Wow. Where do I even begin to thank you all for your commiseration, your understanding and kindness, your compassion, your wisdom and helpful suggestions, your friendship??? I'm reading your responses on my coffee break and trying not to cry 'cause I'm having a really good make up day - lol!

I also realize my issues are such a first world problem. I eat every day, I have a roof over my head, I have clean water to drink, and I am loved. And for these things I am incredibly grateful.

I wish I had the time to reply to each of you personally - please know that I have read every single comment a number of times this morning and it has lifted me up tremendously

I like the idea of taking everything out of my closet, cleaning it and putting back in only the things that fit now - there's a project for tonight. And if I'm busy, I'm not snacking on stuff I don't need, right?

I have been seeing an Endocrinologist for a number of years now since being diagnosed with PCOS and a few other imbalances along the way. I know she indicated that menopause can wreak absolute havoc on those with PCOS so will make an appointment to see where things are at. I can tell by the fatigue and increased headaches that things are "off".

I do have some things that fit and that I love - my NYDJ ponte knit/suede front panel slim pants, my Danier tops, my EF cardigan and tanks, my new black/white graphic pencil skirt and red blazer. These will move to the front of my closet and people will just have to live with the frequent repeating.

As for purchasing new things for the body I have now - that's not entirely possible. If you'll remember, my husband's hours were cut back in the summer and have not returned to their regular level. This has meant significant less income in our household. But I've done well on a few clearance items like the black/white pencil skirt ($29) and the red blazer ($39) and the two new thrifted dress ($8 each).

I think I've felt so out of control for so long now what with caring for MIL, changing jobs, some health issues, hubby's work situation - I spent so much time and energy caring for other things that I just stopped caring for myself.

I remember reading a study years ago where women had to identify their top 10 priorities at any given time in their lives and not a single woman put herself on the list. The physician conducting the study said that not only should we put ourselves on the list, we should put ourselves FIRST because if we aren't in a good physical and emotional state, how can we truly be helpful to others? Guess it's time I made my list.

THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH. YOU ARE ALL AMAZING
xoxo

Listen to Thistle and Ms.Mary. And remember that Eileen Fisher's clothes don't scream at you every time your weight fluctuates. You don't need health, diet, or exercise advice, well-intentioned though it might be, because you are a smart women who can figure all that out on her own. What you do need is probably a carefree holiday on a tropical beach with your hubbie who loves you dearly. Failing that, have a good cry, put on some lipstick, and defy that image in the mirror to tell you that you aren't a stunning, competent, passionate woman who is respected and loved by her family and friends--who, by the way, couldn't care less about an extra inch here or there.

Shannon, in between the time I read your thread and finally had time to respond, you've gotten all the advice and sympathy I could have given and then some. So I'll just echo Gaylene. We have all been there or will be there. Why are we so hard on ourselves? I know guys have body issues too -but it hurts to see how self-critical we can be, when so many men our age just buckle their belt comfortably under their bellies and go proudly (or at least unconcernedly) forth. It makes me wonder how that would even feel.

You are never less than inspiring in your outfits, and your clothes suit you well. Since you were never a body-con gal to begin with, embrace your fluid fits knowing they are good to go whatever your size. And be kind to yourself - if it helps, think of yourself as another member of YLF and remember you would never be as hard on her.

Oh Shannon, sending you hugs. There is already excellent advice here so I can't add much, except that I think we've all been there. I saw a pin one time that said 'I am 85% kick-ass and 15% crippling self-doubt', and I thought that was a good way to sum up how we feel sometimes. You are having a brief period of self-doubt, but soon it will pass and you will realize again how kick-ass you really are.

Shannon, sending you big hugs. It's so much harder to reduce when you get older. Man, it is tough to lose even 1 kg. (I weigh myself in kg, I know, not the typical American.) You always look really good to me and I echo the others who say your weight change is probably more apparent to you than anyone else. I love the suggestions of embracing knits. As well as purchasing a few items that will work for the body you have now. Treat yourself to some Eileen Fisher pieces that would work 25 pounds plus or minus. How about some cool knit track pants for example?

I do have one suggestion. Around 6 months ago I got a pedometer for myself. Yes you can get one of those fancy fitness wristbands for $100 plus, but I find mine for just $15 off Amazon works just fine. I track my steps and miles. I believe it has kept me from gaining as much weight as I usually do this time of year. Because of my work, I usually lose in the Summer, gain in the Winter. This year, I have gained around 1 kg instead of the usual 3 kg, just because I monitor my daily steps. Looking how far I'm going has the effect of me being much more willing to do little things that add up. Stairs, parking farther away at the grocery store, making extra trips when doing housework.

