Body shape acceptance - YouLookFab Forum

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Body shape acceptance

karlie

I’ve done a bit of shopping over the past few days. I’ll post pics soon; as usual, I have a ton of “does this work on me” questions. But, all the trying on and taking pictures got me thinking about a dilemma I’m having. I hope y’all can help me work through it.

I’ve never thought of myself as having severe body image issues. I admit there are things I’d change if I could, but they’re nothing major and I don’t really get hung up on them. I understand my body shape (a pear) and I’m learning the “rules” for dressing that shape. I’m not only healthy, but the fittest I’ve ever been in my life. That makes me happy.

But still, I try on clothes and all I see is my thighs. I don’t know if they stand out to me because I still haven’t quite mastered my “rules” and need to choose things that fit differently, or if it’s just me seeing the one thing about my body which bothers me the most. Perhaps I don’t have quite the body acceptance I thought I did.

So, how do I determine which issue it really is? Do I need to learn to see myself differently? And, if so, how?

Thanks!

General

17 replies

Latest reply was from chewyspaghetti

Maya

Veteran

Maybe this will make you feel better?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8236384.stm

I just found that now, sheer coincidence!

cciele

Veteran

I wish I knew the answer to how to see oneself differently! I think most, if not all, women obsess about one part of their body or another. But the "problem" is, there is no one perfect body shape! We all come in different shapes and sizes. There's also a cultural aspect too, and an issue of retraining the eye on different looks. I think that part takes time.

Perhaps it would help to think it's not your body that's the issue--it's the clothes!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I think as you were previously unaware of your body shape hang ups it's probably a temporary phase. You have said you are learning new rules and taking photos for appraisal. I think you probably have a new awareness of your body which you previously didn't have and in learning the rules you will also learn to address your issues.

Since reading the forum I have discovered that I'm a straightish hourglass/ racy rectangle, I have a long neck, I have a short waist and I have a bony chest with average breasts. The parts don't sound great but I love my body for what it has achieved (two healthy happy children) and for the challenge of dressing it.

Please don't fret, as Cathie has said women come in a wonderful assortment of shapes and sizes and you have the perfect resource in YLF to look better than you have ever looked before.

rute

Veteran

Karlie,

I know that's difficult, but you must absolutely focus on the best of your body and how to enhance the best of you, don't make what you don't like the focus.
I know it's difficult and sometimes the same thing happens to me and I'm sure to all of us.. We have days where nothing seems to fit properly and every piece of clothe makes us feel huge .. but look at you and count what you have best and focus on that!

Ele

(website)

Karlie, I know exactly how you feel. I'm fit, at a healthy weight, and wear a smallish size (UK 8-10) but still, sometimes it's all I can do not to focus 100% on my thighs. I know it's completely irrational and not very feminist to say so (given that we're supposed to be all "I love my body!" these days), but I just hate them.

But I'm well aware that my large thighs are come with good things, too. Some are health-related (love that article Maya posted!), and some are physical. They're strong, help me to run and weight train, both of which I love. Also, because I tend to put on weight in that area, I almost never do in my midsection, which is flat and toned.

As rute says, it's important to focus on the good things! What do you love about your body? Try looking for clothing that highlights that, and try to forget about what you don't love. I am still working on doing this instinctively, but it really can help.

Louise

Veteran

Over the last few months (probably since YLF) i've actually begun to love my body shape!

I was having a coversation with my other half the other day and actually said without thinking "I love the shape of my bum" he did a double take as in the 10 years we've been together i have done nothing but moan about it!

I think as you start to find things that suit you'll become more accepting of your body. And i think there will always be someone out there envious of a body part you have. Just the other day san commented on a thread of mine that she wouldn't be able to get the outfit i'd posted to work because she didn't have curves but then i'm jealous of her because she looks great in things which i couldn't wear x

karlie

Thanks for chiming in, everyone! This is a frustrating situation for me, mainly because I feel I'm *supposed* to be beyond all this body loathing stuff. I know in my head that this is out of my control, yet I let it bother me. And to make matters worse, I'm trying to teach good body image and acceptance to my DD (age 11). I try very, very hard not to let her see my insecurities, but she probably catches on more than I'd wish.

I've given the issue a lot more though after reading your posts and I think I just need to realize that 1) this isn't going to happen overnight and 2) most people probably don't notice my "issues" like I do.

