Body shape (disappointment rant) - YouLookFab Forum

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Body shape (disappointment rant)

Itari

(website)

OK, I don't expect anything extraordinary. I don't believe that I will look like a catwalk model.

But I'm disappointed nonetheless.

Losing any weight is good, but why can't I get rid of those unnecessary curves? My bra size is 32G, but considering the current trend, my next size would be around 30H. My boobs just don't change their volume; the band in my old 34 bra is too big, but I still can fill the cups. Argh!

The next bad thing is that my ribs stick out. Really. I'm definitely not skinny, but my ribs are already too prominent. I can't do anything about it!

Body Type

26 replies

Latest reply was from anne

Scarlet

Veteran

Hi Itari, I am sorry you are frustrated. I know this is a really difficult problem. I come from a long line of large busted women, although I seem so far not to have inherited that body type. I know it is really hard to dress around such a figure, even if it also brings a lot of admiration. As for ribs, what I think people don't appreciate so much is that rib cages really come in all shapes and sizes. But that kind of thing only shows up when you wear really clingy dresses, right?

Itari

(website)

No, not really. My clothes have to be form-fitting in the waist area, because well, this is the only interesting part of my torso. And my ribs are visible even if I wear something that is not really clingy.

And I, on the other hand, am the only busty woman in my family, which is very frustrating. My large chest is really hard to dress, along with my big bum.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Magda, i think you just need to accept that there are things you cannot change about your body. Bust size is not really extra weight - well it can be but I do not think it is in your case. It does not matter how much weight you loose it will not change. Just accept it and dress for your body type and more important you need to believe that you are beautiful because you really are. Our problem is that we look at ourselves with a magnifying glass and too critically. Just let it go. Believe me I had a lot of confidence problems when I was your age. I thought myself ugly, too fat, too tall - you name it. But reality is I think I was fine. Now as I am older I learned to like myself as I am and concentrate on the parts I like and do not think too much about the ones which are not perfect.
Beauty is 30% your features and 70% is your confidence. You may not be able to control those 30% but you can learn to be confident!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Sveta, your post echos my sentiments exactly.

Magda, it really does not matter how beautiful we view you if you are unable to see this yourself. your body shape is a challenge to dress but it is fabulous. My ribcage is much larger since having children but it is out of my control. I have accepted my new larger bone structure and I'm happier since doing so. Perhaps your weight loss will come off of your bust line eventually but you need to enjoy dressing the figure you have right now.

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Agree with the others - in the end you have to enjoy dressing yourself now, no matter what the challenge. If you look at posts by people who are have a completely different shape from you, you will see they have their own challenges - the wow factor comes from getting it right for them. There would still be challenges if you were your 'ideal' shape.

I still feel your frustration though...

But I'd love to see some more of your yummy outfits...

Maya

Veteran

Magda, it takes a long time to lose bust volume, and even then you probably won't lose that much unless you lose a significant amount of weight. It's something you either have to accept, or if it is physically uncomfortable or emotionally torturous, you'll have to consider a reduction. I lost a little bit of volume after losing around 10 pounds, meaning I can now wear a 32E (altered to a 28), but sometimes a 32F still fits. However, this isn't enough of a change for me. I am hoping to have a reduction before I turn 30, and the sooner I can do it, the better. So, I sympathize very much with your frustration, but it isn't about weight loss. Weight loss provides numerous benefits for your health. It isn't meant to be a vehicle for breast reduction or anything else, and you can't spot-reduce anyway.

Thunalata made a good point. Look at April and Taylor. While I very much envy their slender, petite, model-like frames, they definitely have their own fit problems. All of us do.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

You have really got to get out from under the microscope and start loving yourself Magda . Nobody is perfect- everyone has things that we don't like about our bodies and things that cause fit issues. If you obsess about them you will drive yourself crazy, though. Weightloss isn't a panacea. I have loose skin and cellulite now- (64 pounds lighter) that I didn't have when I was heavier. My ribs stick out, too- and I've gone through breast changes as well. Losing breast mass sounds wonderful, but then you just have a saggy bust. Doesn't sound so great, does it? If you didn't love yourself fat, you're not going to love yourself skinny without some work.