We all love you here and really miss you when you're not posting.

Hi Shannon,
you always look so Fab, and I am another who has not noticed this weight gain that is worrying you so much!
I like the idea of putting away the items that are at the moment uncomfortable to wear, and concentrating on being creative with what you feel good in right now.

"The physician conducting the study said that not only should we put ourselves on the list, we should put ourselves FIRST because if we aren't in a good physical and emotional state, how can we truly be helpful to others?"
Amen to that!! Yet, it's still so hard for so many of us...

Shannon, I don't really have anything new to add (and I love the tips and suggestions from the other ladies). But I just wanted to chime in to say that you never look anything but super stylish, and you continue to be an inspiration for me. I absolutely second (or third or fourth;-) Mary's advice: please give yourself permission to get at least a few pieces that fit perfectly right now when budget allows it (with your excellent eye and thrifting talent, I've no doubt you'll be able to snap up some more goodies from the consignment stores). I gained a lot of weight myself over the last two years, and was feeling particularly unhappy with my body, clothes and style this Spring (a lot of that had to do with the fact that I didn't want to go out and buy everything in a larger size because that felt too confrontational, but the smaller sized items not fitting great weren't doing anything at all for my self esteem). After some gentle nudging from a sweet friend (her name begins with an A and ends with "gie";-) I finally did get some new stuff, and -- unsurprisingly -- it is making a world of difference in how I feel when I get dressed and how I feel when going about my day.

Hugs, and we are always here for you.

I saw this morning and was reluctant to post since I'm brand new here, but I came back because, like so many others, your posts resonated with me all too well.

I don't have any new advice, but I do want to reiterate the importance of clearing your closet and drawers of the thing that don't fit right. I hit the point you're at now early last spring, and I cleaned out all the too-small, too-tight, too-short, make-me-feel-huge-and-bad clothing. I ended up getting rid of almost everything in my closet and drawers. It looked scarily empty at the end, but it was much easier to get dressed each day because I didn't have all those ill-fitting options screaming at me. A couple of months later I finally found the determination to stop the slide I'd been on, and I've now lost most of the stress and depression weight I'd put on. It sounds trite, but I really think cleaning out the clothes that didn't fit helped me tremendously because I no longer had that moment daily where I was smacked in the face with my body hatred. For the last seven months, I've had exactly one pair of jeans at a time that fit me, and that's what I wore every single day--and wearing one pair of jeans that fit made me feel a whole lot better about myself than having 15 pairs of pants that were too tight and left me feeling bad when I saw them.

Big hugs to you as you move forward. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, and it's important to find a way to give yourself some love in the midst of your responsibilities.

Big hugs to you, Shannon, because I never ever see weight gain, only fabulous style.

To be a bit contrarian: I'm wondering if once you sort out the hormonal issues, including the ones that flood your system under stress, as well as figure out how to reduce your stress and/or how to cope with it better, I think your clothing and size concerns may disappear. Stress hormones make us put on belly fat; how fair is that? Long Winnepeg winters can't help.

Please be gentle on yourself. You have a lot on your plate.

Just want to chime back in here to echo what Lisa said about cortisol and abdominal weight gain. I gained my 35 extra pounds during a time of extreme stress, and as a former hourglass with pear tendencies I was SHOCKED to see how much of it sat right on my stomach. It's also tougher to lose that weight and it was the last weight to come off me when I lost. And now it is the first place where I start to gain.

We are under so much stress in this period of our lives. Truly. No wonder it has effects on us!!

Hugs, again, you beautiful woman, you.

Mary's comments are so true. Here's another thing to consider: you have all the strategies and wardrobe creation tools that you have learned thru YLF, and that you seem to apply and execute beautifully to help you through this. I am often encouraged and inspired by how you make looking good seem effortless (and making things look effortless is hard!)

Someone posted recently on Facebook a saying similar to this: "you are not a number on the scale or the size of your pants, or the color of your hair or the number of your chins. You are the brightness of your eyes, the kindness in your heart, the smiles you give to others, the words of encouragement you utter. You are the sum total of your journey and you enrich the world. You are important to many people. You are beloved. You are beautiful."

