bright coat ok for a funeral?

mehendi

Sadly, I am going to have to attend a funeral in the coming weeks for my grandmother. The outfit I have decided to wear is I think appropriate: An olive silk blouse, black tulip skirt, and taupe pumps. However the only dressy winter coat I have is a bright orange. Would this be alright to wear, or should I go shopping for a grey/black one instead?

PS- I will be at the graveside service, so I will be wearing my coat for much of the ceremony, but I don't think it will be a super formal event; just a rabbi doing some readings at the grave and then a gathering afterwards.

14 years ago

Dressing

12 replies

Latest reply was from Heather

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I am unsure about the Jewish culture, but I know that from my culture, I would definitely be shunned off all the Christmas card lists from now until the end of earth if I wore a bright orange jacket to my grandmother's funeral.

I would probably err on the side of caution and try to find a grey/brown/dark green/black jacket. Could you borrow one? There are many on clearance now; would you wear it again?

14 years ago

Stephanie

Veteran

I'm sorry for your loss.

I assume you would only wear the coat for the outside part of the service. I just wore a purple coat to my grandfather's funeral (because it is my warmest, and it was -5 degrees the day we buried him). I was not the only person wearing a colored coat at his grave. I worried about it in advance but was not uncomfortable during the burial. (About my clothes, I mean.)

14 years ago

mehendi

Member

i hadn't thought of borrowing one. That seems like a good idea. Money is tight for me right now and even though a neutral dressy coat is a staple, I just had to replace my glasses which kind of depleted my shopping funds.

14 years ago

mehendi

Member

Also, I am not too sure about Jewish culture either. My grandma wasn't really observant, and all I ever observed was Passover.

14 years ago

Refugee

Veteran

I would vote to borrow a more subdued coat if you can. Most people welcome the opportunity to be supportive during a time like this and would be happy to help you out if they are able.

14 years ago

Deb

Active Member

I'm sorry for your loss ...

Do you have - could you buy - a black pashmina shawl or scarf, and drape it over the coat, to subdue the color?

Bottom line - seriously, I do not think anyone would take the color of your coat as a sign of disrespect. In a perfect world, we'd all have a selection of outerwear for all occasions ... but it is what it is. What is important is that you are there, and that you loved her.

14 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

I'm casting another vote in favour of borrowing a more neutrally-toned coat. Funerial black isn't necessary, but orange strikes me as just a tad bold for a graveside gathering.
My condolences for your loss.

14 years ago

taylor

Veteran

Sorry about your Grandma:(

I agree with the ladies, I would err on the side of subtleness here. Of course no one would think the less of you for wearing a bright orange jacket to you beloved grandmothers funeral, but it doesn't sound like you would be comfortable with that decision.

14 years ago

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Firstly, I just want to say that I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. My thoughts are with you and your family. Onto your question.....

I'm going to take a different approach here. You are considered close family and I think in some ways this actually gives you more options for what you may choose to wear, than if you were a distant acquaintance or relative (where I would suggest immediately that you wear a dark coat).

As yourself - Was your Grandmother a lady who loved colour? Or was she more conservative with her tastes?

If she loved colour and brightness, I am going to go against the tide here and say that I think wearing a bright coloured coat could be a lovely tribute to her. It may be meaningful for you and for your memory of her.

If she was a conservative lady in personality and style, in that case, I would then tend to suggest you wear a darker coat.

Take care, and know that whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.

14 years ago

Isabel

Veteran

I am very sorry about your loss.

I agree with Deb, that if you feel uncomfortable with your coat, get a black, large scarf and wear it over your shoulders.

Though I don't think it is expected that people buy new outwear for a funeral. You wear what you have to keep yourself warm.

Hang in there.

14 years ago

Anonymous

So sorry about your grandmother. I also hope you can borrow a more subdued coat for the event. I doubt you'd be comfortable in bright orange. Even a red would be better.
If you go the pashima route, black seems too Halloween with orange, so I'd suggest a brown instead.

14 years ago

Heather

Veteran

I am so sorry for your loss.

Perhaps speak with the rest of your family and get a feel for what they collectively deem appropriate?

I certainly have been to services that would frown upon anything but a solemn neutral. On the other hand, I have been to other services that were considered a celebration of life and color was encouraged by the family.

All the best to you and your family.

14 years ago

Category