Lisa

Veteran

Everyone has fit problems and everyone has things about their body they would like to change. They key is to learn how to dress the body you have, and appreciate it instead of being disappointed with it. If you are healthy and strong, in the end, that's all that matters. The women I see on the street that I always admire are not always the skinny one's, it's the one's who look put together, who walk with confidence and proud that I admire most. Best of luck on your personal journey, most people go through a period of time before they learn to appreciate and love the body they have.

Itari

(website)

Thank you, guys. I was in bad mood yesterday, now I feel better. I think I have to print your posts and read it every night before I go to sleep

I think that I've already changed much about my self-image. There are some things I can appreciate (not many, though). I'm still considering surgery, but the list is still so long that I don't know where to start. Maybe I'll get more confident.

And BTW - I'm so happy that I was paying attention in my English classes when I was in high school. I'm glad that I found you (and that I can communicate in English!)

Steph

Veteran

Magda, I remember how I felt about my body at your age (I think you're in your early 20s, right?), and I can definitely sympathize. Like you and Maya, I am also very busty, and that's the last place I lose weight (it also seems to be the first place I gain). Throughout my teens I struggled with body image and had periods of disordered eating. In my 20s I started to begin to accept my body more, but I have never been happier with my body than I am now (one month shy of my 33rd birthday). I have been thinner than I am now, and I have been larger than I am now, but for the first time in my life, I am truly content. I think that you need to get to that point as well, and it will take time.

Try to view your body not as something to dress and obsess over, but as the incredible machine that it is. It gets you where you need to go, it has an amazing ability to heal itself, and it sustains you day in and day out. Maybe if you appreciate your body for its functionality, it will help you to appreciate its beauty as well? I think this has helped me a lot. I started working out five days a week about a year ago, and now when I feel fat or unattractive I remind myself of how strong my body is, or how much further I can run than a year ago, of how great my lung capacity as become. I realize that at the end of the day I am really healthy, and that's what matters. It is important to eat well and work out not because it makes us thin (which was why I started working out), but because it fuels our bodies and keeps that machine working to the best of its ability.

When I was 19, I did get a breast reduction surgery, and it was a great decision for me. However, it concerns me when you say that you are considering surgery, but the list is so long you don't know where to start. That's not the sign of anything near a healthy body image, and undergoing surgery with that mindset would really be a recipe for disaster. I realize this is personal, so feel free to ignore me, but if you aren't doing so already, I think that you might benefit from talking with a therapist about some of this. (I actually think almost everyone can benefit from talking with a therapist.) If you do get to the point of undergoing surgery, I really think it is imperative that you work through your body image issues with a professional first. There are so many women who think they can fix themselves through multiple surgeries, and all of a sudden they have had a dozen surgeries and are just as unhappy as they were beforehand. For a pop culture example, you don't need to look any further than Heidi Montag, who started with implants and a nose job and within a few years had ten surgeries in one day. She doesn't seem any happier than she was before any surgery at all.

I'm glad that you feel better today, and I definitely agree that working on your self-image is a long process. Oh, and your English is perfect!

Scarlet

Veteran

By the way, how can your English possibly be so good? You and a couple of other people here really blow my mind with language.

Itari

(website)

Steph, thank you. I can relate to your thoughts. And yeah, I talked to a therapist (or three therapists, actually). I'm just a very ambitious perfectionist, which doesn't make my life easier. And no, I'm not going to become another Heidi Montag. I'm not going to look like a real life Barbie doll, I just want to fix some things that are not right in my opinion. I mean, she'd been already pretty before she had surgeries, while I'm sure that my appearance is much further from perfect.