Thanks again for all your helpful advice and for letting me get this off my chest!

Anonymous

Karlie, I do not see your body issues at all. In fact I just looked at your new purchases and thought, wow Karlie sure has a great figure.
Like others have said there are no one and only perfect looking bodies, OK, let's say very few, where everyone would say, now that is a perfect example of the perfect figure. So many different figures are beautiful. I do think what we learn here from Angie and each other about how to dress ourselves does give us tools to love the figure we have. For instance, if I did not know PPL and the rules about capris, I might always wear pants that are unflattering I would bemoan my figure everytime I passed a mirror. Knowing how to dress is key here. I didn't know before YLF that I should cover my bony chest, or wear a larger scale necklace to fill in the bare space there from a scoop neck top. So many things we learn here to accentuate the positive and cover the negative. You have a lot of positive going for you, but I know how you feel because we all do this to ourselves at some time or another it seems.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Karlie, if I have you have pictured correctly in my mind, you are not pear shaped – not that there is anything inferior about being pear shaped! It’s a very pretty shape to have. I just needed to get that out of the way first. (I read the same article, Maya. It’s a goodie).

I cannot stress this enough, but you have to, HAVE TO, make peace with your body. You need to go to that deep dark place inside yourself to find this peace, and it takes time. Trust me when I tell you that most women have some sort of body issue - even the women whom you feel look perfect. But to long for another type of body or feature when there is no way of getting it is wasted energy and awfully debilitating. If you don’t manage this part of your brain, it can kill your soul. At the end of the day, it is what it is. And you have to force yourself to stop thinking negatively about your body. The glass is half full and not half empty :0)

Louise stands out as having particularly positive body image. I don’t know if you’ve always had it but you have it now and it’s absolutely inspiring. Thank you for showing us how to have positive body image, Loulou! R&J and Rute, you have excellent positive body image too.

Karlie, we can help you make peace with your body if you’d like us to. It’s a process, but you will get there.

fathenry

Veteran

This is a tough one, but you are in the right place to learn to bring out your best. As you learn to shop for the correct items, it will become more and more second nature and you will stop focusing so much on the negatives. You will learn to pick the pieces that are the best shape for you and it makes shopping so much easier. There are so many beautiful and inspirational women here to learn from, all different ages, body shapes and styles. Seeing how real women dress themselves will really amaze you and open your eyes to the possibilities that you have.

anne

Veteran

Just on a different tack Karlie, when you first posted
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....?replies=6
I know Angie said you were a pear then, but I thought (and still think when you look at any pictures of you when clothed) that you have tendencies towards rectangle and hourglass as well. You do not have big thighs and they are not what you notice when you look at your pictures!

That said, I struggle with my thighs too, so I know where you are coming from! But I bet yours, and (and mine too) are not even "big" enough to get those health benefits Maya talked about!

karlie

Thanks San, fathenry, anne and Angie. You have all given me a lot to think about and I truly appreciate your advice and support. I hope, though, that everyone who reads this post doesn't think I have severe body loathing and low self-esteem. I got worried last night that I've come across that way, and it's not the case. True, I have this hang-up about my lower body (and it's a big hang-up, no doubt about it) but, for the most part, I'm very accepting of my shape and ability. Just didn't want to give the wrong impression!

Now I'm a little confused about my true shape. Angie did say in my original post that I was a pear (and that's what I always assumed as well). Those pics have been deleted from my account, but I can re-post if necessary. Maybe I should start a new thread. . .

Louise

Veteran

Angie have only recently made peace with my body shape and most of that has been since overhauling my wardrobe and learning what clothes look good.
Having a wardrobe full of stuff which didn't fit or flatter left me blaming my bodyshape rather than the clothes. I now have a wardrobe full of great fitting clothes and love getting dressed in the morning knowing what i have disguises the bad bits and accentuates the good bits.
I also think mirrors play a bad part, with many people thinking they are bigger than they are x

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Louise. Can I clone you? THIS, your perceptions, is at the heart of great, effortless style. My hat off to you sweetpea. You are fab. Or as we say in Dutch: petje af!

Karlie, post a separate thread and lets redefine your body type. There is PLENTY fabulous about you!

Louise

Veteran

Angie you can clone me as long as i also get one to do the housework

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*chuckle*

I’ll provide a clone for each chore you loathe, Louise.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

As long as you're passing out clones- I could use a couple!