Shannon, my son keeps threatening to get me a t-shirt that says "First World Problems are Still Problems!"

taking everything out of my closet, cleaning it and putting back in only the things that fit now

I think that's brilliant. Pack up everything frustrating and get it out of the way. Then you'll have a clear palette of items... all the more fun for outfit creation.

Definitely don't wear anything smallish. Messes with the digestive system Yucko and painful.

Great advice here & I couldn't put it any better than MsMary did. Big hugs & honestly all I see when I look at your WIWs is a very stylish woman who I'd love to go shopping with

Shannon I have skimmed the responses and have very little to add. What I can say is I identify with what you shared. I went through a very similar moment about 2 years ago. Just crashed in a heap because I was SO FAT and nothing fitted... good news is I did move out of the emotional place

My weight fluctuates and I am currently assessing eating styles to see what might work best for me. I am a life time Weight Watchers member but for some reason don't feel to go back down that track. Being petite, like you, I find any extra kilos are very obvious (to me at least). One thing that works for me of course is that I like oversized and draped clothing. I also buy very little that doesn't have some stretch and I find that helps with the weight fluctuations.

Can I encourage you that you are gorgeous, inside and out One of the most stylish women I know is an Aus size 22/24 so I know that style and looking good is not based on the number on our clothing. But I also know it's important for us to feel good and like what we see. Give yourself some space, wear the clothing that does fit well and continue to focus your attention on labels like EF which I think would facilitate the fluctuations. I also think we have a lot more success in this area when we get focussed on the health aspects as opposed to the weight aspects. For some reason I am far more motivated by feeling good and well than by fitting into a dress size.

Right here with you. xxx

Wanted to add this anecdote, in response to your 'first-world problem' comment, Elizabeth Gilbert mentions in Eat, Pray, Love (I think?) a story about a psychologist friend who was anxious about working with Hmong refugees. These people had known war, conflict, intense grief, how could she possibly help them? Surprisingly, she discovered that what the refugees wanted to discuss wasn't war, but relationships: "I like X from this camp, but I think he's interested in Y."

Some experiences are universal, it seems.

I can understand the feeling of disliking my body. Hate is too harsh a word for me. I found going through menopause really changed my weight. Reading the responses from the forum members to your post has been very helpful. A lot of women struggle with their body image. Thank you for posting this.

Big hugs Shannon. We all go thru periods where we hate our bodies. When I was 16, I was bitten in the face by a dog. It tore completely thru my upper and lower lip. It happened the week before Christmas break. When I went back to school 3 weeks later, no one could tell. The things that we think really stand out are often not seen by others. All we see in your WIWs is a woman with killer fab style. There's nothing wrong with repeats. Take care of yourself.

What amazing suggestions here!

Everyone else here is so much wiser than I could be about the body image issue (although I feel your pain). But purely practically, when I read your question, my first thought was accessories, especially scarves and especially big scarves. They're relatively inexpensive (you mentioned you're on a budget; thrift stores are full of great and unique finds) and can make ALL the difference in an outfit that otherwise doesn't thrill you.

Since you aren't currently able to splurge on a wardrobe that fits your current body, can you go through your closet and pick out a few items that you love, and just stick to those? I can pretty much guarantee that nobody will notice the frequent rotation; what they'll actually notice is that you look fabulous. I always find that when I have a limited amount of clothes available (e.g. packing for a weekend) I actually feel that I look just as good as when I have access to my entire closet, because I've taken my favorite things along. Limiting my options certainly cuts down on decision-making time, too. So pick your favorites and jazz them up with a few inexpensive scarves and you are set.

Many hugs to you!

I am going to reread this thread because I think I relate to everything written here. In the last year or so, and corresponding to erratic periods (2 weeks or 3 months, your guess is as good as mine), vague hot flashes (more like flushes but go on all day and night) and uncontrollable appetite has wreaked havoc with my generally highly consistent habits and I have put on a few kilos - enough weight that it affects my style choices and self image. The one thing that has kept my grip on things is yoga - I try to take it all with equanimity (not generally my middle name). Plus I have almost mastered an arm balance. Sort of. It really helps to have physical goals that aren't weight related.

Shannon we are about the same age, it is winter and there isn't much light and it is hard. Let's look forward to having a glass of red wine one day! You are beautiful and one of my style inspirations.