And Scarlet, I just happen to have a talent. No, really - I can speak four languages and understand much in some other. At least I have something to be pround of

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Itari, you don't need any surgeries. You are perfect the way you are! IMO you should consider surgery only if you are having some health issues (such as back pain from a large bust). Otherwise just work on being healthy and strong and dressing your body in a way the pleases you. You say, "she'd been already pretty before she had surgeries" but actually she wouldn't have had those surgeries if that were true. So maybe your perspective is all the needs surgery!

PS. Your ribs are too prominent?? I have NEVER looked at someone and thought, Wow, she has prominent ribs. I think you are just looking for things to pick at yourself about. Are you are afraid of what might happen if you just started to like your body...?

Dashrashi

Veteran

For what it's worth, I tend to think that if you can think of more than one surgery that you'd like to have, it's better to spend the time working on body image, because that's likely the problem, rather than multiple parts of your body being so problematic that they all need surgical intervention. People that can narrow it down to one issue, I'm less likely to think it's an overall body-image issue.

whirledpeasclothing

i heard a good line once: "Appreciate how good you look now because 10 years from now, you'll look back and say how good you looked!"

AJ

Veteran

Magda, you are TODAY a stunningly beautiful young lady. I never see these prominent ribs in your photos that you post. Are you perfect? No. No one is. Even if you were to fix everything you wanted, getting older will still bring wrinkles, sagging skin, sagging busts and more rounder tummies. There's just never an end to fighting our bodies.

Learning how to dress for my shape helped me tremendously to not be overly critical of my body. There's a confidence that grows from being able to put on an outfit that makes you feel pretty because if flatters the good and diminishes the not so good. : )

Please don't let these anxieties consume you. Whenever I feel myself getting too worked up about something, I imagine what it will be like when I have reached the end of my life. I don't believe that I will be looking back at all the years that I wish my body was perfect. I'm betting that I will be reflecting on my relationships and if the people in my life know that I love them, appreciate them and was blessed by them.

Also I don't know if your body concerns are fueled by getting or keeping a significant other? When the right person comes along, you'll each love the other despite the weaknesses/flaws.

Alright, I'm done giving my motherly advice. I do hope that one day soon you can see the beautiful young woman with the gorgeous eyes that we YLF gals see.

anne

Veteran

Magda, just wanted to say that I have prominent ribs too, and sometimes wish I didn't. I can't change it, but a few thoughts occurred to me about it

1. I have been blaming my large ribcage for my none -too-small waistline. Clearly, seeing you, (ie with a tiny waist) I can't use that excuse anymore

2. Secondly, a larger ribcage can help to balance out your hips

ANd I am very impressed by your language mastery!

Itari

(website)

Oh, I couldn't have imagined such positive feedback and appreciaton! Thank you all.

AJ, I think it's not the case. I'm single now, but it doesn't make me miserable or lonely. Maybe my perspective comes from being introverted and somewhat self-centered, but first and foremost I'd love to like my body regardless of other people.

Anne, I must admit I haven't thought about it I guess that my ribcage problem is that my lower ribs are actually the widest. For example, my underbust measurement is 76 cm (about 30"), and the widest point, which is ca. 10 cm lower (4") is about 85 cm (33.5") in circumference. Add my 68 cm (27") waist to the equation... the effect is not really nice.

Having read my post, I guess that my MBTI type shines right through it

anne

Veteran

Yes that is a bit different. My underbust is about 30 too and the widest lower point is only about an inch bigger.

Zeynep

(website)

Hi! I wanted to comment as someone who has lost significant weight but whose boobs never got any smaller.

At my smallest, I was a 30G. Every night I would go to bed and my back would ache as it stretched out for ~15 minutes. I had to wear two sports bras at the same time and I still couldn't run or exercise comfortably. I couldn't shop for normal clothes because either the top fit but the rest was too big, or the bottom fit but couldn't get around my top. I couldn't stand for very long periods because my lower back would hurt so much. My posture was (and still is because of it) horrible.

