This whole things is a bit odd because they were originally going to hire a contractor to do part of this job, who would complete it on his own, and then train volunteers and staff to continue after he left. Now, they want me to utilize staff and volunteers throughout the project, still produce professional quality results, and do it in a space and with equipment budgeted for 1 professional to use . . . not amatuers who might benefit from additional equipment to offset their non-expertise.

Celeste, you make good points. I think my personality type works well for that sort of thing, so my natural tendencies fit along with your suggestions pretty well. I have no intention of trying to "boss" anyone around!

Rachy-- thank you, also good advice and things to keep in mind with volunteers and staff. I would love, love love to explain being able to go home to my professor. She knows that I live 4 hours away and we've vetoed other plans for people who live locally because of work, but I continually get asked to come in even when it is a major inconvenience.

Beth-- I appreciate it, I'm very frustrated with some of my SO's co-workers and intermediate supervisors and the moment. Two days in a row immediately after his leave got denied he got calls asking him to work overtime or switch shifts because someone with a "family" had a "family obligation" come up. To rub salt in the wounds, when asked why another co-worker that was off couldn't take the shift, he was told that the co-worker had a "family" and it was so much easier for him to switch his shift because he didn't. He was livid!

Lyn--- I get it. I do! It is particularly frustrating because my SO's father and step-mother live in the area and are in their 60s. He has obligations to help them out, to be there for me, etc. but he frequently gets forced to work regardless.

12 years ago

LACeleste

Veteran

Go Elly! I am sure you will do well! Enjoy your weekend.

PS: I am a fellow Virgo--I understand your temperament. We don't like to be the boss of anyone!

12 years ago

Elly

Veteran

Thanks Celeste-- go Virgos! I never put much stock in that, but my Myers-Briggs type matches it as well and the older I get the more that seems to be accurate.

12 years ago

Alassë

Veteran

I'll be watching this thread and hoping these situations get resolved for you, Elly. It stinks that you have to keep driving back and that your SO can't get holidays off now. I hope something changes and that you can find some happiness during this year's holiday season with him.

12 years ago

Elly

Veteran

Alassë -- Thanks for chiming in. I've been working all kinds of crazy hours and sneak in YLF at weird times and when my brain just can't look at more work paperwork or school papers.

I did get my proposal with costs outlined today, and it looks like the equipment I want to use will put us in under-budget, but without much of a cushion. The volunteer I've been having a problem with still tried to convince me and my supervisor that I am wrong about a piece of equipment, but I think I was able to prove that I was correct. We will see how that goes. Found out today that it is possible that this volunteer may end up as a temporary part time paid employee helping me run the project should my supervisor have to leave because of an unexpected medical situation.

I'm very dissapointed that the SO and I are on completely different schedules.

Off to do homework-- thanks for the well wishes.

12 years ago

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