I have to thank you for starting this thread ... I have been having a few weight fluctuations myself. A lot of emotional eating, no cash flow for some shopping (which BTW is my way of relaxing) in between super busy schedule before the holidays. My clothes still fit thankfully ... But I don't like myself in the mirror .... Not the *hate myself* (which I have decided I will never do) just the *not satisfied with myself* feeling.

I have no advice on how to deal with this situation ..... Except that ... Tell yourself everyday that you are awesome and gaining weight is not irreversible. Staying healthy however is important, so work towards that and weight will fall in place automatically. Eat healthy ... Don't deprive yourself from the occasional chocolate cake. But don't eat just that ;). I now dispose every junk that I am tempted to eat ... It goes straight into the bin. That way it doesn't keep calling me from the fridge

Meanwhile all hail EF and the slouchy everything trend

Now I will go read all the excellent advice here

I'm so late to respond, and all I have to add is this: I can relate to weight gain and bad feelings toward myself over it. And I just had to respond here and tell you that you are a style icon for me. I love your WIW posts and find them inspiring. All I see is fab style and a beautiful woman. I'm glad you've gotten such wise advice and support from so many members here.

I can relate to you , as I gained weight when I was a caregiver for my mother. It is a tough emotional job. It's hard to fathom exercising when emotional exhaustion sets in. For some reason this season is hitting me hard. I think it is something about the five year mark since my mother's passing. I have been using a sunlight lamp and music to lift my spirits. Today I bought a fitbit to keep me accountable for getting my daily steps or movement. I am so happy to see the outpouring of support here and hope knowing so many of us are walking similar journeys and that you are not alone keeps you from self loathing. The most important thing we can do is be as kind to ourselves as we are to our love ones. Be careful of negative thoughts because they can become all consuming. I once read that people who speak negatively to themselves do do so up to 100 times a day. A daily gratitude journal can help immensely.

I am also late to the thread. And I am not sure that I can add much to the wise words above.

Take care of yourself, and cherish what is special when times are hard. And the odd soppy movie can help too.

Oh wow - when I read the title of this thread I just cringed. "Body hatred" is such a strong emotion to feel towards oneself! I'm so sorry that you are going through this period in your life Shannon! I don't have any advice to offer that hasn't already been mentioned by someone else - but just know that I am thinking of you and sending you hugs!

Shannon, I always look at your posts and admire your outfits and your sense of style, and have never noticed in the last year or so that you've gained any weight. What I do always notice is your glowing complexion and gorgeous lipstick after your new makeup revision last year, and I think, "dang, I have to get up to date with my makeup, Shannon looks fabulous!"

I just had to chime in with hugs along with everyone else. And echo what Angie said. When I read your post I had to go search out other posts of yours just to make sure that it was really you. I thought I must have mixed you up with a Shannon I wasn't familiar with. I was actually disoriented for a few minutes because the woman with the impeccable style who always looks amazing (and who is showing no physical changes that I can see in photos) couldn't possibly be having a clothing/body crisis! But truly, I get it. Some of the weight I lost is coming steadily back on, I'm getting hot flashes and other peri-menopausal changes, and I want to eat everything - all the time. Everything feels topsy-turvey and I'm worried about some favorite new clothes starting to feel tighter. It's very unnerving. But I remember feeling this way when I started losing weight too, because I had some clothes I loved that I didn't want to lose by them being too baggy. I really agree with others who say find the pieces that you own that fit you best. Put the tighter things away where you can't see them and be tortured by them. And rock your very best shoes, handbags, jewelry and scarves for variety. And know that most of us are in some version of this same boat, right along with you. I admire you and your style so much and hope that you will be encouraged with knowing you much you inspire the rest of us...

Shannon, I had to chime in to respond to your thread. You have had lots of great advice, comforting words and wisdom already, and I can only nod along with so many. I want to add that to me, you are among the most important inspirations here one YLF, and I learn so much from you. I think you always look stylish and fabulous.

In addition to your effortless style, I also admire your ability to take every situation handed to you and turn it to something to learn from. That is a great asset. the upcoming holidays might bring some stress, but I hope they also bring you the opportunity to relax and wind down. I'm sure you will work out what's best for you in the long run. Hugs!

I'm nodding along with all the wise words already spoken and I'm sure you will find a path that works for you and that you put yourself at the top of that list you're going to write. But know this Shannon.. all I see when I look at your photos is a beautiful lady with a killer smile and a fabulous figure. x

What a comfort it is to know that there are such warm hearted people here, and that none of us needs to be alone through our highs or lows. I wish you strength and joy, Shannon.