If this is something that is seriously having a major negative effect on your life, I would also suggest looking into breast reduction surgery. I got breast reduction done, from the 30G to a 30C-D, about five years ago. It was absolutely the best decision I have EVER made in my life. I would do it ten times over if I had to. Even a few weeks after surgery when I was still healing, I could not imagine how I lived the way I used to. Some people's boobs just do not shrink when they lose weight. When I originally went to a surgeon I still had about 30 pounds to lose, and I told him I was hoping my boobs would shrink naturally, but from feeling them he said they were not going to change at all. Four years later, he was right. If you have legitimate medical reasons for needing surgery, your health insurance may cover it as well.

I don't mean to be negative or anything, please don't get me wrong. But I can totally relate to what you're going through.

As for the surgery list being "too long," I don't know what exactly you're thinking about obviously, but it's possible that if you address the main issue, you won't feel the need for everything else on that list. Everyone is different, and I would also suggest talking to a mental health professional. (Like Steph I also believe everyone can benefit from therapy!) As much as breast reduction surgery changes the way you look, it also significantly impacts the way you physically and mentally live your life from the moment you get up to the minute you go to bed. So it's possible that such a big change may impact your own body image and confidence in ways you couldn't have anticipated.

At the same time I think you should also lighten up on yourself a little bit. No one is perfect, and trying to reach an unattainable perfect goal can be exhausting. So don't be so hard on yourself. Try to remind yourself of what you have already accomplished. Getting fit / healthy / in shape and sticking to a weight loss plan is a huge accomplishment and you should be proud of it!

Melissa

Magda, I know how frustrating it is that the weight seems to inevitably come off in all the wrong places (like, did I really need thinner wrists?!). Whether or not your bust size will change with weight loss is something you'll just have to wait and see.

I am also on Team Ribcage, and FWIW, I am starting to notice that my posture (specifically in my core abdominal muscles) can go a long way toward ameliorating that situation. Anne, thanks for pointing out something positive about having sticky-out ribs!

Louise

Veteran

Some people's bodyshape will always remain the same no matter how much weight they lose it's individual and special to you, like a fingerprint. I'm the same over the last few years my weight has fluctuated between 10 and 12 stone and I have always had a teeny waist and bigger bum and hips. I had the same feelings as you that clothes never fit but I've come to realise I was trying on the wrong type of clothes or not pairing them with the right things. Take skinny jeans for instance, pre YLF i would keep trying them on with a slim fit top and hating the result so passing on them, however with YLF knowledge I now pair them with a tunic or voluminous top and I'm loving them. I've come a long way in accepting my bodyshape in the last year and I'm much happier for it x

londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

Veteran

I'm another one with ribcage issues (see my moan to Maya on the bra fitting thread). As well as having a bit of a barrel chest I also have two lumps of cartilage on my lower ribs - the biggest of the two is the size of a lime - so noticeable under tight clothing and they get more noticeable and also uncomfortable as I lose weight. I just try not to think about them to much - they have been prominent since I was five and must have looked even odder before I developed a bust!

One thing that I think has made me relatively comfortable with my body - no matter what its size (and I would like to lose some weight) - is that as a child and teenager I was a competative swimmer and waterpolo player. I spent a lot of time seeing bodies of all shapes and sizes - even those bodies that look perfect have their flaws!

anne

Veteran

Fi I swam as a teenager too and sometimes think that my larger chest size was probably an advantage

londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

Veteran

Anne - I think that my broad shoulders were an advantage, but I am not so sure about my chest.

What stroke did you swim? I was a backstroker and butterflier.

anne

Veteran

Freestyle. I wasn't particularly good as I was a bad swimmer til I started training at 14. One of my friends swam at state level whereas the best I managed was the relay team in the interschools!

I was thinking a larger chest might have great oxygen capacity (my friend had a big ribcage too, though not big overall) but I don't really know enough about exercise physiology to back that up!